I pulled up the bestiary tab for the monstrous machine. Its name had me doing a double take with how similar it was to one of our coming challenges.

Name – Mecha Tyrannosaur (Boss) (Level 36)

Description – The culmination of Lake’s vast fortune and carefree kidnapping spree of the world’s finest robotics engineers. This behemoth is the toy of discernment for those with arrested development and sociopathic proclivities. Fitted with all the modern killing conveniences, you’ll never grow bored of its destructive potential.

Weakness – Unknown

Resistances - Unknown

Immunities - Unknown

Our shocked disbelief was short-lived when Cody activated three skills simultaneously. A great red cross appeared around the giant robot that quickly shrunk to paint a target on its head.

“It’s marked!” he yelled, running right as the proficient hunter aura washed out across the cavern. The only thing to glow were the two huge eyes, and Cody took full advantage of his focussed shot. The first salvo of armour-piercing bullets from the Thunderfury destroyed its glowing left orb, showering the ground with sparks.

“Split up!” I yelled as the behemoth lumbered forward, shaking the ground with each step. My attempt to retrieve Spidey from the vent was unsuccessful. I glanced upward to find my pet staring at us through the boss shield. “I’m an idiot!”

“Forget it and fight!” cried Sun, moving around to flank the machine on its blind side.

“No orbital lasers down here!” Lake cackled. “Time to die!”

I cast smite and the portal opened, allowing the golden beam to lance down and crash into its head. I’d expected as much when the energy dissipated against the specialised armour without doing any damage, but it gave Lake pause.

“How?” he whined before shutting off the communication.

The mech sighted me and I ducked, dropping one of the blocks from Kherrash’s great wall. This creation didn’t have the comical, stubby limbs of its living brethren. A pair of arm-mounted miniguns sprouted from its chest instead. They spun to life, firing a barrage of rounds that tore into my stone barricade. The ricochets careened around the cavern, whining shrilly and sparking off the rock.

Cris had already teleported out of danger to the left, gathering up a series of magic missiles into her open palms. Lashing out with her hands, the arcane projectiles flew across the chamber and burned away the second eye. “Let’s see you fight blind, asshole!” she whooped.

Cody was stealing shots at the vacant socket, picking away at the yellow health bar. The tyrannosaur stopped firing at me and went still for a moment. A pair of protective shrouds which I’d taken to be eyelids dropped, sealing the openings either side of its head.

“Well, shit,” I mumbled, breaking from my half-destroyed cover.

Fen and Red were like lightning in their speedy approach and hit the two huge legs at the same time. They bit and scratched valiantly at the plating, achieving no damage whatsoever. Fen’s demonic aura wasn’t affecting the machine either, much to my disappointment. A shrill whine of building power preceded the tyrannosaur’s reactivation.

“Watch out!” I yelled as the machine started to stomp the ground like a piledriver, using its huge tail as a counterweight.

Both pets managed to avoid the crushing feet, but Red was caught off guard when the machine stopped and twisted, swinging a heavily spiked tail. Cody cried out as the raptor was pierced in multiple places. Red’s bloody body clung to the tail when it swung back to try and hit Fen, then disintegrated into powder.

“He’ll be back!” I shouted at the forlorn ranger.

Whatever means the thing had for sight went beyond the two eyes. The mobile miniguns targeted both myself and Cris, blazing to life. She dived into a shallow depression, barely avoiding the stream of lead. I did the same, choosing one of the vast support columns instead.

Sun’s icon was racing towards the enemy out of my line of sight. I needed to buy her time, so I revealed myself and activated holy shield.

Nothing could be heard over the gunfire, so Cris jumped into my head. Just like the drones. The ammunition’s not limitless. We need to keep wasting it!

I was about to agree when I was hammered back with incredible force, crashing into the rear wall. With my shield still intact, I climbed groggily to my feet. What the hell was that?

It’s got frickin’ lasers!

Huh?

I looked at the robot. A pair of weapons had risen out of its shoulders. The ends of the barrels were reflective, and I realised they were actually lenses as the next pulse of energy smashed into me like a freight train.

My only thought as I took a health potion to steady my reeling head was the lack of a pew-pew and the typical red or green beams favoured in movies. I wasn’t sure how the beams carried any physical weight, but the flare as the beams struck was far more intense than a kinetic impact. I’d seen nothing of the energy’s passage, but I’d truly felt the power. Only seconds remained on my protection, so I jumped to my feet and made for the rock pillar again. The third pulse burned a hole straight through the thick stone where I’d just passed.

“Oh shit!” I blurted, doubling my pace and ignoring the non-existent protection offered by the column.

Sun had taken full advantage of my bodily distraction and reached the machine’s back. Fen had been dodging the tail the whole time, while Cris and Cody did their best to fire back between bursts from the twin miniguns. Switching to her dwarven axes, she added her barbarian power to the throw. The blades hit the righthand gun, causing the entire limb to explode as the trapped bullets blew back into the firing mechanism.

Freed from the unrelenting barrage, Cody pressed forward and fired his remaining Thunderfury magazine at the second gun. The specialised rounds tore through the blur of barrels, causing another chain reaction that lit up the armoured chest with a fiery explosion.

Cris fired off another series of missiles into the burning mass, taking a small portion of the health away. She made to change positions and slipped on a rock, falling sideways. The stumble was the only thing that saved her life, but not her right arm. I felt like I’d been kicked in the balls when her lower arm dropped off, leaving only the charred shoulder socket. Her own health had halved from the laser’s amputation. Ignoring everything else, I started to run towards her until she screamed inside my head.

Leave me! Kill that thing!

As much as it pained me, I followed her order and charged straight for the robot. It was lining up to vaporise my friend, so I cast Tepeș Stakes. The magical spears burst from the ground beneath its right foot, tipping it off balance and causing the invisible beam to hit the wall behind her. Through the agony, Cris gave me a weak smile and shuffled deeper into a crevice to try and throw off the machine’s aim. The first nub of her new arm was already starting to sprout. Using her good hand, she cast arcane rift at its head.

I dived aside as it fired on me, feeling the sole of my boot melt from the laser. The magical tear wasn’t capable of lifting the monstrous enemy, but it did pull at the head and both shoulder mounted lasers. I heard the screech of tearing metal, just as the lefthand weapon ripped free of its mount. The second remained attached, but the joint was buckled all to hell, giving it no way to aim.

Sun charged in, warcleaver in hand. The golem shell had turned her into the mottled grey statue which was just as well, because the tail whipped round, catching her square in the chest. The spikes had missed her by inches, but the power sent her skidding over the unforgiving ground. If she’d been in her normal form, the jagged rocks would’ve torn her to shreds. Sun coughed and climbed to her feet, resuming the charge.

Cody had switched out his empty Thunderfury to one of the Disciple’s grenade launchers. He fired off a trio of shells with a thok thok thok. The explosives hit the damaged crater in the tyrannosaur’s chest, scattering metal shards far and wide, causing the mech to stagger back.

“Keep that up!” I yelled, circling in from the other direction to Sun.

I’d lost sight of Fen, only to spy him scrabbling up the robot’s back. The attack ended when a series of protective pneumatic spikes erupted all along its spine, killing the warg instantly. With a hiss, they began to retract, and our second pet tumbled from the monster as dust.

Sun’s snarl of rage made my blood run cold. She ducked the second swipe of the tail by rolling beneath it just as the shell faded. With her advanced dexterity, she was back on her feet instantly and moving beneath its body to hack at the ankle. I’d expected the demonic enchantment to cleave through the armour with ease, but it merely gouged the plating. I caught the flash of confusion on her face.

“Try for the joints!” I shouted.

The tyrannosaur wasn’t going to play ball and pulled a Dark Souls. It jumped, tucking its legs in, aiming to crush the enemy beneath. Sun was wise to the trick and rolled aside. She came to her feet, but the tail was still free and slammed into her. Without the protection offered by the golem spell, her health was reduced to a sliver by the time she came to a stop. She tried to hold in her guts that were trying to escape the gaping hole punched into her side.

“Heal yourself! I’m going in!”

I summoned my minions and had them scurry up the towering behemoth’s back. The purpose wasn’t damage, but to draw the sting from the defences. Many of my pets screeched in pain as the spikes burst from their shrouds again. I cast shimmer strike and appeared between the deadly skewers. Using them as handholds to climb, I made my way up toward the head. The wound on its shoulder caused by Cris’s spell was smoking and sparking. I withdrew my sword and wielded it in both hands, diving at the hole. The blade buried deeply, causing more damage.

Cody fired another crop of grenades into the open chest, chipping another sliver of health from the long bar. Cris aided his efforts where she could as her recovery continued. The robot understood that it had been crippled in terms of its firepower advantage and changed tactic. Cody was refilling the launcher’s drum when my ride deployed its full speed. I held on for dear life, not quite believing it could run so fast. Neither did Cody as he fumbled his weapon and tried to jump out of the way. The tri-toed metal foot caught his legs mid-dive, shattering them and spinning him round like a top.

Cody hit a thick stalagmite and dropped to the ground, unconscious.

“Three down! One to go!” cackled Lake, seemingly oblivious to our ability to heal.

The tyrannosaur came to a halt and started to turn toward the downed ranger, ready to crush him flat. I wanted to keep him occupied on myself and the remaining rats. Withdrawing my shield, I aimed it directly at the damaged shoulder. Hitting the machine with my own pulses of kinetic energy, the increasing damage was enough to have it take notice. My spidey-sense that it wasn’t entirely out of tricks was confirmed when its back peeled open, revealing two giant mechanical arms that pivoted in my direction.

“This is getting crazy now!” I snapped, jumping down from my lofty perch before they could grab me.

We’d only inflicted about thirty-five percent damage, and we were battered to fuck. I actually started to wonder how a full party wipe would manifest. Would we all start from scratch, with the mecha-tyrannosaur at full health, or would we be able to use the existing damage and whittle it down further.

It interrupted my thoughts by stamping down, and I only just avoided the crushing weight. One of the arms lashed around, trying to grab me. I jumped over the robotic hand and had to fall flat on my face to avoid the tail which followed.

“Finish him!” Lake screeched over the unseen speakers.

I needed time to think, so I ran straight for the side wall and stashed my boots. The arachnid setules sprouted and I scurried up the surface in double quick time. The metallic mouth scraped the wall just under my feet, tearing great furrows in the rock where it had bitten. If I’d been fast before, that little display lit a fire under my arse and I reached the roof in seconds. I clung on to the stone beside the stalactites, staring at the boss from my upside down perch. It attempted a jump, but even with its power and the extra distance afforded by the secondary arms, it missed me by several feet. The entire cavern shook when it landed, and the ceiling around me cracked with tiny fissures. I moved to a slightly more robust section and watched as it jumped again.

“Get down from there!” Lake yelled. “Fight like a man!”

I was quite content to just stay put. At least until it targeted my friends, by which time I hoped they would be fully healed and ready to continue the fight.

“If you’re going to be like that, I’ll just have to get you down. Rerouting systems.”

The mech fell still again, and I could hear noises inside the huge body as something happened. It craned its neck up to me and the huge mouth opened.

“Oh shit!” I blurted as a stream of dark liquid sprayed out.

Electricity arced around the metal fangs, igniting the fuel. I jumped to the side while letting go just as the roof became a blanket of fire. I crashed into the ground near its feet. The blazing torrent rained like a waterfall, and I dived aside but not quick enough. It soaked my lower legs, lighting me up like a torch. I forced down the agony as it prepared to summon another stream. Equipping my crossbow, I fired off a bolt straight down the boss’s throat. It exploded with holy energy, igniting the flow deep within the machine. Fire spewed from its mouth, but without any form of control. The blazing vomit splashed around the cavern liberally, hitting me with fresh waves of heat.

“No!” shrieked Lake. “Crush him!”

The machine was all out of options. It had a debuff I’d not seen before. Mechanical Failure was affixed to the name tag. I turned and ran toward the back of the cavern, my legs still ablaze. I negated the damage with health potions while trying to calculate the length of time the damage would need to kill the robot.

“Too long.”

I felt like the doomed jock in Christine as the blazing monster stalked my every step. I didn’t relish the idea of ending up as a burning stain on the floor, so I thought desperately for a way forward.

The smooth bore of the laser-burned hole in the support column came into view. The roof above it was crazed with great fissures from the battle’s damage. I had the most insane idea, and if it should succeed, my party would survive even if I wouldn’t. Racing for the hollow tube, I stripped off my burning trousers and took a running dive straight into the hole. Halfway through, I dumped my entire stash of goblin explosives behind me. My slide carried me all the way to the other side and I was back on my feet in an instant, continuing to sprint as fast as I could.

The momentum of the burning machine carried it straight into the weakened column. Some of the blazing fluid poured into the tunnel, igniting my trap. The blast wave erupted from the tube like a flaming fist, punching me in the back and scorching my recently healed skin. Picking myself up from the ground, I cast lay on hands on myself and whirled round. The pillar of rock crumbled under the weight of the collapsing roof. There was a nearby hollow and I did the only thing I could as thousands of tons of the island above caved in on us; I jumped in. The entire world became a roaring, crashing cacophony and I prayed my party were far enough away that they could escape the collapse.

Even with my eyes tightly closed, I could see the enemy health against my eyelids if I called it up. The yellow bar dropped in sizeable chunks before greying out completely. I just stayed down, curled into a foetal ball while shielding my head.

The roar carried on, and on, and on.