Her smell was everywhere. On the sheets, in the air and all over me. I walked slowly into our bedroom that night and laid my body on the floor. I held within my arms her white night gown while breaking apart for the millionth time that day.

They wouldn't let me go near her body at the hospital because I wasn't a legal family member and I had no recognized deep ties with her before the law nor legal documents to prove we meant something to each other. They wouldn't even let me stay at the lobby. I had absolutely no right to be there even though she is the love of my life. I wasn't allowed to bury her. And I doubted Enos would let me set foot at the funeral. In the end , she was actually never mine. And that must be why the world took her from us.

I wanted to open the ground, if I could I'd make a deal with God to swap our places. I wish that those bullets hit me instead.

Her blood covered my clothes, and my hands and I stared at myself. How did we get here? That the only thing left is her blood in my hands.

The room was dark but not darker than our history. I called and cried for her until my throat went swore and even then I couldn't stop weeping. My heart was paining me. It physically hurt. I even hope it stops. I can't bare this.

I can't live with this.

My beautiful baby girl. She was so perfect, an angel, they took her from me. The only light in my life has been diminished. There is no hope left for us. They robbed her of a future, they stole a mother from her son. They took everything away. And they did it in the worst way possible. The blood of my blood pulled the trigger. The universe signed the deal and fate executed the plans. All in favour of taking these two people's happiness away raise your hands, and all the forces in the universe just raised hands in agreement that Betty should pay the price. All that at the expense of an innocent child and his innocent mother.

Will my heart heal again?

Never.

There isn't even a heart left. She took it all with her and left behind this torture that I may live with the consequences and die alone. I was destined for failer from the start. If I had accepted my fate then maybe Betty would've still been alive. I would've stayed away and none of this would've happened. I ruin everything as usual. I followed her in Georgia and that cost her two years and scars to last a life time. And now, she has no life and it's my fault.

If the after life exists, then I promise to keep my desistance when it's my time to get there. I can't be the curse of our lives in every lifetime. We were never meant to be. And we tried in this world and proven impossible. We can't make the same mistakes. The consequences are far too great.

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