Listen to "Exile" by Bon Iver & TS

Betty always came as how she left. It's like a wrinkle in my time. She showed up in my life from wherever she came from, and then she disappeared from it , only for her to come back again. And then like a wrinkle in my time, she is leaving again, just like how she came.

The only difference is that, I will be watching her every moment while I slowly mean nothing to her, time after time.

I dont know what's worse. Her leaving completely from me, or her being within my reach but never to actually touch. What's worse? Losing her entirely? Or losing my meaning in her life as I get to see her day after day? In a time where I and her are bonded by something bigger than both of us, a son, a history and a crumbling house full of everything that once meant everything to us. She was my home and I'd like to believe that I was hers.

I'm currently watching her play with Hayes. He is so happy and neither of us can get enough of it. She plays, sings, laughs, with him. It's been hours. In that scope of time, I've taught her what Hayes loves, his favorite kind of porridge, his favorite sounds, his favorite color, and his favorite games to play.

For a one year old, there ain't much he actually plays. He can barely even stand on his feet. But he tries to be active. If you can't run, atleast crawl. I'd always tell him this when he tried to reach for things. I'm sure he doesn't understand a word but he crawls when I say that, so I guess that's good enough.

He only says two word, baba for dad and juju for porridge. Aside from that, he only ever makes sounds that should be words but they aren't. I often worry he'd be late to make speech. Hayes is a quiet kid, keeps to himself, like me, and that's why I worry. It's never a good sign for a baby to be that quiet, especially if one parent was never in the picture.

He is holding onto Betty like a moth to a flame. Always crawling on top of her as they play on the carpet.

It's almost his bed time, but I doubt he'd sleep. Not when she is here. Neither of us want her to go. I know he will cry harder than last night when she left us by the beach.

God! He is too young for this.

"Enos," she called for me. "Hayes is sleepy. I'll get him to sleep and then I should probably get going."

I nodded my head.

"Can I come back later?" She asked politely.

"You can stay till he wakes up, and then you can spend more time together. He would really love that."

Her eyes immediately glistened. "That is perfect. Thank you."

I sighed. "You don't have to thank me, Betty. Hayes is your son. You shouldn't be asking whether or not to spend more time with him. You can do whatever is best for Hayes."

She looked up at me from across the room with dispare "I fear at times that I may have lost the right to do that."

My heart ached for her sake.

"That right was never lost. You didn't want to be apart from him. There wasn't any other choice and we understand."

A silence settled between us.

I could tell that she had alot in her mind. Aside from everything, Betty looked exhausted and it wasn't because of the day, but because of everything that happened. She has been through a lot of terrible things, when she told me the whole story by beach, how she was treated in prison, how she was standing on a thin line between the world of the living and the once who passed, there is so much trauma involved and when she told me everything I felt my guts wanting to empty. If I could, I'd give her justice. But I can't put our son in danger, any move could jeopardize our lives and this boy needs to be kept safe.

"Betty?"

"Mmh."

"We will make this work. I promise you that."

She held her face down. "I'm sorry you had to this by yourself." Her voice was innocent.

"You are here right now and that's all that matters."

___________

Betty was sleeping by my bed as I ordered us dinner. Hayes also hadn't woken up. The silence was peaceful. I had two of the most important people in my life right here. A deeper part of me felt complete. Atleast she was here. Whether or not she wanted me, that didn't matter. She was here and that's all I cared about.

After checking on Hayes, I walked to the bedroom. Betty hadn't covered herself, the AC was on and I decided to turn it off, instead, I switched on the ceiling fan and put a duvet on her body.

On her arm, just below her shoulder, was a scar. I knelt beside her sleeping figure and just stared at her face, her closed eyes, her pale skin. Her beauty hadn't left her. She was perfect and I hadn't realized she was actually awake already .

"How long were you planning on staring at me?" She lightly laughed.

I slightly lifted myself to place my lips on the scar on her shoulder. I could sense her holding her breathe.

"If it were up to me, I'd kiss all of those scar they left, wherever they may be." I locked eyes with her blue green ones as I let the words slipe my mouth.

"Should I keep explaining why you and I can't be together?" She articulated. "You can't be this close to me."

I did not answer her question, I kissed the scar again and she closed her eyes. "Don't make this more difficult than it already is." She begged. "Please."

How was I ever going to accept that what we had is over? I have only ever loved one woman. She is all that my heart is used to. She deserves happiness and I wish , so desperately that I was the answer. I'm selfish, I know, I can't ever let her go.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?"

"How do you Forget about me! Let this all go! Teach me how you do it. How is everything we've had no longer something you want? How do you stop wanting? Teach me to fight for something else other than you. You're not my homeland anymore, what am I defending now?"

She had tears forming in her eyes but mine were already falling.

"I have wished so many times that my heart loved you instead." She confessed with a bitter voice. "I hate talking about this, and especially saying this to you but my heart is else where. I have never forgotten you nor stopped cherishing what we had. If it were up to me, I'd leave everything behind and be with you Enos but I love James. And I know, I've Always known the risks that come with me being with him but he has my heart and I've tried to unlove him. I failed. I can't keep on running, I'm tired."

Little by little she was tearing me apart.

I placed my head on her shoulder as I couldn't control my level of dispare. Her silent cries made me want to scream as I cried my own pain away.

There was vulnerability with me being in her arms. And though I didn't expect it, she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into bed with her. And I laid on her chest as we remained silent.

I've been dreaming about a moment like this one. Of being in her arms but I've also wanted her to be in mine.

So I switched.

I placed her within my embrace and she let me.

She felt so delicate.

So frail.

"What have you been up to in England?" She asked me. We talked abit about the move to England last night. I love that she's curious about me.

"Taking my engineering courses at Manchester university. I got a job at the harbour and I'm planning to open a hardware store if things go well."

She smiled. "That's wonderful."

"It would be better with you there."

"I'll be there for Hayes. I'm sure James wouldn't mind for us moving there so I can get closer to my son. He once mentioned loving England, it wouldn't be a problem, I'm positive."

His name makes me cold.

"Is he willing to set things aside for Hayes' sake? We need peace ."

"I and James talked about it. We all want what is best for Hayes."

I have never trusted James and I might never.

We laid on bed and talked no more about the things that worried us. Betty always easily warmed up to my embrace, and even now, she found her haven.

But I knew better than this. She is always going to show up, make me the happiest man on earth, let me love and hold her like how I'm doing now and always, be the calm in the storm , and then the world would take her away from me. She has always been my greatest gift and my biggest lose.

And I know better than to hope that we could be something more than history .

The greatest films of all time, were never made. I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending.

_______

Any thoughts??

Enjoy .