Elisabeth left to turn Enos down alone. She wanted it to be a private conversation between them and prevented me from going with her. It matters to her that Enos is also hurting from this. She doesn't tell me but I can see there is a place in her heart for him just from the way she talks about him. She thinks highly of him. She respects him in so many ways and I know deep down she wishes I was as consistent as him.

She has told me in many ways than one that he treated her better than me. Never let her down. That he had been there to help her heal from the damage I caused her. I think at some point in her life, she actually loved Enos. I'm sure if I hadn't come after her then they'd probably be happy together.

It bothers me to think of them together. It even irks me to imagine them talking right now. In a quiet room, next to each other. They have a son for goodness sake. They have a history. No matter what, they will always be part of each other's lives. They care for each other and I can't compete with that.

My Elisabeth left New York with none of this, it was complicated but it was much simpler than this. Now she has a son, an actual child with another man, a good man. I hate admitting it but Enos is more deserving of her. But I love her and I know he also does but I can't imagine a life without her. Perhaps he also can't imagine that but I've always been selfish.

Are they holding hands right now? Is Hayes with in their embrace? Will she change her mind? Perhaps I'm underestimating the depth of their feelings towards each other. What if some part of Betty loves him and it's not just care? What if she adores him?

I know it's only her love for me that is even holding us together. If she didn't love me as much I'm sure she wouldn't be here. I've done nothing to earn this love. I need to prove myself to her. I need to be a better man for her. I need to give her reasons to stay. That's something Enos has above me. He even gave her a child. Which was infact reckless but it don't matter now. They have a child together, one that he takes good care of, one that they made with probably love.

Fuck!

I need to stop thinking of this.

She is yet to know that April is here. And I want to keep it that way. I leave my room and take a walk down stairs and head to the guest room where April is sleeping. She must leave this place immediately.

I knock on her door and call for her.

"Come in." She permits.

Walking into the room, I notice she was having breakfast. "Do I have to remain locked in this room all day?" She asks while looking up at me.

"You must get ready to head back to New York, or is there any other place you'd rather go to?"

"Today?" She seemed surprised. "You want me to leave so soon?"

"In an hour actually." I correct her.

April's lips curved into a frown. She looked sad. "You are that eager to get rid of me?"

"Can you blame me? You came here to hurt Elisabeth."

"I wasn't going to do it." She insisted.

"That doesn't matter now. Elisabeth can't know you were here. She mustn't know about you and Inez's failed plot at ruining her life , and possibly ending it. You were an accomplice in this, the only reason you aren't in jail April is because I know Inez manipulated you. And I know you need help and aren't alright and you actually did the right thing in the end."

April's skin grew pale. "Do you hate me now?"

"I don't hate you. But you need to leave. And it's not a request. If Betty finds out about this, she'll have more reasons to leave me. Incase you didn't know, Betty has a child with Enos. The only reason she is still here with me is because she loves me. But if she realizes that her life was in danger because of me again, she wouldn't stay. She needs to care for her son and she wouldn't let anything endanger her life and stop her from being a mother to her son. "

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All Betty wants is to be present for her son's life. She would run from me if she finds out that being with me means possibly endangering her life. It's one thing for her to stay with me and have to deal with my family hating her, and the memory of my father hurting her. And another completely different thing for her to stay while knowing my family is actually capable of "killing" her.

My father tortured her in prison. And I know Betty trusts that I won't let him go anywhere near her again, and I'll make sure of that. And although my father will try everything to separate us, I have plans to guarantee that it never happens. Inez being another obstacle is making this worse.

Betty has tolerated many things, she stays with me even after what my father has done to her. She wouldn't risk more to be with me and I'm sure or it. There is always a limit. Elisabeth doesn't know exactly how many more terrible things my family is capable of doing. They aren't good people. If my father was once able to make Betty disappear, he can do it again.

I'm here now. And that makes it nearly impossible for him to hurt her again but she can't know that.

If Betty realizes how horrible my family is, just how much worse my father is, how he is capable of anything, she'd run.

She mustn't know.

Or I'll for sure lose her forever.

____________

Any thoughts???

-Lynn