Listen to "Cherry blossom" and "Beautiful" by Lana del Rey

I was laying on my bed the next morning. Just laying there. Thinking. Over and over again. The tea was getting cold and I wondered why I even made it. I was still trying to figure out how do I fix Elisabeth's life? How do I make this girl's life better? But also how do I fix my own life? I feel so out of time. Like I'm still living in the past. I can't even recognize myself that's why I don't think of myself often. I can't do it without feeling dead inside.

Nothing seems real. Not even my thoughts sometimes. I find it hard just starting from where I left off because I'm not where I left off. It's two years later. Everything has changed. And yet I'm fighting for the same cause.

I feel robbed.

I sigh deeply as my mind trails to Elisabeth. It must be worse for her. Watching the world move on but you are right where they left you. I'd like to think we share this feeling. And may be she'll let us heal together. There's nothing I'd want more.

I heard a knock on the door, it was calculated, a small knock, almost hesitant.

Deep down I hoped it was Elisabeth , here to tell me she changed her mind and would rather be with me instead. She told me last night that she'd want to leave this morning with Enos. My heart breaks everytime I think about it.

I lift myself from the bed and head to the door. I'm still wearing what I wore yesterday, I haven't had the energy to do more than just sit there and contemplate.

I open the door, and behind it, is Elisabeth. Hesitant, holding her own hands and looking up at me with those eyes that leave me staring. For a moment I hoped that my prayers were answered.

"Please don't leave." I utter in a plea.

She sighs. "I don't want to leave."

Betty takes a step forward and lays her head on my chest gently, I hold her body close to mine instantly. "Then stay."

"I wish staying was that simple. If it was up to me I'd choose you everytime." She spoke within my shirt. "I feel trapped and lost. I don't want to be separated from you but my son deserve a family."

"We can be a family." I assured her. "Enos will always be with his father. The both of you can share custody over the boy."

"Do you think the court would let an ex-convict have custody of a baby? They'll take my son away from me."

"I can have that arranged and take care of everything. You don't have to worry about the legal issues. Besides, nobody knows you were in prison, there aren't any records to support that. And even if there were, you are innocent." I insisted. "You won't be parted from your son."

"But Enos has raised him for the past two years. He knows so much about Hayes and I wasn't there. I don't know his favorite toys, what he loves to look at. If it's flowers, or the ocean or a snow globe. If he prefers porridge to soup. Or what makes him cry or uncomfortable. I know nothing about my son."

I rocked Betty in my arms. "You'll figure all those things out in time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Besides, Enos won't be absent, he will coax you around everything you need to know about Hayes. And I'll be there too, and learn with you. It will take a lot of patience and heart but we can make this work. Give us a shot."

"We're to broken to raise a family. I'm messed up ,James, you know this. I'm sick, up here." She referenced her mind. "I need help. And you've only recently gotten out of a coma, I know you're also trying to build up a life. Right now, we both aren't fit to care for a child."

"I know that. But we can take our time. Nobody said Hayes should move in with us today. We can fix our lives in the process of preparing to start a family. For now, Hayes is safe with Enos, and we can always see him whenever we need to until we are better people. Until we are stable enough to care for him. We can rebuild our lives for his sake."

"And how long will that take? A year, two, when?" She inquired.

"May be a couple of months Betty. You will still be part of his life but we must be completely stable for his sake, for a stable family."

She stayed silent for a while. Breathing in and out as we stood so close. "A family?"

"Yes." I answered her.

"You want a family with me? Do you really know what you're saying?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life than this. I'm tired of running away from how I feel. I want to be with you. The whole of you. And Hayes is part of you. And I'll love him as much as I love you."

"Oh James . .." her voice was low and soft. "What if we fall apart? What if we get tired of doing this everyday? I am terrified of making another mistake. I've made so many mistakes in my life and they've cost me a great deal."

"I don't know what the future holds for us but I do know this, I want to love you until we are grey and old...."

"James," She whispered.

But I kept on speaking my heart out, "I want to be there with you every step of the way. Through thick and thin. Even when I'm tired to do this everyday. I still want to be tired with you. I want to face the difficult with you. The Great and the worst. I'm not ashamed to say that I'd die for you. I love you Elisabeth. I can't imagine a life without you. I know I've hurt you greatly and I can't take it back, but let me love you until my last breath. I promise you, I'd raise that boy as if he is my own and love the both of you"

"We're too young for this." She was hesitant but I remained sure.

"That doesn't matter and it shouldn't matter. There aren't rules for living or loving or existing that prevent us from sharing a life together. We deserve some peace."

"Promise me you won't run from us." She looked straight into my eyes. "I'm tired of weeping for losing people. Promise me you would stay. Swear it...."

"Till the end. I swear to you." I kissed her temple. "I'd stay with you for what it's worth. And I'd repeat it until you get tired of hearing me say it."

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