Have you ever been on a rollercoaster?

One that rode so fast that each time it went steeply high and then scarily dropped into downward motion, you felt like you were about to die but not by crashing or anything, by the sheer volume of noise and confusion accumulated during the ride,

The hard wind that slaps you aggressively,

The screams of the other passengers,

The way your insides felt which each consecutive bump,

And the general anxiety one would have on such a ride

It’s like feeling a bunch of bad things at once that you can’t quite comprehend which is worse, which will inevitably be your downfall…

Well, I’ve never been on a rollercoaster, at least to my current memory I haven’t…

But this right now is how I imagine it to be…

….

If I was lost, called someone to get me and they asked me to describe where I was,

I honestly couldn’t,

I’m standing it feels like

But there’s nothing below me that’s solid,

Up looks like down and vice versa,

No matter which direction I walk I keep going up, but the higher I go the further away ‘up’ gets,

Heaven

(Is this the final stretch before reaching it?)

Or Hell

……

Only way I can go is up…

Fwooooshh♪

There isn’t any breeze blowing here except when I move,

As long as stand still everything remains quiet though with a bit of an ambient jingle

It feels like you’re covered and surrounded by a colorful blanket of clouds,

Then you move.

All the colors go away for a black starry void that pushes you back and pulls you upward at the same time,

(How can I move?)

Is this really just a trick from the supreme leader, meant to trap me forever?

This void envelops me like a sea of alternating currents when I stay still,

And when I move it’s direct currents that pushes me and pulls me

(Aghhh!)

I’m on a highway to hell at this point!

(But I must persist regardless)

I didn’t come all this way for nothing….

….

“Errgh”

I adamantly defy the space’s force, pushing myself to the far away unknown…

“I don’t care how long this takes

I’m not quitting,

I don’t have a choice but to keep going forward!”

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*****

“I don’t have a choice but to keep moving forward”.

I remember saying those words ten years ago,

Still haven’t gotten any closer to where I can only imagine need to

I don’t feel hungry here or tired, just stagnant.

Even though all I’ve been doing is walking….

"It’s like I haven’t moved an inch.”

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*****

“It’s like I haven’t I moved since”.

How long has it been since I said that again?

A hundred years? Maybe more…

I don’t really think much anymore,

I like to focus by counting the seconds away…

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*****

I’m so tired of counting the seconds away…!

Ten thousand years enough!

It’s enough!

When will it end!?

I can’t even turn back now if I wanted to,

“There isn’t even anywhere to go back to…”

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******

“There isn’t even anywhere to go back to”

I said that so long ago, that I stopped counting,

Who really cares about time anyways?

Not me.

I can’t even remember my name,

All I’ve ever known is this place,

My memories of before like a single grain of sand on a beach

(I doubt they were ever real)

I probably made it all up

I’ve always been here haven’t I?

Everything thing that’s happened it was all in my mind

Wasn’t it?

(Who am I even talking to?)

I’m a fucking walking paradox

No I’m not..

Aghh….

…..

I can’t use mana or magic here

But those probably weren’t real either, a power system of my fantasies

The only thing I can do is walk…

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Have you ever been on a rollercoaster?

One that rode so fast that each time it went steeply high and then scarily dropped into downward motion, you felt like you were about to die but not by crashing or anything, by the sheer volume of noise and confusion accumulated during the ride,

The hard wind that slaps you aggressively,

The screams of the other passengers,

The way your insides felt which each consecutive bump,

And the general anxiety one would have on such a ride

It’s like feeling a bunch of bad things at once that you can’t quite comprehend which is worse, which will inevitably be your downfall…

Well, I’ve never been on a rollercoaster, at least to my current memory I haven’t…

But this right now is how I imagine it to be…

(Have I said this before?)

Nah…

The feeling you get when the rollercoaster goes high up and then back down again,

Like your soul is leaving your body,

That’s how I feel walking,

Except my soul actually slips out now,

I’ve gotten so accustomed to the forces against me, that I now feel forces I couldn’t before

Like the force that keeps your soul bound to your body,

Tens of trillions of years of walking and I’ve now mastered the art of walking.

(I wonder if I would die if I simply walked out of my own body right now?)

….

(It’s not like I can call you my current state living)

Why was even walking before?

I don’t know

And I doubt it matters.

(You know what)

I’ve had enough of this…..

I’m walking, I’m walking out myself….

(Maybe life, my life isn’t all that important after all)

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“Wheeeyyahh!”

BONG!

BONG!

BONG!

BONG!

The loud sound startles me, who’d been experiencing silence for so long,

The moment I stepped out of my own body the void, like a predator stalking it’s prey, finally decided to devour me

BONG!

The loud tolls of a bell echoes around

(Where an I now?)

It still feels like I’m in my body but I know I’m no anymore,

BONG!

BONG!

A tower stands over me, around are street lights, billboards and crosswalks, all abandoned

I’m in the morning middle of a public plaza,

Empty cars line the barren and cracked up streets around me,

They all jam into each other as if the drivers all mysteriously vanished at once,

(I don’t know what to make of this, a city? Where???)

Is this heaven or hell?