This person's ex-boyfriend is flirting with them.

Hey!

From the message that you’ve sent, it seems that your ex-boyfriend is naturally a flirty person, as he is flirting with you even after breaking up and is also ‘seeming to be flirting’ with your best friend. This does not excuse that he has broken your heart before. His nice words and compliments don’t justify the fact that he goes around saying that he hates you. This is hypocritical behavior, and I would advise avoiding it straight up.

I would genuinely advise you to take time and distance yourself from your crush and try to mute/block his messages. If he is just a friend now, remind him that you’re uncomfortable getting such compliments after breaking up. His flirtatious behavior only makes it seem like he’s indecisive about letting you go and flirting for fun. This does not reflect well on whether he truly likes you or not. But of course, if he did like you truly, he would have no reason to go around saying ‘he hates you’. So, in this case, the only advice I can give you is to avoid, mute, or block him entirely. Cut him off clean because all he is doing is confusing you and not being genuine with you.

As for your best friend, I think you should have a talk with her. Either let her know you’re uncomfortable with her having a crush on your ex-boyfriend, or, if you’re okay with it, talk to her about the flirtatious behavior he had been exhibiting towards you, and tell her that he’s clearly not the best person to date. When it comes down to it, there isn't much you can do about how your friend feels or chooses to do, but as her friend, I do think it is important to let her know what's going on.

It does sound like you’re willing to, or at least edging towards willingness to accept him back in life as your boyfriend again, however, I can only advise you to think about it again since his flirtatious behavior with your friend and with you even after breaking up seems wrong in my opinion. If he does like you, instead of beating around the bush or going around saying he hates you, he should try to be more genuine. It isn't fair to you or to your friend. By going around flirting and denying, he is sending polarized signals that you are being forced to decode. In my honest opinion, I think you should simply stop trying to decode them. Let him do his thing, and you do yours. Ignore him, block him, and move on, but tell your friend about his behavior behind the scenes.

You can come back anytime! Good luck.

Thank you,

The Advice Column Team