"Ji? What are these?"

His words rang through my head as I let out a groan, falling backwards onto my bed.

My head started to ache, "Nothing."

"Those aren't nothing." His disoriented words made me shut my eyes close. It sounded like he was close to breaking out in tears. Again.

"Please tell me the truth. Why...are you taking them?" He would continue, while I tried my best to seem unbothered, shrugging.

I had two options.

Give in to my bad headache and black out while he is still in my home, leaving him alone and confused.

Or tell him the truth.

I decided to go for the latter, "I, uh, I got these prescribed...a while ago."

I wasn't lying.

His gaze softened as I watched relief wash over his face. It made me smile weakly.

"Yeah." I scoffed slightly, closing my eyes again. I didn't sit up, "Two years ago." I would add casually, internally preparing myself for his reaction.

"What?!"

There it was. I heard him take a few steps towards me, "Two years ago? And you are still taking them?"

"I just liked the feeling of being fine." I would say, "Is it that wrong? With these...it feels like I can let go for a while."

"Don't..tell me you—"

"Yes." My eyes opened, as I found him still in my room, his hand holding tightly onto my medications, "I can't go on without them anymore." Things happened too fast. From chronically depressed to functioning like a normal human being.

It was too good to be true.

"Antidepressants. Not the strongest ones, but enough for me to get addicted to them." It took me effort to speak out those words, "For some reason my body hasn't gotten used to them just yet."

"Ji." His voice was serious. Too serious. This conversation sounded so similar to past conversations that I wanted to scream,

"I'm sorry, just—Please don't take them anymore."

"If it were that easy..." I muttered, breathing in sharply. Exhaling deeply afterwards, I relaxed my shoulders, "Anything else you want to know?"

"This isn't...right."

"I know." Conversations like these always ended and went by in the same pattern, "Please, Jungwon. I know. I know it all. But I can't stop. Not now, when—

I'm so tired."

Jungwon stayed quiet at this. I couldn't bear to look at him, I felt ashamed. And the nausea wasn't helping either. The side effects of the medications were bad, but not bad enough for me to stop taking them. I'd rather feel sick for my whole life than feel empty.

Hollow. Sad.

And on top of that, it's not like I had a lot of life left to live anyway, right?

"Do you feel sick...?"

The girl suddenly heard him say after a while of silence. Just when she thought she had lost him.

She had prepared herself for him to look at her with that one certain expression. The face of someone who was disgusted of her. Disappointed in her.

"Kind of." She managed to choke out with a slight grin as if she was trying to play the pain cool, her eyes were watering from exhaustion, "But it's fine. It's normal to feel sick."

"No, it's not." His hand suddenly was on her forehead, gently, "You have a slight fever. Does your head hurt?"

For a moment, it was quiet again. Except for her heavy breathing and the loud beatings of her heart. The girl was caught off guard. Every fibre of her body shook. "Don't touch me." She would push his hand away, her eyes wide open, "I'm so fucking sweaty right now."

"Does your head hurt?" Jungwon swiftly ignored her outburst, repeating himself firmly. His voice didn't sound highly strung anymore.

There was just worry.

"Yes." The girl simply answered him, too tired to think of an annoying phrase that she'd usually give him as an answer.

And the next moment, he was already up, leaving the room swiftly.

The girl had cursed to herself, hating how vulnerable she must have seemed in his eyes. Sitting up painfully, she exhaled shakily, after feeling her vision go black for a second. Waiting for a few more seconds till her eyes and body adapted to the unusual situation she was in, she stood up.

That's when she would find him in her kitchen.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing?" The girl squinted her eyes at the boy who was busy trying to find the power outlet.

Right now, Jungwon's back was facing her. She could have sworn his shoulders grew broader in the last few minutes.

He didn't answer her.

"Jungwon?" She tried to get his attention again.

The boy seemed distracted when he spoke, "Lie down, Ji. You are sick."

The girl was not having it. For the last time, she repeated, "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find a towel." He spoke through slightly gritted teeth as if he was in a hurry.

"Jungwon." The girl approached him with fast steps, "I'm fine. I'm seriously fine, so please go change your clothes in dry ones, or else you end up being the one who is sick."

"You said your head hurts, right? I will prepare some warm water and—"

The next moment, she had tightly grabbed his wrist, stopping him mid-action, whatever he was doing in that moment. Her eyes darkened, making him visibly gulp. Tension grew between them and threatened to explode, when she spoke again.

"I said I'm fine." She glared at him, turning him around to her. His back hit the counter, causing the bowl he prepared to almost fall to the ground, "I don't need your help, Jungwon."

The boy's eyes widened. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but no words came out.

"I did not let you into my house, because I needed a maid to take care of me." She scoffed, trying to play cool the terrible headache that seemed to only get worse the longer she talked, "I let you stay here, because it was raining and surprisingly, I still have some human decency left, so I'm asking you to stop. Stop acting like this."

Jungwon's eyes continued to pierce holes through her face as if he was trying to find something in those cold eyes. He seemed unbothered and it was starting to drive the girl insane.

What the hell is wrong with this guy???

She thought, cursing out loud again.

"Ji, I—" He finally spoke up, when suddenly the girl swayed, having to put her hand on the counter behind the boy to support herself. A wave of warmth washed over her face. The dizziness caused all kind of colors flash before her eyes and she felt like throwing up.

That, or blacking out right here if she didn't go lie down in this instance.

"Are you okay?" He seemed helpless when the girl hid her face from him and breathed heavily.

She didn't protest when the boy grabbed her shoulders gently. And she didn't protest either when he lead her back to her room.

It seemed like she blacked out for a moment, not remembering how he tucked her in and how he stayed up for a long time next to her, dabbing her face with the hot water he had prepared.

It was 2 am, but I didn't feel sleepy at all.

Standing up, I was just about to go change the water for the fourth time when I felt her hand grab the hem of my shirt, stopping me.

I turned around, trying to ignore how fast my heart was beating. How red my face must have been.

I was glad that the lights were dimmed.

"What is it, Ji?" I whispered, in case she was still sleeping, "Do you need anything?"

"You will get sick." She spoke under her breath and I was sure she was half-asleep. I almost didn't catch it, "Change into the clothes I left on the kitchen counter for you..."

I looked at her confused, but it hit me when I looked down at myself. My jacket was still slightly drenched and the white t-shirt I was wearing was slightly wet through at the hem.

Nodding obediently with a small smile, I quickly went to get changed. The clothes she brought me were way too big. A short-sleeved dark green shirt with a big print, saying something along the lines of "Killing it. California". Probably from her father. I didn't question it. I was grateful.

The feeling of warm, newly washed clothes were a great contrast to the soaked cold shirt I was wearing before.

Actually, I didn't plan to stay over the night. But I couldn't bring myself to leave her alone in the current state she was in.

No matter how many times she was going to reject my help, no matter how coldly she would stare at me and push me away, her actions and condition said otherwise. How could I just leave her?

But then again, was it really my place to?

"Fuck." I unconsciously messed up my hair while glancing at myself in the mirror of her bathroom, "What are you doing, Jungwon?"

What if I just crossed all the boundaries she set for herself? I most probably did. After all, Ji didn't seem too happy to see me standing in front of her door like a crazy psychopath, asking her to let me in.

I will leave, I told myself. After making sure she was alright without me, I would leave and never make her feel uncomfortable ever again.

I was sure that the others were worried about me.

I wasn't supposed to be here.

Maybe I should have stayed at home in the first place.

"Jungwon...?"

I suddenly heard her faint voice call for me, causing me to look up immediately.

"What's wrong...?" I leaned down, checking her temperature at the same time. Her eyes were slightly opened.

"You are still here."

I raised an eyebrow in confusion, glancing at her tired eyes and face.

"I thought It was a dream. That you came all the way here. For me." Her voice was quiet like a whisper. It was low and brittle like she would break out in tears with every word.

Something inside me broke and healed at the same time. I felt a wave of weakness wash over me as I let out a chuckle, "What a weird way to say that I'm the person you are dreaming off."

"Are you going to stay the night?" Ji asked, ignoring my remark.

Her question made my heart beat faster immediately, "Only if you want me to."

The girl didn't answer and I could see her drift off to sleep again, as I let out a quiet sigh, putting down the towel defeated.

She was driving me insane.

(a/n: a 1800 words chapter, because your girl was thriving!! anyway why is this book getting so much attention lately i'm losing my mind)