《The First Flame》166. It’s All I Am
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An eternity of dreamless sleep passed Arylos by, unaware of the world around him nor the world within him. A deep slumber that felt as though he had been buried under the ground; cut off from the world around him until nothing surrounded him but an empty darkness. It was dark and haunting, and yet the rest was welcoming like a warm and tight embrace. Yet he knew this was only a dream; a dream that refused to let him go. He felt a stinging pain run down his arms as he slowly regained feeling of them. He moved his fingers, feeling the joints grind and creak like an old oak swaying in heavy winds. As the stinging sensation traveled to the rest of his body, he could feel himself slowly return to reality.
He opened his eyes and his eyes struggled to focus themselves, greeting him with a dark room with a dim blue light nearby. He groaned as he struggled to regain his vision, slowly moving his body that laid up against something rigid like a wall. He lifted his head slowly, feeling the dull pain of a sore neck that found nothing to rest on. As he blinked his eyes, his vision slowly returned to him and greeted him with a small pile of logs burning with blue flames that coursed with veins of white light within the blue.
As he moved his head, his ears could make out dull sounds as if they were filled with wax. His blurred vision struggled to properly see through the shadows and his sore body stung as his nerves burned, trying to bring life back to his destroyed form. Slowly, he cracked a smile as he began to recognize the burning sensation. His voice slowly growled in his chest, trying to regain his ability to speak as whispered words of the Titanic language escaped his lips for a brief time.
“Hello my dear,” he finally said, able to speak in a way that he knew she would recognize. He felt the hands burn his skin again as his body struggled to make sense of what he was feeling As his blurred vision cleared, he could see her more clearly and recognize the pale blue dots of her Templarian eyes. He could hear the dull sounds through his ears and yet he couldn’t place the sounds like the sounds were too far away or out of sync with him. He turned his head towards her and could hear the faded sounds more clearly and yet still beyond his understanding.
Until he felt a warm and gentle touch on his forehead that he knew all too well. As if she pulled him back from the abyss, his eyes were assaulted by the sheer brightness of the burning wood nearby and the sound of her breathing as she held him close. He smiled as he felt his body finally come back together and feel the warmth of Iris’s body.
“I’m okay now,” Arylos said softly as he slowly lifted one of his sore arms and gently pulled Iris close.
“I thought I lost you again,” Arylos could hear her say softly, trying to mask emotions that flooded her.
Arylos laughed softly as he took in the sensations that Iris gave him; the warmth of her touch, the sound of her voice, and the smell of her skin. “Once again, you pulled me back from the brink as you promised you would.”
Iris let go of Arylos and looked at him with disappointment and sadness that masked the joy she felt deep down on seeing Arylos again all painted on a face hidden by silver hair. “Don’t you do that again; that was too close,” she said sternly but carried a soft laugh in her voice.
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“I’m sorry that I scared you,” Arylos said softly, genuinely feeling bad for not being strong enough for Iris.
Iris watched Arylos carefully before slowly backing away and rubbing her eyes, the blue glow of her inhuman eyes gently shining through her eyelids. “Are you alright?” she asked softly as she regained herself.
Arylos nodded slowly before slowly raising his left arm and stretching the joints. As he examined his arm, he saw that the cracked skin was fuller yet still covered in black scars. Yet as he looked, he saw that many of the scars were burns that seared new Titanic runes into his skin; runes that followed the scars and cracks in his skin and painted shapes that looked like fractured stained glass. The hypnotizing patterns carried magic in their writing and yet seemingly spoke about Arylos’s life on Kaiyumi, expanding on the runes that cover the rest of his body that talk about his life as a Titan.
“I don’t know,” he said softly while examining the runes that went from his knuckles all the way to his upper arm and joined the tattoos there as if the two were made for each other. “I’m intact for now, but this is temporary.”
“Temporary? What do you mean?” Iris asked out of concern.
Arylos lowered his arm and let out a sigh as he looked back up to Iris. “I was losing my strength and couldn’t keep this body together. You gave me back one of my own feathers which gave me the strength I needed to keep this body intact.”
“And how is that temporary?” Iris asked while moving closer and sitting next to Arylos, gingerly holding his left arm and examining the new runes carved into his skin.
“Because that’s exactly what’s killing this body,” Arylos said with a disappointed head shake. “This body can no longer contain me because it can’t contain the strength of a Titan.”
“The glove is tearing,” Iris said aloud while running her fingers along the cracks in Arylos’s skin, echoing his metaphor he first told her.
“Exactly,” Arylos said with a slow nod. “I can keep everything intact for now, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m on borrowed time, and there’s not a lot left.”
Iris lowered her head and let go of Arylos’s arm, turning away from him. “I’m sorry. I thought it would work; I didn’t know it would make it worse.”
“No, it was a good idea,” Arylos said quickly and wrapped his arm around Iris. “It was quick thinking on your feet and something I didn’t consider until you suggested it to me. Regardless of what you think, you did save me.”
Iris kept quiet and rubbed her nose, unsure whether or not to take in the praise. “I could have done more though,” she said softly, disappointed in herself.
“Honey, if I can’t do anything, neither can you; what you did was enough,” Arylos assured softly before his tone went dark and sad. “A lot more than what I can do for you now,” he said in the sad voice.
“You mean how the radiation cut my life in half and now we’re stuck here?” Iris asked, picking up on Arylos’s tone.
Arylos nodded slowly before looking up at the ceiling, realizing that Iris had locked the two of them in the basement of their old home. “You brought us down here?” he asked as his eyes followed the rafters.
“Yeah, Bellona said it doesn’t travel through the ground quickly so I figured down here would be safer for now,” Iris said while slowly wrapping her arms around her knees. “But I did kind of trap us down here.”
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“Again, good idea,” Arylos said without hesitation and a proud smile on his face. “I can sense very little of the radiation down here so this is definitely a safe place to stay for now.”
“But I collapsed the doorway,” Iris said shamefully.
“Sure, not the brightest idea, but there’s a side door,” Arylos said, remaining focused on the positives. “And I have the strength to control my power for now; I can always get us out of here.”
Iris blinked her eyes a few times as she slowly realized he wasn’t mad. She looked up at Arylos with a shocked look on her face. “Wait, you’re not mad?”
“Why the hell would I be mad?” Arylos said with a smile on his face. “You thought quickly and got us out of harm’s way with that quick thinking of yours. I’m proud of you, little girl.”
Iris felt blood rush to her cheeks as she relaxed a little bit, able to accept Arylos’s compliment. “W-Well okay, you can compliment me more I guess,” she said in a shy voice.
Arylos laughed and gently kissed Iris’s scalp, brushing her silver Templarian hair behind her ear before looking back to the blue flames burning next to him. “You even made a fire using magic; give yourself some credit.”
Iris laughed nervously as she watched the magic burn the logs and felt questions come to her that demanded answers. “I don’t know why they’re blue though,” she said softly. “All of the fire you do is pretty normally colored. I don’t get why my flames are blue.”
Arylos’s smile slowly faded as he looked at the blue flames, knowing just what they mean. “They take on the aspect of their creator, like how mine are more black than orange.”
“But I don’t even like blue all that much; I like purple,” Iris said casually as she looked back up at Arylos, the soft light of her blue eyes out-shining the blue of the fire.
“It’s not about preference,” Arylos said with a soft laugh. His laugh slowly faded as he glanced over at Iris’s sword, recognizing the silver hilt with blue gems. “‘Helion’ is not the name of that sword; it’s the name of its creator.”
“So what? I make blue fire because it has a blue gem?” Iris asked sarcastically.
“It was made by Helion Rhamiel, your ancient ancestor,” Arylos corrected, looking at Iris with sad eyes. “I never wanted to tell you, because it would set an expectation for you.”
“What, like my destiny?” Iris asked with a scoff.
“There’s no such thing,” Arylos vehemently disagreed while shaking his head. “Destiny and fate are nothing more than lies people tell themselves to deflect the consequences of their choices. Do you really think that there’s a god that directs everything that happens in your life?”
“Well, Anoron is the god of time,” Iris suggested while tilting her head.
“He can see through time, and only what’s in front of him,” Arylos corrected with a scoff. “He has no more control over what happens than you do; the difference is that he can see it and predict it. The truth is that destiny is only what you make it out to be; the decisions you make for yourself. And Helion is just that; you’ll feel responsible and feel like you have to follow the Templarian path your ancestors gave you and forget that you have a choice.”
“You want me to choose if I want to be a Templarian or not?” Iris asked while looking at the blue flames, wondering what kind of god she would be.
“I want you to choose what you will be, regardless of what you are,” Arylos said sorrowfully while letting go of Iris and leaning his head back. “I took that choice away from you; the least I can do is make sure you still have that choice or at least let you be a god of your own choosing, not what others need you to be.”
“You didn’t take that choice away from me,” Iris corrected while reaching for his hand, holding it tightly.
Arylos shook his head, like he was denying a lie she told him. “If it wasn’t for me; your family would still be alive and you wouldn’t be like this.”
“I wouldn’t have Templarian powers?” Iris asked, not quite understanding the Titan.
Arylos sighed as he looked back at Iris, his red eyes contrasting with her blue eyes. “You are what’s called an ‘Incarnate of Helion’. Helion was the god of light and passed his power down his family line to let it evolve and become stronger. The next Incarnate will always be the last surviving heir of the previous Incarnate.” Arylos’s expression became sad as guilt crept up on him. “Why do you think you developed this power once your family died? Because you are their only child and, with their deaths, are now the last heir.”
Iris thought about Arylos’s words as she turned away from him, thinking about what he had to tell her. “The last heir of the previous Incarnate. Which means my parents were just like me, and their deaths made me one.”
“Your father specifically was an Incarnate; I could smell it in his blood,” Arylos said softly while turning away from Iris. “He wanted me to protect you because you are the last of Helion’s bloodline now.”
Iris slowly shook her head as the idea crawled into her mind and clawed at her brain. “And if I stay with you, I won’t have kids. Meaning that once I die, that’s the end of Helion’s bloodline.”
Arylos slowly nodded as he turned back towards Iris. “That is one of many expectations that blood gives you; one of many that I wished to spare you from.”
Iris looked down at her hands, watching the blue light reflect off of her skin as the realization began to sink in. “I’m the Incarnate of Helion. What exactly does that make me?”
Arylos sighed and gripped Iris’s hand tighter, keeping her grounded in reality. “It means you are a god of light just as I am the Titan of fire. You have a spiritual control over light in all of its forms although it appears to manifest as fire for now; likely because of your proximity to me. It makes you a very ancient and powerful Templarian; a primordial in a sense. Whereas other Templarians are influenced by their magic or their personalities influence their divinity, yours is influenced only by what you want it to be.”
“So rather than making fire, I could use this magic to heal and things like that?” Iris asked while looking back up at Arylos.
“Exactly, your ancestor Minourae thought the exact same,” Arylos said with a gentle smile that showed his pride for her. “She wanted to use that power to heal and help others grow. Your father used it to protect his home and family in a post-Dragon War world. It follows your will and no one else’s; even I have no control over what you can do.”
Iris laughed softly, slowly letting the fear subside. “Then what can I do with it?” she asked softly as her laughter subsided.
“Whatever you want with it,” Arylos said softly. “And no one is making you make a choice; you are free to do whatever you want with that strength; fuck anyone who tells you otherwise.”
Iris laughed again as she leaned her head on Arylos’s shoulder, watching the blue flames burn the logs. “Well then, I’ll take a page out of my father’s book and protect my home; we can worry about everything else later if it comes up.”
Arylos smiled even though he felt something stir in his chest, knowing that he wasn’t telling her the whole truth. But it was the truth she needed to know. He kissed her silver scalp gently, falling in love with his star once more. He vowed to himself to spend the rest of his strength protecting his home and to shed the mantle of Titan he was burdened with since birth.
He is nothing but Arylos and he belonged to Iris; it’s all he is and would ever be.
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