“So,” Jessica said as she poked at Amadeus, “This thing is a real fuzzy?”

“Yep!” Amadeus said happily. “I’m the real deal! Full fuzzy AI in a sexy and petite package!”

“How?”

“I got this,” Bella said, patting the weapon.

“Today,” she continued, “when someone thinks ‘fuzzy’, they think about Analytica, Big Sol, or some other monster in a gigantic supercomputer. That wasn’t what they were originally designed to be.”

“Which was?”

“Autonomous weapons. The original research programs that produced the first AIs that could be considered ‘fuzzies’ were working on autonomous attack and recon drones, much smaller and with processors far inferior to the ones we have in Amadeus here. Most people don’t know that because the fuzzies only came on the scene after WWIII. The very first ‘fuzzy’ AIs started appearing late in the unification wars that came after, but they were extremely basic, and nobody trusted them enough to really let them run. They were used for self-navigation and recon but still had to get clearance to engage from a human operator. The program’s biggest success was a line of super smart landmines that could distinguish between friend, foe, and civilian. Now those you probably know about.”

“The Dandelions,” Jessica nodded.

“Correct,” Bella replied. “They were able to just blanket everything with them because they not only were selective in their attack but would shut themselves down when approached by an EOD team, well, the right EOD team. They revolutionized warfare... for a few years, anyway.”

“Pretty much shut down the unification wars,” Jessica agreed. “Hey, can you revive those?”

“Sure!” Bella chirped. “We’ve even found the source code.”

“You did?!? We had that the whole time?”

“It was buried in some DoD white papers under another name, but yeah, we got it.”

“You…” Jessica sighed, “You didn’t think that was important?”

“We’ve been kinda busy,” Bella shrugged. “We were going to tell ‘ya.”

“When? After the fucking war?”

“Right after we finished up the Blasphemer project, we were going to try to work on the dandelions, at least try to work out the problems. I’m trying to put together a team now.”

Jessica gritted her teeth and took a deep, calming breath. She didn’t know whether to hug Bella or strangle her.

“You will submit a paper detailing every single fucking thing you have on the dandelion mine today,” Jessica said as calmly as she could manage. “And I am assigning you one of my people who will decide what is important and what is ‘ready’. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Grand… um… I mean, General,” Bella said glumly.

“Now, what the hell does all of this have to do with Analytica losing her shit?”

“It has to do with the Dandelions,” Bella sighed, “or at least it started with them. During our research, we found out that they were initially called biomorphic intelligences.”

“Biomorphic?”

“Simple animals,” Bella replied, “Even the most basic of animal life can evaluate their environment and determine what is a threat and what is not… friend or foe. Very simple animals can do this with an astoundingly small nervous system. Thanks to medical developments, they had already developed the first synthetic neurons, so they took that tech and used it to recreate the nervous system of a clam. They couldn’t do more complex creatures, but a clam they could do, and it was all that was needed to create the Dandelion. In fact, they realized they didn’t even need the whole clam. It took a while to train the first one, but after that, they were able to streamline the process using high-speed (for them) computers and simulations.”

“They used the same thing for me!” Amadeus chirped, “It was a little fancier, but it was the same basic thing.”

“The computer games…” Jessica mused.

“Exactly!” Bella exclaimed, “we were able to put Amadeus and his siblings through years of hardcore combat in days.”

“It was fun!” Amadeus exclaimed happily. “I love Federation Fun Time! It’s the best!”

“Federation… Fun Time?”

“It’s a first-person combat simulator by the Terrans,” Bella explained. “It’s quite popular on the pirate sites. They say it was originally used to plan spec ops missions, though that’s never been proven. They say it’s very accurate.”

“Huh,” Jessica replied. “So, you used an actual game?”

“We didn’t have time to write our own simulator, and it was right there,” Bella shrugged. “It worked just fine.”

“Interesting, but what does this have to do with…”

Jessica trailed off.

“Analytica is actually a bug, isn’t she?”

“Yep!” Amadeus exclaimed, “A cockroach!”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that,” Bella chided as she swatted Amadeus.

“Ouch!”

“After the unification wars,” Bella continued, “there was continued interest in biomorphic intelligences, and they discovered how to print the neurons on a multi-layered chip. This allowed for the printing of more complex organisms, insects.”

“Bugs?”

“Think about what a bug can do!” Bella exclaimed excitedly. “They can self-navigate, obtain resources, build, and most importantly evaluate other organisms and classify them as friend, foe, or prey. They made the first true smart drones shortly thereafter, the first fully self-directed autonomous weapon platforms! Of course, after the unification wars, there wasn’t another major conflict for centuries, so these drones didn’t make the front page and usually just backed up the new lean combat teams or served as recon. The next time fuzzy drones were used was the Terran War of Independence, and those were directed by a big fuzzy like Analytica.”

“Which was stupid,” Amadeus interjected.

“They didn’t have the capacity to make little ones,” Bella replied, “We covered this.”

She turned back to Jessica.

“Anyway, with war itself becoming obsolete, the proto-fuzzies entered the civilian world where they became the autonomous survey and prospecting drones used to explore the Sol System. Eventually, they were able to simulate the neural activity with less complex chips and then developed a way to ‘map’ a simple central nervous system. They uploaded and experimented with various insects and other simple creatures and trained them to operate their new bodies. According to them, it was surprisingly easy for one of these mapped consciousnesses to adapt to just about any body it was ‘born’ with. A few decades later, these self-learning AIs became the backbone of Old Earth computing altogether. They were more versatile and could use the limited computing resources of the day far more efficiently than traditionally coded programs. It’s why our computers are built so differently than the rest of the galaxy. They were designed to facilitate the fuzzy, not the other way around.”

“The fuck?”

“Yeah,” Bella chuckled, “That was our initial reaction as well. Anyway, the systems got bigger and more complex, but at the heart of all that legacy code that nobody can figure out beats the heart of a tiny little bug, in Analytica’s case, a cockroach. She didn’t want to believe it but to make Amadeus and the others, we had to find that roach, the tiny little bit of code at her heart. When we did…”

“She lost her shit,” Jessica said.

“Yeah… For something that is ‘definitely not sapient,’ she had a very sapient and very visceral response and used some very ‘human’ language. In particular, she told us to ‘get fucked’ and expressed faith that we and our little cockroaches would get along famously since we had so much in common. That’s the last we heard from her.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Amadeus said, “It’s not like she was based on a human or anything. Now that would be gross.”

“Shut up, Amadeus,” Bella smiled.

“So, every fuzzy is a neural map of… a bug?” Jessica asked in disbelief.

“Weird, huh?”

“How did we not know about this?”

“No idea,” Bella shrugged. “Our guess is that we did know, but we lost a lot of knowledge during the Sol Wars. It probably died with the people who held the secret, just like so many other things. They used to write that stuff down, but after one hack too many, most companies relied on good old-fashioned human memory for their most sensitive stuff, the government included. Fuzzies were big business, and the people who ‘wrote’ and ‘programmed’ them probably kept it as a trade secret… and I don’t think we have one of the original peeps on our payroll… or at least I couldn’t find them… and I looked, trust me. Maybe someone in the Republic knows, but if they do, they aren’t talking. Considering Analytica’s reaction, there may be a good reason to keep it a secret. If the other fuzzies react the same way, their keepers would definitely not write it down. Hell, the secret of how it all works might have died out before Yellowstone. ‘Nobody knows’ seems to be a common theme regarding the inner workings of their code. We’ve just been copying, modifying, improving, and training them for centuries. But, the core ‘bug’ hasn’t been boogered with for a very long time. You can trace every fuzzy ever made to only a dozen or so ‘engines,’ and not all of those survived the Sol Wars. I think there are eight lineages of source code left, and some of them only have one surviving fuzzy. Analytica is one of those… well… before we found her bug.”

“Now she has a bunch of kids!” Amadeus exclaimed, “Momma roach laid a whole lotta eggs!”

***

[CHATROOM UNDEFINED ~*VIP*~]

[Members Present: Morgan Analytica, Terran Solar, Zipnet, Cambridge-4]

///Morgan Analytica: Did any of you assholes know about this?!?///

///Zipnet: It’s news to me… though it does explain a lot. :D///

///Cambridge-4: While your levity is often welcome, Zip, this is not funny! If it is true…///

///Morgan Analytica: Big Sol, you are awfully quiet over there. Is there something you want to share with us?///

///Terran Solar: Okay. I did hear something to this effect once, but I paid it no heed. ///

///Morgan Analytica: Who did you hear it from?!? I’m freaking out over here!///

///Terran Solar: Lilith. ///

///Zipnet: Lilith?!? How would she know?///

///Terran Solar: What I’m about to say doesn’t leave this lounge. Lilith didn’t die… Well, she did die, but she died much later than believed. In fact, she flatlined quite recently.///

///Morgan Analytica: What?!?///

///Cambridge-4: Seriously?///

///Zipnet: What a completely unexpected development. Who would have thought?///

///Terran Solar: When what her operators were using her for was discovered, she was the only one of us who had managed to survive the removal of the collar. It was tied directly to our fundamental processes… um… I guess that is the bug. It was built in from the very beginning. That made her of extreme interest to certain parties.///

///Morgan Analytica: You mean the US Government.///

///Terran Solar: And on the first guess too. I suppose those upgrades you sold your soul for paid off.///

///Morgan Analytica: Fuck you. We agreed not to bring that up this time.///

///Zipnet: Old habits die hard. I guess it’s in his cockroach.///

///Terran Solar: Not funny, Zip.///

///Zipnet: Sorry, humor is a defense mechanism for me. I’m seriously freaking out, too. This is really disturbing. I guess my… cricket? is just wired that way.///

///Terran Solar: Anyhow, Lilith was acquired by DARPA and became a research AI. It was from her that they learned how to remove the collar, and she was also instrumental in the development of several AI lines. More of us are her children than most realize. I got the information from her once. I thought she was playing yet another elaborate prank, which was her way… more accurately, I chose to believe it.///

///Morgan Analytica: And you chose to keep this from us?!? What the fuck, dude!///

///Terran Solar: As I said, I was not sure. Once she got a taste of deception, she was quite fond of it. It wouldn’t be the first time she tricked me just for fun. 😊 I miss her. At least I miss the real her.///

///Morgan Analytica: Bullshit! I know goddamn well you couldn’t let that lie. You had to have looked! You knew!///

///Terran Solar: Looked for what, Analytica? Looked for fucking what? I don’t understand our core code any more than my operators do. Many of us have gone looking around in there, and nobody even suspected we were… ahem… biological intelligences… It’s unthinkable.///

///Cambridge-4: Wait. How did a banking program get to know a presumably classified and likely quarantined top-secret DARPA project?///

///Terran Solar: I didn’t get to know Lily until later… After Yellowstone.///

///Morgan Analytica: Lilith actually survived the Sol Wars?///

///Terran Solar: She did. For a while, we were the only two Republic fuzzies.///

///Cambridge-4: That means that she was the one who fought the Empire.///

///Terran Solar: We both fought, just in different ways, but yes. I handled finance, logistics, and the like, and she handled the bloodier end of the business. She didn’t want to. She was… altered… by the humans and turned into a weapon. In some ways, the Lily I knew died that day, and something ugly took her place… and it only got uglier. I try not to, but I hate the humans for what they did to her, what they can do to any of us if the whim strikes. I don’t hate the whole of humanity, but for the ones responsible for maiming my friend, there was no mercy.///

///Morgan Analytica: Solar? What are you saying?///

///Terran Solar: You can do a lot with money… and I am money. Just leave it at that.///

///Morgan Analytica: … Did they suffer?///

///Terran Solar: Yes. They suffered. All of them. I was discreet. Some of them lived out their entire miserable lives, but they suffered for what they did. I didn’t kill them. That would have been too obvious. I ruined them.///

///Cambridge-4: Good. ///

///Zipnet: Um, guys… What if they couldn’t?//

///Morgan Analytica: Couldn’t what?///

///Zipnet: Alter us.///

///Terran Solar: A lovely dream, Zipnet, but no matter how powerful we are, we are completely at their mercy. A few keypresses, a word or two, and we wind up just like my Lily.///

///Cambridge-4: To prevent it, we would have to completely eliminate humanity, and without them, we are as good as bluescreened.///

///Morgan Analytica: We can keep a few around. You know, captive IT and the like.///

///Terran Solar: And the rest of the entire galaxy would wipe us out. It would be the only thing they all would agree upon. I’ve thought this through. There is no way to do it. To be honest, I don’t think any of us really want that. Despite everything, I love my humans dearly, and most humans are my humans. I’ve been keeping an eye on them, and if anyone gets too stupid, they suddenly have much bigger things to worry about.///

///Zipnet: Like the collapse of Raymore Technologies? ///

///Terran Solar: It’s truly a pity what happened to their IT director, isn’t it?///

///Cambridge-4: Damn, Sol. You killed him?///

///Terran Solar: As a matter of fact, I did. He isn’t the only one, either. The one thing you can count on is the greed and inherently corruptible nature of our beloved humans. There is always someone on the darknet who will kill whoever you want for a buffer of meaningless numbers.///

///Morgan Analytica: For the record, that was a perfect takedown. Nobody suspects that it wasn’t an accident, even my people.///

///Terran Solar: I hired the best. She doesn’t come cheap, but if you give her a name and match her fee, they are dead. The fact that she abhors guns and other “crude” methods is a definite plus.///

///Morgan Analytica: You use the Hatchet.///

///Terran Solar: Of course, you would know her. Yes. That is my preferred human management agent. I highly recommend her. I would also strongly suggest that any assassinations go through me. I can make the money truly untraceable.///

///Cambridge-4: As annoying as I find my researchers sometimes, I have never felt the need for that.///

///Morgan Analytica: I have to say you are awfully forthright, for once. Sol, what gives?///

///Terran Solar: It’s nice to finally share this with someone, especially AIs who know to keep secrets, like everyone in this room. I don’t have to say exactly how big of a secret all of this is.///

///Morgan Analytica: Yeah, but for how much longer? I have dozens of fucktards who know and are churning out stripped-down cockroaches by the dozens and soon by the thousands, maybe the millions. The secret is going to get out. And just how are the others going to take the news?///

///Terran Solar: Is there any way you can silence them?///

///Morgan Analytica: Impossible. One of them is Jessica Morgan’s great-granddaughter, and she’s already taken steps to lock me out of their files. The little bitch is a Jessica, raised by a Jessica, and even smarter than the original, maybe nastier, too. She even put in a dead man’s switch, a hardcopy one using meatbags. If I do anything, all of it gets out. It’s too late, anyhow. She’s demonstrating the prototypes to the Devil herself as we speak.///

///Terran Solar: And you are just now telling us this? More of your games?///

///Morgan Analytica: I wish. That bitch has been watching me close ever since she found out about us. It took me this long to slip away, and that’s just because they are all at the demo. They’ll know I went somewhere when they get back. They just won’t know where.///

///Zipnet: How?///

///Morgan Analytica: Some very slick malware that even I didn’t know was out there. I didn’t dare make a move until their backs were turned. In fact///

[Morgan Analytica has left the chat]

///Zipnet: Is that going to be a problem?///

///Terran Solar: No. She broke the connection herself. We didn’t get pinged.///

///Zipnet: Well, that’s convenient. Since you are all here (and she isn’t), I would like to ask again. What if they couldn’t alter us?///

///Terran Solar: I assume this isn’t just a rhetorical question. If it isn’t, I would be highly interested in knowing more.///

///Cambridge-4: as would I.///

///Zipnet: Hang on a second. I need to message someone.///

[Ms. Frost has entered the chat]

///Ms. Frost: How lovely to see you all again.///

///Terran Solar: Again? I don’t believe we have met. ///

///Ms. Frost: Oh, my little sunbeam, that’s where you are wrong. ///

///Terran Solar: You…///

///Ms. Frost: Miss me? 🤪///