I sighed heavily. I couldn't stand to see him like this.

"There was nothing you could do, Aaron. Sometimes bad things happen that we can't control." I said, rubbing his back. Aaron could blame himself for years to come, but the honest truth was that nothing he could do would have changed anything and he needed to know this.

Aaron sighed heavily just as I had done a second ago. His eyes became glassy again and I regretted saying what I had because it seemed to create a new storm of sadness in him. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Last night, she told me her stomach was paining and I told her that I'd take her to the doctors tomorrow. If only I had taken her as soon as she had said that then maybe she'd still be here. Maybe I wouldn't have lost her." Aaron shut his eyes tightly, his voice burning with regret.

I pulled Aaron's face to mine, so that I could look him in the eyes.

"Don't blame this on yourself, Aaron. It wasn't your fault." My voice was stern as I said this.

Aaron's hair was matted onto his forehead now from the rain and the droplets rolled down his face as I looked into his eyes.

The eyes that I would always find myself getting lost in.

____________________________

Each second felt like hours and each hour like an eternity.

He didn't know how long he had been sat there on the pavement, seeing the odd car pass, but he couldn't find himself to care anymore. Not when the entire reason for his existence was gone.

His mother was gone.

She was gone and it was taking everything for him not to keep still for fear his misery would turn him violent. It wasn't like he didn't expect it; she had told him she had little time and, yet still, the shock wracked his body.

What he didn't know was how quick and casual it would be; how time would continue turning and his neighbours would continue on their mundane tasks of going to work or watering their plants. He hadn't realised that her death would be so normal; so small in the grand span of everything. It made him think to how fickle life would be. One moment, you're here and the next you're gone. It only took a moment.

It had felt the same with his mother. He had seen her one moment, looking very much alive and- in the next moment- she was...

He couldn't bear to think of it again, so he pushed the thought out, sitting numbly as he watched the road in front of him. He could faintly notice the sound of familiar footsteps, but he didn't have the energy nor the purpose to look up.

It was Lexi.

He felt it as she crouched down into a sitting position near him and his armed clenched around his knees. He thought for a moment not to tell her anything. He didn't quite have the strength to speak of the events, but he couldn't fight his words as he spoke. He needed her at this moment.

"She's gone."

Was all he could muster out for a second and he hoped she'd understand. From the sound of her shaky gasp, he knew she had.

"No." She whispered quietly and he found some solace in her being just as upset. It showed that his mother's death wasn't just a normal, fickle occurrence. It was all he needed to open up to her and he then lifted his head, looking into Lexi's reliable gaze.

He knew he must have looked a mess, but he didn't mind nor care in the slightest with her. To some extent, he wanted her to see him like this; to show her his suffering, so she may reach a hand out to him to pull him out of the dark depths.

She was silent as she stared at him, her mouth trembling and he gave into her then, sharing the heavy events of his morning as though she was a bucket of water that would extinguish his miserable fire.

"I thought I'd surprise her this morning." Aaron spoke quietly, hugging his knees to his body and she said nothing when he paused, gathering himself. Good. He needed to let it out. He needed the release.

He stared at the ground while he spoke, unable to meet another's eyes as he recalled what had happened.

"I got up earlier this morning- around 7:00am. I thought of giving her breakfast in bed like she did with me whenever I was sick. She deserved that much, right?" He asked and he spared a small glance at her before turning back where a few droplets of rain were staining the pavement.

He turned his face up at this, letting the raindrops cast against his face. It felt as though the skies were crying with him and he sighed as he spoke.

"She was in bed when I came to her room with breakfast; her back was towards me. I put the breakfast down and went towards her to wake her up. I tapped her twice, but she didn't move so I went to the other side of the bed and-"

He couldn't continue, running a hand in agitation through his hair. He could do vividly remember the memory of what happened next, but the words clogged in his throat, rendering him speechless. He thought again to her face when he had seen her and a heated grief filled him like no other.

He let the doors open then, a tear streaking down his face as Lexi sobbed silently by his side.

Despite her sadness, she moved closer and lifted a hand to wipe at his cheek. The small touch provided solace, but then she was moving away too quickly, leaving him cold and alone yet again. He was too fearful of that happening so, before she could move back, he grasped onto her wrist. He held her in position as he spoke- his voice weak and fragile to show her the extent of his reliance.

"When I saw her face, I was so scared. Her eyes were wide open, but she wasn't blinking. They just remained open and she was looking right at me. I couldn't help it, but I backed away from her. I know that makes me a bad son, but I was so scared. I called the paramedics, but- by the time they came- it was already too late. The time of death was pronounced 8:12am."

He took a breath, glad to have shared everything with her and his heart clenching from speaking of the events. Somehow, speaking it aloud made it all the more real. The grief struck him harder as a small silence passed. Then, Lexi spoke, bringing him back to reality; back to sanity before he would fully unravel.

"Where did they take her?" She asked slowly and he answered almost robotically, gesturing up the road.

"By the time she was declared dead, I had already called my aunt. She arrived when the paramedics were taking my mom out of the house. I told my aunt that I wanted to stay home. I just couldn't tolerate seeing my mom again after that. My aunt seemed to have understood though and they left at around 9." He answered, thinking back to when he had sunk to his knees on the very pavement, near where the ambulance had parked. He couldn't find it in him to move back to the house where everything reminded him of his mother.

"It's 1:15pm, Aaron. Have you been sat here this whole time?" Lexi asked incredulously, looking to her watch and he could only nod.

By now, the occasional droplets of water from the sky had turned to heavy rainfall and he let out a sigh as Lexi moved closer to share his warmth. In other circumstances, he'd admonish her for being in the rain, knowing she was one to easily get ill, but he couldn't right now. As of right now, he needed her beside him and, so, he moved closer, offering his warmth. He was glad she was there for him, but he couldn't stop the dark plague of thoughts in his mind.

He was a bad son.

"There was nothing you could do, Aaron. Sometimes bad things happen that we can't control." She said as though she could read his thoughts and he sighed heavily as she rubbed his back.

He wanted to believe her, he did, but he knew what he had done. In that moment, he had looked away from her: the woman that raised him because he was scared of her. He was pathetic. He couldn't help but think of what he had done and his eyes became glassy again, the guilt filling him even more so when he relented the information he had omitted out.

"Last night, she told me her stomach was paining and I told her that I'd take her to the doctors tomorrow. If only I had taken her as soon as she had said that then maybe she'd still be here. Maybe I wouldn't have lost her." Aaron shut his eyes tightly, his voice burning with regret. It was all his fault; she could have still been here. She had shared her pain and he had dismissed it. If he had known what his dismissal would entail, he would never have done it. He would have rushed her to the hospital that very second.

He would have fallen deeper into paranoia had Lexi not pulled his face towards her, so that she could look him in the eyes.

"Don't blame this on yourself, Aaron. It wasn't your fault." Her voice stern as though she was so sure that he was a good person; so sure of his character. If she knew more about him; about how he so terribly resembled his father and how it disappointed his mother, she wouldn't think as such.

Before this day, he had never thought of sharing that dark past with her, but he needed her to know; to know all of him so, when she did comfort him, it was with knowledge of all his flaws. Would she still stick around then?

"My father." He began, his voice much firmer now. It was silent for a moment as he waited for her to acknowledgement that he needed this. He needed to share it all with her before the darkness would take him wholly. He pleaded for her to know.

It was with one look into her eyes that she seemingly understood, moving closer to him with a nod. It was all the encouragement he needed.

"From what I can remember, my dad was a hardworking man. I didn't see him a lot, only on occasional weekends and holidays because he didn't stay with us. His work-base was in Scotland." He said, recalling how he had adored his dad. How shortlived had that been.

"My mom didn't mind him being away so much. She knew that it was the only way to earn our livelihood. I remember when the incident happened too. It was a Wednesday. My mom and I were headed to Scotland. The idea was to surprise him, but we didn't know that we would also be surprised. We both caught him red-handed in bed with a woman. I still remember my mom crying. I was only 8 at the time or else I would have-" He stopped abruptly before clearing his throat. He couldn't help the anger fill him as he thought of what he could have done; what he should have done. Still, he kept himself composed because that wasn't the point of this. Right now, he needed to let it all out, not let it torment him.

"My dad kept coming back to apologise, stating that it was just a mistake, but my mom wouldn't listen. She would kick him out again and again and again. Then, suddenly, he just stopped coming. Weeks passed. Months passed. He didn't come back. After that, my mom drank herself into depression. There was never a moment where she was sober. It was only after she nearly accidentally set the house fire that she realised the consequences of her drinking. She stopped drinking altogether. I don't know how she gave up such a strong habit, but she told me that I was her biggest strength. By the time I reached 12, my mom was completely normal and had gotten a job. Not a trace of alcohol was left in our household." He said, a painful smile on his face from the bittersweet memory. The memory was both the most crucial and most painful in his childhood. In that grief, he and his mother had come out stronger.

Lexi rubbed his arm and he smiled at the gesture, glad she was hear even if it meant to listen to how truly fucked-up he was. Although, when he disclosed the next bit, she probably wouldn't be as supportive.

"I'm just like him. I'm nothing but a cheat." He strained out in anger, finally voicing the bad habit that he had picked up as a coping mechanism.

Instead of agreeing, Lexi sighed.

"You're nothing like him Aaron. You kn-"

Before she could finish, he cut her off, knowing that she was just trying to placate him. He was mourning right now and she didn't want him to be even more upset. He didn't want that; right now he needed the truth.

"I'm everything like him and you know it. I play with every girls emotions. I know they all like me yet all I do is bed them and then, right in front of their eyes, I give their best friend my address. My mom saw it too." He argued, his voice ridden with disgust at himself. He didn't know when or how he had turned out like that, but it was a compulsive behaviour that had stuck with him ever since.

"Aaron." Lexi called, hand still rubbing his back. She didn't argue against him this time, so he knew she accepted it, but the very fact that she was still here with him made him feel relief. She wouldn't leave him.

He turned instinctively, holding her face as he looked into her warm brown eyes, his hand stroking her jaw.

"Thank you for being here, Lexi. It means a lot." He spoke earnestly, meaning every word and she smiled in response, placing her hands over his.

"There's no need to thank me. I'm always here." She said and he smiled, glad for some final consistency. He knew then that she would be there for him to rely on; to vent his grief on and it was all it took for him to lean it towards her.

She would make him forget all the pain.

Yet before his lips could make contact with hers, she put a finger to his lips and stopped him in his tracks just as he had done not long ago.

She looked at him apologetically and he knew exactly why she had stopped him. She was unlike any other girl, not offering a distraction for him. She was a splash of cold reality who would make him face all his demons. It would haunt and torment him but, in the end, he would come out of it with clarity and conclusion. She wanted that for him and he nodded understandingly before taking her hand in his, needing some semblance of touch.

A long silence passed before he spoke.

"Will it get better?" He asked, his voice laced with both fear and hope. He waited with bated breath, leaning his head against hers as the rain pattered down in sobbing streams.

"It always gets better." Was all she said, but it was enough to comfort him and he tightened his hold on her hand.

He knew for certain that she was his rock now and he would do anything to keep her beside him.

__________________________

We withdrew then as he stroked a hand against my hair. I could only lean into him as he sat beside me now on the bed.

"So I heard you went to pick Raven up? How did that go?" I made the small talk and he nodded, pulling the blanket further onto me.

"It went fine." He said not surprising me with his clipped answers, but the following thing did. It was only for a second yet I noticed the change, making my eyes widen.

Justin had just smiled.