"What seals have I seen, huh?" Jiraiya asked, leaning back on one elbow and idly poking at the fire with a stick. The poking made a log collapse to one side and roll out from the center of the fire, where it proceeded to throw up a puff of smoke that set Keiko coughing. The girl suppressed a glare at her Hokage and simply put the log back in the fire before shifting her seat slightly.

It was their second night out from Leaf on the way to the Chūnin Exams, and Jiraiya had been in a pensive mood since they stopped. Hazō had decided to take the chance to ask about his adoptive f—his clan leader's great passion. Probably the worst that would happen was that Jiraiya would snap at him to buzz off, but hopefully it would jolt him into a better mood. They would need Jiraiya in top form tomorrow when they arrived at Mist.

Jiraiya's smile was complicated, half sadness and half wry amusement. "Lots of them, and, aside from in the research lab, I mostly see them when things are in the middle of going straight into the crapper."

He stirred the fire a moment longer, then chuckled. The smile shifted, the amusement replaced by nostalgia. "There was this one time, a little before we fought Hanzō and became the Three, when...."

o-o-o-o​

"I look stupid," Orochimaru growled, glaring at Jiraiya. The apprentice medic-nin tugged at the folds of his robes that Jiraiya had just spent five minutes carefully arranging for him.

Jiraiya slapped his hands away. "You look fine," he said. "Handsome, even." It was a lie; Orochimaru had always been sickly and vaguely jaundiced, and he was far too stubborn to use a minor henge to look better. The very expensive clothes and makeup that Jiraiya had bought and applied had been able to move him from 'freakishly pale and vaguely inhuman' to 'rake-thin and shifty-looking' which left Jiraiya feeling quite accomplished indeed.

"I don't see why I have to do this, anyway," Orochimaru complained. "It's a complete waste of time and I have better things to do."

"You lost the bet," Jiraiya said smugly.

"You cheated," his teammate grumbled.

"Nah, you just suck at Rock, Paper, Scissors," Tsunade said from where she was lounging on the bed, reading a medical textbook and occassionally glancing over to watch her teammates get ready. "You've got, like, six different tells. It's embarrassing."

"I do not!"

"Do too."

"Do not!"

"Children," Jiraiya said sternly, "perhaps we could table this until later? Oro, we need to leave now if we don't want to be late."

"I changed my mind," Orochimaru said sulkily. "I'm not going." He plopped down at his desk and ostentatiously turned his back.

"Come on, Oro," Jiraiya chided. "You lost fair and square. No welching."

"No," Orochimaru pouted. "It's stupid."

Jiraiya sighed and checked the waterclock on the mantel. They really did need to get going.

"I'll make you that sleep-inducing seal you wanted," he tempted.

Orochimaru whipped around. "Really?" he asked hopefully. "It would be nice to not have to tie the specimens down while I'm cutting them open for my experiments."

"No problem, buddy," Jiraiya said, patting him on the shoulder with a smile. "You know I'm always here for you."

Orochimaru nodded, the unhappiness slipping away from his long face for just a moment. "I know. Thank you, Jiraiya. You're a good friend."

"Better get moving," Tsunade said from the corner, not looking up from her book. "Not nice to keep a lady waiting."

"Ugh," Orochimaru said, making a moue of distaste. "Girls. What a waste of time."

"Hey!" Jiraiya said. "Okada is a beautiful young woman and you should be glad to have the chance to go out with her. Junko went to a lot of trouble to set the two of you up, so the least you can do is try to look happy. Now come on." He grabbed his teammate's arm and started pulling him towards the door.

Orochimaru glanced back at the pile of papers on his desk, a look of longing on his face. "Can't I just stay here and read?" he asked plaintively, although he grudgingly followed along with his more worldly-wise teammate. "You know I'm no good with people, especially girls. They're scary. And my research conclusively proves that they have cooties."

Jiraiya laughed and shook his head, opening the door and hustling them both out. "They do not," he said. "Now come on. Think of it as infiltration training, if that helps. Someday you might need to talk a woman out of information or something. Practice will help."

"Why would I have to be the one to do that?" Orochimaru grumbled. "You're the smooth one. You've never failed to charm a woman." He pulled free of Jiraiya's grip so that he could clasp both hands under his chin and flutter his eyelashes dramatically. "Ooooh, Jiraiya," he said in a mocking falsetto. "You're so big and strong and handsome. Would you like to know where the secret passage is? You can have my virginity too, if you want!"

Jiraiya thwapped Orochimaru lightly on the back of the head. "Stop that!" he said, smiling despite himself. "You make it sound like I'm some sort of evil lech. Woman like me because I respect them, which is something you'd do well to try. You're"—he hesitated briefly, searching for a diplomatic phrase—"exotic-looking and a decent ninja. All you need to do is be nice to them and listen and I'm sure you'll find a woman who loves you and will complete you."

Orochimaru dropped the mocking pose and shoved his hands in his pockets, kicking dejectedly at the inoffensive floor. "Fine," he said. "I guess you'd know. Come on, let's get this over with."

o-o-o-o​

Jiraiya fell silent, lost in thought, and Hazō waited impatiently for him to continue. "How did the date go?" he finally asked.

"Total disaster," Jiraiya said. "Oro couldn't dance to save his life. Looked like a spastic hopperbeast, and he kept stepping on her toes. She really made an effort though; smiled, chatted, very charming. Unfortunately, just as dinner was being served she asked him what he was interested in before I could wave her off. Oro got all excited and started going on about the joys of cutting things open and poking around in their squishy bits, then asked her if she'd like to come back to his lab and play doctor. She left in a huff and Junko went with her. Wouldn't talk to me for weeks."

"That sucks," Noburi said. "You and Junko were dating?"

"Yeah, that was our third date. Okada had just had a bad breakup and Junko insisted that we double. In retrospect I should have asked someone else—maybe Akihito. He was always smooth." He frowned, then shook his head. "No, he was dead by then. Bunch of blood moths got him, if I recall right." He thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, I'm sure I could have found someone." The sadness was back on his face.

"So, sleep-inducing seal," Hazō said desperately. "That sounds cool. Any others that particularly stand out?"

"Yeah, actually. A couple months after we got our team name, we were on this scouting mission up in Lightning...."

o-o-o-o​

Jiraiya leapt over the first stream that they'd passed for three hours, a corner of his mind furious that they didn't have time to stop for water. His throat was parched after all the Grand Fireballs he'd been throwing around during their escape. He dove clear of one blast of lightning, and pushed his companion out of the way of another. "'Just one little peek', you said! 'What could it hurt', you said!"

"Sorry, Jiraiya!" Orochimaru said, spinning and hurling a trio of shuriken at the Lightning border patrol that was chasing them. He really should have stuck with snakes, because his weapons skills had always been pathetic; the first two shuriken missed completely and the leading Cloud ninja batted the third aside with contemptuous ease before firing back with a much better-aimed volley that Orochimaru barely avoided as they fled.

A boulder zipped over their heads from where Tsunade had taken overwatch in the next pile of rocks. Jiraiya didn't look back, trusting in his teammate to keep the pursuers suppressed while he and Orochimaru leapfrogged past her.

"Thunder Net, go!" cried the leader of the patrol. The entire patrol—three squads worth, and what was Lightning doing spending three full squads of chūnin to cover one dinky little outpost in the middle of nowhere which, granted, had turned out to be nothing but a disguise for the very non-dinky seal research lab underneath and wasn't that just peachy?—pulled out kunai and hurled them. They weren't aiming for the team, they were dropping the weapons in a rough circle around the small rockpile that Tsunade was hiding atop and Jiraiya and Orochimaru were just passing. The tags tied to the kunai trailed crackling ropes of lightning behind them, more lightning leaping left and right to link the seals to their neighbors. A rolling crash of ear-shattering thunder hit like one of Tsunade's slaps, knocking Jiraiya and Orochimaru to the ground.

Jiraiya rolled instantly to his feet, nose bleeding and unable to hear. His balance was shot and he staggered as he yanked Orochimaru up. The net was thickening as the kunai descended, more and more threads leaping out to link the main strands together. The kunai were embedded in the ground all around them and the net was drifting slowly lower. The team needed to be out from under the net before it reached them.

Orochimaru grabbed the canteen off his belt and uncorked it, pouring out the contents with a few quick shakes. "Water—" His jutsu was interrupted by a coughing fit from where he'd swallowed dirt when he fell. "Water Element: Cutting Geyser!"

"No!" Jiraiya shouted, reaching out to stop his teammate. He was a moment too slow; a massive column of water leaped from the ground up to the net.

Against a regular net, the Cutting Geyser was perfect; it would slice effortlessly through the strands of the net and throw the fragments aside. Against a lightning technique? Not so much.

Jiraiya grabbed his pale brother-in-arms and leaped, pulling him up into the air a split second before a massive blast of lightning energy charred the ground where they'd been standing. A few brilliant-yellow tendrils forked off to the sides and Tsunade screamed from her perch atop the boulders.

"Thunder Wave, go!" shouted the patrol leader. Still in midair, Jiraiya glanced back over his shoulder and saw the Lightning team with more kunai in hand, fastening seals to the handles with reckless speed.

Internally, he cursed. His team had snuck into the research facility, gotten the general lay of the land, and been on their way out when Orochimaru insisted on having 'just a peek' into one of the labs. Of course the alarm had gone off and guards had come swarming from everywhere. He and the other two had fought their way out through way more ninja than should have been there and been in the middle of a running battle for the three hours since. He was low on chakra and covered in small wounds that were bleeding his strength away. Still, he couldn't let the others die.

He reached deep inside himself, gathering up all his remaining chakra and then forcing himself to find more. And more. And more. His head was buzzing, his skin was burning, and his vision was starting to tunnel down as he skated on the edge of chakra exhaustion. Only the Will of Fire and the desperate need to get the message back to Konoha kept him going; Sensei needed to know about the experiments that Lightning was doing. It could turn the course of the war. He could not allow these puny Lightning punks to stop him, or to hurt his friends!

He cut the handseals with frantic haste, finishing the last one just as he and Orochimaru touched ground at the end of their leap. The Lightning jerks cocked their arms back to throw.

"Water Element: Tidal Wave!" Jiraiya shouted, clenching his fists and pulling with everything he had.

Wisdom is situational. Shooting a jet of water from your feet up into the lightning net that was slowly falling towards you? Not wise. Pulling a fifty-foot high wall of water out of the stream and aiming it directly at yourself and the aforementioned lightning net? Not wise...usually.

The wave moved faster than a ninja could sprint, hitting the Lightning ninja from behind before they knew what was happening. It lifted them on its curl like bits of thistledown in a storm and tossed them through the lightning net. They didn't even have time to scream before they were sliced fine enough to be used for stir fry.

An instant after the ninja were slain the main body of the wave reached the line of kunai in the ground that was the anchor for the net. The tags were soaked and shredded instantly; the net vanished a few scant feet before it would have reached Tsunade atop the hill.

Jiraiya noticed this out of the corner of his eye but couldn't spend the time to think about it. He was too busy dancing across the chaotic surface of the tidal wave, struggling to keep his footing as the water bucked and spun beneath his feet. His chakra was a guttering flame within him; for the first time since the Academy waterwalking was difficult, plus he still held Orochimaru under one arm and the other man's feeble struggles were interfering with Jiraiya's balance. Still, he persevered for the few seconds that were needed.

The wave passed by, leaving Jiraiya standing in a field of mud. His vision was still tunneled and gray around the edges but with sheer willpower he forced himself to run to the rockpile where Tsunade had fallen. He barely remembered to let go of Orochimaru in the process.

"Uuugh," Tsunade groaned, sitting up and rubbing her head. "Sage's cowlick, what hit me?"

"Um—" Orochimaru said nervously.

"Some kind of ranged Lightning jutsu," Jiraiya said quickly. "Those bastards were throwing them everywhere. We barely got clear."

Orochimaru caught Jiraiya's eye. Thank you, he mouthed gratefully. Jiraiya shrugged and gave him a What are friends for? wink. He held a hand out to Tsunade to help her up.

The blonde grabbed his hand and came to her feet, wrapping her buxom self around him in a surprise hug. "Thank you," she said. "You saved us again. I really thought I was going to die there." A shudder went through her at the thought.

Jiraiya chuckled and stroked her back gently, taking care not to become too absorbed in the subtle play of her taut musculature as he did. "It's okay," he murmured. "You're fine. Everything is fine."

She clung to him for a moment longer, her sun-blonde head tucked under his chin like a kitten seeking protection; the pressure of her full breasts on his chest was very distracting and he forced himself not to react. She had made it very clear that advances would be welcome, but he refused. Dating within the team was always a bad idea, regardless of how beautiful and vivacious and buxom and—

He coughed to distact himself and pushed her to arms length, pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. "You're okay," he said, smiling reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine. Now, come on. We need to get home."

She nodded, taking a deep breath to center herself. "Right." She looked around for a moment, checking that Orochimaru was fine where he stood a few feet away, his fingers twisting nervously together. "Okay," she said, her voice firming up. "Let's do this. Sensei needs to hear about what those bastards are doing down there before they manage to get it into deployment."

The Legendary Three turned and leaped away, leaving the burned shreds of their enemies far behind as they raced home with news that would change the course of the Second Shinobi World War.