That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not

Captain's Log 2.36 - That time I was reincarnated into another world and debated my ghosthood

My world had been upended. This had been far worse than the time I'd realized they stopped selling my favorite flavor of ice cream. This was the sort of thing that you couldn't recover from! U-unless... I rushed towards Ghostbeard, floating to my knees as I pleaded with the pirate.

"H-how can I unghost?" I demanded. "There has to be a way out, right?"

Ghostbeard simply shook his head sadly. "No. Once ye are dead, there's no going back. There do not be any second chances. At least ye can thank the stars that ye are still around. Consider it a half a chance."

I deflated, floating listlessly through the air. Half a chance? That was ridiculous. You could either have an extra chance or not. There's no such thing as a half a chance. I... I was supposed to be a [Legendary Hero], wasn't I? How could I do that if I was just a ghost?

"Don't look so grim, m'lad!" the pirate chastised me. "Not all hope is lost."

I scoffed. What would he know about how I was feeling? I was a ghost, damn it! That was pretty much the definition of lost cause, wasn't it? What was I going to do now?!

"What am I going to do now?" I sighed, wiping away my tears with one ghostly hand. Ghostbeard scratched his chin as he looked at me, pity glistening in his eyepatch.

"Arrr..." he soliloquized. "Why don't ye join my crew?"

I blinked away my tears, looking up at him in surprise. His... his pirate crew? Was he really offering me a spot in his crew? He'd really make a place for me? I-I'd totally misjudged him! He was a saint!

"Y-you mean, become a pirate?" I asked. Pirates were cool as hell, but they were usually a 50-50 blend of crews of friends who did nothing but drink booze and sail the high seas, or bloodthirsty thieves and murderers who pillaged, raped, and murdered their way across the ocean. If I joined them... I might become a bad guy!

I glanced over at two of the shark pirates, who had dragged the body of an elf onto the deck and were ripping chunks out of it with their teeth like a loaf of bread. It was still too early to tell which type this ship would be. These guys did seem like they were having a lot of fun.

Being a pirate... might not be so bad. But... I thought of my harem. They probably wouldn't approve of me being a pirate. And now that I thought about... they didn't even know that I was a ghost! What would they think when they found out? My heart ached, thinking of how I could reveal the truth to them without having them instantly lose interest and abandon me. I couldn't bear the thought of them leaving. If I had to spend the rest of my ghosthood without a bevy of hot anime babes at my beck and call, what was even the point of unliving?

"I... I'm not sure if I can," I told Ghostbeard. "I kind of have this whole thing going on with my harem, and..."

"Hiro-san!"

Speak of the devil! I turned my head 180 degrees to look behind me, quickly repairing my broken spine with [Ultra Max Regeneration]. Wanda, Bonbon, and Ciel were charging up the gangplank. One of the shark pirates rushed towards them, raising its sword, and Ciel slammed it with her shield, sending it flailing off the side of the gangplank.

"Y-you guys!" I shouted. "D-don't look at me! It's too late!"

"Too late?" Bonbon asked, glancing between me and the pirate. I grimaced. I knew she must be noticing the similarities. Should I try to think up some excuse? Ciel had her weapon drawn and was staring down Ghostbeard. Wanda was standing at the ready, but her eyes kept darting to the barrel full of those shark candies that Ghostbeard had grabbed earlier. Meanwhile, the sharks continued to eat their dead elf, while another two stared blankly at a nearby wall.

"Too late for what?" she continued. "Hiro-san, what happened?"

D-damn it... I guess I had no choice. I grit my teeth, tears forming in the spots where my eyes were supposed to be.

"I..." I choked out, "I'm a ghost!"

A big ol' silence fell over the ship, broken only by the ravenous chewing of the sharks, and Wanda, who had snuck over to the candy barrel while we were distracted. None of my harem members spoke, simply staring up at me in disbelief, the enormity of the news probably weighing heavily on their hearts. Bonbon blinked at me, and cleared her throat.

"Um... what?" she asked.

"I... I'm a ghost! I'm so-"

"No, I heard you."

Oh no... she looked pretty upset. She was rubbing the sides of her head. The news must have hit her really hard. She let out a long sigh, shaking her head.

"Why... what... why are you a ghost?" she sighed.

I shook my head sadly. She hadn't realized it yet? The signs were all there, but I guess it took an intellect like mine to really put them together correctly. I guess I'd have to explain it to them.

"Well, it's obvious in hindsight. I died before, and I can fly, I can turn invisible, and I can even go through walls! What else could I be but a ghost?"

Wanda shoveled another handful of gummi sharks into her mouth. "Wan! But Master, ghosts aren't the only things that do that!"

H-huh? They weren't? I stared over at her, suddenly desperate for some alternate explanation for the magical abilities that I had "somehow" received after dying in Neo-Shinjuku. I know that it had seemed like Kamiko had given them to me, but honestly, dying and suddenly being gifted powers arbitrarily by a goddess for no reason just seemed really contrived and like terrible writing. There had to be a more realistic explanation for what had happened, like me being a ghost the entire time. That was GOOD writing, just ask that one guy who made the movies with all the twists in them.

But... if there was another explanation...

"What... what do you mean?" I asked Wanda.

"Wan! Some spiders can turn invisible!" she explained, "And some spiders can fly. And some spiders can go through walls!"

Huh? Really? That was simultaneously horrifying and extremely relieving at the same time! I quickly learned [Spider-Killing Basics - Lvl 1] out of self-defense, but gulped loudly, floating down to land on the deck of the boat in front of the doggirl. "W-wait, is that true? So... I might not be a ghost?"

I looked over to Ghostbeard, who was shaking his head slowly at me. "Don't be deceived, laddie."

He had a good point, but... this was too convenient of an out for me to ignore! It wasn't perfect though. I was still a bit confused about what that would mean. I scratched my head, looking at Wanda and snagging one of the shark gummies from the bag she'd opened.

"But... wait... does that mean I'm... a spider?"

Ciel shook her head, dismissing my worries with a slash of her hand. "That doesn't matter, Hiro-kun! So you're a spider, so what?! Even if you're a ghost, that doesn't change a thing!"

She clenched her fist, grinning a smile that was burning with manly spirit.

"You're still the one Kamiko chose t'be the [Legendary Hero], arencha? Hiro-kun is Hiro-kun!"

I jerked backwards, falling off balance and landing on my butt. I was stunned. How... how could I have not realized?

"Y-you're right..." I gasped. "I am... me." How could I have let myself be so misled? I felt emboldened, a fire rising in my heart as I stood to face down the pirate again. However, a dark chuckle from Ghostbeard was quick to put a dampen on my heartburn.

"Heh... what do that even mean, laddie? 'Ye be ye'? Of COURSE ye be ye! Who else would ye be?"

"I..." I hesitated. "I mean, uh..." Wait, what did it mean? I was me, so... that meant that like, I was myself, right? It was super inspirational, and I was feeling pretty gung-ho about it, but uh, I can't say I really understood it.

"I, uh, I'm myself," I explained.

"Aye! " he replied, "And I be me as well. Yet I still be a ghost."

A bolt of lightning struck the boat behind me as all color drained from my body, my proportions distorted thin and tall in shock. T-that was true! Maybe that empty platitude that Ciel had deployed wasn't as useful as I thought. Nothing they'd said or done had definitively proved that I wasn't a ghost. And even though I was usually fine with accepting things as truth with only the barest of evidence, this was something that directly affected my ego! I wouldn't accept even the most likely explanation unless it completely dispelled all possible doubt, just like any good protagonist would!

"D-damn it..." I swore. I guess I really was a ghost. I had no choice but to join his pirate crew. I... I...

"Hiro-san, this is ridiculous. You're obviously not a ghost," Bonbon chastised me, rubbing her palm on her forehead. "Just kill this guy in one hit like you usually do, and we can prove it afterwards."

I shook my head. "I... can't," I admitted. I usually didn't like to show weakness, but I'd already told them I was a ghost, so I didn't really have anything to lose at this point.

"I've tried killing him in a single hit most of the ways I can think of. I... even tried killing him in multiple consecutive hits. None of my skills did anything to him..."

Ciel frowned. "What, none of them? Weren't the Undead weak to [Divine] damage? And [Light] Magic? And I think [Healing] too for some reason, right? That's what Mother Margaret said, anyhow."

I shook my head. "I've thrown pretty much everything I could think of at him." I wasn't sure, but I'd probably already used whatever it was she'd said as well.

"He's completely invulnerable."

Bonbon and Ciel looked at the ghost, taking a step or two back. "There... there has to be some way to beat him."

I clenched my fist, looking away from them in shame and frustration. "There... there isn't. I have to accept the fact that I'm a ghost now. This is just the way things have to be now."

Ghostbeard gave my party a sage nod. "I'm sorry ta be breaking the news to ye all like this. But it be for the best were he to join me crew. Ye cannot have a ghost ship without ghosts."

"But he's not a ghost!" Bonbon protested, vibrating slightly as she tried and failed to contend with the obvious truth of my condition. "There has to be some way to prove that he's..."

She trailed off, as Wanda had walked over to me, staring at me with an annoyed expression.

"Um... Wanda?" I asked. She didn't respond, simply standing and staring at me in silence. Th-this prolonged eye contact was making me blush, and leveling up my [Eye Contact Resistance] skill. W-was she jealous of the fact that I was dead? Or was she about to confess her love to me since I was about to ship out on a kickass ghost pirate adventure? I stammered meaninglessly a bit, unsure of how to deal with this much female attention.

"U-uhm..." I began. Without looking away from me, she reached down and grabbed my hand by the wrist. E-eh? Was she trying to hold my hand? She wasn't doing a very good job! She yanked my hand up, holding me by the wrist. I felt myself calming down a bit, even though she was now making physical contact. The idea that she was so bad at physical displays of affection was really cute! Plus, it made her seem way less threatening, like she was some kind of clumsy baby animal that you might keep as an adorable pet, like a cat or something.

Wanda... I guess I had been worried about nothing, given how innocent she was. I guess I could show some pity on her and show her how to properly hold hands. But... that'd mean I'd be holding her hand, wouldn't it? Was I ready for that kind of step? I started to gather up the courage to do so, and debated whether I was ready for such a bold first step. I was about to come to a decision of some sort when she tilted my hand and placed it against her breast.

...

Huh?

I was floating, in some kind of soft and warm cloud. I had... I was... touching a boob for the first time! I was in disbelief! To think that I would achieve such an event in a way that wasn't just a hilarious accident... this was unbelievable. In fact, maybe this was just a dream? It was warm and soft under my hand, but Wanda wasn't moaning or in complete ecstasy, which is what anime had led me to believe would happen. Was this really happening?

"Hiro-san," Wanda said firmly, staring me in the eyes. "You can feel this, can't you?"

My throat clenched up and my mind was spinning. I felt my [Emotional Damage Invulnerability] kick in dozens of times in rapid succession. I started to respond, then realized that I'd been stammering and making incoherent noises for the past 30 seconds. Hopefully she understood whatever I was subconsciously trying to convey. Wanda, seeing I wasn't responding, pressed my hand more firmly against her.

"Hhhnnngnggghh!" I screeched, nodding rapidly in response to her question. She turned to Ghostbeard.

"Ghosts can't feel anything, right, wan?"

I waited for a refutation, a tear in my eye. Wanda... I appreciated the nice grope like any red-blooded coward, but he was able to open barrels and attack people, so obviously...

I looked over at him, and saw that he was sweating ectoplasm and blushing a bit. W-wait a second...

"G-ghostbeard-san..." I asked him. "That's... that's a lie, right? As a Ghost, you can feel all kinds of nice things like boobs and butts and stuff, right?"

The pirate captain flinched like I'd struck him and glared at me. But he hadn't answered my question. Wanda released my hand, and it exploded away from her boob like a vampire holding a crucifix. Instantly, I felt my mind clear and immediately get over the intimate, overwhelmingly intense experience I'd just had. I was glad that I was so emotionally mature that I could instantly become dead inside on command, as is correct and natural.

"You can, right?" I asked. "You can feel the sun on your skin and the wind in your face, and eat tasty foods and taste them, right?"

He began to shake like a small dog, placing his hand on his face. W-what was his problem? I was starting to get a little bit irritated now. Here I was, trying to figure out whether I was a ghost, and he was just ignoring me?"

"Oi!" I shouted, "You can totally have sex with tons and tons of hot ladies, and enjoy every minute, right? Ghosts can touch stuff, so you can totally drink all the booze and eat all the food and smell fresh-baked pie and all kinds of things like that, right?" I asked him. "She's lying, right? You can feel-"

"Enough!" He shouted, looking up to glare at me, his eyes full of tears. "D-Don't think this means that you've won! I'll be back!"

"Huh?"

With that, he slammed his foot down on the boat, and it suddenly rocked, turning out towards sea. It went incorporeal beneath our feet, dropping my harem members into the surf. H-hey! That was rude! I turned to tell him off, but saw that he'd disappeared, his ship slowly fading into nothing. I floated, getting a feeling so complicated.

Down below me, the elves were launching a stirring counter-offensive, driving off the rest of the mansharks, and helping my harem members out of the water. I could only stare out at the ocean, my mind reeling. A lot of things had happened, but... only one thing was sticking with me now...

He hadn't answered my question.