Playlist: TV by Billie Eilish

Let You Down by NF

Maya cried herself to sleep that night, still wrapped in Dexter's embrace. When she woke up the next morning, Dexter was nowhere to be found. The attendant that came to see her told her he had gone back to the battlefield and had left orders that they should return to the castle.

Too emotionally drained to argue, she just allowed them to take her back. Her head and body hurt but what hurt the most was her heart. The knowledge that she had lost a child and she wasn't even aware of it always strangled her. She closed her mind to it multiple times but that was almost impossible.

They brought her back to the palace. There, she saw the damage the attack had caused. A lot of the castle workers were excited to see her safely return both most were particularly anxious about the results of the war. They welcomed her warmly and the royal doctors immediately commenced treatment, feeding her with herbs and potions so she spent most of her time sleeping. Apart from them, it seemed like no one else knew she was pregnant, and honesty, she was grateful for it.

A week later, victory was announced. The King and his soldiers had successfully conquered the opposition and won the war, capturing the traitor. Madonna was saved. Exorbitant cheers broke out in every part of the palace and Maya could see the relieved looks on everyone's faces. A huge waiting party was waiting for them when the King and his soldiers arrived. She learned that Nicholas was killed in the battle but Gavin had been captured and was going to be in the dungeons awaiting his judgment.

Though she was glad to see him return unharmed, she could also see the sadness in his eyes. Sadness so palpable it broke her all over again. The castle threw a week-long banquet for the victory they acquired and everyone seemed to be affected by the festive atmosphere. Everyone except them.

Maya stood in front of the mirror in Dexter's chambers, staring at her reflection in the mirror, a somber look on her face. Though she had been dressed appropriately for the banquet, nothing was quite cheering her up.

"You don't have to appear if you don't want to." Came Dexter's voice from behind her. She turned to look at him. He too was equally dressed and although he had a warm smile on her face, his eyes told a different story. Maya forced out a smile.

"I'll only stay for a little while. It won't be right to not show up. After all, you did it to save my life." She replied as she dressed her hair.

"Okay. But we have to appear together." He said.

"Of course," she replied. He smiled but as always, it didn't quite reach his eyes. The sight broke her heart all over again. He seemed to be taking the knowledge of their miscarriage harder than she once had. Before she could point it out to him, he stretched out his hand, beckoning for her, hiding his pain away. Maya put her hands in his and he led her out of the chambers.

Once they entered the banquet hall, everyone bowed, greeting them. They stayed that way till they were sitting down on the throne provided for them. Only at the king's order did they rise. He gave a speech before requesting for the banquet to continue with beautiful music wafting through the air, and everyone dancing. Occasionally, nobles would walk up to them and give their pleasantries alongside their presentation of gifts. If Maya noticed the strange shift in the noble's treatment of her, she didn't let on.

She soon got tired of it and requested to leave. Dexter immediately agreed and she stood up. Once more, everything stopped and Maya bowed on her way out. She returned to the king's chambers, flanked by guards.

Getting out of her clothes, Maya slipped into a night dress and landed on the bed, exhausted. Still, sleep wouldn't come easily. Subconsciously, she found her hands going to her belly and tears filled her eyes, her lips trembling. She quickly cleaned her tears and curled into herself. Dexter arrived much later and when he joined her in bed, he smelled of wine. Despite all the celebrations going on outside the doors of the chamber, the air in the chambers felt heavy as each of them was lost in their thoughts.

"You're not asleep, are you?" Dexter finally asked after a while. Maya shook her head before muttering the words, "No, I couldn't sleep." She felt him shift in the bed but he didn't come to her, so she turned to him.

"What about you? You seemed to have drunk quite a lot." She asked. She heard him sigh, but no words came out of his mouth. "I'm worried about you, dexter." she finally said. "You've been acting very different ever since you came back from the war.

"I'm fine," he muttered. His tone was curt, clipped. A perfect indication that he wasn't, at all. She shifted closer to him till their bodies were almost touching.

"Are you angry at me?" she whispered, her voice wobbly.

"I'm not angry at you."

"Are you angry that I lost our child? Tell me, Dexter, you're scaring me," she said, sounding desperate. Then in a softer tone, continued.

"What's going on?" she insisted "Are... Are you blaming yourself for the loss of our child?" She forced herself to ask. Though the question cut through her like a knife, she had to know. Maya saw him shudder and a audible gulp was heard. Dexter ran his hand through his hair, grabbing his face afterward.

"I'm not angry at you." He finally said, sounding strained. "I'm angry at myself."

"Why? You did nothing wrong."

"How can you say that?! I failed to protect you!"

"You saved my life."

"That wasn't enough. I should have done more. I should've done more. Things could have gone dreadfully wrong. And I failed... I failed to protect our child." he heaved out.

"That wasn't your fault."

"But it is..." he cut her off. He still had his hands on his face as he breathed heavily. All the emotions Maya suppressed bubbled up to the surface and her eyes began filling up with tears. She tried to reach out to him.

"I could've lost you." The words were so softly spoken, Maya would have missed them if she wasn't so close to him. The tears finally spilled out of her eyes. "And I almost did, I almost did."

It was becoming increasingly harder for him to continue. He pulled at his hair. " I lost our child. By the gods, don't you hate me for that?"

Maya was dumbstruck, she froze. "Why would I? Yes, I'm hurt that I lost our child but why would I hate you for that? I need you more Dexter. You're most important."

She pulled his hands away from his face. "I-i don't know what I will do if you're not there. And I'm more terrified of losing you than anything else. So please, stop blaming yourself. Please."

Dexter stared at her as she held his hands. Though tears were running down her face, she still smiled at him. Unbiddenly, she remembered the time before the attack when he wouldn't stop smiling at her and more tears filled her eyes. He must have known then. Gut-wrenching pain seared through her at the memory and her lips began trembling.

Suddenly, he wrapped his hands around her waist, resting his head on her stomach. "I had only known our child for a few hours Maya..." he began, his voice breaking. "But I loved it. I loved our child. And I hate myself for not being able to protect the two of you."

Maya wrapped her hands around his head, gently patting his curls. "it's okay. We're going to be okay." she whispered over and over again.

For the first time in her life, she prayed that the words will become true for the two of them.

And... I'm back!!! Feels so good to be able to update again! I'm done with my exams which means I have time to update once again. Thank you all for holding out all this while!