: implied self-harm & domestic abuse (brief)

***

Izuku isn't stupid.

On the contrary to the absolute bullshit his class had been going on about him, Izuku was incredibly intelligent, diligent, observant and analytical. He's good with body language, he's good with facial expression. He sees the hesitant gaze of Todoroki's untrustworthy eyes despite his stoic expressions. He notices the subtle shift in the air when Katsuki is about to have another bitch fit. He picks up on the way Kaminari flinches at random moments, a side effect of having too much electricity pulsing his nerves.

Izuku isn't stupid. He isn't dense.

He notices when his 'friends' look at him with shifty eyes and tensed smiles. False enthusiasm and disdainful greetings. He says nothing because saying something is admitting that something is wrong and Izuku doesn't want that. He tenses when walking down corridors and pretends not to hear the not-so-quiet whispers that follow his steps.

It's worse because he knows when it started. So maybe, Izuku really is fucking stupid.

Because he doesn't even like Katsuki so what the actual fuck did he get himself into when he said yes. It was a half-assed confession fueled more by the thought of 'I can date Deku' rather than 'I want to date Deku'. Izuku barely remembers the actual confession. He just remembers flinching at the sound of explosions, dissociating, living in that god awful headspace that reminded him of breathing without oxygen, and then voices were congratulating him on his new relationship.

And he was way too fucking afraid to take it back.

Suddenly the kind eyes that were once sent his way turned icy. Warm smiles were cold. Invites turned to excuses and pleas of help once answered were now ignored. He doesn't know why, he's afraid to know why, and it hurts so bad because he feels like he's back in middle school, hands pinned to his sides and incapable of shit. But Izuku is a hero, Izuku wants to be a hero. So he puts on a smile, hides the bruises on his wrists and walks.

But anyone, anyone can only take so much before they're bound to snap.

"Fuck my shitty life," Izuku groans into his pillow one morning, slamming his hand down of his alarm clock. It was way too fucking early to start another confusing, shitty day. But Izuku doesn't want to run into anyone because he swears if he sees one more goddamned fake smile he'll knock someone's teeth in.

His annoyance only furthers when his phone begins to ring as he pulled on a pair of pants.

Who the fuck is calling me at 4:30 in the goddamned morning!?

He scowls when the letters 'All Might' blink back at him. All Might's unique features have slowly been twisting into one of those scathing looks he used to receive from his middle school teachers back when he would cry about Katsuki's bullying. A stomach-churning mix of disbelief, pity and disappointment.

"Hello?" Izuku answers, easily masking the disdain in his voice.

"Hello Young Midoriya," All Might replies, and even though the phone Izuku could practically see the tightness of his jaw as he forced out the pleasantry, "I'm surprised you're awake at this time."

Then why the fuck are you calling?

"I enjoy waking up early, it's serene," he says, which isn't a total lie. It is serene, but Izuku would much rather stay up until 4:30 to bask in the quiet and sleep well into the afternoon then do this shit. But life sucks and school starts at 8 so he can't. He'd skip, but he likes Aizawa, so he doesn't.

"Very well, I'm here to deliver you news, Young Midoriya. Though I'm not sure if you'll take kindly to it."

"I'm sure it's nothing too bad. Would you like me to meet with you?"

"I'm outside the dorm building, but we should hurry before everyone else starts waking up."

Izuku suppresses a sigh, "very well, I'll be there in a minute."

Izuku is quick to throw on a random shirt, long sleeves as always, and jogs his way quietly down the silent corridors. He wanted to make himself breakfast, but it looks like he'll have to make do without.

"Hello, All Might," Izuku greets politely upon noticing the tall, lanky figure, "what is it that you needed to talk to me about?"

"To put it simply, I need One For All back."

Izuku blinks.

"I'm sorry, you need it back?!" Izuku's voice is incredulous.

"Yes," All Might has the nerve to look sheepish, "well, you see. I feel like I made a poorly thought out impulsive decision when choosing you as my successor," okay, ouch, "and after much thought, I feel inclined to offer it to someone who I feel would be more capable of wielding the power."

Izuku is flabbergasted. Of all the things the supposed Number #1 hero was going to ask of him, it was this. How...how disgusting. Izuku's never voiced his concern about All Might becoming a teacher. Izuku's never spoke against him despite his often problematic and self-righteous behaviour. Izuku admired, he fucking admired him even after he was blatantly told to give up on his dreams for being quirkless.

"Listen here, Toshinori-Sensei," Izuku practically spits, revelling in the way his former idol flinches, "if you thought the decision was impulsive, you shouldn't have fucking given it to me in the first place," he forces his voice to steady, "been a bitch teacher and a bitch mentor and I never said shit. Been even worse the past two months and I also kept quiet," he mumbles more to himself, but All Might hears it.

"Heroes are fucking stupid," Izuku says finally, plucking out a hair and handing it to his former mentor. All Might looks aghast at the statement, but Izuku pays no mind as he jogs his way out of U.A. God, he needed a fucking break. He sent a text to Hitoshi asking him to inform Aizawa of his absence. He wanted to see his mum

Knowing she doesn't head to work until 9, Izuku quickly starts a jog to the train station. His mum should be up in 30 minutes. The walk is relaxing and Izuku's anger quickly dissipates. He should've seen it coming. Inevitably, with the way All Might tended to approach situations, with the way he viewed society, it really shouldn't be all too surprising that he'd ask for his power back.

Izuku's treacherous thoughts always whispered that it would happen eventually. All Might would recognise his worthlessness and drop him like the quirkless annoyance he is. They're cackling in delight at the moment, but Izuku's practised ignoring them. Not worth his time, not worth his effort.

The train ride is noisy despite the lack of people. A group of young pre-teens are talking animatedly, and Izuku's heart squeezes for a sense of longing. When was the last time he hung out with his friends? A month ago, maybe? And even then the pleasantries and conversation sounded forced.

"Hey dude," a voice calls out, and Izuku's head snaps up on instinct. It's one of the pre-teens who were talking; a boy with straight hair, green like his, and bright blue eyes. Bright blue eyes that are trained on him.

"Me?" Izuku points to himself, twisting his eyebrows in confusion.

"Yeah, you're from U.A right?!" He jumps in his seat, "Izuku Midoriya. I saw your fight earlier this year at the sports festival. It was so cool man."

Izuku blushes, "t-thank you."

"Does it still happen?"

"Does what still happen?"

"Your bones, do they still break when you use your quirk?! Because it looked like it hurt a lot when you were fighting Todoroki-sama. Your arm was basically limp."

Izuku chuckles, "not really. I have a high pain threshold and tolerance and I was knocked out before the adrenaline stopped pumping through my veins."

"Wow," one of the girl's whispers and Izuku's cheeks blossom a light shade of pink.

"As for the breaking bones, I've gotten better at control, so it's not as bad as it used to be."

"That's amazing! I hope I can train my quirk to be just as strong to become a hero one day."

Izuku smiles at that. The train announces it's his stop and he bids the kids a farewell before starting his walk home. It's silent aside from the background noise of cars driving down the street. The conversation on the train is one that leaves Izuku feeling more upset than happy the longer he dwells on it.

Train my quirk, the kid said, not train myself.

Izuku doesn't even have his quirk anymore. Would the kids still have looked at him with unfiltered adoration if they were aware of that? Would they ostracise him the way society does, ridicule him for having his power taken away?

Before Izuku realises it, he's made it to his apartment door, seething. He knocks lightly, realising he forgot his keys, and waits a few moments before the door is gently pried open. Emerald eyes are looking at him in both confusion and worry.

"Izuku?" His mum questions, opening the door to beckon Izuku inside. Izuku takes his shoes off and places them at the front before following his mother, who was brewing tea.

"Would you like coffee?"

"Black with no sugar please."

His mum chuckles, turning on the coffee maker and brewing Izuku's favourite kind. It's quiet, a comforting quiet that helps Izuku's thoughts still.

"Not that I'm not happy," His mother says, "but why are you here, Izuku?"

"I'm quirkless again."

The sound of a pot lid clattering against the wooden floors is all that's heard for a short while. Izuku waits patiently, fingers linked together and head bowed in nervousness.

"I'm sorry, baby," his mum finally says, and Izuku sees tears are pooling at her eyes. And just like when he was five, that feeling of...of disappointment is there. Except now he has a name to it, now he knows what he wants her to say.

"Don't apologise, mum," Izuku steps away from her embrace, "you're doing the same thing you did when I was four and diagnosed as quirkless. It's not a disease."

"B-but, how do you expect to be a hero without a quirk?"

"Why is that even important?!" Izuku can't help but yell, ignoring the startles jump from his mother, "why do I need to have a quirk to be a hero!? Why do I even need to be a hero?!"

His mum looks startled, eyes wide and confused.

"What do you mean, sweetie? Isn't that what you've always wanted?"

"No," Izuku shakes his head vehemently, "I want to help people. Heroes don't do that. Heroes hurt people and lie to make themselves feel better. They're greedy and power-hungry. They can be monsters Mama," Izuku thinks to Endeavour, thinks to All Might, thinks to the pros who stood by as Katsuki was being taken by the sludge villain, to the teachers who watched as he was tormented because who cared for the quirkless.

"They're human in the worst way," Izuku finally says, meeting his mother's gaze.

His mum looks sad. She takes careful steps, wrapping her arms around his waist when Izuku doesn't flinch away. He returns it immediately, basking in her warmth. He's pressed into her shoulder, and for the first time since accepting Katsuki's confession, he feels like he can breathe.

"What do you want Izuku?" she asks after minutes of silence, pulling away to meet her son's gaze. His eyes are dry and something about that feels wrong because Izuku has always been a crier so were his eyes dry? She takes a step back and her heart clenches because she doesn't know her son and it feels so wrong.

"I want a fresh start. I want out of U.A, I want out of the fucking country."

Inko smiles, " you know I was going to wait until after you graduate from the way but how do you feel if we moved back to America?"

"Really?!" Izuku can't help but gasp, already brimming with hope. He's learnt to not expect things, but this was his mum, he'd make the fucking exception. He loved visiting America! After his father was arrested when he was 8, he and his mother moved back to Japan. They still visited every other summer break to see his old friends.

"I can ask to transfer from the local hospital and we can leave as soon as possible. I have enough saved to rent a small apartment for six months and for two flights all the way to California. Besides, without the budget of U.A, have plenty to spare."

Izuku is glowing, "holy shit, are you serious Mum?! I know I said I wanted out of the fucking country but I'm okay with just transferring high schools."

She smacks his hand lightly, "nonsense. I know I haven't been the strongest mother but I want to know I will be there for you every step of the way and this is just one step of the way. Besides, it'll be easier transferring to a high school where you already have friends."

Izuku's eyes feel wet and he brings a shaky hand to wipe away at his tears. It's a bittersweet moment for Inko. Her son has always been a crier, but why was it that he only cried when overwhelmed or happy? Was it so foreign that he just...didn't know how else to react?

"You're the best Mum out there. My own fucking hero."

Her laugh is wet, "okay then, how about you take a day off from school and spend it with me at the clinic? I have to file for the transfer anyway."

Izuku jumps, "I'd love to! It's been so long since I've been to your workplace."

His mum nods, "let me finish getting ready and we can leave after breakfast."

She walks away and Izuku immediately pulls out his phone to message his friends.

- x -

holy shit guys guess what?!

u dropped ur cock-sucker of a boyfriend?

i still don't get why u said yes

it's Izu, mans does shit without thinking

I TOLD U GUYS I DISSASOCIATED

yeah but u never took it back

please do say that is ur news

i could always come to visit and knock his teeth in

IF U LET ME FUCKING FINISH U'LL UNDERSTAND Y THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY ANYMORE

HOLY SHIT DID U ACTUALLY DO IT

NO, LISTEN

so basically...I'm moving back to America

Izu I swear if you're lying we will come just to drop kick you to the fucking Netherlands

Izu...

ISTG MF THIS BETTER NOT BE ANOTHER SHITTY PRANK

LISTEN!

so basically, things here r shit, heroes suck, high-key wanna jump in front of a train type of vibes

so you're serious?!

hell to the fuck yes.

- IZU OML SKJASHKJAHHKJHSAKJHSAHKJHKJSHJAH

- BRO I'M SO HAPPY

Izu u got Xee and Zeke to cry. They're crying.

jshjshdjsdhjshdjs don't cry

I'm gonna cry

now I'm crying

fuck u both

I mean sure

^

so i c y'all getting bold now

I've always been bold

yes, you have

wait so a few questions

when is this happening and you break up with the bitchy pomeranian

oh yeah...did you leave that thing?

not yet

plan on doing it today since I'm gonna be screaming HASTA LA VISTA BITCHES soon anyway

as for when... I'm not sure. Mum's calling in to transfer to the US today, so as soon as we can get all the legal paperwork done it's the first flight out

holy shit, we're actually going to see you Amore Mio

and you're finally leaving that bitch on two legs

you say this like you believed I was going to stay with him

I mean...

you really think I'd give you up, Mon Avenir?

*cough* *cough*

of course you too, Cuore Mio

FML I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO WORRY

Y'ALL REALLY THOUGHT IZU WASN'T INTERESTED TOO

I'm sorry...what?!

yeah, they've been mopey since you accepted

that's cute

- just get your ass over here

of course, Cuore Mio

we're throwing a party the second you get back.

just us.

of-fucking-course, other people suck

drinks are on his future boyfriends

yeah, whatever

my mum is done getting ready, I'm off to work with her

txt you the later details when i get them

ciaoooo my favourite dumbasses

like you're any better

bye Mon Lapin

---

Izuku smiles as he puts his phone down.

"Are you ready to go, honey?" His mum calls out, " I was thinking about having breakfast the nearby café if that's okay with you."

"Of course, mum, let's go!"

***

Word Count: 2923