i want to cry and laugh maniacally

with the blood of my enemies on my hands, but little do the readers and the viewers know, watching and waiting on the edge of the seat with every breath hitched, every word another nerve broken and unbound, every turn and twist and loop and lyric just another tear welling behind the eye looking oh so adamantly at the page, at the screen, wondering and cheering and, breath held, standing like a stone, because medusa had her fun but she isn't here, she's lost in the valleys and the hills of the minds of the gods, their freedom her prison, muffled voices and blurred vision through the shouting and the tears of the lost and the broken and here i am, so why am i so trapped inside this hellscape of a mind, this body feels like azkaban and i'm ready to be free from all this pain of being a monster because i never asked to be, i never wished to live this life or be this thing because this *thing* is horrific and i am *done* with my games, so here you go.

little do you know the blood is my own, because who is an enemy if not yourself? who can you possibly hate more than your own mind? i'm finished with thrashing and begging and pleading to be free but freedom isn't as appealing as i thought, it's sealing my fate and closing the letter and i'm gone, the final breath of the wind my closing statement but i've lost and i know, i was destined to lose, i was destined to be this and there is no escaping, there is no way of thinking or being or blinking or breathing that can change. i'm stuck with the blood on my hands and my mouth, all the luck in the world is gone because i ate the final leprochaun, i'm *done* with being this so instead of a monster, i'll be a villain, i'll write through the stars with a knife and my heart, ripped right from my chest because i let down the gate and now all that's left is hate and sadness so let me be free, let me unbound the chains and the rope and give me an ounce of hope because if i can be evil, at least i'll have lived and then i can die, i can cry and laugh maniacally with this blood on my hands, my own.

what have i done?