I raised my hand to his face and pushed the hair out of his eyes. He watched my every moment. I brought my face closer to his and our breath mixed together.

"We should stop, but I don't want to" I whispered and, with that, I closed the gap between us.

Aaron tensed at first, but then kissed back. Hard. This was the most passion and lust I've seen coming from Aaron and I liked it. I liked it more than I would like to admit. He feverishly kissed back, his hands going grabbing me in his hold and I gasped as I felt his cold hands on my warm back. It felt so exhilarating. So enthralling. One minute he was holding me tight and then suddenly he was gone.

_________________________

"But, Aaron?" Her voice was meek now, not certain and he sighed to keep his composure.

"Mm?" He grunted in response because that's all he could muster then and a small silence followed before she sighed.

"Why do you hate me?" Her question was quiet, pained and he snapped his gaze towards her doe eyes, glistening with the moonlight; her now-stained lips and her smooth skin.

And, in that very moment, he did hate her for the way she took his breath and heartbeat away.

"What?" He questioned incredulously. He wasn't sure he had heard her right. But, looking at her tepid face; the way she was biting her lip, he knew that she had felt that way.

But, why?

From his perspective, he had cursed himself for the exact opposite: for being too entranced by her. He had tried so desperately to hide it; he had feared that she had caught on and thought she'd find him strange. Yet, here she was, acting as though he had seen her as the scum of the earth.

He tried to think back for when he had shown such a thing. From the beginning, of course, there had been disagreements, but that was before they had gotten to know each other properly. And, now, he genuinely enjoyed being in her company. He couldn't think of anything, so he stared blankly, waiting for a response.

It was a moment before she spoke, letting out a sigh.

"Well, you're always so mean and you said 'not when you're there' when I offered for you to sleep on the bed? Do you hate me that much?" Her voice was timid, but her eyes were certain as she stared dead into his and he couldn't help but look at her thoughtfully.

Was she truly that clueless or just naive?

He hadn't tried to be mean, unless for the obvious joking and- if that had hurt her, she didn't show it. Moreover, how could she possibly misconstrue what had happened that night in the bedroom and why he hadn't slept beside her. He had a notorious reputation when it came to women in the bedroom and he knew Lexi was aware of it. She had called him a manwhore at one point, so it was obvious she held disdain for this very reputation.

How then could he even think of stepping into the same bed as her? If she had so obviously looked to him with such disdain, it would only make sense to respect her wishes and not sleep beside her. He was deemed a rake, but it was always consensual. He would only disgust himself if he imposed on other's boundaries.

And, she had thought he didn't want to sleep beside her? Little had she known how curious he had been when she slept in his room; how he had listened to her breathing to be aware of her presence and how- despite the distance- he felt shudders at her soft, vanilla scent.

The admission almost blurted out of his mouth, so he composed himself, trying his best to shrug lazily.

"Well, I know, you've never been in that type of situatuon, so I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." He explained with as much truth as possible withholding l his embarrassing actions from that night. That, she could do without.

"How can you be so sure I haven't done it before?" Lexi's defensive tone broke through his thoughts, her nose crinkling slightly in anger. He realised he found it oddly cute.

He only scoffed jokingly at her words, quite liking when she got annoyed. It was his only way to wring a reaction out of her.

"Don't bullshit. I can tell from a mile away" He teased, amusement apparent on his features. He really couldn't quite tell until he spoke to Venni who told him that Lexi was new to all of this; she hadn't had a boyfriend nor did she have any close friends. This was much to Aaron's surprise due to his initial belief that she would have been sought out by many. A hidden beauty like her couldn't go too long before being desired, was his thought. But, thankfully for him, the others were much too focused on social hierarchies than noticing her. He was quite lucky, indeed.

He could only smile in satisfaction as her eyebrows furrowed all the more.

"Tell what?" She asked curiously and, just by looking at her glistening form, he couldn't hold his tongue.

"The innocence. You're so innocent, Lexi. You're so naive compared to most girls at our school." He said, his words teetering on something more. He had meant her innocence to the way hierarchies worked, of course. Unlike other girls, who were much too focused on getting in his good books, Lexi did not care for it at all. She did not care for how she came across; she did not care if she hurt his feelings with her cold truths and nor did she care for using him for her own means. He had practically begged to use her for his favour and she had asked for nothing in return. In other circumstances, he would have been suspicious, but with Lexi?

With her, he would only accept her words as the monopoly of truth for she didn't care to mould herself to society. She would never lie to him. Of course, her words hurt him, especially when she spoke of his dirty habits. But, he'd take the painful truths as opposed to the false compliments he was given every day.

After all, it didn't hurt quite as much as what other people had done to him. In particular, a certain someone.

He cursed at his line of thinking, shaking his head to think back to the matter at hand.

"It's rare quality, I guess."

"Okay, so laying in the same bed would 'change' that?" She questioned curiously and he let out a sigh, relenting more of his dark thoughts to her.

"I don't want you to think I hate you, Lexi. I'm not looking to make a pass at you, but not because I don't want to, but because I respect you too much for that." His words held no lies as he looked her straight in the eyes. At that moment, he wanted her to know how earnest he was; how much he meant his words. If one was certain for him, it was how much he did not want her to see that deplorable side of him.

He had wanted that, but she had seen it anyhow.

He clenched his eyes shut at this, his face burning with regret. He covered his face with his hands and his elbows rested on his knees, as self-disdain filled him to the brim. How could he have been so stupid?

"I'm a fucking idiot" He groaned, more to himself than, but she heard it from the way that she tutted.

"No, you're not!" She disagreed defiantly and he knew it was just in her person to be this forgiving.

He removed his hands from his face and ran a hand through his hair.

"I keep talking about keeping this innocence, but I'm the one that fucking kissed you. I did that." He said, feeling the anger fill him all the more when he realised what he had done. He regretted it.

But, when he thought back to her soft lips, he couldn't help but feel as though there was a part of him that was elated it happened.

"Well, in that case you are an idiot" Lexi jokingly said and he chuckled slightly. Only slightly, however, because his mind continued to replay what he had done and anger would find him yet again.

"And about the kiss. I started it, so don't beat yourself over it."" Lexi's voice was soothing and almost sober, warming his body to the core, but he knew this wasn't the case. She had been entirely intoxicated and he rolled his eyes, looking to her with a blank expression.

"Why would you mind? You were drunk. When you're drunk, everything feels like cloud nine." He told her, for that was what his experience was of it. Not his personal experience, no, but what his own kin had shown him. After all, his mother had seemed to not mind anything in her drunken stupor, even if it meant forgetting to feed him as a child. Nor had Avalon minded when she cheated on him while intoxicated. He had just realised how much alcohol would blur reason; why would he now see Lexi as an exception?

Lexi cleared her throat thenwhich got his attention. He looked to her intently as a sign to urge me to carry on. His eyebrows were furrowed as she looked around almost nervously.

"So, why did you.." She hesitated and his intrigue increased.

"Why did I what?" He repeated, his face curious.

"Why did you get so angry when you found out I was drunk?" She blurted out and he stiffened at her words, his stance going rigid. All at once, the thoughts of his neglected childhood came to mind. How he had fared without the presence of his father and a sober presence of his mother. How his heart had broken due to that very substance by his first love. It was all too much as he got lost in overwhelming thought. He couldn't help it as he looked away from her curious gaze, turning to glance at his watch.

"It's late. Go to sleep." Was all he could muster and a small silence followed. He prayed she'd catch on and not question any further and that she did. He let out a sigh of relief as she looked to her for before sitting up and looking around his room.

"I guess I'll get going home then." She finally spoke and he processed the new words, glad for a change of subject.

"Send a text and stay for the night. It's way too late." He suggested, not feeling particularly fond of her alone in the dark. To his surprise, she nodded without argument, reaching for her phone to send a text. He spared a look to the window again before turning to her.

"I'll drop you off early in the morning to get ready properly." He explained, not quite minding an early morning if it meant it was with her.

Especially now, when she was tucking herself into his bed without second thought and he smiled at her as he pushed the blanket up to keep her warm. Her eyes were drooping now and he thought it best to leave her to get some sleep or leave before he was caught staring in fascination.

Yet before he could reach the door, her voice sounded.

"Wait! Don't leave me" She whined in a way he found endearing. He could only laugh at her cuteness before coming up to her and pulling up the blanket further.

"I have a party going on downstairs, Lexi. I can't just leave it." He said, a look amusement on his face. She looked down sheepishly in a way that showed him she had forgotten about the party and he sat down on the edge of the bed.

"You're tired. Go to sleep" he ordered and she smiled widely at him, eyes closing slowly.

"Night" She murmured sleepily and he felt his heart clench at her soft voice. He couldn't help it as he reached down a hand to touch her temple, caressing down to her jaw. His jaw clenched subconsciously when his fingers hovered over her lips, but he thought against touching there. It would only bring up the memories of how he had taken advantage of her drunken state.

"Night, princess." Was all he muttered and he moved to the door, the regret filling him yet again.

Still, he couldn't help the smile when he touched his lips with his fingers.

_________________________

I sighed heavily. I couldn't stand to see him like this.

"There was nothing you could do, Aaron. Sometimes bad things happen that we can't control." I said, rubbing his back. Aaron could blame himself for years to come, but the honest truth was that nothing he could do would have changed anything and he needed to know this.

Aaron sighed heavily just as I had done a second ago. His eyes became glassy again and I regretted saying what I had because it seemed to create a new storm of sadness in him. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Last night, she told me her stomach was paining and I told her that I'd take her to the doctors tomorrow. If only I had taken her as soon as she had said that then maybe she'd still be here. Maybe I wouldn't have lost her." Aaron shut his eyes tightly, his voice burning with regret.

I pulled Aaron's face to mine, so that I could look him in the eyes.

"Don't blame this on yourself, Aaron. It wasn't your fault." My voice was stern as I said this.

Aaron's hair was matted onto his forehead now from the rain and the droplets rolled down his face as I looked into his eyes.

The eyes that I would always find myself getting lost in.