Chapter 33: Rain Parade

I put the sheaf of stolen parchment bearing the design of my ‘call center’ into one of the few remaining coffins and closed the lid. “Thought I told you boys to get out of here days ago.”

Dee shrugged, pulling the large wooden box back into the wagon. “We had to finish sellin’ our stuff, Boss.”

“Sure you did.” I rolled my eyes. “That’s why there are exactly two coffins left?”

“Kept those actually,” he replied. “Thought the both of ya might want to get out.” He gave a worried look, massive nose scrunching in concern. “Friend at the graveyard said he wanted all the coffins, ‘n more, if we had em. Things ain’t goin’ too well around here.”

I shared a glance with Electra. “Why not?”

“Seneschal’s been clamping down, plus all the people gettin’ sent off to work in the camps. After the Tarnished took over all the guilds…” He gave a helpless shrug. “Not a lot a work, ‘less you wanna catch monsters.”

I frowned. Now that he mentioned it, the last few days, people had been looking worn down, restless. I’d just attributed it to the rain and my own battle with the Tarnished, but to hear that things were difficult all around…

“Sides, Boss…” Dum came over, giving my right side a wide berth. “You ain’t looking too good either.”

I shook off the stray thoughts. There would be time to go over that new information later.

“What, you mean Dave?” I patted the ten-tentacled demon currently cuddling me beneath my cloak. His eyes blinked up at me, flickering through several different colors. I thought that meant he was enjoying himself, but my ability to understand my demons wasn’t foolproof. “Dave’s a good boy, aren’t you Dave?”

Dave bobbed once, wiggling.

I nodded. “Dave is gonna be a valuable member of our community going forward, and should be treated with respect.”

Electra leaned against the cart to avoid the rain. “Can’t believe you named the thing Dave.”

“What, me?” I pressed a hand against my chest. Dave wrapped one of his smaller tentacles around my pinky, eyeballs as small as my knuckle staring up at me, but I ignored it. “I didn’t name anyone, he told me his name was Dave.”

“No shot.”

“Well, technically, his name is In’xra-Dved’nkthsskkshnuva, but he tells everyone to call him Dave.” I wiggled my finger against the tentacle. “Don’t you, boy?”

Another happy wiggle, complete with a wave of blinking. He’d been much happier after I got him out of the wet and under my cloak. Apparently, it didn’t rain very much in hell, and the misty drizzle that blanketed the street irritated his many eyes.

“He could be saying anything.” Electra pouted. “I don’t even know if I believe you know what he’s saying.”

“Oh, Eleanor.” I flashed her a winsome smile. “That’s the point. No one knows what he’s saying. That’s part of our deal after all.”

“What was this deal again?”

Dee pushed another coffin towards the edge of the wagon, flipping it open.

“Time for you to go now.” I pulled Dave off of me, and set him inside the wooden box. “Remember, you will be the head manager of my new communication department. In return, you can listen to as many conversations as your little, secret-hoarding heart desires.”

He flashed a particularly aggressive pattern of reds and yellows at me.

I nodded, scratching him under his central eye. “That’s right, any secrets you hear are not to be shared with anyone.”

Eyes blinking, pupils going wide.

I placed my hand on my chest. “Not even me. The knowledge will be yours to keep until the end of days.”

He bobbled happily, before reaching up to close the lid of his own coffin.

I clapped my hands once. “Well, he seems happy enough.”

“I can’t believe you’re handing over control of our mirror phones to a literal mind-flayer.” Electra shook her head, droplets of rain flying off her drooping spikes.

“He’s not a mind flayer, whatever that is,” I replied. “Dave’s species gets stronger by acquiring and keeping secrets, the more valuable and less well known the secret, the better. That’s why I was able to strike such an advantageous deal with him!” I raised a finger. “Also, they don’t have to eat, which is good, because last I checked we were struggling to preserve enough food for the winter.”

“Okay, absolutely zero of that fills me with confidence.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Fine, I’ll use small words. Dave like secret, Dave no like sharing secret, any secret Dave learn Dave very incentivized to protect big strongly.” I waved a hand. “It’s exactly the same as an internet privacy policy, except the terms are actually enforced by a binding oath.”

Electra tilted her head. “Incentivized isn’t a small word.”

“Fuck you.”

“What’s this oath anyway?”

I sighed. “Didn’t I just explain it? Dave is bound not to reveal any secrets he learns while serving under me, not even to me. He was really happy when I brought up that clause, even offering to give up his vacation days in return for that addendum. I told him he could have both and he practically summoned himself.”

Electra blinked. “You give demons vacation days?”

I raised my eyebrow. “Do I look like a thin-skinned billionaire who threatens people’s job security if they don’t work unpaid overtime on my faulty, overpriced products? I give everyone vacation days. Also, is this really the time for this conversation?”

“Uh.” Dum raised a hand. “What’s this about vacation days?”

“Nobody reads their schedules.” I shook my head. “Do you even know how much I’m paying you now?”

Dee and Dum shared a glance.

I planted both hands on the small of Dum’s back and shoved him back towards the front of the cart, while the servos whirred in my armor. “Time to go. Give all of that to Relia as soon as you get back, got it?”

“We hear you, boss.” Dee pulled his brother up onto the driver’s seat of the wagon.

Electra walked over. “You two gonna get out of here alright?”

Dum shrugged. “Lots a carts going in and out of the gates today.”

Dum nodded. “They’re sendin’ more people and supplies to the huntin’ camp.”

“You’ll blend right in,” I murmured. “Now if only they would commit some of those people to the problems on their own doorstep.”

“Drawing them into a fight not really working, huh, Em?” Electra nudged my side.

“It’s enough that the city guard finish the fights that we start.” I flipped up the hood of my cloak.

Electra gave an aggrieved sigh. “If you say so.”

“Come up with a better idea then.” I turned to look at the boys. “Are you going to see Eloncio on the way out?”

“Not sure,” Dum said. “He mentioned he might be back on gate duty today. S’why we were waiting.”

“I’m sure that was the only reason.” I ignored their denials as I turned over a new idea in my head. With Dee and Dum heading back to Silverwall, I was running precariously short on allies, so perhaps it was time to make more direct use of my enemies instead. “If you do see him, tell him that Electra and I will be hitting the camp again in… the next seven days.”

“Be sure to pass it on, Boss.”

I nodded, waving for them to get on with it.

Dee snapped the reins, and the two horses pulled out of the muddy stable and onto the streets of Silverwall. Electra and I left the other direction, blending into the sparse crowd of people rushing through the rain.

For a while, we moved in silence. Now that I was looking, I could see the worry that shrouded the people of Silverwall. It wasn’t the thickening rain. Hell, the men and women of the city were doggedly continuing to work despite it. The quiet war between me and Hawkwright was taking its toll on the city, and the Seneschal seemed more than happy to let his citizens pay it.

Electra nudged me. “Your plan is falling apart, Empress.”

“I’m working on it.” I took in the bone deep weariness and haggard features of the people around us. “Evaluating alternative courses of action.”

“Is that why we’re attacking the monster camp again?” She turned to look at me, blue eyes flashing in the gloom. “I thought we were supposed to draw Hawkwright’s attention away from that.”

“I said I’m working on it.” I let out a deep breath. “And no, we won’t be attacking the camp again.” I tapped the case holding my spire mirror. “Even before the clouds rolled in, it was too well defended.”

“Then why’d you lie to the boys?”

“Think about it.” I tilted my head slightly as we turned down a narrow street. “We show up in Silverwall to talk to Eloncio, and within a day we get ambushed by Arlo and his gang.”

She caught on quickly enough. “You think he flipped.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged. “It’s also not hard to puzzle out who we are, since anyone can see a person’s class if they try. That’s why I’ve been working so hard to keep us out of sight during the day.”

“But?” Electra asked.

I nodded. “But, people did find out we were in town. I’m hoping that people find out about this plan as well.”

“So much for drawing them into a fight with each other.”

“Like you said, it’s not working.” I glanced over my shoulder, before pushing open a battered door frame. “Plans adapt.”

Electra shut the door behind us. “This scheme is a lot more touch and go than I remember.”

Inside was an empty room. The floorboards and stairs to the upper floor were broken, but the roof still kept out the rain. It was where Dee and Dum had been hiding out for the last few days; hopefully it would allow us to fly under the radar for at least one more.

“It’s always been touch and go.” I pulled over a battered stool. “Like any performer, the trick is to make it look as easy as breathing.”

She scoffed. “What, you’re saying you were always one slip up from getting caught by Aegis?”

“Of course not, but I’m not working with my normal support network either. When you have all the time in the world to plan your heist, build your tools, and set up your getaway strategy, things will go a bit more smoothly than,” I made a nebulous hand gesture, “this.”

Electra nodded in understanding as she took her own seat. “Things would be a lot easier if we didn’t have to defend your town.”

“It’s your town too.”

“I just work there.” She rubbed her eyes. “Jeez, I’m tired. I know crashing in this place is better than drowning in a graveyard, but still…”

“Out of charge?” I asked. From my long and storied history of fighting Electra, I knew that she was indefatigable while hopped up on even the smallest amount of electricity.

“I was holding onto a bit, but the mist made it too hard,” she replied. “Not as bad as salt water, but ugh.” She shook her head. “There’s a reason I hate the rain. Please let it stop soon.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I looked towards the shuttered window, where streaks of water ran down the wall. “It looks like this might be the start of a monsoon.”

Electra groaned. “How’d you figure?”

“All the people we saw on the street looked pretty prepared, don’t you think?” I shrugged. “Sure, no one likes getting soaked, but it was very business as usual. Plus, island. Islands have rainy seasons.”

“Please, just be wrong for once in your life.” Electra put her face in her hands. “I hate, hate, hate the rain.”

“Maybe you’ll get hit by lightning again.” I smirked. “Remember when I trapped you in a rainstorm that one time?”

She laughed. “I thought I was a goner, and then!”

“Boom.” I made an explosion with my hands.

Electra laid her head back against the wall. “I dang near fried every piece of electronics in that construction site and you along with them.”

“Fortunately, it was after I added the extra insulation.” I winced, even though now the defeat was mostly a pleasant memory. “The static when I peeled myself out of that suit made my hair stand up for a week.”

“No, really?”

I nodded, and Electra laughed again.

“You weren’t the only one; I got reamed by Marvelous and Wonderman for reckless endangerment!”

My smile took on an entirely different cast. “Of course, that was the last week of Marvelous’s career.”

She gave me a weird look. “One day, you’re gonna have to tell me what went down between the two of you.”

“One day.” I looked back towards the window, noting the fading light. “But not today.”

Electra blinked as I stood up. “What? Aw, c’mon, Em, we were just talking about how much I hated the rain.”

“And I said that to the people of Silverwall, this is business as usual.” I held out my hand. “So why should it be any different for us?”

“You’re busting my—butt.” She grabbed my hand all the same. “I thought we were changing plans!”

“I’m evaluating.” I pulled her upright. “Almost got you to curse, Electra. Better be careful, those corporate lawyers are gonna start making noises about brand safety.”

She pulled a face. “Somehow, it still creeps me out how much you know about Aegis.”

“I’ve always been good at my job.” I smiled. “Now come on, let’s keep pushing our luck until we get caught.”

Electra ran a hand down her face. “Knock on wood.”