《Her Cursed Fate》34~ || Unsettled feelings ||
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"Nandha, here look at this teal coloured lehenga. It suits your skin tone quiet well. Do you like it?" Aardika chirped, excitedly passing the lehenga to her sister.
The royal women of Amernath sat around the canvas cloth, which had plenty of beautiful and eye catchy lehengas spread across it. Hands moved across, taking and throwing the clothes, wanting to choose the best for themselves for the upcoming special day.
"It's beautiful jiji." Nandha replied tracing her fingers through the floral pattern of the clothing. It was a beautiful lehenga with pleasing floral patterns embroidered on the dupatta.
"Take it, Nandha. When brother-in-law Duryodhana sees you in this dress, I'm sure he will have a hard time trying to keep his hands to himself." Aardika giggled, wriggling her eyebrows making a bit of red blush spread on Nandha's pale cheeks.
'He does not care anymore, jiji. He has found someone else for himself. He doesn't need me anymore.' She thought, forcing a smile on her lips.
"I will take it then, jiji. Thank you." Nandha said instead, she didn't want her sister to know about her failed wedlock. "Now jiji, please help me find a beautiful lehenga for you to wear on your most special day."
It's been three days since they had arrived in Amernath and a total of five days since leaving Hastinapura. The young couple's welcome to Amernath was grand and posh. It was more like a festival than a welcome.
The moment she saw her father she didn't think twice before throwing herself in his arms. She couldn't control her tears when she felt him retuning the hug with the same affection and intensity. Her father's presence seemed to have washed away all the sadness and pain she has experienced in the past few months.
The situation was same with her siblings too. The trio hugged and cried in each others arms, happy that they were all together again. After that she met her sister-in-law and immediately fell in love with the little bundle of joy in her arms. Little Mythili was exactly how she had pictured her to be, a perfect mixture of her bhrata and sister-in-law.
Her sister took it herself to accompany Nandha to her old chamber, the one she used before her marriage. The guards brought in her belongings along with that of her husband's and that was when she realized she had to share the chamber with him during their stay there.
Though a part of her was happy with his decision to accompany her to Amernath, the other part of her was curious as well as a little suspicious as to why he was here with her instead of travelling north to Kalinga. She wanted to ask him but the fear of him and his anger stopped her.
Despite staying in the same chamber for the past three days not even for once did he try to speak to her. Even during their two day journey, he didn't utter a single word to her but funnily enough he took care of all her needs.
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During their three day stay in Amernath, he would leave early in the morning before she wakes up and returns late night when she was in deep slumber. The only time she could see him was during the afternoon, when he accompanies her father and brother for lunch. Apart from that time, she could not even get a glimpse of him.
On the first day during their stay in Amernath it didn't occur to her that he was avoiding her, she thought he might be busy with the court proceedings, which he was made to attend by her father, who wanted to introduce his son-in-law to the ministers and other officials. But when the routine continued for the next two days, it was made clear to her that he was not unintentionally ignoring her rather he was doing it deliberately. And it broke her already broken heart.
How much ever she may deny it, his ignorance was killing her. It was tearing her apart.
Was their relationship so fragile that a small and simple misunderstanding shattered it beyond repair? Was his trust on her so feeble that he choose to ignore her pleas for explanation? Was his love for her so week that he didn't think twice before inflicting pain to her in his hatred? She don't know.
Some nights, she lay awake on her bed wondering whether he really meant those words her uttered that night. Does he just value her as a whore, who will spread her legs for him? A mere woman who means nothing to him? Did he really regret marrying her?
And the answers to those questions terrifies her. A part of her strongly opposed the accusations, claiming those were just words that her husband uttered in his anger to hurt her and he doesn't mean a single word. Yet the other part of her chose to believe his words. That part keep claiming that he mean each and every word he spoke to her that night.
That subconscious part of her jeered at her. It kept taunting her for her incapability to sustain her marriage. It mocked her, calling out on her for her failure to keep her husband satisfied. It ridiculed her, whispering how he was seeking another woman to fulfil her supposed role in his life. It affirmed, he was replacing her with Bhanumathi, the princess of Kalinga.
Nowadays she spent hours sitting before the glass mirror wondering how she could get him to notice her like the initial days of their marriage. She wanted him to see her, love her, talk to her, comfort her the way he used to. It pained her to see him doing the same with Bhanumathi, during the latter's stay in Hastinapura.
She never realized how much he meant to her until the moment she saw him with her. The pain and agony she experienced at that moment is something that her heart nor her soul will ever forget. It hurt her more than the physical pain he had inflicted on her body the previous night.
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She knew she should not love a man like him, never after the horrible things he did to her. He hurt her, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally. He questioned her chaste despite knowing he was the only man in her life. He played with her feelings. He demeaned her. He called her names that a man should never use at woman, a woman who he was supposed to protect. He shunned her from his life without even giving her a chance to prove her innocence.
Yet here she was, even after everything, crying and praying for his love. A simple apology would never retain the damage he had caused yet she awaits for it, She know, she will forgive him the very instant he asks for her forgiveness but she also knew that nothing will ever be the same ever again.
She might forgive him for all his sins but her heart will never forget the pain inflicted by him on her soul. The wounds on her body might heal but the scars will always be there as a reminder of his sins. It also made her fear for her future. What if one day he repeats the same and later come back and apologize for it? Will she be able to forgive him again? Will she be able to continue with him without the constant fear of triggering his anger?
Truthfully, she didn't know.
Her love for him was fervid and intense that she was yet to realise how poisoned it was. Her love for him was slowly consuming her senses. It was making her incapable of differentiating between what is right and what is wrong.
Some say love was like a sweet poison, so sweet that it made people ignorant of the poison. And how true it was, she was slowly dying in her love for her husband, her Duryodhana.
~•~
After her tiring evening, helping her sister find her perfect wedding dress, Nandha finally retreated to her chamber. A small smile traced her lips as she made her way towards her chamber, hoping to spent a peaceful evening.
Opening the door of her chamber, Nandha froze in shock as her eyes came in contact with that the man whom she loves. She didn't know what to do or say as her eyes took in the features of the man who hurt her and the same man whom she longed for. Realising she was standing their for too long, Nandha carefully stepped inside, she didn't want her family to find out the horrible truth of her so called marriage.
Her eyes stayed focused on his with each step she took, she feared he was just a fragment of her imagination as she moved inside. She felt goosebumps appear on her body noticing the old familiar emotions in his eyes along with a few others, which she couldn't point out.
"No." she whispered to herself and looked away. She did not want to grow hopes in her heart knowing very well how everything was far beyond repair.
Duryodhana felt his heart clench at the sight of his beloved. She looked happy and contented, smiling like a child. For a few seconds she almost looked like the Nandha whom he fell in love with, the one whom he hurt and abused for no fault of her's. He could see through her facade of happiness, he could read the pain and agony in her brown eyes. The feeling of not being able to comfort her pained him but knowing he was the reason for her state was killing him.
The last three day were like a dream to him. The familiar feeling of being able to sleep with her in him arms made him realize how much his hatred has cost him. He rarely slept in his bed in Hastinapur after she had moved to the other chamber. He knew no one was to blame other than himself. He had shunned her out of his, no, their chamber right after he had brutally damaged her body and soul. He felt utter disgust fill his sense realising he had degraded her and the purity of the bond that tied them together.
The smile that traced her lips and she looked away bringing him out of his trance. He gulped fearfully, realising the damage he had caused would forever haunt them both and it made him more determined to heal her.
Clearly his throat, he took a step towards his beautiful wife, hoping and praying, that whatever he had planned for her would slowly repair their crumbling relationship. It took a good talk with his mitra to make him realise that he needed to vocalise his regrets and love for her rather than walking away from her in regret. It was then it dawned to him that how his actions were hurting her more than letting her heal.
"Nadha. We need to talk." He said, moving to close the doors of their chamber.
He loved her more than anything in this world and he was more than willing to prove to her that he didn't just want her rather he needed her, like the vayu to survive.
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