i look at myself in the mirror. my mascara messes up with every tear that streams down my face. i try to be calm. i try to act calm. but this isn't a time to be calm.

slowly, i start to breathe faster. i'm caught between keeping calm and hyperventilating. guess which one is winning. i start to breathe even faster as i stare at myself in the mirror. i can't believe this. faster. how could i have made such a careless decision? faster. i start to shake. faster. why? why? why? why?

i feel so sick, i stumble back from the sink. i get this gross feeling in my stomach and pause. i think i'm going to throw up. as i'm waiting nervously to see if i'm going to hurl, i look at the test with the answer in my hand. "oh my god." i drop the test and drop down by the toilet.

i throw up with one hand trying my best to hold my hair back. this is the worst feeling ever and i never want this to happen again. what the fuck is even happening?

i flush the toilet and clean myself up. i stumble back to the sink and throw water on my face. my body feels like it's shutting down and i'm still recovering from throwing up.

i think i'm going to pass out.

there's a knock at the door and mason calls out my name. i grab the test with a paper towel, put it in my pocket then leave. my vision is blurry even with my glasses on and i feel so lightheaded.

"bri? you don't look okay." he's cautious as he approaches me. "yeah i..." the room starts to spin so i close my eyes which made it worse. "let's get you out of here." his voice echos and i feel myself fall.

❀

without moving, i slowly open my eyes to see him staring at me from the drivers seat. "hey. how are you feeling?" he asks. "how long was i out for?" i ignore his question. "five minutes max." mason hands me a caprisun and a sandwich. "what is this?" i look at him holding in a laugh. "you need to eat something." i shake my head. "i'm not hungry." i refuse.

"when's the last time you ate?" i sigh knowing i have to tell him the truth. "i haven't had an appetite lately." i explain. he places the snacks on my lap. "eat, please." he stares at me until i give in. i unwrap the sandwich and take a bite. he smiles proudly then faces front.

there's that silence again. it never leaves me alone.

"how are you feeling?" he looks at me again and i know he's being serious. "i don't know how i'm feeling." i tuck my hair behind my ear. "you're not pregnant. aren't you happy?" he says. "how do you know?"

"you mumbled it before you crashed." hmm. i look out the window. my body thanks me for eating, i feel a bit better already. "happy is the wrong word. i feel relieved." i stare out the window. "but there's something else? you don't look so relieved."

i look at mason and smile. "why are you smiling?" mason also smiles. "because i feel like i can't keep anything from you." i confess. it's like he can read my thoughts. "is that a bad thing?"

"no." i go back to looking out the window. "talk to me bri." i feel his warm hand on my shoulder. our eyes meet and i for some reason, my mind goes back to when we were at the beach. that was a really good day. i remember us playing in the water, eating pizza, and freezing to death after getting out of the water.

"i guess i'm shocked. my whole life could've changed in the blink of an eye if the test had a different answer." i'm not really sure how to explain how i feel. i just feel different. "i get it. babies... that's scary." he shakes his head. "you don't want kids?" i ask. "do you?" he laughs pointing at my stomach. "obviously not right now!"

we both laugh. "alright let's get you feeling better."

❀

"come on bri. open the door!" parker bangs on my bedroom door. i sit on my bed facing the door. "bri please open the door! talk to me!" three more bangs. who the fuck let him come inside the house?

i give in and unlock the door. parker rushes inside making me nervous. "babe i'm dying here. what's wrong? was it something i did? was it something i said?" he goes on a tangent. "parker relax. you didn't do anything." i reassure my frantic boyfriend. "i didn't? thank god." he sigh and falls back on my bed.

"it's me. i haven't been completely honest with you these past two days." getting to the point sounded like a good option. he chuckles then stops when he realizes i was serious. "okay," he says uneasy. "what do you mean?"

parker sits up and i face him. "the reason i've been distant is... well i thought..." the way parker looks at me makes me lose my train of thought. he looks at me so innocently. i just want to kiss his sweet lips and hold onto him for the rest of my life.

"i'm scared you'll want nothing to do with me after i tell you this. i feel like you'll dump me and hate me and-"

"woah woah woah! stop there. bri there's nothing you could do that will make me hate you, or dump you," parker hold my face with his hands. "i love you and i want you to feel comfortable telling me anything."

my mind takes a second to process what he just said. i feel like my heart stops. "you what?" i say fully aware of what he just said. "fuck! i was supposed to tell you in a more romantic way!" he shouts and shakes his head. "you love me?" i move his hands off my face.

"of course i love you. these past few months have been so crazy to me and i'm happy when you're around, you make me want to be a better person bri. so yes i love you. i really fucking love you."

parker loves me. he loves me! "i've never felt this way about someone before. i love you too." i confess and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. not all of it though.

i've never seen parker smile so big before. he exitedly hugged and kissed me. "i love you so much." he kisses my forehead then looks me deeply into my eyes. so naïve, so in love. i was only seventeen and the boy i loved was standing in front of me. staring at me longingly. slowly caressing my cheek with his thumb. i was head over heels.

i smile at this moment. this was one of those moments that are once in a lifetime. i struggle to lean in and kiss him. he leans in too but i know we can't.

"wait." i hold him back. his face full of emotion. his touch send butterflies in my stomach. he loves me.

"i need to tell you something. you might not love me anymore." i frown wanting to kiss him more than ever but i needed to get this off my chest. "that's impossible." he kisses me and i fall back into a trance. i push him away. "parker i had a pregnancy scare." i let out.

he freezes and looks at me. "my period was pretty late and i thought i was pregnant. i know we use condoms but they don't always work." i get nervous looking at his face.

"i went to the store and bought a pregnancy test. look! i'm not pregnant though." i hurry to pull the test out of my purse and show it to him. parker looks at it then looks at me. "you had a pregnancy scare and didn't tell me?" he sounds more concerned than mad. i thought he would be mad.

"i thought you would leave me if i was. i was scared of all the possible outcomes." parkers face lightens. he hugs me and holds the back of my head with his hand. "i'm not leaving you. nothing is coming between us. we're in this together." he says and i feel something. something new. i felt safe.

he wouldn't leave me. thank god because i'm not having a baby.

"i really fucking love you." i say quickly before slamming my lips onto his. in an instant my craving for him came back. parker laughs through kisses.

"we'll talk birth control later, for real this time." i unbutton his shirt as i straddle on top of him. parker smirks at me while i undress him. i throw his shirt across the room then i lay him down on my bed.

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