Well, we did it. We finished the album, it's amazing, and we're all proud of what we have accomplished. I wrote more than half the songs on this one, and they are all pretty fuckin raw. Songs about my struggles with life, songs about love, songs about starting life over from the ashes of all that I'd destroyed. They're different, about different things, but the one thread in common they have, is that they are all about love in some way. And in that, they are all about Sky to a certain degree. Some of the music is out there in your face about her, "Sky Blue Love And Sky Blue Hope" is all about her and the way she lives her life that inspires me. "Voodoo Mind Fuckery" is about communicating love on a cellular level. "Blind Despair" is about knowing you fucked up your life, and let everyone down, you're all by yourself, trying to fix your world, knowing it might not be enough to get you to where you want to be. All fuckin personal and deeply heart felt. These songs were painful to write, cathartic as hell, but fuck, these songs made me bleed.

The guys all were more active on this one as well. It was a fuckin awkward and at times frustrating process, writing and hearing everyones words, their very valid shittastic feelings of me. We've worked through the anger and frustration of my letting down my band mates, we're better, but we're not perfect. We probably won't ever be perfect, but I've learned in sobriety, life isn't always perfect. Life is just, real. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes it makes your heart explode in happiness, but it's always real, good or bad, you gotta accept it all.

I used to hide in the fog of drugs and alcohol, anonymous relationships that meant nothing to anyone, just another way for me to hide from my life and myself. I've accepted my fuck ups, I've owned up to them and apologized to most of the people I've hurt. It's supposed to make me feel better, and it does to a degree. But honestly, I'm never going to be able to reconcile all the shit I did, missing my brothers wedding, causing my parents pain, ghosting Sky and not supporting her through losing her family. That's real, and that's the shit I did. But sure as hell I'm never doing that again. I'm gonna love my family hard and right, and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life filling their lives with as much of the good shit as I can.

Having Sky and the kids, well, that's just a god damn miracle. The fact that I was such a loser for so long, and I'm still gifted with them in my life, that's something that I will never take for granted. I show them my love, I tell them I love them, and I am present in every way I can possibly think of so that they know that they are my world.

Not my music, not my job, just them.

I'm heading out on tour in a few weeks, I know Sky is a bit nervous, she told me so, the temptations on the road are endless. But in all honesty, the only temptation I feel now, is being tempted to quit the band and stay home. I won't, at least not now, but I can see changing up my musical world, writing more for others, producing, I don't know what the fuck else, but not going on the road is a major temptation. I've done the tour and stadium thing, the parties and the people in that world. I sure as hell don't remember much of it, but I also don't want it any more. I know my future is in music, perhaps music will be different for me in the next phase of my life.

I'll be gone for a few weeks before Sky and the kids can join me, then we'll spend the summer in Europe and Asia touring, in September Sky will head back with the kids to start school, and I'll finish out the rest of the tour, ending up in LA in November. It'll suck doing it without them, but, I owe it to my band, and the fans. It'll be the first tour that I've ever been on that I will be completely sober, I'm psyched to play and show everyone that I'm way fuckin better than they've seen to this point. They've seen me out of my tree, and I still served up some great music, wait till I'm sober and fully functioning.

When I come back, I'm gonna marry my girl, and we're gonna live the dream, with our kids, hopefully even more kids. We're gonna do our lives right, I'm gonna honor those with us, and those who have left our world, our kids and Sky are going to live lives full of love, security and comfort. Never doubting their safety or my love.

"Guys, are you ready to roll yet? The movers are here, and we have to get out of their way! Come on people ... let's get going!" I laugh as I try to encourage the kids and Tuck to get a move on, I swear they're probably still up in their rooms gathering 'one more super important stuffed animal/doll/guitar/what the f ever thing. I know they aren't intentionally trying to make me insane, but, I'm well on my way to crazy town. I know it was my idea to move out of this house before we join Tucker on tour, and though it made perfect sense on paper and in my head, the logistics and practical steps of buying a new house, renovating the house, moving out of this house, winding down my job at Magnolia, helping Tuck get ready for the tour, and prepping us to join him in France. It's too much, and I'm almost to the finish line, if they'd just get down here so we can head over to the hotel!

"Mommy, Colt won't let go of my doll, and Tucky is trying to bring another guitar! You said he couldn't bring more than 3 to the hotel, and if I can only bring 3 dolls, then he can't bring more guitars! Mommy ..." Nellie squeals from down the hall.

"Ok, all of you, that's enough! Get down here now, with whatever we agreed to already. The movers are ready to move, and if you want to drop our stuff at the hotel before we see Mickey, then you better hurry. If we're not out of here in 5 minutes, then we will have to visit Disney tomorrow, not today." I smile because I know this is the motivation that will get all my kids out of the house in the next 60 seconds.

And as predicted, Tuck, followed by the kids are racing down the hallway, guitars, dolls, and cars overflowing their hands. The kids are excited by the mini vacation, and looking forward to our adventure. It was Tuckers idea, the four of us will have fun, then head to the beach for a few days, trying to cram as much family time in before he leaves.

Damn, he's leaving soon and I'm so going to miss him. Our lives now, are strong and happy, supportive and loving. When I think about the temptations he'll have when he's back on tour, I'm honestly not that worried. I see him, the commitment he's made to himself and sobriety first, then then the loving promises he's made to us. It might sound messed up to others, but I get it, and I respect and honor it, his priority list places sobriety first, at the top, followed by family and further down the list is music.

His music is a bone deep part of his life. The latest album, 'VOODOO Mind Fuckery' is both lament of his heartache about his former life and choices, and a life affirming howl to the world he's creating and loves. I cry when I hear the happy songs, and when I hear the devastatingly sad ones as well. There is a line in one of the songs, 'Her eyes that see the world, hearts, stars and souls, tears and smiles. But it's a world where I don't exist, I won't ever live and I won't be missed.' It's a lyric that is so sad, mostly because it was true.

I agree with him, if he doesn't make sobriety the most important thing, then the rest of his list can fall apart. I have zero doubts of the love and commitment he has for the kids and me. I really don't have any doubts about how he'll do on tour. He's worked with Turo and made plans, contingency plans, back up plans, all kinds of plans to deal with the temptations he will face. He's walking into the very place where he lost himself, the people he hung out with, women he had relationships with, people he did drugs with, scored drugs from. They will be around and they will be looking for him.

I trust him. I trust our love, his love of the life he's made with us, and the future he has planned for himself. I also don't doubt that he will face moments of challenge, I just think that he's going to turn from those temptations. Call me stupid, naive, overly trusting, whatever. I just know that if I go into this doubting him, his strength or what we've built, then I'm not giving him my full trust. I believe in him, and I will trust him, and if something comes up to show me that trust has been misplaced, then we will be over, forever.

His first priority has to be sobriety, my first priority is our family, and we will both do what we have to do to make our world a success.