Sky didn't come to school the next day.

Hawk did - despite only having slept an hour or two so that his whole body was tense and restless and hyperactive. But he couldn't stay home - Mom had been mental after hearing him and Sky's yelling match on the front steps last night and to avoid seeing her, Hawk had quietly slipped out of his room and left for school too early, skipping breakfast.

The upside was that Mom hadn't heard the part of him breaking Demetri's arm - Hawk didn't even want to imagine the amount of trouble he'd be in if Mom knew that. But Mom had heard what Hawk had yelled at Sky about being with her only to get some pussy—

Jesus fucking Christ—

As if Hawk hadn't felt shitty enough already.

He didn't want to think about Mom's tears, about how disappointed she was in him, but there the thoughts still were, they lingered at the edge of his consciousness and currents brought them to the surface every couple of minutes, making him feel like someone was hitting him in the head with a baseball bat.

Hawk felt like a complete piece of shit.

Breaking Demetri's arm - well, that he could at least justify to himself. Demetri had started a war, a war that had been raging for months now and finally Hawk had managed to finish it. It had been the right thing to do, but—

But still, the snap of a breaking bone, the strangled cries of raw pain that had escaped Demetri's throat as he lay on the ground, haunted Hawk and he couldn't shake them off as easily as he had pretended in front of his friends.

And then there was the worst.

The things he had said to Sky couldn't be justified, no matter how hard he tried.

Hawk's chest clenched with disgust and anxiety as he glanced at the empty seat next to him. The English classroom was full, the lesson had started already, and Sky wasn't there. That empty seat felt like a slap on the face, and Hawk brought a hand to his cheek, he tasted the iron and copper of blood as he ran his tongue over the inside of his cheek.

Why would anybody be with you? To get some pussy.

He couldn't believe he had said that. But he had wanted to finish that fight, to finish it so that it would be over for good because his life was over already, Sky had dumped him and they were never getting back together, so what right did she have to show up at his front steps, tears in her eyes as if she still cared?

No, he'd had no choice but to finish it. Just like he had finished Rickenberger, and Demetri.

So, you won, asshole. You fucking crushed her. Feel like a winner now?

He let out a silent groan and slumped over the table, leaning his head in his hands as the teacher started talking. He heard none of it, he didn't even take out his pen or his notebook. He couldn't have cared less. All he could think about was the look on Sky's face when she had slapped him, the angry tears on her cheeks, the way she had shivered like the wind was blowing right through her, when she had rushed away from him, and now—

She wasn't in school. He was sure it wasn't just this class. He hadn't seen her at lunch either, it had been just Moon and Yas and Sam, glaring daggers at him from their table, Sky's spot had been just as empty as the one next to him right now, and it made Hawk so anxious he thought he would throw up.

He fished his phone from his pocket and glanced at it under the table, not to draw anybody's attention to what he was doing. There were no new messages or calls, not that he had expected there to be. Sky wasn't active on Whatsapp, and the last message from her was still the "Thank you" a few days ago when he had beaten up Rickenberger for her. He stared at those words for a couple of heartbeats, nausea making his head light, his ears ringing. Rickenberger was still in bed, he assumed. He had beaten up that asshole for what he had done to Sky - and he wasn't regretting it - but now, had he not hurt Sky a thousand times worse?

His thumbs hovered over the screen. He wanted to text her. To tell her that none of what he had said had been true, that he was sorry—

There's no point. She fucking hates my guts.

Disheartened, he put away his phone, but for the rest of the class, he couldn't stop glancing at the empty seat next to him, until his worrying was driving him mad.

By the time the class ended, there was a cold stone in Hawk's stomach. It weighed on him heavily, bringing memories he didn't want to think about. Sky on her bed, in a pool of vomit, her face blue and lifeless. Hawk on his knees on the floor, fighting nausea that was hitting him in the face with the force of a sledgehammer. The knowledge that he had done this, that his lies had pushed her to try to kill herself—

He felt like he would be sick, even though his stomach was empty. Sky was still not active on Whatsapp, he didn't know about the other social media platforms, since she had blocked him. Calling her would be futile - she wouldn't answer even if she was okay, but maybe he should call Nicholas—

You're not welcome in this house anymore.

Nicholas fucking hated him. Whatever fatherly feelings he'd nurtured towards Hawk were now no doubt irreversibly gone, and Hawk couldn't blame him. Sky was his only daughter, and Hawk had treated her like shit - no father would put up with that. But Hell, he was desperate - if Sky had done something to herself—

If she did, it's my fault. My fault.

He followed Assface and Mikey out of the classroom, into the crowded hallway, not paying any attention to what they were saying until Mikey pushed his shoulder to get his attention.

"Yo, Hawk—!" he said. "You listening?"

"What?" Hawk grunted and looked up from his phone, stuffing it into his pocket.

"Sensei's bringing some new recruits today," Assface grinned. "I bet they are tough."

"What new recruits?" Hawk frowned.

"I don't know, some athletes," Mikey replied. "But it's good. I mean, yeah we won the fight yesterday - dude, badass how you destroyed that nerd! - but we could use some new blood."

Hawk shrugged. He didn't really give a rat's ass about this subject.

"Yeah, I guess," he muttered - and then a girl who passed them in the Hallway caught his eye, and suddenly realizing what he had to do, Hawk excused himself. "See you later, I gotta take care of something—"

He took a couple of running steps to catch up with Moon - and frowned as he heard Assface laughing and Mikey commenting something about him already having found a new babe—

Luckily Moon didn't seem to have heard that. She walked past them briskly, her nice hips swaying in a way that earned a swift glance from Hawk, her shiny hair falling to her shoulders in wavy curls and perfectly arranged little braids, leaving behind a faint scent of roses and lavender.

"Moon, hey, wait up—!"

Moon glanced over her shoulder, and as she recognized him, her smile disappeared.

That hurt more than Hawk liked to admit and he froze on his feet. He had become a guy that even Moon wouldn't smile at, Moon who was like a beam of sunlight with her hippie love and tree-hugging, Moon who fucking loved everybody, Moon who had probably been born with a smile on her lips. Hawk had had a huge crush on her for years, when he had still been Eli, of course, before he had ever met Sky.

Now that Moon turned to look at him with her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes, Hawk couldn't deny that some shadow of that old crush still lingered. But it was just an echo - it was nothing compared to what had happened when he had met Sky, that day when she had walked into his life with her short skirts and high heels and her tears and her laughter and he had fallen in love with her so hard, that it had been like an a-bomb in his heart. That love had consumed him and transformed him, it had turned everything upside down, and now that it was over, his heart was a ghost town of scorched land and burnt houses. It was Carthage after the Romans had demolished it and salted the ground so that nothing would grow there for a thousand years.

"Moon, wait—" he grabbed her arm when the girl tried to turn away.

"I don't think I should be talking to you," Moon stated, glancing at the hand that was grabbing her arm, and Hawk let go, let his hand drop. "What you did to Demetri was awful."

Of course, she knew. Hell, everyone knew. Half of the school had greeted Hawk like a fucking war hero when he had walked in the doors this morning - but the other half—

Why do I care what some pussies think? I only did what I had to do.

He clenched his jaw and started walking with Moon. He sure as hell wasn't going to apologize for what had happened, not to her. It wasn't any of her damn business anyway.

"Have you seen Sky?" he asked instead, and Moon glanced at him hesitantly, gripping the straps of her backpack.

"No, but I don't have any classes with her today—"

"She's not in school?"

The cold fear that had tried to sneak into Hawk's mind all day, settled itself in his stomach. Why would anybody be with you? To get some pussy. He had watched Sky fall apart in front of his eyes, had seen the pain his lies caused and he had just let her walk away from him - no, he hadn't just let her walk away, he had pushed her away from him with all his might and watched her fall off a cliff.

"I guess not," Moon sighed. "But can you blame her? She was with Demetri at the hospital until pretty late. She must be exhausted—"

"So you haven't heard from her? All day?" Hawk groaned, turning to face Moon again, stopping her from walking further. They had reached the door of her classroom and she glanced over her shoulder, then back at Hawk, indicating that she really needed to go in before the teacher shut the door - but Hawk didn't give a shit, he had to know. "Moon, have you heard from Sky since yesterday?"

"If she's not calling you back, it's your own fault," Moon said, a frown shadowing her sweet face. "You broke her heart."

"Shit, don't you think I know that? And I haven't tried to call her. It's just that—"

"What?"

"Would you text her? For me? Please. I just... I need to know she's okay."

Maybe it was the desperation in his voice, the slight tremble he couldn't hide, but something softened in Moon's pretty eyes, and she gave a small nod.

"Okay, I'll text her. But I have to go now," she said and turned to walk into the classroom. Hawk watched her go, the door closed and he was left alone in the hallway, with a couple of kids who were running to catch their classes.

He was in no hurry to go anywhere. He didn't even remember what class he was supposed to have next. The sleepless night, the things he had done, the things he had said, were a heavy mess in his head. He let his backpack fall to the floor as he leaned his back on the wall and closed his eyes, trying in vain to calm the restless beat of his aching heart.

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