The girl took a big step backwards, afraid that they would touch otherwise. For some reason he had leaned against the door and she was too eager opening it, resulting in him almost falling into her arms.

A loud thunder startled the both of them.

Her eyes were still wide-open.

"Can I come in..?" Jungwon breathlessly managed to stutter out, one of his arm was leaning against the door frame from exhaustion. He had been running the last bit to her house after searching for her everywhere around the neighbourhood.

"How did you find me?" The girl asked him, her voice was laced with disbelief. She would immediately pull him inside afterwards so they would escape the night's coldness.

He was a mess.

Not as much of a mess than she was, but right now he was still trying to catch his breath with messy hair and clothes.

"Ji, I..." He started, finally but slowly regaining his breath as he stared into her eyes, "Just...give me a second to..." Jungwon was still leaning against her door that she attempted to close but he didn't let her.

That's when the boy's gaze softened at her sight.

"Don't." The girl immediately retorted. She hated how her voice came out croaky, as she pushed his hand away, making the gap between them bigger, "Don't look at me like that. You are going to say something weird again. Don't—"

"How are you..?" He asked her, glancing at her bruised lips and her tired eyes with concern.

"I...was right." The girl's voice trailed off, as she swallowed. Her heartbeat fastened. Everything in her body felt warm all of a sudden.

Did it show on her cheeks?

Why did her house that was so cold just a moment ago, turn so much more brighter and vivid just with his presence alone?

She couldn't stand it.

"How did you find me?" She repeated, her voice firm, "It's almost fucking midnight, Jungwon. Do you know how scary it is when you live alone and your doorbell rings in the middle of the night?"

He swiftly ignored her outburst.

"I didn't know you quitted your job at the convenience store." Jungwon smiled softly at her, "I was there. I asked for you. But you quitted."

"Yes. Yes, I did. I quit for good." The firmness in her voice remained, her pain-thriven face was starting to relax, "There's no way I could show up to work like this. In this state—"

Her mind went blank for a second, a familiar wave of relief washing over her. The pills. They were working.

"Ji..."

Painful silence. He couldn't stop looking at her and all her attempts to escape his gaze failed.

"Do you remember the two staff members of mine? That took you home before..?" Jungwon continued. His voice was so soothing to her.

If she remembered? Of course she did.

That very day was supposed to be one of the most promising nights in such a long time.

But everything was crushed by him.

"How could I not?" She scoffed, a hint of bitterness in her voice, "Things went downhill afterwards, how could I not remember?"

A lie. After meeting him, things finally changed.

For once, she wouldn't feel as lonely. As if she had to shoulder all those burdens alone.

For once there was someone.

And even though she couldn't process it yet, right now he was in her home. He was standing in her narrow hallway that she wouldn't even call hallway. He was standing next to her two umbrellas which were both broken. Next to her only pair of shoes and the broken picture frame that she couldn't bring herself to finally clean up.

Jungwon was standing in front of her even though she hadn't seen or heard from him for so long.

How did he know?

That she needed him the most right now?

Or...was he even real? Was it just a deceiving dream? A trap?

"They helped me find you." He whispered to the girl, bringing her back to him, when she didn't answer, "You know, the staff members that you called scary."

The girl felt numb. She wasn't even sure if it was the medications she loved to take or if she just was too tired to argue and ask.

She took a deep breath, blinking slowly before looking at him, feeling her whole calm down.

"They told me where you lived. I had to call them in the middle of the night, do you know how grumpy they were?" Jungwon giggled softly and even though her hand was only an inch away, he didn't take her hand in his. Though he was dying to.

"It was my only way. To find you."

"Weren't you the one who blocked me?"

Cold. Voice.

"No Ji, Listen." Jungwon flinched slightly at this, "My manager accidentally mistook your number for someone else...and deleted it without asking me." He immediately reassured her, watching her attentively, "I...was so scared that I would miss your messages, so I did everything to find you."

As composed as she might seemed on the outside...the sound of her beating heart was too loud for her to properly comprehend what he was saying. He went out of his way to find her just because he wanted to reassure her that everything was just a misunderstanding?

"It's late." She looked down, wrapping her jacket tighter around her body. She felt anxious and agitated, her pupils shaky, "You should leave. I-I shouldn't even have let you into my house."

Jungwon didn't budge. He continued to stand there and look at me.

For some reason, I was happy that he didn't leave. Even though my words said otherwise.

But I couldn't stand him looking at me the way he did right now.

Jungwon suddenly took a step towards me, careful. His hands were extended towards my shaking body as if he wanted to hug me,

protect me.

NO!

In that moment, something in me snapped.

"Please don't come near me." I stumbled backwards, while crossing my arms as I fidgeted with the sleeve of my jacket, "Don't do anything. Please don't."

"I won't." He immediately reassured me, but I was already taken off guard. Jungwon took another step towards me, "You don't need to worry. I won't touch you. Or do anything, you don't want."

What the fuck was wrong with you, Ji?

You were dying for him to hold you.

To be there.

And now that he is here right in front of you, you are pushing him away?

You are a coward.

I stayed quiet, trying to calm my shaking.

Why the fuck was I trembling so much?

"Are you cold?" Jungwon suddenly took off his drenched jacket, deliberating if he should pass it to me or leave it. He ended up taking off his hoodie, leaving him only in a white tshirt, "I promise, I will leave. Just let me take care of you first. I need to make sure you are alright—"

"I'm not a fucking child, Jungwon."

Ironic. You never received care, even as a child.

"Everyone deserves care." He wrapped the hoodie around my shoulders in the most clumsy way ever, "and love. Everyone deserves love."

"Stop trying to lecture me your weird fucking philosophies." I pushed him away, "I'm tired."

For some reason, I didn't deny his care.

I couldn't. Something inside me was yearning for it.

It was raining.

I couldn't just leave him outside here.

"Stay or leave. I don't give a fuck.", I scoffed, shaking my head, "I'm not in the right mind to handle you right now. I need to wake up early for tomorrow's job interview. Do whatever you want."

Did I sound unbothered enough?

I just hope he didn't hear my fast beating heart.

I started to walk back to my room, not caring if he saw my tiny apartment. He had already seen me at my worst. There's nothing for me to be ashamed of.

"This is where you live?" I heard his voice behind me.

"Don't comment on it or else I will personally kick you out."

Jungwon just smiled weakly, following me.

Just when I entered my even tinier room, I let myself drop onto my bed, exhaling deeply.

The boy abruptly stopped behind me. He turned around, standing in my doorframe with his hand touching the back of is head.

His back was facing me.

I raised my eyebrows at him, "What are you doing?"

"Is it...okay for me to see your room?" He nervously asked, making me look at him stunned.

"What?" My voice was full of disbelief.

"This is like...your place. I can't just barge in—"

I rolled my eyes with a weak smile and went to take his hand to pull him inside my room.

My room wasn't extraordinary.

It wasn't dirty nor was it neglected.

It just was so empty. The white walls. The grey carpet, that the previous owner left behind.

Everything about it. I've never had the chance to feel comfortable in this place.

And it seemed so much more empty now that Jungwon was here. Standing in the middle of my room, awkwardly, trying to look down. Trying to not make any eye contact with any of my personal items, as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt.

"Don't worry. There's nothing in here that I'm uncomfortable with for you to see." I told him, looking away. I would move to somewhere cheaper one day anyway.

Jungwon just nodded, but the awkwardness remained.

In the corner of my eyes the yellowish packaging caught my gaze, the white pills grinning at me devilishly. Challenging me.

I forgot to put them away.

"Ji? What are these?"

Before I could stop him, his hand already had grabbed the bottle, making me swear out loud.

Jungwon's face was aghast, as my stomach dropped drastically, making me feel like throwing up all over again.

Fuck.

(a/n: a long chapter of 1700 words as compensation to you guys because I've been inactive for so long