you see it sudden, when you've come home too late

his long lost name! awaiting you on call display

right there inside your antique landline phone

time now to reinforce that new year vow

your firm no-contact resolution — no more engagement

no forays to the places he frequents, or might

no walking down his lovely street

and most of all! no more responding to his voice, his words, his calls

simple! clean

but seems you can't refuse response

within the blood-filled heart already lurching in your breast

or stop the lips from doing all at once the things lips do

when pleasure comes

can't stop all that

can't undo joy —

so very strong, so fast

there surely must be something real in it?

surely! surely, wobble word of danger

wicked surely/Shirley

but sage suspicion has no power now

joy won't be denied

a night of dreaming bliss . . . first real rest in many weeks,

not long, just healing, sweet

and when you smiling wake

cunning Shirley whispers more—

this slumber, too, surely must be meaningful

surely a sleep so lovingly serene

surely must be right, true...must be good?

but doesn't matter, doesn't! good or bad

brain, heart, body

filled up now with bursting joy

and while you smile

and smiling fret, debating what the hell to do —

your vow still does exist, sort of intact?

soft daylight glowing in through misty air

phone rings again! and he is there, right there

you see his name lit up anew — a tremble touch and now

his living voice is in your hand, your ears, your flesh

your vow is broken

you are broken, broken open

opened wide

and you're so glad