Sael

Year 1, Month 2, Week 2, Day 4

The young elavis poured over the book in front of her by the light of several candles on a solid oak desk. It wasn't a very comfortable desk, as there was no indented space for Sael's legs to go, so she was forced to study with her body turned to the side. She was in the library after-hours, where she could take whatever time she needed to read. Earl had given her permission, of course, but Sael would have used her key to get into the library and read regardless of whether Earl had said "yes" or "no". Sael read the book aloud, keenly aware of the fact that there was no one around to hear.

She still felt empty. So very empty and alone. It was at Desi's behest that Sael start reading aloud. Supposedly that was supposed to help with the emptiness. It didn't. Sael still expected to hear criticism after every statement she made; but no comments proceeded. Sael hoped to hear criticism after every statement she made; the silence was so loud it was painful.

She was reading the book, but after every other line, she would whisper, "Please hear me. Please speak to me." After she was reminded that her Whisper would indeed not be replying, she would continue on with, "I promise I'll behave. I promise! I'll do everything you ask me to. I'll bring honor to my family. I'll do good deeds to make up for the things I've done wrong! Please don't leave." When this would inevitably fail to rouse any words from within or without, she would try again from the top. "Please hear me."

The book she was reading was Introduction to Magical Theory, Volume 4: Runes, Glyphs, and Letters. Though every other line was punctuated with pleas for her Whisper to return to her, she was absorbing the information like a sponge.

She had to. There was no other option. There was no other answer. She had stood in horror as helwolves made a mockery of her with an illusion, she had helplessly screamed in terror as the helwolves swept in and took almost everything from her, she hadn't had the spine to kill the man Gammel when she had the chance, giving him the opportunity to rob her mother of her dignity and--no, the silver eyes were her fault. She had tortured Gammel on his way to death. She made sure it was drawn out. At the time, she felt it was right. At the time, she felt like she had been making something right in a world full of wrongs. She had, however, in the process, refused to listen to her Whisper when it was begging her to refrain from her course of actions. Now Sael was begging her Whisper to return. Desi told her to keep moving forward. To keep herself occupied. But Sael would be damned if she simply stood and let things happen to her anymore. She wasn't strong. She wasn't particularly brave, but she was intelligent. She could learn. The library had several books on magic, and she could learn from them. She would harness magic. She had to. There was no option. There was no other answer.

She was still alone, though. She felt empty, like a cistern in a drought. She could speak words, she could think thoughts, but she still felt... echoey. It felt wrong.

A rap on the window next to her desk startled her out of her thoughts. She turned and looked through the glass windowpane. Her mother stood there with a soft smile, waving, then pointing to the door on the east side of the building. She wanted to be let in. Sael sat there, for a moment, looking at her mother's golden eyes, then seeing her own silver eyes in the reflection of the window, she pursed her lips. Her eyes now looked like Azrael's. She bowed her head for a moment. Azrael, why didn't you tell me you struggled so? She thought, not sure if she was voicing her thoughts or not. Jophiel tapped on the glass again, giving Sael a concerned look as Sael met her mother's eyes. Sael smiled softly in acknowledgment and nodded, standing up from her desk and making her way to the door.

The door unlocked with a soft click and Sael waited for her mother to make her way around the building. The night was warm and damp outside, Sael noticed. The sun had gone down a little quicker than she anticipated. Still, she didn't plan on returning home until bedtime.

Home. She had finally started referring to Desi's house as "home". Desi had made her feel safe and welcome. What finally clicked things in place for Sael's perception of Desi was how Desi had taken care of Sael's mother following... the act. Desi had paid for all the medical care Jophiel needed, and made sure she was there for their emotional needs, as well. Before Jophiel was even allowed to leave the halfling physician's house, Desi went to her house and removed all and rope and sharp objects in the house as a precaution. Naturally that made certain aspects of living in the house difficult, it was clear Desi was taking no chances in regards to Jophiel's health. Or Sael's for that matter. Whatever Sael wanted to talk about, whenever she felt like crying, Desi was there for her. It had taken her a few days to be convinced that Sael was in good condition to return to work, much to the relief of Earl. Now it seemed like Desi had released Jophiel from her protective gaze.

Jophiel reached the door way and quickly walked in, Sael shutting the door behind her. Jophiel reached out to Sael's face and rubbed on the tear-stains that marred her daughter's face. Sael accepted the annoyance without protest, though she noted that there were dark circles underneath Jophiel's eyes.

Please come back...

"Are you sure you should be unaccompanied already?" Sael asked, reaching forward and gently resting her hand on her mother's shoulder. Jophiel dropped her arm.

"I'm not glass, Sael, I'm not going to break." Sael doubted that. "Besides, I wasn't conscious for any of it; when I woke up, I had no idea anything like...that...had happened to me until I was told. Medically, I'm fine, thanks to the physician.."

"You know I'm not referring to your physical condition, mother." Jophiel nodded and replied,

"I'm dealing with it. Besides, I just wanted to see my daughter."

"And be free from being smothered by Desi." Sael retorted with a wry smile.

"And be free from being smothered by our cousin, yes." Jophiel acknowledged with a grin.

Please come back...

Sael walked over to the desk and pulled out the one other chair that was in the library from under the desk and set it on the opposite side for her mother and the two sat down at the desk.

"I want to know how you are doing, Sael. You've been staying here at the library until Desi and I are asleep, and you leave in the mornings before we get up. It's concerning."

Sael shrugged. "I'm making time to study." she replied, gesturing to the book on the desk. Jophiel looked interested in the tome.

"Magic?" she asked. "Do you have the aptitude for it?"

"I lit the candles here. It was difficult, pulling on the right threads. I pulled the wrong one a couple times and made it cold in here by accident a couple hours ago. It's just now beginning to warm up again." Jophiel beamed at this.

"Earl isn't teaching you how to do this, is she?"

"No, I'm doing this on my own."

"I'm proud of you. I wish there was a proper magic tutor in town for you, to be sure, but I'm proud of the initiative you're taking. May I ask why, though?"

Please come back...

"...for a brighter tomorrow. That's what you said, isn't it, mother? When we were at the waystation?"

"So I did."

"Things have been bad. We lost everything. I lost my Whisper. I'm pretty sure I nearly lost you. But when you were asleep, being treated by the physician, I was speaking with Desi. And I realized that she showed up at the cave I found you at. When she heard the news, she didn't stop to gather a search party, she headed straight out to the cave by herself, and I think she was willing to risk her life for us."

"She is family." Jophiel said, almost automatically.

"Yeah, but I've never... I mean... Muriel would never have done anything like that for me. Ever." Jophiel's face darkened. "Dad was always busy with the order, you were always handling the political side of things. No one's really treated me like...not many people have treated me like Desi does."

The older elavis looked down at the desk. "I'm sorry. I think you're wrong about me and your father. We would have absolutely given our lives to keep you safe. And I think you would eventually end up being wrong about your sister. But, regardless, I'm sorry you felt like you had no allies amongst family. That's a failure on my part."

Please come back...

"Desi has proven herself to be the best of us, though, you're right." Jophiel continued. "She does embody what family should be."

"That's what I'm getting at." Sael replied, a little more lively. "You told me that where there's life, there's hope. There's still three of us here. And Desi is working hard. Every time I turn around, she's cooking, she's cleaning, or she's sewing us new clothes. Maybe I can do things, too. For a better tomorrow."

"I think that's a grand idea."

"It's still hard, though. I still feel empty. Working for a better tomorrow isn't filling the emptiness inside of me. I keep hoping it will distract me and make things easier... and Desi says that keeping busy will help, but I'm not feeling it. I can study all the books in the world, and there'll still be something missing.

Please come back...

"Are you sure you're alright, though?" Sael asked, suddenly changing subjects. "Here I am, talking about myself, and you've had more troubles than I."

"It's not a contest, Sael."

"Answer the question, mother." Sael said in an aggravated tone. Jophiel opened her mouth as if she was about to say something, then she closed it, and then she opened it again.

"You're going to press the issue, aren't you?"

"Consider it making up for lost time. I want to really hear how you're doing. Desi was kind enough to listen to me. Let me listen to you. Are you okay?"

Jophiel smiled softly and her lips trembled. "No, Sael, not really. I was abducted in broad daylight, beaten until everything went dark, and raped in the shadows. On top of all the bad things that have happened. I want to say that I'm rattled to my core, Sael, but that would be putting it too lightly. I can't sleep. I don't feel safe. I thought I was out of danger, in the safest, most out-of-the-way place around, and then... Sael, I don't know how to speak it to you, but I'm terrified. I have no illusions of safety anymore."

"Mother, the things that hurt you aren't around anymore." Sael protested. "They can't hurt you; they're gone. The helwolves were all blasted apart with the city and I killed the last person who hurt you."

"And it cost you, my daughter."

Please come back...

Sael winced. "Don't change the subject, mother."

"There's that fire. I was wondering where it went." Jophiel said, teasingly. Sael gave her a stern look. "Okay, okay. So you killed him. We thought we were free of him once before. Does it make a difference anymore what we think? I'm going to see him, or someone like him around every corner, in every shadow, in the gaze of every stranger. I'm not sure I'll ever be okay again, Sael. I do have you and Desi, though, and that helps. I'm not alone." Sael's eyes fell, briefly, but Jophiel didn't miss it. "I want to hear about how you are dealing with the… incident, though; you lost your whisper. Would you like to talk about it?"

"I already did."

"You're not entrusting the whole of it to me."

"I mean, there's really not a lot to say. It's... quiet. And not in a good way. You know how you can lay awake at the witching hour, by yourself, without anyone offering a word of comfort, or a word of harm, for that matter, and you just feel... small?" Jophiel nodded. "It's like that, but in the daylight, too. I need something to break the silence."

"So you come to a library, the quietest place possible, after hours, where there is no one to break that silence?" Sael's mother asked, looking a bit confused.

Sael shook her head. "So I can fill my head with things. The more I have to think about, maybe the less the silence will bother me. That was Desi's theory. She said that's what worked for her."

"I see. Sael, I want you to promise me something."

"What is it?"

"Don't leave. No matter how lonely you get. If you feel like leaving, just come home to Desi and me."

"Where would I go, mother? We're out in the middle of nowher--"

"That's not what I mean."

"What do you m--oh..."

"Where there's life..."

"...there's hope. Okay. I promise."

***

Light streamed through the window and onto Sael's face. She opened her silver eyes and blinked. It was morning and the town was beginning to wake up. Jophiel had left in the night and Sael had elected to stay and continue to studying; now she was leaned forward from her seat onto the desk, drooling on one of the books. Her body was stiff, but she managed to erect herself into an upright position. As she did so, the front door unlocked and swung open; Earl, the librarian, stepped inside and locked the door behind her.

An elderly woman, Earl had a frail frame with wispy, white hair that was barely contained by a hair tie that pulled her hair back. She wore blue trousers and a white shirt that were positively decorated with pockets; she had a messenger bag slung across her shoulders.

"Sael!" She exclaimed in a shaky voice. "Heavens, child! You need to go home. I'll not have you be working, today. Not in your condition."

"...my condition...?" Sael asked sleepily.

"You need sleep in a proper bed! I'll wager you haven't even had supper, have you?"

...no...?" Sael guessed, still groggy. Earl threw her hands up.

"You put hours into learning, but how are you supposed to retain anything without rest?"

"Dunno. But keep talking, maybe I'll retain what you're saying to me now." Sael responded, mumbling her words and stretching.

"There, look!" Earl cried, ignoring Sael's statement. "You let the candles burn down and now there's wax on the desk. The spots the wax leaves is going to ruin any paper that gets set down."

"Sorry." Sael replied, starting to feel a little guilty. "I'm sorry, Earl." The old woman stopped, turned to Sael, and stared at her for a moment.

"No, child, don't mind me. I was just fussing. It's as easy as breathing to me, at this age. I really do insist you take better care of yourself, Sael, and I am insisting that you go home, but it's only because I want you to be able to do and be your best." Sael, more awake now, gave Earl a weak smile.

"Thank you, Earl. I know you care." Earl eyed Sael, scanning her for sarcasm, but detecting none, she reached into her bag with both hands and lifted a book out of the bag. It was less of a book and more of a tome, as she had to shake the bag free of the book.

"Here, this is for you. Your studies into magic won't be fully complete without a spellbook." Eden's eyes widened at this. She closed the book on the desk and moved it; Earl set the tome down on the desk with a heavy-sounding whumphf. Sael stared at the cover. It was bound with chocolate-colored leather and titled with red runes that Sael didn't recognize.

"You're giving me a spellbook?" She could hardly believe it. Just an empty book of the quality a wizard would want to record precious spells in would be more than most people in the town made in a year.

"Well, you've demonstrated that you can understand and cast spells. I never could. My family was mostly comprised of wizards. My mother was one. She never really spoke to me about it, but she did leave behind a few things. This was one of them. This," she said, reaching into her bag once more and producing a small, pocket-sized notebook, "was another. As best I can tell, this is a key to help you understand what's already written in the spellbook. It's arranged like a key. It's got letters in our common language and what looks like equivalent runes in the language of the book, plus phrases and notes. The book itself, judging by the illustrations, lists spells and rituals."

"Earl! You don't have to give me such a precious heirloom!"

The old woman scoffed. "Who would I give it to? I'm the last of my line. It's only fitting that the next librarian holds onto it. Besides, I've got other things that I'll give you later. But first, I'll start with that spellbook."

"Thank you. Wow. I really don't know what to say, besides thank you."

Earl patted Sael on the shoulder. "That's because you haven't gotten the rest you need. Now, go home, get some proper sleep, and then you can work on the book. But be back here in three days to go over the borrowing records." Sael happily agreed, gathering up the books and leaving the library door.

***

Sael arrived home, practically rushed up the stairs to her bedroom, and leapt onto her bed, but not to get any semblance of sleep--she opened the books. The notebook was full of phrases and definitions, and, before long, Sael had pieced together the title of the book. It was rough going, to be sure, as the language itself was structured much differently than the common tongue, but the title itself was simple enough to piece together, being only three words. She figured out the spelling of the first word and found it listed in the notebook. The second word was a bit confusing at first, as it was one symbol and its common equivalent was two letters, but she figured out it was a preposition. The third word, however, stumped her for longer than the others, even after she formed the transliteration in her tongue. It hit her, though, after a while that the reason she wasn't finding a definition, is that the word was already listed early on in the notebook without any explanation: it was a name.

The title read "Tome of Fext".