《Big Blue Eyes》Chapter 19

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More than anything, I wish that life could stay like this forever. No more pain or shouting or touching. Just Tyler. Tyler's arms around me and his voice in my ear and his scent in my clothes. We had spent the whole night like this, in this perfect dream world. It was raining outside, I could tell because of the pattering on the roof. Usually, I hated the rain. Rain meant father would stay at home, he would have more time to spend with me instead.

The rain was still falling outside when Tyler's alarm woke me up. I had been dreaming, like I always do, about bad, bad alphas. Now I was awake, and there were no bad alphas here, only Tyler, my alpha-a good alpha. I feel safe here, I really do, but I can't help it when I cry. Sometimes it feels like I'm back with the bad men, I can almost feel their hands on my skin.

I was trying so hard not to cry, to stay quiet. Quiet was always best, it meant fewer punishments for the noise. Tyler was turning off his alarm, rubbing his eyes and groaning. I was shaking, gritting my teeth to keep my mouth closed. As I stared down at the sheets around me, memories played across them like a movie screen. I saw the pillows from the guest room, heard the headboard slamming against the wall, felt the rhythmic stabbing pain in my back.

The walls of Tyler's room seemed to be flying towards me, trapping me in the dark. I felt so alone. I could feel my body shaking and my heavy breathing but for some reason it didn't feel like I was the one in my body doing those things. I was watching everything that was happening to me, I could see myself lying on the bed in the spare room at father's house. The man that hovered over me was grunting and laughing, bracing himself against the headboard as he thrust.

The alpha had his hand around my throat in front of my eyes, but I could feel myself choking too. I scratched at my neck, trying to get his fingers loose as I begged him to stop. I wanted it all to stop, for his fingers to let go of my neck, for him to get out of me. Please, please just leave me alone. Please.

Someone was calling my name. Somewhere far far away from this terrible room with its alpha-stench and its stained sheets I heard my name. That voice, it sounded scared, urgent. I know that voice. Tyler. He's in front of me, he's more real than the spare room. More real than the picture of myself being raped that was slowly fading before my eyes. He was Tyler, he was safe, he was going to protect me.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop the tears that racked my whole body. Crying was awful. It meant that I was hurt or scared and that I was going to be even worse off when I was punished for it. I heard Tyler's voice, it was far away, like I was under water or behind glass. He was calling my name, "Ivory, Ivory come back to me, you're with me, you're in my room, you're safe."

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He was right. I looked up and saw his hazel eyes looking down at me. I reached out, and felt my fingers grasp at his soft shirt. He was real, he was solid and warm and he wasn't a dream. "You're real, you're r-real." I muttered to myself between my sobs, trying to force the memories out of my mind.

Tyler was asking me something, "Is it okay if I touch you?" I nodded, still holding tight to his shirt, worried that if I let go he would turn out to be a dream after all. He reached out to me cautiously, and I squeezed my eyes shut, ready to be punished for the tears that I still couldn't stop. The hit never came. Instead, I felt strong arms around me, pulling me gently into his arms.

I pulled closer to his chest as I curled up against him. I wanted to be as close to him as possible, to have his scent around me and his voice in my ear. He would protect me, he was safe. Vaguely, I could hear him whispering in my ear. His voice was low and calm. He was okay, he wasn't afraid or angry, he would protect me.

Slowly, I felt my breathing calm down and my tears start to fade. I didn't want to move. Everything was okay right here, alone with Tyler. The sound of a ringtone made me jump, and Tyler picked up his phone to answer the call. He spoke quietly for a moment, but I didn't really follow the conversation. When he put his phone down again he sighed and dropped his head to look down at the blankets.

Confused, I mimicked what he often did for me and lifted his chin softly with my fingers. He smiled warmly at me, gently stroking my cheek as he took a deep breath. "This is going to be very scary for you Ivory, and if you would rather not do it at all, we can find a way to change the plan. Do you remember when Officer Boone told you that they were going to put your stepdad in jail?" I nodded slowly, thinking back to the quiet little room at the police station."

"They've arrested him. Last night they took him into custody and held him at the jail while he sobered up." I nodded again, still not quite sure what any of this had to do with me and Tyler and our safe, cozy bedroom. "Ivory they...they need you to identify him, to pick him out of a group." Now I knew what was so scary. I was going to have to see him again, look at him in the face to identify him.

Tyler continued quickly, "You won't have to speak to him, you won't even be in the same room. I'll be there the whole time with you. If anything happens, I'll protect you." I don't know if I can do this. He's right, of course. He would protect me, he would keep me safe. I couldn't help but think, father had hurt me for years, and no one had ever helped me. All the people at school, the police, the omega task forces with billboards all over the city. Everyone who said they would save me, would help me, none of them ever did. In the end, I was alone.

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But I wasn't alone anymore, Tyler was here. He was here and he promised to protect me. I trusted him. More than anything else in the world I trusted him. He wanted me to do this. I know I should want to do this too, to help look my stepdad up. Honestly though, I would rather never think about him again than have to see him. I looked up at Tyler, he was studying me intensely as I thought everything over.

"You'll...you'll be t-there the whole-the whole time?" He nodded at me, "Yes love, the whole time." I took a deep breath, "I'll um, I'll do it." He didn't say anything, but hugged me tightly instead. I heard him speak lowly in my ear, "If we leave now, the police station will be quiet. Do you think that would make things easier?"

I pulled away from him and nodded, playing nervously with my fingers in my lap as Tyler got out of bed and went through his morning routine. When he had finished, he came back to help me, gently guiding me through the steps I hadn't always had the opportunity to do at home. I hated the bathroom. Every time I looked in the mirror I wanted to cry, the scars on my skin sending shivers down my spine.

Of course, Tyler noticed this. He didn't make me go inside when I didn't have to. He let me sit quietly on his bed where it was safe and it smelled like him. He even gave me a toothbrush. I was sitting with my head down on the edge of the bed when he handed it to me. I didn't know what to do with it, he was just holding it out. He seemed to realize I was confused. Squatting down in front of me he said softly, "This is for you. You can use it whenever you'd like. It'll be in the bathroom, but I'll bring it out here for you whenever you need it."

"For...for me?" I whispered. "Yes baby, for you." I took the toothbrush with shaking hands. As I brushed my teeth, I thought about how lucky I was to have this alpha. He spoke kindly when I was confused, even over silly things. He was gentle and caring. He didn't do anything to me unless... unless I wanted it.

That was the strangest thing to me. There had been so many alphas in the past, and never once had I wanted it. Never once had I felt anything other than fear and pain with them. But with Tyler...with Tyler it was different. I am so so lucky to have him.

In a few moments, we were both dressed and ready to go, and Tyler led me gently down the stairs, carrying the same fluffy blanket we had brought to the station last time. The drive was scary. I could feel the wave of anxiety spiraling tighter and tighter in my chest, and I squeezed my eyes shut as we pulled into the parking lot outside the station.

Moving around to my side of the car, Tyler ran his fingers softly through my hair. "I'll be with you the whole time, Ivory. Are you ready?" Not trusting my voice, I nodded, and took his hand to help me out of the car. When I was standing unsteadily on my feet, he wrapped his blanket around me, and I was grateful for what little comfort it offered.

As we approached the glass double doors, I saw that Tyler had been right. There were fewer people inside than there had been last time we were here, and hopefully things would be quieter. He pushed open the door and held it for me as I stepped inside, shrinking into myself as best I could in the hopes I wouldn't be noticed.

I took a few steps inside, Tyler close behind me as he let the door shut. I saw Officer Boone come up to us, a friendly smile on her face. Seeing her, I knew what was coming, and I took a deep calming breath, bracing myself.

The world stopped around me. I could feel my hands shaking but I couldn't see them. He was here. That piney alpha stench was heavy in the air. I was breathing fast, I knew what that smell meant, what was going to happen to me. Immediately, I dropped to my knees, my hands behind my back, eyes fixed, unseeing, on the floor. I heard his voice as I squeezed my eyes shut, "There's the little slut! I thought he would never have the guts to show up..."

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