Snow was beginning to stick to the roads and sidewalks as Kieran drove Jack home. It was going to be Jack's first winter with a proper coat, and he wasn't looking forward to losing his excuse of it being too cold for him to leave his apartment.

As much as he wished otherwise, and as much as he thought he'd been working on it, the thought of losing a good excuse to hide away made him anxious. Maybe he could sabotage his radiator or fridge.

"Have you changed your mind, or do you still want to go home? I can take you wherever you wish. It's no trouble," Kieran said, startling Jack out of his thoughts.

"What? No, I'm good. I'm fine. Just thinking." Jack wasn't thrilled that Kieran was able to read him, and he was confused on whether he should see it as a good or bad thing. He didn't want others to worry about him worrying. "Sorry I'm such an overly anxious gremlin."

"I might not be able to cure your anxiety, but I do like the thought that I can hold your hand and talk you through a particularly bad spell," Kieran said as he parked near the entrance of Jack's apartment building. He turned and smiled softly at Jack. "That at the end, I get to hold you in my arms and let you take comfort in me."

The sentiment was too romantic for Jack's current mood. He wanted to keep dwelling and wallowing, but the thought that someone wanted to be around him during a breakdown was comforting. He hated the conflicting feelings. "It can get kinda bad," Jack quietly admitted. "You haven't seen the worst of it. I don't think."

"I do believe I mentioned that I enjoy taking care of others. I like to feel useful. My need to do so has proven detrimental in the past." Kieran's voice held a tight edge as he finished speaking.

"So someone took advantage of you being nice?" Jack asked. Whatever had happened to Kieran in the past, he wanted to avoid it. He didn't want to ruin what they were working towards. Although, he couldn't do much worse than claiming that he was quitting vampires then jumping right back in with another vampire.

"I would rather not speak of the particulars," Kieran replied with a small grimace, "but I reached a point where my need to please others was surpassed by my discomfort."

Bending over backwards for someone to fulfill their desires, put off by BDSM… Once Jack added Augie into the mix, he could draw up some conclusions. Who did what? His imagination painted picture after sordid picture. He needed to think about something else.

"So did you get that from your mom? Being maternal. Paternal. Not… I mean, y'know? Being nice. That. God, just ignore me." He shouldn't have brought up family. Kieran's was dead and gone, and Jack had no idea how deep that wound ran.

Kieran's incredulous laugh didn't give him any clue as to what sort of can of worms he'd just opened.

"It's not a habit I learned from my parents," Kieran said, shaking his head. "I had seven brothers and sisters. As the eldest, I helped raise them. As the immortal, I helped them pass."

"They knew?"

"They found out when I turned up in a pub just outside the village about fifteen years after my supposed death, not looking a day older." He looked out the windshield with a small smile, lost in the past. "I believe I was dying of alcohol poisoning."

"Can't imagine you drunk." Jack wondered if Kieran would be like Benoit, drowning in sorrow. He could see it being a vampire thing.

"It was not a pretty sight from what little I recall. I'm told my greatest gift to humanity would be to never sing again." Kieran gave Jack a sharp smile. As if he knew exactly where Jack's thoughts were going.

"So they found a drunk vampire. That musta been fun." Jack had an idea of what he wanted for his birthday. He'd even make the effort to dig out his old book on cocktail recipes.

"I was lucky. It was a low point for me," Kieran replied with some hesitancy. "My sire had abandoned me, no longer enamored with my appearance and conversation. I would have gladly submitted myself to death." He sighed and watched the windshield blades for a moment before speaking just above a whisper. "Begged for it, really."

Being so close to giving up wasn't a feeling Jack was particularly fond of, and he didn't like that Kieran had ended up there because of some jerk who ditched him. Compared to his own experience with a vampire, being ditched was probably the better option. His curiosity bounced around, begging for answers, but there were too many questions.

The silence dragged, broken by the rhythmic swipe of the wiper blades and the occasional passing car.