Chapter 58 - Silvast's Wish

Silvast softly stirred, the feel of a silken embrace, the sheets slipping over her bare hips as she shifted her leg lazily. A hazy silvered curtain of her own hair fell over her face, obscuring her sight while she opened her eyes, the dim and sultry light of the Copper’s bedchambers playing in her vision. A faint tremor ran through her, originating from deep within, raising goose flesh that worked its way over her body as the memory of the early hours of the morning came to the fore. Closing her eyes, a languid smile came to her lips, the heat working its way through her, chasing the shiver of pleasure and lighting her senses. Her hips moved involuntarily and she gasped, biting her lower lip as she drew her knees up under the cool slide of the sheets. Her free hand tracked down, fingertips grazing the skin of her stomach until she gasped again, more than the sharp intake of breath, but instead an impassioned moan with lips parted.

Calming her breathing, she opened her eyes while she lay curled up on her side. A small frown creased her brow, a number of boxes and strange satchels with papers lay on the edge of the bed and out of reach. Beyond, the door to another chamber stood open and an emerald glimmer watched from the shadows of the archway. A slow smile grew on Silvast’s lips as she stretched out.

“Did I wake you?” Sian asked.

Silvast shook her head and looked at Sian, “Not at all.” she said, not bothering to move, instead laying as she did, watching those emerald eyes float closer until Sian became defined in the dim light.

The bed shifted and she watched as Sian leaned over her. Sian brushed back the silver strands from her eyes and face, kissing her gently before withdrawing. She kept her eyes closed for a moment, almost frustrated with Sian’s reserved display. She opened her eyes to find Sian’s emerald waiting.

“No, Sil.”

“You do not know what I am thinking.”

Sian chuckled, “I know what you want. If I give in, you will be laying in that bed in a daze for well into the evening.”

Silvast frowned, “How long have I slept?”

Sian laughed softly, her voice smoothly filling the air, “Above, it is late afternoon. I have spent much of the day sorting through all those boxed items and papers that Neci had stored.”

“Afternoon, late afternoon?” Silvast gasped in surprise, “Antrandis?”

“Our love... He, Rhuthain and the valkyries have been clearing the wreckage before the main entry.” Sian commented, opening a small box and checking its contents, “Some of the native wildlife passed by the veil near midday.”

Silvast winced, “Those malformed beasts?”

Sian nodded, setting the small box back in the case beside the bed.

“Winter, has she reached…” Silvast asked, stopping as Sian glanced at her.

“Yes, she is preparing to set out. It is almost dusk there, as soon as Dagnetheln is hidden in the shade of the mountains she will leave with Ja’Sessh for The DeKalenstaad.”

Silvast frowned, concern in her eye, “Is she unhappy with…”

Sian smiled and shook her head, “No, if anything she is... Sil, she accepted you right back when Antrandis and you…” she laughed, covering her mouth, “Oh Sil, you and Winter, those that have known him the longest; the both of you being so mindful of each other. Tip-toeing around, trying not to anger the other. She respects you greatly, Sil.”

“Did she feel…” Silvast said, her voice stalling as Sian let out another laugh.

“Oh yes. She voiced her regret to not be here with us.”

“But?”

“But? There is nothing to overthink. You need to stop fearing the actions of your past, you have grown, the world had changed. Twenty-three years ago I offered for you to become a part of our union. A partner, not just a friend; I will tell you again. You need him, and he needs you, I need you, and Winter needs you.” Sian said, smiling gently, “You can not erase what you mean to each other and us. Please do not force me to express myself more strongly on this matter.”

Silvast laughed quietly, “Somehow I think we are a part of your collection, Sister. Not his.”

Sian smiled to herself, “Maybe that is so. But the three of us…” she bit her lip gently, thinking, “You already know what we are. For so long now, I have been a part of him, our souls bound in union. Our wants and dreams become muddled, aligned with only our memories separating us. And Winter; a gift, an artefact of sorts, given life and means beyond the expected.”

She smiled at Silvast, “You still do not know why Winter treats you with such respect.” she said, frowning, “She loves you Sil. Everything he felt for you, she felt. Your relationship with him was with her too. Her other self, that which was imprisoned, experienced everything from the very beginning. She talks with you and finds comfort in your council, as he did. And just as he did, she forgave you.”

Sian leaned over and gently stroked Silvast’s hair, “She has fiercely loved each and every one of us. As strongly as he has himself.”

Silvast looked up, her eyes catching Sian’s, their emerald faintly glowing.

“Promise me, Sil. No more holding us at arm’s reach when you so desperately want us close.” the emerald glow grew, “I know that look, but I also know what is behind it.”

She stared into those eyes as they drew closer, until she felt the now familiar gentle touch of Sian’s forehead against her own. A gasp escaping her as the ripple of a golden wave cut through her mind, silencing the stubborn, half-hearted protests.

“Silvast, we love you.” said Sian, her voice smoothing the ripples of the wave as mountains flew past, the scent of the fresh lilies on the pristine slopes of Scarosant and the woody musk of the forests below.

“I know…” Silvast whispered, the slightest of tears making her silver eyes shimmer as the scents of the old city, the lichen covered ruins of Meliandra where both she and Antrandis were wed early in the first age of the new gods.

“Sian… please…” she gasped as the warmth of the forge grew around her, the flicker and flame on the walls and the smell of raw iron and the sound of the bellows when she had first met him at her father’s forge.

Silvast swallowed, feeling the rush rise in her, the heat of sapphire at her neck and ribs. She looked up into Sian’s eyes, her breath coming in heavy, shaking tremors as the wash of sapphire glow painted the ceiling.

“Among us, there is no need to conceal it. There is no need to desperately cling to the past, hiding it from view in an attempt to deny what you truly feel.” Sian said softly, withdrawing back to the edge of the bed, “Do not hide it Sil. Stop lying to yourself.”

Silvast slowly rose until she sat with her legs tucked to the side, shivering with goose flesh, her long silver hair falling around her, cascading off her naked body. The eldritch light in the room making her seem both fragile and terrifying at the same time. She saw Sian’s nod, a smile on her lips as she watched, bathed in the mixture of silver and sapphire. She looked down and tracked the glow under her skin with her fingers, finally stopping at the bright spark at the base of her neck.

“After he gave me this, I woke to find he was gone.” Silvast said quietly, a sad smile on her lips, “I found him nearly two months later, wandering aimlessly on a different continent, what we now call the Darklands.” she met Sian’s eyes, “He was a mess, his eyes were blazing, filled with storms and black ink.”

Silvast closed her eyes, her brows in a frown, “He still wore the same clothing, what was left of it, soaked in blood, gore and soil. The armour I had smote for him was mostly gone, not one piece undamaged, hanging off him from torn straps and twisted buckles.”

A bright tear slid from a silver eye, “Even now, I am not quite sure what happened to him, just that he did not stop. My people whispered in fear, afraid to meet my eye when I had woke. Just that the enemy was routed, strewn over the mountainside.” she smiled at Sian, “You already know that story.”

“But I never shared what I felt when I found him. He was alive.” she chuckled to herself, “I did not know then what I know now. But he stood there, a sight to be fearful of. Lost. Enraged. He did not speak, just continued to walk, one step after the other, unrelenting.”

She met Sian’s gaze once more, her silver eyes piercing in intensity, “He did not recognise me, Sian. I walked at his side for days and nights. All that came from him was an occasional growl, like a wounded beast, mourning.”

“Many times I tried to stop him. Until I just walked beside him in silence.” she said, gathering the sheets around her and wrapping one around her back, tucking it together over her chest.

She glanced at Sian, noting the expectant silence, “Lumos, his own mother walked with us for a short while, watching him but saying little.”

She shifted, joining Sian as she sat on the edge of the bed, “It was not me who stopped him, I could not bring myself to.” Silvast closed her eyes in thought, “Eira did.”

Sian stared at her in confusion as she shrugged, “For my sake, he says it was me. But it was Eira Lin Haarlstarn, the Steward of Meliandra at that time. She arrived on horseback, Lumos at her side. That girl just walked right up to him and did what I could not. For her, he stopped, he came back. She spoke with him in a language I still do not know and handed him a piece of parchment that had been hurriedly written on. He sat where he had stood and cried, reading what was written.”

“It was only then, that he recognised me. He looked at me in disbelief, and in his clenched fist was a handful of hair, the remains of the bastard who downed me. Antrandis had chased him to the Darklands and rained vengeance down on him. A trail of destruction had followed him until he had what he came for. Metara’Skarn’s head.”

“That fierceness Sian. I have seen that side of him. When this turn of the Eld was young. He still holds mysteries that I have not uncovered, and many I do not wish to know of.” she looked at her hands, “One thing I am certain of, I never stopped loving him. And now, I return to him at his side, at the request of his wives, one a gift from a demon, another the lost soul of my own sister. This does not concern me Sian; this is what I want also. We are misfits, with bonds that have developed over the course of millennia.”

Silvast looked up, her silver eyes meeting Sian’s emerald as she smiled softly and took her hand, “To this day, I do not know what was written on that paper. I do not know who Eira Lin Haarlstarn is… Who she actually is, that the goddess would go to that ever-young, white-haired wilderelf to bring him back from the edge. If I am to be as an equal, then there must be no more secrets.”

Sian nodded, watching Silvast’s expression, “Even if those secrets bring you grief?”

Silvast smiled, “Yes, I have no right to distrust him, you or Winter. Sian, I only have one regret. I did not believe him when he only spoke of the truth and I destroyed us out of my own selfish jealousy.” she said with a bitter smile, “I have learned much since then.”

Her eyes brightened, meeting Sian’s again, unwavering, “You showed me that I can have everything I have right now, I can cast off my uncertainty, no longer fearing losing any of you. If I would just accept that I am wanted.” she chuckled softly, “He told me this, that I would never lose him. Our lives, Winter’s, yours, mine and his are so intertwined throughout the ages. I should stop being foolish, shouldn’t I? Especially after my most selfish of requests.”

Silvast fell silent, watching as Sian came closer, lifting her hand and stroking her cheek before leaning in and pressing her lips warmly to hers. Unable to stop, she returned the kiss, feeling Sian’s fingers slide into her hair, holding her in place, breathing into her.

She felt the pressure from Sian’s lips lessen until they barely met, grazing enticingly as Sian whispered, “I think you should stop talking and do something about it. You only need to say the word and all this pent up absurdity will be over.”

Silvast nodded, allowing herself another taste of Sian’s lips before pulling back, “Sian…?”

“No, there is no more need to ask permission of me. You have known him far longer than I have. This is now between the two of you.”

Silvast slowly nodded, letting her legs slide off the bed and feeling the smooth floor under her bare feet before she stood. Drawing the deep, moss coloured sheet around her, she secured it and let it hang like a dress. Her hair hung in disarray until she gave it a light shake, its long strands snaking down her back. A smile came to her lips as she felt Sian’s fingers comb through her hair, guiding the loose strands into a semblance of order. She watched as Sian stood before her, reaching out and guiding some strays to hook behind her ear with a smile.

“It is time to close the door on your regret.”

Silvast smiled, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks, “Will you come...” her words halting at the first sign of Sian shaking her head.

“No, little sis. This must be done alone.”

Silvast stepped out from the corridor and into the main chamber of Escorath. Immediately she took in a breath, the warmth and dusky ambers of afternoon heading for sunset filled the space. The walkways above were cloaked in deep shadows, the pools of blue white light from the sconces weak against the light that filled the chamber from above. The light of the borrowed core shone calmly, a serene white glow in the warm light that filtered down to leave a blush over the white balustrades and pillars. The chill from the depths of the Sanctum mixed with the heat from the desert above, creating a haze that gave the centre of the chamber an ethereal quality.

She walked toward the centre and its ring of pillars, the sand that had been a mound in the middle was there no longer. Instead the floor of the outer ring that led to the central pillars was of a polished onyx, similar to Scarosant, whilst the centre itself was soil, damp ground, set down a few steps with enough space to harbour a small grove. Her eyes narrowed, taking in the sight, the empty and sparse place that Escorath had become in Neci’s anger. Letting a hand rest against a pillar, she looked up at the tiers and further, until the deepening blue sky already with a wash of peach flare filled the opening far above.

“You always managed such a composed and regal, yet vulnerable look, Silvast.”

A smile grew on her lips, her eyes glowing with a silvery sheen as she turned toward the voice she knew so well.

“You would know, Deklante. You have seen me in every which way, many times over.” she returned, eyes flashing as they found Antrandis leaning against a pillar a short way off.

“Now, that is a name I never thought I would hear again. I am almost inclined to use it once more when out in the Eld.” she heard him say with a chuckle.

“No, it was for me, so it shall remain mine to utter. The first name I knew you as, the name my father introduced you to me as. It is only for my lips to speak.” she said with a low voice, walking over to him with the makeshift dress flowing around her.

“If that is your wish.” he said, his stormy blue eyes on hers as she approached

“It is, among other things.”

She watched his nod, the slight tilt of his head that both infuriated her and made her weak to its promises. She glanced away momentarily, searching for the words before meeting his eyes again, stepping within reach and touching his chest with a fingertip. Hesitating for a moment, she bit at her lower lip nervously.

“Gods, I feel like a young woman again, nervous and weak-legged.” she said, almost berating herself as she noticed the gentle smile he used to give her, knowing and patient.

“I...I am no longer who I was. I have learned from my mistakes, as I have noticed you have. But, Deklante, I feared competition only to find there is none. And this morning...I have needed you for so long.”

He nodded and she unconsciously leaned into his hand as he reached up and slid some loose strands of her silvered hair behind an ear, his fingertips grazing the lobe and making her shiver. She quickly took his hand and held it to her cheek, her eyes still on his as he remained quiet.

“I want you to be mine again; I want this distance between us to be no longer. The words you spoke, that we spoke on the eve of Sian’s realisation and rise. And what you promised to me. You knew in agreeing that it could be no other way.”

He gave a small nod in admission, “I did not know, but I had hoped. You wish to speak of the agreement we made on Fieluun’s Peak?”

“No, I do not wish to negotiate.” she said, her eyes glowering.

She watched as a small smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth.

“I am sick of the innocuous distractions that I am left to make for myself, these… little plays, steps of a dance, trying to connect to something that does not exist, searching for something or someone just to pass the time with.” Silvast reasoned, her silver on his stormy blue, “You forgave me many millennia ago, and I am finally beginning to forgive myself. Deklante…” she smiled softly, “Antrandis. Tell me, why should I keep harming myself when I can have eternity among those that love me and I love in return? An eternity I desperately crave.”

“I never said no to you, Silvast.” he said, his voice calm.

Silvast looked at him, her eyes flaring as she raised a hand and pulled a number of strands of her hair, their silver shine glimmering in the rich amber light from the moments before sunset. She saw his look, that memory from a time long lost to the ages of the Eld rekindled. Taking his hand she led him down the steps and into the light under the sky that shone through the iris.

“Then by the old gods and the new, say yes.” she said with wide eyes, the silver reflecting the amber from above, “Let us become more than we once were, without secrets, without fears, without anger… all of us together.” she finished with an impassioned whisper.

She watched as the faint storm in his eyes came to life with flickers as the amber afternoon light that surrounded them became white and crystalline, sharp and clear, a fragile silence descending around them before the space inside the pillars seemed to expand outward. She shivered, feeling the tickle of air as her eyes remained on his. She knew that this time and place was theirs and no other’s.

In her hand, the strands of her hair shone like spun platinum, reflecting the light that they lay within. With her free hand she took his, guiding it, before she started to wrap the strands of hair around his finger. Her silver eyes matching the intensity of his as they remained locked in an intimate stare. Finally completing the winding, she kept the tip of her thumb pressed in place, holding the loose ends in position.

“I may never be in your mind so completely as Sian and Winter are, and as Ekavira might become. But, I hold a claim on you in ways that others can not. You gave me the memories I hold dearest, your trust and love are my most precious of treasures. Do you accept me once more? Do you accept this token of my love and trust for you?”

She stared at him expectantly, her heart thundering in her head so loudly that she did not hear his words; instead his slight nod and expression told her more than his words ever could.

She quickly reached and touched his lips gently, halting his words, her eyes intense and blazing, “Yes and only yes.”

The smile grew on his face as he guided her hand away and beneath her thumb, the silver strands of her hair glowed sharply and melded, leaving a narrow silvered band that gleamed sedately from under the skin of his finger a second ring to match the first. She led his eyes to her collarbones as she swept her hair back and over her shoulder. The sapphire glow flickering to life under her skin, pure in the crystalline light that surrounded them.

“Please, mark me as you have them. As your first from ages past, please, give me that honour.”

She watched as his eyes narrowed slightly, the dark wisps of the midnight storm manifesting in their depths as a hesitant expression touched his sight. A gentle smile came to his face as his hand paused.

“I can not.” he said at a whisper.

Silvast stared at him, feeling the falter in the space around them. She quickly placed a hand on each of his cheeks, her eyes on his.

“I accept that there are things that have been kept in secret, I will not blame you or say you are wrong for keeping them so. I would be a hypocrite of the highest order to say that I have none of my own.” she said with a pained smile, “I have grown to accept that there are things that are best left unsaid, but I know with time, you might be ready to reveal them to me as I will reveal mine to you.”

“Antrandis, I want you. I never stopped wanting you. I want the…” she continued, her eyes glancing to the space starting to narrow around them.

“Silvast, do you truly agree to no more secrets? To trust in each other and our actions. To no longer conceal the truth and to protect our bond to the utmost?” he said calmly, “What you ask for, it is not merely a symbol this time. It is a union of our separate lives, to be as we were will not suffice. You know what I am.”

She watched as he reached up and touched the gently glowing sapphire under her skin, it flaring brightly as his fingertip made contact, “To save you, I gave my flesh to steal you from death.”

She felt him lift her hand, pressing it against his chest.

“Do you feel it?” he asked.

Silvast stared at him, her eyes quickly dropping to where his hand held hers. Realisation dawned on her, the throb at her neck and along her ribs, the pulsing of the sapphire light that was in time with the beat of his heart under her hand.

“Is this still your desire? To become one with us, with what I am?”

“You–You cut a piece from…Why did you not tell me?” she breathed out, her eyes locked on his, “I was dying? There was no other way?” she stared at him, “But, it is.. You did this for me?”

He gave her a gentle smile, touching her cheek, “No Silvast, I did it purely for selfish reasons, against your father’s teachings; something I vowed to him and to The Three to never upset the balance and the flow of life and death from then on.”

She frowned, realising what he was saying, the pain of loss in his eyes striking hard at her, “…Antrandis…no…I had…?”

“I could not bear to lose you, not when I could do something, anything to keep you in my life.”

Silvast looked at him, placing her hand over his once more, the sapphire glow sharpening further beneath their touch with her silver eyes on his stormy blue, “By the will of Toth, The Three, the Dragons of the Eld, the gods of old, and by my will. To once again be at your side is what I desire.” she whispered.