Side Story: Sven

So I got into trouble today.

My teacher, Ms. Dickass-Delphia, caught me forcing two kids to fight each other and I got in trouble.

I tried to read her mind to get some dirt on her, but somehow she got a magic artifact that stops external magic! What kind of grade school teacher has a fucking magic artifact?!?!

Now that fat bitch told me that I have to write in a journal as punishment, reflecting on myself everyday until she tells me that I can stop.

She threatened to tell my dad if I didn’t behave!

The audacity of this women.

That’s blackmail! And I’m the one who blackmails people! How dare she!

Normally I wouldn’t care and wouldn’t do shit, but if she snitches on me to my dad…

Okay, I’m not scared of my dad, alright. Its just… he’s the chief of our bandit group…

He’s not scary, he just… he one time let me read his mind so he could project the image of him “disciplining” me (it’s just him beating my ass until I learnt my lesson).

Regardless, now I have to write in this stupid journal reflecting on myself. Blah blah blah.

Even if I have to do it, doesn’t mean I’ll be happy doing it nor will I do it properly.

If you’re reading this Delphia, suck my fucking micro-sized cock you whore.

-

Yada yada yada.

Did some stuff today, stuff there, stuff that. Stuffed a random bitch full of dirt.

Okay, that’s enough writing for the day.

-

Took a fat shit in the school bathroom today and blew up the toilet the same way militaries blow up small villages during wars! HA.

-

My class is going on a 2-week field trip tomorrow or something, sounds like a damn drag.

I hope we get attacked by a dragon and everyone dies.

-

God, today was horrible.

Everyone in class had to get a partner for our field trip, and I had no one (since everyone is literally inferior to me).

There was also this other kid as well who had no partner (some lonely ass bitch or something), so I had to be with him.

Kid’s name was… Anjo? Antonio? Ambrio? I don’t fucking remember. It started with an A.

Long story short, I’m stuck with this random kid for the next 2 weeks as his partner.

This sucks so bad I’m tempted to get one of my lackeys to kill the kid and bury his body somewhere deep in the forest.

-

This kid is weird.

He is by far the most bizarre kid I’ve met so far.

On the outside, he’s very normal, but I read his mind today and… there’s nothing. Literally nothing. He doesn’t think.

Well, that’s not exactly true.

He can think, but for some reason, the moment our teacher starts talking, he just zones out.

His mind literally empties itself the instant the lesson starts.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t pay attention to whatever stupid topic the teachers talk about either, but this kid is different.

I’ve read many people’s minds before, but this was the first time I’ve discovered someone with absolutely no thoughts.

He blinks, he moves, he even answers questions when he gets called on, but his brain… it’s empty. It’s like he’s mentally sleeping but his body is physically awake.

And then when the teacher stops talking… he returns to normal and starts having thoughts again… WHAT THE FUCK AM I LOOKING AT?

I dug up a bit of his background, and apparently he’s Jack the lumberjack’s son.

Jack is my father’s right hand man and an important dude to our bandit group, so I was surprised this kid was the son of such an important guy.

How the fuck have I never seen this kid? He has zero presence in class.

I’ve observe this specimen throughout the day, and he acts surprisingly normal. He gets lunch, eats it. He likes to nap and read comics and fantasy stories. It’s nothing out of the usual.

Since he’s my “partner” for our field trip, I’ve had to speak to him a few times, and he’s quite normal… ASIDE FROM HIS FUCKING THOUGHTS.

When I talk to him, his mind is always imagining a picture of a super buff me beating up a bunch of kids as I drink their blood.

What the hell does this kid think I am? A fucking monster???

I am pretty notorious in our school, but I don’t think most people think I’m some kind of muscular girthy beast going around beating up children and consuming their corpses.

Yet this kid seems to think I am.

And I got to say, his acting is top notch since he acts very casually around me. His actions are completely from what he’s thinking.

Usually, I’d probably be pissed and fuck him up after school, but I’m just speechless.

All I know is I’m stuck with this kid for 2 more weeks.

Although it’s going to fucking suck, I have a feeling I won’t be bored at least.

-

For our field trip today, we all had to go through the forest with our partner and find some plants on a list or whatever, I didn’t pay attention so I don’t know.

What kind of brain dead teacher lets literal school children into a fucking dense forest full of poisonous and deadly shit to “scavenger hunt” for plants?! Our fucking teacher apparently is and that’s what we had to do today.

So me and that kid, Anthargo or whatever his name is, went through the forest.

I paid very close attention to him and his thoughts.

And believe me when I say, I’m surprised this idiot isn’t dead.

Every single time we found something, his first thought was to put it in his mouth and consume it.

We found a colorful mushroom today, and the kid’s first thought was, “Hm. This looks cool. I want to eat it.”

Of course, he didn’t actually eat it (or else he’d be dead by now), but he considered and thought about it.

How did he survive this long?

At one point, his thoughts to put the damn mushroom into his mouth got so intense I had to slap it out of his hand before he could actually eat it.

He just stared at me as his thoughts changed to an imagination of me assassinating him and pissing on his worthless corpse.

LIKE I SAID, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS KID THINK I AM?!?!?

I mean, yeah, I did consider killing the kid before, but like, I wouldn’t actually do it.

I’m getting too worked up over this kid.

We fortunately made it back alive today, but I have a feeling that this won’t be the last time he’ll have thoughts of doing stupid shit that could kill him…

-

I must be a god damn fucking prophet.

My prediction was right.

Today, that kid nearly almost fucking died. Twice.

Our entire class went into the forest together with our teacher leading the day and all the kids following her like the sheeple they are.

The kid’s brain, as usual, was emptier than my ball sacks after I bust a fat load into your mother.

As the teacher was walking, explaining some of the plants and wildlife, the kid got distracted by a pretty butterfly.

I considered my options, to follow the teacher like a god damn hypnotized duckling, or to follow the kid who was likely going to accidentally kill himself.

There was only one objective choice that was more entertaining.

So I followed the kid.

Didn’t long before we got lost and separated from the rest of the class.

He eventually wandered for a bit until he discovered a river.

He suddenly smiled, stripped naked with only his underwear and jumped into the river to swim… but ya know what’s the punchline here? THE FUCKING DIMWIT CAN’T SWIM!!! HE SAID HE’S NEVER SWAM BEFORE.

HOLY FUCKITY FUCK.

How can one child be so… so… URGHH.

He started flailing his arms as he sank down and got pushed by the river’s current, and I was watching him from the trees.

I don’t why, but I jumped in after him.

However, as I swam close and tried pulling him out, I too got pulled by the river’s current.

I can swim, but I’m no pro. Swimming in a raging current while trying to rescue a worthless idiot who sinks like a sack of shit is no easy feat.

I grabbed onto the kid as we were both dragged along the river.

Now, this was the weird part. The kid must’ve somehow been smart enough (which he clearly isn’t smart) to realized that he was dragging me down so he pushed me away.

I managed to swim back to the shores alone, but the kid was still drowning.

I ran further down the river and shouted at the kid to grab my hand, which he did.

It took a fuck ton of effort to pull this kid out of the river.

In the end, I managed to save him.

I don’t even know why I bothered. I should’ve just let him die. Would’ve been easier for me.

The kid thanked me, and upon reading his mind, he started to imagine me as super muscular again, but not as a monster who beats up children, but as a hero flying through the air with a cape…

How can someone’s image of another change so fast? This kid confuses me more then math does.

Oh, did you think this was the end?

No.

We were still lost.

The sun started to slowly set and we were both wet and cold.

When it got dark, the kid started to get really scared. He thought we were going starve in the forest or get devoured by monsters.

He thought that since we were lost, it wouldn’t be long before we got so hungry that we needed to eat our own bodies to survive, so this kid dead ass considered chopping off his arm and eat it.

I slapped him. Hard. I made sure to slap him so much that it’ll rattle his 2 brain cells back into existence.

I know a bit of illusion and psychic magic, and that includes minor life detection.

I detected a few adults in the distance looking for us and I led the kid to safety.

Once again, we made it back safely. Somehow.

I have never felt so mentally and physically exhausted.

-

I don’t know anymore.

This kid… he’s…

I have a sudden urge to stop this dude from killing himself.

Everywhere I turn, I see potential scenarios where the kid will find a way to kill himself with.

I’ve never been so stressed in my life.

Even though I can read his mind, he is the most unpredictable little shit head I’ve ever seen.

Why do I want to keep him safe? I don’t know.

Should I just lock him up in a cage and never let him leave?

Thankfully, after the incident yesterday, even the brain-dead teachers realized the fucking forest was too dangerous.

So now we’re just walking through grass fields, yay.

-

The kid is safe.

He hasn’t died… yet.

-

The kid was finished his lunch today but was still hungry so he thought about looking for more food in the trash…

Is this kid a fucking raccoon???

I shared my lunch with him or else he might’ve actually started to eat garbage and accidentally poison himself.

-

Another tiring day of stopping the kid from accidentally killing himself.

Is this how it feels like to be a parent?

-

Sat the kid down today and talked with him.

I made sure to fully lecture him on what will kill him and how to avoid it.

The kid is as confused as ever.

-

The kid and I did a project together in class, so we didn’t go outside and he was safe.

-

Sometimes I forget that I’m reading the kid’s mind and he’s not actually saying any of the things he’s thinking.

I’ve been so fucking exhausted lately that I’ve run out of magic and was too tired to use my psychic powers today.

That’s when I noticed how weirdly normal the kid was acting… and then I realized that this was how he always acted.

The reason why I think he’s so weird is because I can read his mind.

It baffles me how a person can live his life so normally and yet have such stupid thoughts.

And I’m the only one in this god forsaken school who realizes how weird this kid is.

-

Not going to lie, this kids actually pretty interesting.

I can’t believe how much this stupid kid who was dumb enough to jump into a river without knowing how to swim has in common with me.

We talked for about an hour and I completely lost track of time.

This kid… he’s actually fun to talk to.

After I saved him, he ain’t scared of me anymore and in his mind, he considers me his friend!

His lonely ass thought I was his friend just because I was preventing him from killing himself.

However, I wouldn’t mind making him one of my lackeys.

Despite his room temperature iq, he’s pretty strong for his age.

Apparently his father had trained him a bit and he’s quite strong actually.

He’d make a pretty good lackey… hm, now that doesn’t sound like a bad idea, does it?

-

I “kindly” offered the kid to become one of my underlings and that motherfucker turned down my offer.

I saved this bitch’s life so many times, how dare he refuse???

I should literally just let him die.

I got so pissed I tried to read his mind and find something to blackmail him with, but he got nothing! He’s done literally nothing bad in his entire life!

Apparently, his “deepest and darkest” secret in his mind is that he prefers tits over ass… HOW TF IS THAT A DEEP AND DARK SECRET?!?!?!

He told me that he’d rather we just stay friends… this bitch kid just friendzoned me on my offer to become my underling…

Alright. Fine. If you don’t want to be my underling, fine. But know this kid, you’ll regret that.

-

I regret myself.

Despite saying that I’ll make the kid regret himself, the kid almost killed himself again today.

And I don’t know why, but I saved him. Again. Even after saying I wouldn’t.

This kid is a trouble magnet.

I have to stop getting involved with him. But for some reason, I can’t.

Luckily, today’s the last day of our field trip and we’ll be returning to our normal school. We won’t be partners anymore, and we can go our separate ways.

Now, I won’t ever talk to that son of a bitch ever again.

-

Life is good. I finally was able to relax the entire day without talking to that kid.

I didn’t even bother reading his mind because I don’t care.

-

The kid was staring out the window at an eagle today… I was tempted to, but I resisted the urge to read his mind.

I have a feeling if I read his mind, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

-

Another normal day.

-

Today, I saw that kid fighting another dude.

I didn’t know what was going on, but for some reason, I got mad.

I walked up to the dude that the kid was fighting and beat him up, which sent him to the hospital with a broken nose.

I expected the kid to thank me for helping, but instead… he fucking punched me straight in my beautiful face.

Did he know what the in the fucking world he just did? That moron punched me.

I didn’t even have time to get mad, I was just baffled.

He apologized immediately, saying that he did it because he was mad at me for beating up the other guy.

He then explained to me that the two of them were just arguing over which flavor of ice cream is better, chocolate or vanilla (vanilla obviously), and it got heated resulting in a minor scuffle, but it was nothing serious.

He then asked me why I cared if he got into a fight or not, it was none of my business… and he’s right.

Why did I get involved?

I don’t know either.

I knew it, this kid is a god damn curse to me and he’s naively oblivious to it.

He’s literally just a normal kid. A literal fucking insect. A nobody. Yet why is he troubling me so much!?

Fucking hell.

-

The kid came up to me and apologized again for punching me yesterday.

I told him I didn’t care and left.

-

Didn’t talk to the kid.

-

Today, some of the senior bullies confronted me.

These guys were a part of my lackey group, who I had “tamed” a few years ago.

However, they weren’t so happy with me and finally decided to revolt against me.

These imbeciles claimed that I had grown soft because they saw me get punched by a kid and not do shit about it.

I threatened to reveal their secrets, but they didn’t back down. They thought that if they used force, I’d become submissive and stay quiet.

Hell nah bitch, the only ones who are submissive and breedable are them, not me.

Still, it was a tough situation. They were older and bigger than me, while I wasn’t a fighter.

I could fucking ruin their entire lives and destroy everything they love and care about if I reveal their secrets that I had obtained form reading their minds, but I would’ve been beaten up before I could do that.

Then out of no where, that kid, the one who I’ve been trying to the avoid and the one who’s like a thorn in my side, appeared.

He defended me from those bitchass traitors and got into a fight with them.

Even though he was beaten up like a loner’s dick after a masturbation session, that kid managed to scare away them all away.

I hate to fucking admit it, but… he saved me in that situation.

He said although he thought I was weird (I don’t want him of all people to call me weird), I had helped him before so he helped me back.

But I owe him nothing. With this, we are even. I have saved that moron’s worthless life so many times, that him saving me once only makes us equal.

That’s right, we’re equals.

I decided to do something today, that quite frankly, I would normally never do.

I asked him what his name was.

All this time, I’ve referred to him as the kid.

But, it’s getting kind of annoying writing about him when I don’t remember his name to refer to him as.

So I asked.

Anthony.

That’s his name.

Sounds generic as fuck.

Which in all honesty, fits him very well. He looks and acts like a person named Anthony.

Anthony is a fucking moron. But I feel like we’re going to be hanging out with each other a lot more often from now on.

I’ve given up on trying to avoid this guy.

Instead, I’ll use him to my advantage.

Like I said before, he’s quite strong for his age.

He thinks we’re “friends,” but in actuality, he’ll be my bodyguard. He’ll protect me if any situations like today arise. In exchange, I’ll stop him from accidentally killing himself.

It’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

Plus, it ain’t boring hanging around him unlike all the other fucking dull ass sheeple in our prison they call school.

Things’ll be interesting from now on.

Oh, and in case you’re reading this, and you were wondering what happened to those senior bullies who betrayed me, let’s just say their entire family business has been utterly destroyed due to one of their scandals being leaked.

I wonder how that happened.

Teehee.

-

Forgot to write in this stupid journal.

I’ve been busying hanging out with the kid. I mean, Anthony. That’s his name. I forgot that I knew his name for a second there.

Usually I just head straight home after school, but lately Anthony has dragged me around town to goof around and shit.

Every time I get home, I feel so exhausted having to deal with him.

But honestly, it doesn’t feel bad.

I feel I’ve changed… ew, character development. Suck my dick.

But in all seriousness, this kid, Anthony, is infecting me.

I’m slowly becoming a moron just like he is.

And worse yet, I don’t mind! If this was a month ago, I would’ve never believed something like this could happen to me!

Holy shit, I have diarrhea. Gotta go fast.

-

I got invited to Anthony’s birthday party.

But I have no time for such meaningless and trivial occasions. Why should I care if it’s the day he was born or not?

So of course I went.

I didn’t go to celebrate his birthday though; I merely went to witness his futile attempt at making such an insignificant day be worth something.

But when I arrived at his place, I realized I was the only person there besides him.

I had forgotten he had no friends other than me.

So I was the only one who came to his birthday.

That’s just… sad.

It’s almost pitiful.

That is until I realized that I too have never celebrated my birthday with anyone else.

I have a bunch of lackeys, but our relationship isn’t that where we would invite each other to birthday parties. It’s more like they do everything I tell them to do.

We were in the same situation. This was both of our first time celebrating a birthday with someone else.

Oh, the shame. I can’t believe I’m on the same level as this kid. The shame. Just end me now.

I wanted to just leave, but I couldn’t after already showing up.

So I had no choice but to stay and celebrate this kid’s birthday.

Honestly, I expected to suffer but surprisingly, I wasn’t bad.

We casually played some two player board games for a while as we talked and discussed while snacking on some food.

We also shared stories and read a couple comics together as well and time flew by without even realizing.

Later in the evening, his father brought us cake which we all shared and congratulated Anthony on his birthday.

It was… fun.

I even almost felt sad saying goodbye when I left.

Of course, I wasn’t actually sad since I don’t care… but if I did care, I think I would’ve been sad.

However, that’s a dumb thought since we’re going to meeting again tomorrow anyways.

-

Sat Anthony down again and taught him a long lecture on how to not accidentally kill himself.

I expected his mind to doze off again, but I guess since I was the one talking and not a teacher, he was actually paying attention and was actively thinking.

-

Anthony and I had an interesting conversation together regarding the future.

Somehow, the topic of what we wanted to become in the future came up.

I’ve pretty much assumed my whole life that I was going to inherit my father’s position as bandit chief when I grew up, but thinking about it now, I’m not really fit for the role.

To become a bandit chief, one must be powerful and strong.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m quite weak.

My strength lies in my psychic and illusion magic.

I don’t mean to brag (yes, I am bragging. Suck it nerd) but I am considered a psychic prodigy. I’m a natural talent.

At my young age, I’m already able to read minds and use illusion magic while others would spend years just to get where I’m at. Not only that, but I’m still growing and my abilities will even improve over time.

So maybe I could find a profession that would suit my abilities well.

A merchant perhaps? I bet I could scam and blackmail a ton of fucking money and become absolutely filthy rich.

To be honest though, it doesn’t matter what I become. Skilled mind readers like me aren’t very common so I’ll likely succeed in any field I enter since I’m just that awesome.

Although, I was a little curious as to what Anthony would become.

I honestly can’t even imagine what a doofus like him would do with his life.

He’d likely just leech off of me.

Hmph.

Well, if he swears his loyalty to me, I don’t mind sharing with him a bit of my wealth… afterall, he is a “friend.”

Maybe he can train a bit and become like a professional bodyguard for me.

That’d be nice, we can still hang out even as adults if that happened.

Makes me wonder though, will we still be hanging out together when we grow up?

Anthony’s the first ever kid who’s managed to maintain my interest this long, but I wonder if it’ll last.

I hope it does. It’s been fun.

-

Today, Ms. Dickass-Delphia told me she wanted to read my journal to check up on my progress.

Needless to say, she was “disgusted” by my vulgar language.

I “convinced” her that maybe it ain’t such a good fucking idea to force me to write in a stupid journal for no reason then.

She was reluctant, but she said fine since I’ve been pretty quiet lately. I was too busy stopping a certain kid from not killing himself to cause any real chaos lately, so what she said was true.

Well, I guess from now on, this journal is over. I figured I’d at least write one last final entry to say goodbye.

But I won’t miss this stupid book, I’ll probably just shove it in the abyssal waste known as my closet (haven’t cleaned that thing is years).

Plus, I’ve been busy hanging out with Anthony so I don’t have much time to write in here anyways.

So long ya fucking nerds, ya boy Sven is peacing out.

-

Wow.

I can’t believe I found this journal after so long.

How many years has it been?

This is so… cringe.

This was… me? I acted and spoke like this when I was still a kid in school?

Oh man. Oh boy. Oh god.

This is hard to read.

Why did I swear so much while writing this? The number of edgy jokes in here…

This thing is a relic of my dark past.

But even so… this does bring back a lot of nice nostalgic memories.

Ah, I remember having a lot of fun with Anthony when we were kids.

Since I’ve hung out with him so much, I think he’s the main reason why I changed so much.

And he’s changed as well.

We’ve become adults now.

But even though we have changed, some parts of us have remained the same… like how Anthony is still somehow getting into situations that could get him killed.

As a kid, he would think of doing stupid shit that could kill him, and even now that hasn’t changed.

Like for example, just yesterday, he was attacked by assassins from another kingdom and required my help.

How does one man attract so much trouble?

Well, I guess that’s Anthony for ya.

Someone’s got to keep an eye on him and stop from killing himself.

He’s invited me to the city to help him with what he’s doing, and I’ve accepted.

I was packing my stuff to leave when I found this nifty journal.

I’m going to be heading to the city soon.

I’m glad I found this journal. Maybe I should show it to Anthony…? Nah, I’d die of embarrassment if he read this.

This is probably going to be my read last entry, since I intend on burying this where no one will ever find this.

Aight.

Cya.

Sven was here.