This person is in a long distance relationship and feels that they are not good enough for their partner.

Hello,

Long-distance relationships are hard. When the person you love appears to be thousands of miles away, it is very simple to develop doubts and fears. When you learn about how they are managing without you, it can be very simple to become jealous. It's not a nice experience, but unfortunately, these are human feelings that you need to learn how to handle properly. If you want to maintain, or better yet, improve your relationship, you need to:

Understand and manage your emotions

Communicate honestly with both your partner and yourself

One of the first things I noticed in your message is that you have a lot of negative self-talk. What that tells me is that you have insecurities that are likely not being managed well, and that is bleeding into your relationship. It’s okay to worry if you are good enough for your partner. That is a common doubt a lot of people have. However, you need to do something about it. If you aren't good enough for your partner, how can you change that? What areas do you think you are falling short in? Has your partner communicated anything like this with you? Break down your insecurities and try to find the "why" behind the doubt. It's in there somewhere. Personally, I try to picture my insecurities as a tangled ball of yarn. The end of the string is somewhere in the ball, and I need to untangle it to find it. Untangling the string and asking yourself these questions are great ways to start that process. From there, you can enter into a conversation about what you're feeling, what's triggering it, and eventually, the root of the insecurity. This is also a great opportunity to open up to your partner and share a moment of vulnerability and trust.

Something else I'd like to address is your statement about being "toxic for her". With that statement, you are now at a fork in the road with four potential paths: either stay the course with no change, act in a truly toxic way to, as you put it, "help her realize she should be with someone better," end the relationship, or seek change. The first three are, in all honesty, cowardly routes. If you don't change, you are saying you're willing to stew in uncontrolled emotions and potentially take them out on your partner. If you decide you want to "help her understand", all you're doing is making a fool and a jerk of yourself. Rather than break it off yourself or try to make improvements, you'd rather make yourself the "misunderstood bad guy" who "did it for her own good". Your partner deserves better than that. You deserve better than that. If you break it off due to your insecurities, it's the same thing. You're willing to throw away a relationship because you don't know how to manage your insecurities. You both deserve better. The only good option is to seek change. If you see a problem with your behavior/thoughts/etc., you need to do something about it. Address the issue. Take responsibility and hold yourself accountable. If your partner deserves better, be better. If you love her and want better for her, rather than push her to leave, work on yourself to become the person you think she deserves. Be the person you want to see her with. Be the person you want to be. She can't make you change. Only you can do that. So now it's time to put the work in. I highly suggest talking to your partner. Let her in on where you are, and what you want to do. She should want the best for you just as you do, her, so let her support you. Looking into counseling could also be a good idea. Change is difficult, and personal growth is so much more achievable with a support system.

I hope this helps, love. Good luck, and message us again anytime.

Best,

The Advice Column Team