The pack drank until the sun peaked over the morning dew. I should've joined, but nothing in me wanted to stand side by side with them while they screamed in joy for their new King. Ares and I retired to our room; our bodies tightly knit beneath the chilled shower water. Our skin had been coated in blood, silence a cement wall between us. He'd washed me, I'd washed him, and then we laid side by side in our large bed. Neither of us brought about the conversation of the day's events. Now I stand in front of the mirror with my hand against my flat belly.

The baby's wolf left me with a final gift. Healed me to bare another child without issue. I look as though I've never held a child within my womb, even my mind plays tricks like the month of hell I've gone through was nothing but a hazy dream. Emotions are everywhere. On one side of it I wasn't ready to be a mother. I didn't want the child, drank the tonic to prevent them, but then I had them. Saw their little body growing with me. I watched my body change for them, felt the wolf's pride mixing with my own... my world changed.

If only for a moment.

For just a moment I felt like I could do it. Be the mom, the superhero, possibly love another more than I love myself. No. I had loved another more than I'd loved myself. And yet I failed to protect it. I let my guard drop around someone that was once a friend. Then my weak human body betrayed me. This mark can give me all the wolf mocks it wants, but I'll never have the lean strength these she-wolves possess. Maybe I could've protected them. My mind is locked from Ares. I'm sure he's having the same thoughts, possibly worse.

But our lips stay sealed around one another.

I mean how do you approach this?

Our child is dead, I've killed your mother for respect, and it was her dying wish for me to win against her? I'm sorry?

The words don't sit right. Explaining to the man I've grown to care for that his mother came to my bedside with the fighting gear, begging me to take her life using the anger that coursed through me... it seems so impossible I don't want to attempt to explain it. I can't imagine he's angry, but I wouldn't be joyous. I'd promised to help her beat addiction, let her live without worry, but I became her biggest betrayal. What is this world? Can I truly go on living like this?

The pack supported me before because I'm the mate of Ares, now they respect me because I won a deadly fight against the previous Luna. I've earned my title in their eyes, gained my safety to walk the streets. Mrs. Gray spent time explaining every detail, then put me back to sleep so we could keep it from Ares. He would've held me back. I possibly would've let him too. I didn't know I'd have the capabilities to take a life until that moment. The bone felt right between my fingers. Driving it through her collar, feeling the pop of her shoulder, it was luxurious.

That type of thought terrifies me. The thoughts that I liked taking the life of another. And if it's true, will I control the blood lust? Or will this life only encourage it? The answer is clear. Mrs. Gray isn't the only life I'll take, and I'll enjoy every moment of it. I felt no anger when I watched her life drain. In the beginning I used it, called the bone claws that slit my skin, but then I felt nothing. Only the need to see her slump controlled me, to taste that power people have held over my head for years.

I get it now. Why they held it.

That kind of power could be addicting. Controlling another to the point you can bend them to your will, demand of them anything and they must listen, complete fucking submission to your hand... I. Fucking. Get. It. This knowledge will change me just as much as the child had. I've learned of new experiences, new perspectives. No longer can I shove myself in a box built for a mouse. I can't hide behind the Alpha until the false pretense of strength. It's my time to prove myself.

I won't let the loss of my child, or the win against Mrs. Gray be in vain. I will work to keep the Gray name in power, protect my future children... but am I truly capable?

"Veronica, I stopped by to check on you." Tyson knocks on the open doorway into the suite. I let my hand drop from my belly, then walk from the bathroom to greet him.

"I'm not the best, Tyson, but I'm alive." I'm still covered by pajamas. There didn't seem to be a reason to get dressed beyond comfort.

"Ares has overwhelmed himself with work. It's impressive how much he took on in the first half of the day. Great alliances and improvement have been dealt. Collars outlawed." He drops into the chair next to the breakfast table. I work to pull my hair back in a braid. It's better than being greasy throughout the home, but I'm too exhausted to properly wash my hair. Ares tried his best but lacks in the understanding of my hair routine.

"Classes start soon." It's a knock off way to change conversation. I'm not in the mood to speak of such somber concepts.

"Are you excited?"

"I might put it off another semester."

"If you think that's best." The reply is instant. I'll take it as agreement. I wouldn't have the focus I need to succeed in college, let alone pass the class.

"Please send an email on my behalf then, if you have time."

"I always have time for you." He's awkward, "Look... Luna..." He runs a hand through his hair. He looks so different to the man I first met. Those tables feel so far away. I can hardly remember the dances of a waitress spinning through them, or the toothless smile of Gus. Those good memories with Jessica feel so far away that my heart aches to return. Maybe for a day I could go back to that simple life, a life that protected me from the monsters that go bump in the night.

"Say it, Tyson."

"I'm really proud of you." The words tumble from him like a child trying to ask for candy without angering a parent, "I've never laid eyes on a human so strong. If I didn't know you marked Ares, I'd begin to believe you're wolf!"

"Is there a reason you're trying to inflate my ego?"

He shrugs. I tug at the loose jeans I bought for the baby that sit low on my waist, "No Luna. I just care about you. My loyalty to you is undying."

"Until you find your woman."

"I beg it's soon." He chuckles under his breath, "I'll never have an heir at this rate."

"Why not take some time off then? Travel through the human world. You know traveling the packs will be useless." This conversation is so far off from what we really should be discussing. I know why he's really here, however I appreciate the distractive conversation. This is nicer then loathing over the un-fixable.

"You would let me do that?"

"Of course. Tusk would be a good step in Beta. You've secured good relations with all acquired packs, and Ares will be too busy building rapport to have battle talks. And I've heard the Alpha King up North is busy with his own search."

"I'll put in a request then." He get's a good set in his jaw. Combined with the determination in his eyes, I know whatever happens I'd never deny him. Tyson is desperate for his mate, begging anyone that comes and goes to be his dream. I have no idea how hard it must be watching everyone around you have the one thing you'd treasure most.

"You do that. And let me know if you have any issues."

Tyson and I mumbled through random conversation. None of it discussed anything of relevance, nor did any of it pertain to my mate. We spoke of simple things, colors, even childhood movies. It was needed and loved. My body dropped pulls back into reality when Ares walks in the bedroom with a tired look across his cheeks. He didn't stop Tyson and I's conversation, just struts through the room, and gets in the shower leaving us to our own devices.

Another night of silence then.

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