"This museum is fantastic! It reminds me of our ancient history class in high school. Do you remember teacher William?"

"Of course I remember, Mia, it was not even 2 years ago" I laughed.

"You are right. So much changed in a short period of time, it seemed like it was years ago."

Exploring New York with my best friend was one of the best experiences I had so far. It was a mix of excitement with a pit of safety. I could be myself around her, especially now that we didn't have any secrets. I would be lying if I said that I'm not surprised by her sexuality, but looking at my own experience, I can't judge.

One of my favorite coffee shops was a hidden gem on a calm Brooklyn street, where they also sell used books. It's herby aroma of roasting coffee combined with old papers always invited me to quietness, allowing my mind to stop thinking and just enjoy that exact moment. Mia was also fascinated by the wall's colors, full of drawings and mystic graffiti.

"It's a lovely bookstore slash coffee house, Olivia."

"I'm glad you liked it. I come here sometimes when I need to study some theory or just to sit and enjoy."

Even though the moment was perfect, I could sense some questions flying around Mia's head.

"What do you want to know, Mia? I can feel your brain burning from here." I smile while taking a sip of my caramel macchiato.

Her eyes were full of interrogations, staring deeply at me.

"Life sometimes surprises me. Who would tell that we were going to be living together in a big city, drinking a fancy coffee . . ." She paused, seeming uncomfortable to continue with her thoughts.

"Being gay girls in New York." I finished her phrase, thinking how cute she looked when shy.

"Yeah. I mean, are we crazy? I don't know about you, but it scares me. What is going to happen now? What if I never find someone? I was reading an article online that said most of the lesbian relationships end in less than 5 months."

"It is probably because they start in less than 30 minutes."

"Olivia! I am being serious here. I like girls, but I also want to have a family, a big dog, and a yard. I am not so modern and casual just because I accepted my sexuality".

"You don't need to change who you are just based on whom you like. You can still be Mia, a romantic girl that dreams of building a family. Or you can also discover new things that you want to include in your dreams. It's all fine! And you should stop reading blogs and put yourself out there . . . go meet new people."

"Because that is working just great for you" Now it was her time of laughing at my face.

"Ouch! Alright, I think I deserved it. My case is complicated. Some advice? Do not fall in love with someone who is already spoken for."

Mia's soft hands held mine and all anxiety just fell behind the warm sensation in my heart.

"I know it has not being easy, Olivia, and I'm truly sorry. It is hard to love someone that does not correspond to our feelings in the same way. What I see is that you have two options: try to keep the person close as a friend while you work to get over her, or you keep your distance until you feel it can't hurt you anymore. The first option would be better if you were trying to save anything in that relationship, what I don't know is if it is the case for both of you. She was never more than just a professor for you."

The hot coffee on my lips combined with Mia's sincere words woke me up once more from my daydreams. It was time for me to move forward, honestly prioritizing myself. Another checkbox in my list of "things to do" was talk to Tia. In the past two weeks I have been avoiding her the best I could, which just complicated our situation. I also didn't want to hurt her, not a person that always gave me her best.

"I need to go talk to Tia today. I hate how I have behaved around her. I need to be honest."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Really? Will you, Mia? I mean, we are meeting to eat some brunch today. Maybe I should invite Sandy too."

The only thing I could think about during the whole drive was exactly what words I should say, enacting my tone, facial expressions. Never in the past had I needed to say no to someone I deeply cared about, which was confusing. The ride was not long, but my anxiety made it seem like time was speeding. Mia's laugh kept bringing me back from my own mind, joking about how nervous I looked.

From the Uber's window, I saw Sandy and Tia talking in front of the pub. It was the first time I saw Sandy laughing so hard at something. 'Are they friends?' I thought, trying to recollect in my memory any possible moment of them meeting, but I couldn't. Soon, my eyes were not the only ones surprised, replaced by Tia's astonished pupils when she saw me getting out of that red Honda. Her excitement, however, wasn't contained in her eyes, and soon she was hugging me so tight that I couldn't breathe.

"Since when do you two know each other?" I asked as soon as I could recompose myself.

"We just met." Sandy said so naturally, as if it was the most normal thing.

"You guys seems pretty friendly for people who just met" Mia said, in a sarcastic tone that made me think she was jealous, but I decided to ignore that information.

The Green Pub was famous by its Irish beers and food, popular among students from my university. The decoration was rustic, with big windows that bring a great light. Sandy and Tia were making all the small talk, trying to entertain our meeting, while Mia kept hitting my thigh to force me to talk to Tia.

"I WILL DO IT" Impatiently, I yelled at Mia, bringing everyone's attention to me. Tia smiled shyly at me, almost as if she knew what I was referring to.

"How is college, Olivia? I remember you had an important competition to participate in an orchestra. How is that going?"

It always amazed me how Tia paid attention to what I shared with her, a quality that I have started to realize its importance.

"I didn't pass the first phase." I sighed. "But now I'm participating in another audition to get an internship in Paris for 2 weeks with an important musician, Ninette Dupont."

"The violinist Ninette Dupont?" Tia grabbed my hand so firmly; her skin was warm, and her lips opened. "She is just . . ." Her hands now were all over the place, gesturing as if it could bring sense to her reaction, since the words disappeared.

"I don't know who this Ninette girl is, but she seems like a big deal. I hope you get it." Sandy's causality cracked all of us. We couldn't stop laughing. Mia's stomach was hurting from the excessive chuckle, while Tia and I just loved how unimportant Dupont sounded on Sandy's lips.

"It will be hard, honestly, but I want to give my best. That's all that matters for me right now."

"All that matters?" Tia asked me, trying to sound casual while sipping her orange juice. The second our eyes met, butterflies started flying in my stomach again. Instantly, my face started burning, and I knew I was blushing, 'I hate this!'. Despite my body's reactions, it was time for me to be honest with her. Gathering all my strength, ignoring how uncomfortable I would feel or how sad she would be, I asked Tia if she would accompany me to the bathroom.

Following me to a table outside, Tia sat by my side with a sad expression. Maybe the tone of my voice, or how seriously worried I looked, gave her a hint of what this conversation was about.

"Tia . . ." Even before I could start, she stopped me by holding both of my hands while looking straight into my eyes.

"I know you are going to dump me." Her lips tried to create a smile, but they failed. "If I can even say that, since we just kiss sometimes, nothing more."

"It was much more than that. But . . . I am sorry, Tia. I hate avoiding you, and I know how it hurts you. I didn't know how to explain to you . . ." Once more, she interrupted me.

"Is that because you are scared? I mean, I know it is all new to you."

It was at that moment I realized how little she knew about everything that was happening in my life. She was the first woman I had ever kiss and her space in my story is forever saved, but she deserved much more than that. The minimum I could offer was the truth. Tia didn't speak a single word while I was telling her everything about Bianca, from our first meeting in the airport to the arrival of her fiancé at my college. Tia's eyes never left mine, deeply listening to each detail. At the beginning, I feared her expressions, judging my actions, feelings, but her hands never left mine, as if she was saying I could trust her once more. Everyone that crossed us could feel the tension in the air, even the waitresses avoided interrupting our conversation.

"I don't understand Bianca's feelings, but I am learning how to accept mine."

Tia's eyes were now facing the horizon, lost in a dimension that only belonged to her. It was my time to patiently wait for her to formulate a thought. I could feel she was hanging between a line that separates how upset she was from how she still wanted to be rational.

"All this was going on while we were kissing?" She scratched her hair while also rubbing her eyes. "I know you don't owe me an explanation; we were not exclusive or even dating . . . what upsets me is that you let me think that the problem was your sexuality, how confused you were about potentially liking me, a girl. I told you I would wait for you, and I was doing my best to support you. I had no idea about your strong feelings for your professor. It seems that, with her, you never doubt your feelings. This is what hurts me the most, Olivia."

"Accepting my sexuality is part of my discovery. I didn't doubt myself only with you, but you were the first girl I kissed, and your presence made me realize how I already had feelings for Bianca before I even understood them. But I also had feelings for you . . . I am attracted to you; I feel butterflies in my stomach when you look at me. Our kiss was just... amazing!"

Denying her effect on me would also be hiding part of my truth, which I was not willing to do any longer. Her dark skin was now showing red tones all over her cheek, what she tried to suppress by posing tough while faking a cough.

"But it is not enough for you?"

"It is not about being enough but being everything. When I no longer look at Bianca, I still can feel her presence by my side. Challenging any reason, the smell of her skin, the taste of her lips, the sound of her voice seemed to be engraved in my memory. I don't know if it was love at first sight, but it is love at every sight."

A tear dropped from Tia's eyes; an ocean of emotions trapped in a drop. My heart was swallowed up in a chasm of sorriness, grabbing any small sign of forgiveness as someone who searched for a light beam in a dark cave. My fingers were now moving up and down on her arms since my words could not reach her. Submerged in our little universe, Tia did smile at me, even though our future wasn't the main character of someone story.

I have become a collector of moments, saving unique instances as people save rare antiques, all for the sole intent of remembering them when everything else makes less sense. There I was, in one of those times when the whole world stops for us to live, when our page gets ripped by a voice that keeps tormenting my dreams.

"Olivia"

You know, when the universe creates ties, it is amazing how consistent all the occasions work to pull it closer.

Bianca eyes were focus on my hands holding Tia closer, as if they were shooting daggers to destroy us. Once again, there I was, far away from my reason, falling deeply in love. Gabriela was next to her, holding her hands while her gaze studied the situation carefully. And then, I laughed. Exhausted by the universe's game, by Bianca's selfishness, Tia's sadness . . . I did laugh at myself, at the unbelievable situation, at how my heart was racing by her closeness.