You want to know what the worst pain anyone can feel?

Gilt.

It will destroy a person from piece to piece. And no one can feel a different type of pain that can feel like that.

I feel guilty if Bella's death. I could have helped her I could have do something that would have saved her life. But I did not think of that in time and now that she is gone all of the ideas came rushing to my head, and then I realized that I could have saved her.

And I felt guilt from yesterday.

I wanted Damon to fuck me so bad and he didn't want to. I felt so bad because I know how it feels when someone comes on you without consent.

I was so guilty. Even though he told me that it was fine, but it wasn't fine.

My sex addiction has gotten out of control and I need help for it.

So that is when I decided to go down to the basement and go to the gym.

I feel my bare knuckles go across the leather bad. I grunt every hit I make. My ears ring ti where I can't hear what is happening behind me. I'm so focused on the bag where I can't see Kat behind me.

"Auntie Alaska?" Then all of that frustrating emotion came up with three words.

"Shut up Katerina," I yell, snapping around. My voice came out deep and emotionless.

A tiny gasp came out of her mouth, her eyes widen. I suddenly realized what I said. I put my hands over my mouth. "Kat I'm sorry-" she cuts me up by putting her hand over her mouth and crying into it.

My heart breaks into pieces seeing her rub off upstairs. "Shit," i tun after her but she was already upstairs.

When I got upstairs I see Ace bending down at her level. He wipes tears that have fallen down her cheek. When he sees me his eyes turn cold. "Ace just please-" I try to calm him down but he cut me off. "Alaska you done enough, fuck off. You hurt Kat you are fucking dead to me now." His cold words made my heart sink.

Before I could say anything he grabbed ahold of Kat's hand and took her to his room. I flinched at the door slamming.

I shut my eyes for a second before I went to my room.

When h got to my room I slammed the door shut and went to and sat on the edge of my bed. I let out a cry. "God Alaska can't you just do something right," I whisper to myself. "Your fuckin' stupid." I cried.

I feel hit tears rub down my face and drip on my thighs. I rub my hands through my hair, crying.

Thoughts run in my head so many of them all at once. "Please God just make it stop," I beg for him to make it stop hurting. I beg him for him to make me stop crying. And for him to stop making my life hurt me.

The door opens and shuts and I know it is Damon already. "Alaska, what happened, Angelo," he bend down and wrapped his arms around me. "I-I-" I can't think straight right now. "I'm sorry-" I push him away, wiping my tears off of my face down to my cheeks. "You should get back to work, Damon," I look down as I speak not wanting to look up or I will start sobbing.

"No, Alaska." He grabbed my arm. "Yes Damon," I look up at him, grabbing his hand. "Go," I smile. "I'll be fine," I promised.

Yeah I'll be fine.

~•~