cloud

Raiden and I sat in the living room beside one another. My body was turned so that I could face him as his hand lightly rubbed my own. It did nothing to calm my nerves though. I didn't know just how much he knew about my past, but I knew he most likely didn't find out that much. Now I was going to go into detail about what happened to me and it scared me to see his reaction.

"Whenever you're ready," Raiden tells me, a reassuring smile on his lips.

Ever since I came back, I hadn't gone into much detail about what happened to me. Not with the doctors when they asked me, not with Gray, and now here I was doing it with Raiden. I took a deep breath and began.

"To understand fully, I have to start back at the beginning. Before I was taken at thirteen," I tell him. "I was never wanted as a child. I'm sure you've noticed, but while there are similarities between Gray and me, we don't exactly look like full-blooded siblings because we're not. We share the same father but we have different mothers. Gray was born from our father's true mate, I, on the other hand, was the product of an affair. A bastard child. Dad never planned on me being born and even if it did happen, he would've just left me with my biological mom and acted as if I didn't exist, but that wasn't an option. My biological mother died during childbirth and the only reason I ended up in the Dark Woods Pack was that Gray's mom managed to convince Dad to keep me."

I grin bitterly at that. I never knew who my biological mother was. The only reason I even knew this much about her was because of the old pack members. They were never good at hiding their whispers and rumors.

"Even though I technically was his child, Dad never saw me as such. To him, I was only a mistake — a reminder of his stupid actions and he never let me forget it. He...he hurt me mentally and physically and it's something that'll always stick with me. It was partially because of him that Gray and I never had a good relationship. He made sure that Gray and I never really saw each other and when we did, there was always some form of resentment between the two of us. I wasn't the only one struggling, Gray was as well, but we were both so...consumed by our own pain it was hard to see the other was hurting as well even if we knew it. The home was a hell and being outside wasn't much better. The pack members didn't like me because I was a symbol of disloyalty to them. Most parents wouldn't let their kids play with me so I was almost always alone, but even being alone was better than being in a house with Dad so I spent all my time outside."

"Cloud..."

"Just—just let me finish," I tell him, not looking at his eyes. "The day that I was taken, I was outside with Gray. It was one of the few times we were actually able to be together. I'd just turned thirteen and was constantly spending time in my wolf form, wanting to test it out and see how strong I was. Mom—Gray's mom—had forced him to come with me and make sure I didn't get hurt. Like most sixteen-year-olds, he didn't want to be stuck 'babysitting' and was in a bad mood. I remember trying to get Gray to help me train because Dad wouldn't and since Dad taught Gray everything he knew then Gray could teach me. Well, one thing led to another and we got into an argument. I don't really remember much of it, but I do remember him calling me a bastard. I think that day I started hating myself even more than I already did. Pissed off, hurt, and sad, the two of us split up. That's when I ran into Dexter—one of the men who helped create ferals. It happened in a flash, really. I don't think he even meant to take me, but I was there. Honestly, it was probably Gray he was after, but it was me who he got. He shot me with something and next thing I knew I was out of it."

Raiden stares at me with wide eyes. Part of the reason I was so hesitant to tell him about any of this was that Raiden was so in touch with his feelings to the point where it scared me. He cares so much about those around him and it always manages to show on his face. I knew telling him this would hurt him. He would feel as if it was he who went through it all because that was the person he was. He'd get emotional and I knew that it would make me emotional too and that was the last thing I wanted.

"Next thing I knew, I was in the lab, or my 'new home' as they liked to call it. I was there for nine years of my life undergoing painful experiments. Creating ferals was still a new concept so everything they did was a test of fate. Would it hurt him? Would it kill him? How will he react to this? I was just their guinea pig and they...they really fucked me up. Mentally, physically, and spiritually. It's because of them that my wolf is the way it is. I used to be so fucking excited about being able to shift. Thinking maybe, just maybe, then Dad would actually care about me. When I first started to lose my wolf, it destroyed me. I cried all day until they finally put me into an induced coma and then Gray later found me. Even after he brought me back to the pack, I wasn't the same kid as before. I was so angry at the world. At Dad, at both my moms, at Gray, at Dexter, Michael Cain, and anyone else who was involved with the experiments. I took my anger out on everyone and everything around me. Even now, I don't like talking about my past or my time at the lab which is why I got so mad at you earlier. That was something I never wanted you specifically to know about. I wanted to act like it never happened and try to forget and move forward, but at the same time, I'm so fucked up, Raiden."

"No, you're—"

"Yes," I look at him. "Yes, I am. That was why I wanted to leave. I didn't want to stick around knowing that you'd be stuck dealing with my shit. I wanted to go somewhere where nobody I knew from the past, nobody connected to wolves or any supernatural creatures could find me. I wanted to forget who I was. But the more time we spent together, the more I began to like you and I just couldn't bring myself to leave. When you found the bag, I had already stopped planning. I'm sorry that I scared you and made you worry like that, though."

Raiden's eyes are focused on the floor. "I'm sorry too, Cloud. I shouldn't have looked into your past. My goal was never to hurt you, I promise you that. I guess I just thought that if I knew more about you, I could understand you more and you wouldn't be so distant, but I should've been more patient with you. I shouldn't have gone behind your back and I should've told you much sooner. I want to earn your trust the proper way if you'll let me."

"Only if you'll let me do the same," I reply, the corners of my lips rising slightly.

Raiden grins and nods.

The two of our hands were still touching, so I link them and pull him closer to me. Raiden easily complies and once he's close enough, I lean in and kiss him. Raiden didn't hesitate to return the action. His hand no longer held mine but instead wrapped around my waist. Neither one of us say anything as our hands explore one another's body.

Raiden lightly pushes down on the center of my chest until I'm laying flat on the couch. With a tug of his shirt, I nonverbally tell him to remove it and he wastes no time taking off his along with mine. His lips pull away from mine and move down my neck, stopping specifically near my collarbone; the place he'd leave his mark. With an almost primal look in his eyes, he begins to attack my neck.

Noises that I never thought would come out of my mouth escape. Lust consumes me as I feel Raiden's hands begin to move lower and as much as I don't want to, I stop him.

"As much as I'm enjoying this, I don't think this is the right time for us to be thinking with our dicks," I tease. "There's still a lot of shit going on around us. Let's focus on that and then..."

"And then?" Raiden stares down at me before his eyes begin to trail down my body.

"And then we can talk about mating, you horny mutt," I tell him, but my words are lighthearted.

"If I'm a horny mutt then what does that make you?" Raiden challenges. "If I recall, you started this—"

"Shut up," I scold him, a smile on my face. "I can go back to not speaking to you."

"You wouldn't," Raiden says confidently.

"No?"

"No," he grins. "We both know you love me."

I pause at the word love. Raiden continues to grin away, not realizing what he said. I mirror his grin, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him downward.

"Yeah, you idiot. I do love you so don't forget it."