《Ashes of Heaven》Chapter 169: Count'em With These Nuts
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"Where the fuck am I supposed to live now?" Han Xuhan shouted to the two cowering minions. "Why is it too much to ask for a simple instruction to be heeded properly? Seems like I've been a bit too tolerant of your numerous instances of misconduct ever since I summoned you!"
Zhanxian occasionally sent Tun Shi Tian gloomy glances amidst the beratement, as he had been persuaded by the owl to continue cultivating under the thunderstorm.
"Just you wait, I promise you will regret this, especially you, little Tian."
Temples twitching, Han Xuhan growled curses under his breath as he salvaged the pricey stuff from the ruined house. He had hidden a considerable amount of resources, money, and equipment inside several secret slots in his ceiling and floor. The walls were still intact, although appearing rather delicate from all the cracks and burns on them.
"Take these boxes to Mu Ran's house and tell him to store these safely for the next few days. We can't keep these out in the open if a big flood hits us again."
Zhanxian and Tun Shi Tian rushed to pick up the boxes he handed them, seeming eager to get away from the 'crime site' as fast as possible.
"I'll be heading to Xiao Wu's home. Tell him that before returning."
After they had left, Han Xuhan pocketed the most valuable manuals and gathered his vast wealth in a rice bag, and headed toward Xiao Wu's house.
While he did not mind storing his treasures under Mu Ran's care, living with that lazy asshole would be a nightmare.
Han Xuhan did not want to spend the next few days attending to Mu Ran's smallest whims, doing his chores and helping him practice his qi manipulation skills. His life was on the line here in tournament.
Knocking on someone's door after midnight is bound to arouse some unwarranted suspicion and hostility. Xiao Wu opened the door quite fast, but had his arms ready to deliver vicious slashes with his sharp knives. Even after seeing Han Xuhan, his hostility didn't quite go down.
"How many martial sisters do you have?" He asked in a resolute tone.
What was this? Password?
Huh, probably to filter out tricky intruders from other sects. Not bad, not bad at all.
Han Xuhan scratched his head and answered, "originally there was only one sister, and now there is still only one."
"Come in," Xiao Wu said, exhaling in relief.
If the intruder is unprepared, they'll take a guess and say a random number to try their luck.
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If the intruder is prepared, they'll say the answer is just one sister.
If it is someone with some sort of mind reading powers, they would answer that there had been three martial sisters before they changed teachers. And now there is only one, Yuen Zhou.
However, only Han Xuhan and Xiao Wu would have the tacit agreement to treat the other two martial sisters of theirs as non-existent people they'd happily ignore.
Han Xuhan followed him inside and carefully placed the bag down, sitting beside it himself to relieve the stress this night had brought him.
"Did your house get attacked?" Xiao Wu said, cautiously looking out through the window. "I didn't hear-"
"No. That thunderstorm...hit my roof till it broke down."
Xiao Wu gasped. "It could do that?! Shit!"
"Not necessarily, it only seeks you out if you try to cultivate under it. Probably has got something to do with the heavenly energy we harness during breakthroughs."
"Are you okay?" Xiao Wu said in concern.
"I'm fine. It wasn't me who cultivated under it. It was the damned minions."
"...Oh!" Xiao Wu seemed stupefied. "...Well, we can share this house until the tournament is over. What's in the bag? If it's clothes, put it on that shelf over ther-"
"Money."
"What?"
"The bag. Inside, it's all spirit stones and jade cards."
Xiao Wu's mouth fell open as he took a second look at the bag.
"Jade cards? The five-hundred spirit stones per piece, handcrafted bonds?!"
"Yes," Han Xuhan confirmed, taking one card out of the bag and throwing it to him. "It's hard to hide thousands of spirit stones in my pockets. Figured I should cut out some weight. Elder Shen was glad to help."
"Doesn't these have a conversation rate of 97 percent or something? You'd make a loss of dozens of spirit stones every time you exchange these cards." Xiao Wu looked apoplectic.
"Dozens of spirit stones isn't much now, is it?"
"... Don't make me want to kick you out, man."
Han Xuhan laughed dryly.
Right then, there was another knock on Xiao Wu's door.
"Who is it this time?" Xiao Wu became alert, picking up the knives once more.
"My minions," Han Xuhan said, getting up to open the door himself.
Mu Ran was standing outside the door wearing an awkward smile on his face. Zhanxian and Tun Shi Tian were standing behind him, still carrying the boxes.
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"Ahaha, underling, looks like all of us are gonna have to share this house!" Mu Ran said with a forced laugh.
* * * *
"How do you count the number of people who know about the zeroth layer?" Han Xuhan asked Mu Ran before Xiao Wu could fire away his own question. He was pretty confident that only the real Mu Ran could give him the correct answer.
"With my balls," Mu Ran replied with absolute confidence.
Right on the mark. Before Mu Ran had given Han Xuhan the secret instructions on cultivating the zeroth layer, Mu Ran used his dick to keep count of the number of people who knew the secret. With Han Xuhan added to the equation, the counter had moved to his balls.
"What happened to your house, boss?" He asked with a heavy smile, letting Mu Ran in. "You two, go keep the boxes in sister Zhou's house," he ordered the minions still standing outside.
Tun Shi Tian and Zhanxian grumbled in low voices as they left.
"My house was hit by the lightning strikes while I was breaking through, same as your misfortune."
"...Breakthrough?!" Xiao Wu gasped.
"To which layer?" Han Xuhan asked.
Mu Ran's expression turned rather hard to read as replied. "Uh...it was a breakthrough from the 5th layer to the 6th layer."
"You said the same thing the last time you broke through," Xiao Wu muttered under his breath.
"Oh, did I? I must have misspoken."
"Misspoken? When? This time or the previous time?"
"That was a really cool thunderstorm, don't you think?" Mu Ran said loudly, furiously prodding at his ear with his middle finger in a very pointed manner.
"...Sure, brother," Xiao Wu put his hands up in defeat and shrugged. "Make yourself at home," he added, in a tone distinctly less welcoming than the one he used with Han Xuhan.
Mu Ran did not notice, or if he did, he did not show it, which was a good thing because Han Xuhan doubted he would be allowed to crash in either Kong Ye or Yuen Zhou's house.
Throwing his baggage on top of Xiao Wu's bed, Mu Ran stretched his limbs and let out a refreshed yawn, exclaiming, "Martial brother...your bed is kind of tiny. Do you make your ladies sleep on the floor?"
"I... What?" Xiao Wu looked lost. "Well, I don't really brin-"
"Hahaha! Look at brother Wu's chest!" Han Xuhan butted in before the situation could deteriorate further, slapping Xiao Wu's meaty pecs hard.
"Do you think the ladies he brings in would ever want to sleep elsewhere when THIS is available?"
Xiao Wu wore the expression of someone who was torn between pain and appreciation upon hearing that.
Mu Ran sent a disgruntled look towards Xiao Wu's towering figure and then at his own passable physique.
"I see, I see. But I'm not quite keen on sleeping there, so...Where do I sleep?"
"Ahaha, that is a simple problem to take care of. We obviously need to keep a watch outside for signs of trouble. So we can divide the nighttime into 3 shifts, where each of us will be on guard duty in one shift, cultivate in the next shift, and sleep in the remaining shift. Easy!"
Han Xuhan went through great pains to maintain the cheerful smile on his face as he explained the routine.
"Awesome plan, underling!" Mu Ran beamed. "This way I won't have to share the bed at all!
I was planning to feed you two some pills to make you lose all sleep for the next few days and nights. Looks like that won't be necessary! Good for you, good for you. Those pills have some severe side effects, after all. Man, I really need to develop my alchemy skills more. Alright, I'm claiming the bed for this shift, so NIGHT NIGHT!"
As Mu Ran busied himself with getting into his strange-looking nightwear (which definitely was a treasure of some sort), Han Xuhan dragged an extremely pissed Xiao Wu out of the room.
"Let him have this, martial brother. He just came out of a tribulation."
"That's no excuse to act like this!" Xiao Wu hissed.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he always acts like this. You just don't hang around him as often as I do," Han Xuhan said.
"Nobody does, man. Nobody does."
As the two of them sat on the porch to cool their temper, Han Xuhan's mind was already moving like a tornado.
A wild business scheme had delivered itself to his doorstep...well, Xiao Wu's doorstep, technically. But he was the only one who could make use of it!
Pills!
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