Freshers Week 2025

Edinburgh University

"I'll go get us shots!" Ben yells over the music.

"Nothing for me!" I shout back. I can already feel my head spinning way too much and shots will only make it worse.

He rolls his eyes at me. "You're boring!"

I think he's my favourite flatmate. In a weird way he reminds me of James back when I was fourteen. I'm not sure what it is. It's just that this past week it's Ben who I've clicked with out of all of the others. So we're on a final bar crawl despite Ben being so wasted I should take him home. I really should take him home.

I'm the only one who agreed to go out with him tonight. The rest of them are all watching some film together, squashed in Chloe's room with pizza and dough balls. God, I wish I was there. But letting Ben go out alone and get drunk out of his mind and wind up in trouble isn't a good idea. Kids with overly strict parents always so insane at Freshers, right? And Ben isn't doing anything to fight that stereotype.

I start pushing through the people on the dance floor, wrinkling my nose as the stench of sweat and spilled alcohol and blood hits my nose. The blood is in my imagination. I think. I hope. I hope no one's died here. It would make a good story though, right? Someone's dead in this mob of dancing students and everybody is either too wasted or too high to notice or even just too stupid to realise that a murder victim is what they're tripping over.

Someone's elbow mashes into my nose as I walk through the crowds. Hard. Really, really hard. Shit, shit, shit. Pain explodes in my nose region and something trickles down to my lips. Ew, ew, ew. I cup my hands around my nose, trying to think of what to do. Tissues, I'll need—

"—Oh my God, I'm so sorry," a voice says. "Are you okay?" There's a slight Brummie tinge to his voice that reminds me of Josh in a way that makes pain punch me in the gut.

It's a guy, sweat glistening on his forehead and slightly out of breath as he leans down to look me in the eyes. He's a giant. He's a lumbering giant who has broken my nose with one accidental hit. But something about the way he looks at me makes my heart stop racing and my head stop panicking.

"I think you broke my nose," I blurt out, breathing hard.

His eyes widen worriedly. "What? Okay, can you let me take a look at it?"

I lower my hands. "I need a tissue or something to stop the blood."

He hovers too close to my face, eyes narrowing as he takes in my nose. "Nah, you're alright. I mean, it's just bleeding. Sorry. I'll get you the tissues?" Why is he phrasing that like a question?

I follow him to the bar where he grabs the entire stack of baby blue paper napkins and nobody says a word. I mash a few of them to my face, wincing as I do. Then I finally take a good look at the guy's face. And then I almost drop the tissues that are soaking up the blood.

He looks like Josh. Not a carbon copy, of course not. He looks like Josh because he has similar sandy hair and bright eyes. And the way he's looking at me reminds me of how Josh looked at me that night at the party when we almost slept together. So scared that he hurt me. Because he loved me. Josh loved me. I loved him. Josh hurt me. I hurt him. Eden hurt him. Eden fucking pushed him to his death.

I don't realise the tear is slipping down my cheek until it's too late.

"I'm so sorry," the guy says. "I really didn't mean to hurt you, I just don't look at what I'm doing sometimes and then stuff like this happens?"

"This isn't your first piece of work?" I deadpan. "Seriously, it's okay. You just... you just remind me of someone I used to know."

He smiles at me, maybe kind of sad. "An old friend?"

I shrug. "Something like that." I take the tissues away from my face. "Has the blood stopped?"

He nods. "Yeah, I think so. You might want to go wash your face though."

I start searching for a bathroom in the neon lights of the bar.

"Not here though," he adds. "Don't go to the bathroom here. I don't even think you should drink anything from here. I'm not sure this place can be trusted."

"Wasn't planning on it," I assure him. "Er I'm Eve, by the way."

"I'm Harry," he says. "I'm doing a PE degree. It's weird, I know. What about you?"

I let that sink in. PE. Probably to become a PE teacher. Like Josh. Josh wanted to be a PE teacher. "Psychology," I answer when I see him frowning at me. "Thanks for the tissues. I'm going to, erm, find my friend."

"Enjoy the rest of your night," he says politely. "I'll see you around?" Why does that sound like a question?

"Okay?" I shoot him a nervous smile and turn away.

Josh used to say things that sounded like questions when he was nervous. His I love yous started sounding like questions when things got bad. But at the start, his compliments sounded like questions because he didn't want to look like a dork if I didn't feel the same way. But of course I felt the same way. We were always so painfully in-sync about everything.

He liked me? I liked him. He thought I was all that? I thought he was all that. He loved me? I loved him. He wasn't so sure anymore? Wow, funny thing, neither was I. Say what you want about me and Josh, but we were always on the same page. Even right to the last page where we finally fell apart with no chance of falling back together. I mean, there was that night with the dance and almost kiss but I ruined that.

I ruined a lot of things with Josh.

I catch a glimpse of Ben's bright magenta T-shirt making his way through the party of dancing students and follow him out of the club, careful not to get elbowed again. There's splatters of blood on my white T-shirt and now it's tainted forever.

"Ben!" I shout. I've lost sight of him.

He's throwing up in a bush. I manage to drag him back to the flat when he's done and pull of his trainers and tuck him into bed in his clothes because out of all the things I really don't want to do seeing Ben Johnson without clothes or in his pyjamas is very very low on the list.

I think about Josh when I'm in bed, the bloody white T-shirt crumpled on my floor. I'll wash that ASAP. I think about the boy with the sentences that seemed like questions and his slow, deliberate movements. The more I think about him, the more I think about Josh.

But not the murder things. Not the heartbroken things. The way Josh would phrase his compliments like questions so he wouldn't get hurt if I didn't feel the same way. The way he'd smile at me like I was everything he wanted. The way he made me feel calm inside no matter what. Just like that guy at the bar even though he gave me a bloody nose. Something about him made me feel better under the swirling lights while the shitty music blared from the speakers.

I think I'm going to be okay here. And maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny part of Josh with me even now. Still drinking a red slush and playing Subway Surfers and reaching for my hand to let me know that everything's okay. I smile at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling.

— beautiful gifset by —

ahhh i absolutely loved revisiting eve in this chapter!! doing this for a couple reasons, one of them being that i just missed eve and i really wanted to make sure i could still write her since she's making her return to the universe very soon (i need to name my universe, i'll work on that later).

i know this wasn't the best and it didn't really match the tone of the main story but that's why it's a bonus written just because i wanted it haha. and there's a huge gap between this and the epilogue where eve learnt to work through her issues in a better way without making murder deals and freaking out and making a murder notebook. i really loved eve's story and she has such a special place in my heart (as do all her friends, inez and cerys and edie are everything) and i cannot wait to show you how they come back into my world.

also play cardigan and ...question and back to december and the last time on repeat if you want some taylor swift themed eve and josh angst before eve's thoughts about josh became waaay healthier.