《Tutu (an apocalyptic story)》Chapter 39: Alone (4)
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“Chris, gather all the weapons in the house. We have to leave” Seeing that Danny did not wish to continue their conversation, Carl gave his friend a command.
“Carl… that’s…” Chris said, struggling to find the words to convey his feelings.
“I know what you want to say, Chris. But I am asking for you to trust me” Carl said, appealing to his friend’s emotions.
Carl knew that his friends would view his actions poorly. Even he himself knew he was being a dick. Nevertheless, what was done was done. Since he already had antagonized Danny, it was best to prevent him from retaliating and burn the bridge completely.
By taking all the guns with him, he would prevent Danny from taking action against them while they were leaving. Carl had no idea what Danny was capable of and what was the thing he saw in that room. Even so, given that he had no clue on how to deal with the monstrosity or how to protect himself against it, Carl could only act based on the concrete things he could make sense of and not linger to find out more about the things he did not.
Moreover, Carl had no idea if that thing would follow behind Danny if he left the house, or if it would remain behind instead. Thus, just to be on the safe side, it would be best if Danny remained there while Carl and the others left the property and got far away from the creature and this mysterious ex-friend.
Besides, Carl would not be so heartless as to try to kick Danny out from his own house in the middle of the night and without the means to protect himself. After all Danny had done for the others that would be too heartless. At least that was what he told himself to feel better as if what he was doing was not that callous.
After hesitating for a few seconds, Chris nodded at Carl before directing an apologetic gaze to Danny. He felt like shit repaying kindness with enmity. They all did. Even then, he could not abandon his best friend. Sometimes in life you had to make choices even if you did not like or approve any of the options.
Carl’s actions forced their group to split and decide whereas they would stay behind with Danny or if they would go out with him. No one prompted the others to take a stand, but they all knew they would have to make a decision anyway.
Actually, it could barely be called a choice, since this matter was not as simple as a popularity contest.
Not only Carl was holding the gun, he was also taking all the other ones with him. What would anyone do in this situation? Stay behind with the mysterious guy they barely knew and had just been robbed blind? Or would they choose to go along with Carl who had all the firearms and already convinced Chris to take his side?
That was not simply a choice between right and wrong, or a clash of ideologies, but a conflict that would have a heavy and lasting impact on their future survival chances and safety. At this point, they had hardly any hope for a government rescue. Therefore, they would have to rely on themselves, the available resources, and their current allies to make it through the following difficulties.
The rest of them were only hesitating because Carl’s actions seemed unjust to them. However, that did not prove to be the deciding factor. It was not a fair competition to begin with. Even if Carl had said he had no ill will towards Danny, how could they be sure on what he would do next if all the others took Danny’s side and opposed him? Carl was still the one holding the gun in the end. Although they had nurtured a good relationship so far, how could they not feel threatened by Carl’s actions? One had to remember that Carl appeared to be on good terms with Danny as well but look how that turned out.
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It would not be wrong to say that Carl had already made the choice for them. There was only one reasonable decision really.
Seeing the balance tilting towards his side, Carl gave one last push. “Come on girls, I am sure he will not be in any trouble even by himself. We all saw that Danny can fight, and we also left a lot of stuff at the gun shop, he just has to make a small trip to pick it up.”
Carl knew that he was grossly underestimating the danger and what he said would not be able to hold any ground if argued against. Not one of them was stupid enough to think that the matter was as simple as merely making a trip to the shop and picking up those supplies. They all understood that it would not be an easy thing, especially if Danny had to do everything by himself. Even so, no one spoke against Carl’s twisted logic.
Carl’s dismissive reasoning still managed to accomplish his goal. Even though no one agreed to his words, they did not need to either. By giving the others a way out, an excuse, even if a flimsy one, Carl’s words were the final straw that broke the camel’s back. That allowed the others to feel less bad about their choice and dismiss some of their concerns.
Even though they were unwilling to do things like this, the others slowly trickled closer to Carl.
The first one to give in and come to his side was Janice. She said nothing as she made her way, her thoughts hidden from view. Following Janice, her best friend soon gave in as well. Jane could not see herself parting ways with Janice, no matter what her own personal thoughts about Carl’s actions were.
Jane opened her mouth to say something to Danny, but could not find the words. How could she justify herself? How could she tell him everything that she held in her heart until now taking into account this shitty situation? Janice placed her hand in Jane’s shoulder in support as Jane lowered her head feeling dejected. In the end, she did not have the heart to confess her own feelings out loud, opting to keep quiet instead.
Seeing that he was the only one left behind with Danny, Donovan soon panicked and followed the others as if afraid to lose the opportunity to make a choice. Herd mentality was something powerful and scary indeed.
Danny watched with a detached gaze as his roommates from the last week abandoned him one by one. They all left his side in the end, even if with heavy footsteps and ashamed countenances.
Danny was no stranger to disappointment and dashed expectations. His heart had been wounded so many times already that he had no problem remaining unfazed in the face of such blatant betrayal. He carried too many scars already.
Of course, that was not to say that nothing could move him, or that he was immune against such negative emotions. Danny was only human, thus he had feelings. Danny was capable of feeling sad, indignant, lonely and could experience emotional distress. Danny just had a higher tolerance threshold.
Although Danny was disappointed with the others and that things turned out this way, he did not regret going outside the house to help them that first day. Ultimately, he had done it for himself at that time, to appease his own sense of right and wrong and in order to have a clear conscience. To preserve his own sense of self-worth by acting according to his own ethical judgement.
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Since they were now choosing to leave him behind, Danny would not bother himself with them anymore and they would have nothing to do with one another from this point forward. If they felt like abandoning Danny, he could only abandon them in return even if that was not something that he intended originally.
Danny did not entertain any idea of revenge against them though. Be it alone or accompanied, he could get by just as well. Since they had chosen to discard him, he would waste no more time on them and think only for himself. One could say that Danny was returning to his original plan from before they met at the coffee shop, even if that was not by his own choice.
Moreover, going their separate ways was not all bad as there were advantages of being alone. Many things he could not do openly when he was together with the group, given his secrets, were things Danny did not need to hide or care about now. He would also be able to take whatever action he felt was the most appropriate in any given scenario, without the need to take into account anybody else’s opinion.
Of course, there were disadvantages as well, like having no one else to share the responsibilities with and losing the availability of their group strength. However, Danny was used to being alone anyway.
Chris soon returned with all the bags they had filled with guns that day after making a couple of trips. Under Carl’s supervision, everyone besides Danny took out anything that was not gun-related from the bags, like knives, handcuffs, holsters and others, leaving them scattered on the ground and leaving only the most critical tools, firearms and ammo inside.
Afterwards, they grabbed a bunch of provisions and stuffed inside the bags instead, filling up the cleared-up space. They also took the three backpacks Danny had lent them.
“You can relax Danny. We will leave you plenty of supplies, and will also not touch your things.” Carl said, trying to sound reasonable about it, while conveniently forgetting that a lot the things they were taking were also Danny’s in the first place, and had been lent to them after they arrived at the house.
However, the notion of what was one’s property had been greatly muddied during these chaotic times. They had also taken Mr. Lee goods after all. On the other hand, even if Carl wanted to take everything from him, they would not be able to carry it with them without a truck, given that there was too much stored at the house already.
Luckily, they did not go after his personal backpack where his mother’s things were stored. If they did that, Danny would then feel compelled to hunt them down. He did not care about the loss of most thing, however, his mother’s mementos that were stored inside the backpack he had been using were different. He could shrug his shoulders and go the other way discarding any thoughts of payback if they only took goods, but a violent conflict would be inevitable if they crossed that line.
Fortunately, that would not be the case. Carl took a few of all the basic supplies and all the firearms and ammunitions and prepared to leave.
“Everything’s ready? Good, we are leaving.” Carl asked rhetorically before turning towards Danny. “Please do not follow us Danny, it is best if each of us go our own ways” Carl said and was about to turn around to leave when he saw Janice rummaging through one of the duffel bags.
“What are you doing Jan?” Carl asked, not understanding Janice’s actions and worried that something would go wrong at the last second.
Janice did not answer him though, and continued her search before finally taking out the two hunting crossbows and the hundred arrows they had found previously at the gun shop. She then placed those things down and closed the bag before turning towards her boyfriend.
“We will leave those behind.” Janice said as a matter of fact.
“Jan, we…” Carl was about to try to persuade her but was interrupted instantly.
“This is my bottom line, Carl. Don’t push it.” Janice stared into Carl’s eyes unflinchingly and continued “Besides, we are already taking all the guns, do not tell me you are afraid of some arrows given all that firepower you are bringing with you.” Janice stated firmly.
In actuality, she was the only one among the group who had the guts to oppose the armed Carl at that moment. Her own personality and status as his girlfriend gave her both the fearlessness and leeway that allowed her to contest with him.
Danny raised his eyebrows in surprise, not at all expecting this turn of events. The crossbows might not be a major factor for the group, given their numbers and the armaments they already had with them, but for Danny who would remain alone and whose methods of defense would be limited to his melee weapons, such a silent ranged armament would be immensely useful going forward.
Carl stared her down with furrowed brows for a moment, before sighing in surrender. He could never win an argument against Janice and knew better than to push his luck. He knew he already went too far in her book, so it was best not to test her boundaries any further.
“Okay Jan, we will do it your way.” Carl then grabbed a bag and led the fragmented group out into the dark night, wishing to get far away from Danny as fast as possible.
Danny followed behind them at a distance until he stopped at the main door.
He stood there in silence and tracked their backs with his gaze as the others cautiously went outside the property that had sheltered them for this whole period of time, disappearing into the streets one by one.
Carl, Chris, Jane, Donovan; Danny thought of the names he got so used to these last days and that he probably would not hear for a long time to come.
They had been clearing any threats from their surroundings daily, so even though it was still risky and dangerous to leave the house right now, during nighttime, Carl’s group was fairly confident that they could put some distance between themselves and Danny safely.
As the last person was about to leave – Janice –, she turned around and stared Danny straight into his eyes. The moment seemed to stretch indefinitely as he looked at what her eyes and expression were trying to convey. Sadness, anguish, frustration, anger and finally helplessness.
Janice looked extremely weak and fragile at that instant, tired beyond her years. Danny could faintly understand how much the situation took from her and how defeated she felt even though no words were spoken.
In the end, the spell broke and time seemed to resume its normal flow. Janice muttered a silent apology with her lips before closing the gateway to the property and vanishing as well.
Danny sighed; his thoughts unclear.
He then took a deep breath and looked up. In the pale moonlit sky, Danny’s gaze wondered among the stars, lost in thought. A lonely shadow stretched behind him.
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