Gleeful, excited, joyous.

The African tradition holds nothing against men

who engages in extra marital affairs unlike women. It is not a big deal for a married man to have a liaison with another woman.

In some part of the Igbo tradition of Nigeria a married man is entitled to have a mistress outside his marriage even with the knowledge of his partner, thus divorce was never an option to many women in my predicament.

I had learned to live with Gozie immoral ways since it was so evident he is never going to be a one woman kind of man. My major priorities became my children and their well-being, every other thing had no importance to me anymore.

Six years later i gave birth to my first female child. As i would always name my kids according to God's mercy upon me, i called her Cynthia Adaugo meaning beautiful daughter.

She was so beautiful and like her eldest brothers she was dark in complexion and looked so much like Gozie.

They were all my kids and i loved them so much, irrespective of their resemblance and complexion.

I was starting to get used to finding happiness and comfort in my children, their birth minimized the sadness and loneliness i felt every night while waiting for Gozie to return home.

My submissiveness to Gozie remained unimpaired even with his disdain towards me, i still allowed him to exercise conjugal right.

Intimacy with my husband Gozie became feelingless and repellent, as it was difficult for me efface the memory of his adulterous affair with other women.

Two years later i got pregnant again and gave birth to my after giving birth to my second daughter. she was so different from her siblings, and i named her Ruth Chiasoka meaning God is too sweet.

She was fair in complexion that i almost thought i had given birth to an Albino.

When Gozie came to the hospital to visit us he screamed and said " you have given birth to an albino in my house"

With his hands-behind-his head, Gozie goggled at my baby with total disbelief. He almost let the questions out of his mouth.

But one of nurses present assured Gozie that she was not going to become an albino rather she was going to be very fair in complexion and this change will happen as she keeps growing.

The midwife who also was present at that moment looked at me and said " Mrs Ngọzi do not tell me you are surprised at your daughter complexion, have you taken a good look at yourself? She is just your replica"

A statement i did not expostulate because the resemblance was obvious and i was satisfied with it.

With the birth of my four babies i started gaining more confidence in myself and being more vocal towards Gozie's irksome attitudes, unlike before i would bottle up my emotions.

Months later i traveled back to Nigeria with my two daughters to see my sons who at the time were living with my eldest brother and his wife. They were schooling at the police children school in onitsha in Anambra state.

As it was a festive season as well, i returned to my home town Nneohia to see my father and siblings. I did not hum and haw on visiting my husband family too.

It was a welcoming reception from my Gozie's family, for the very first time in so many years i heard them say " you are welcome home our beautiful wife".

Wow! i muttered

What happened to the days of hissing and jibes? well am not going to act like i do not know the reason for this sudden showers of love.

The reasons where standing right beside me, I muttered grinning cheerfully.

"Oh! Look at Adaugo and Chiasoka they are so beautiful, Ada is dark as her father while Chiasoka took over her mother complexion" said Gozie's siblings as they aide us in.

One blazing Saturday morning while i was sweeping the front my house, an elderly woman walked through my gate into my compound. I stood still and watched her walk up straight to me.

She did not stop till she was standing right in front of me.

We both exchange greetings and the old woman did not stop staring at me with so much delight

I then interrupted this rather uncomfortable stare of hers with a day-to-day question.

Please who are you Ma? And how may i help you?

I asked her.

She gazed at me with astonishment.

I saw in her eyes regrets, uncertainty, fear and pains as her eyes went teary.

Her stare, stillness and body language made me feel twitchy.

The singing birds were the only noise that disturbed the tranquility between us.

After a moment of absolute silence, she took a deep breath and said...

I am your mother Ngọzi.

That statement came as a bombshell.

I took three step backwards, dropped the brown i was holding, with my arms crossed i asked her for the second time.

Who are you Old woman?

Ngọzi i am your mother, she repeated.

On hearing her mention" i am your mother" for the second time, i dropped on my knees with my hands covering my face and wept bitterly.

The old woman did not resist my dejection as she too started weeping.

I later stood up in a fury and said to her...

How could you be this heartless?

You abandoned your three months old baby to die.

After all these years, you never bother to check on i and my sister, you are selfish and heartless.

These words of my mine did not render any mercy to her already teary eyes as she fell down on her knees with her face almost kissing my legs, she said to me...

" Ngọzi you have every right to hate me. You won't be wrong if you refuse to call me mother, because i know i wronged you and your sister.

I am not going to explain myself because whatever i say still do not validate what i did, but for the sake of your children forgive me Ngọzi, for the sake of motherhood forgive my mistakes, i was so helpless my daughter"

She said weeping bitterly.

This is the woman i have always wished to meet. The woman i have always wanted to call mother standing right in front of me, but i was not ready to listen to her nor forgive her.

I went inside my house and left her kneeling at my doorstep.

Her presence jog my memory. I had a dreadful childhood because of her, i even blamed my marriage to Gozie on her.

But while i sat on my couch distressed, i had this sad musing gaze at my daughters. I recalled i had once pondered on leaving my marriage to Gozie and hence almost subjecting them to same kismet.

These thoughts softened my heart as i carried my second daughter, held the first by my right hand and walked outside.

She was still kneeling and weeping hurtfully when i called,

Mother!

She raised her head and face suddenly looked happier.

My child! She replied, while struggling to get up.

Here are your grand-children, the boys are still in school. I said

She swiftly used her African Ankara golden wax print wrapper to wipe her tears, and proceeded to carry Ada my first daughter.

She hugged me so tight together with the children that Chiasoka nearly choked.

She expressed gratitude to me for forgiving her and calling her mother.

She added,

" I am never going to abandon you again no matter what happens, i promise to fill in those gaps i created in your life and that of my grandchildren".

We both walked into the house and i offered her food and water, while a tick of mother and daughter bonding.

She began her omugwo duties which is taking care of the nursing mother and her baby even though i had progressed from that.

A month later, my mother traveled back to Warri were she got re-married to a navy man with 4 children, leaving me alone with my daughters who were barely three years old.

Our house in the village was newly built and we had no neighbors around because the location was still covered with bushes. Most times it was so lonely for me and my daughters except for when we had families visiting.

I struggled to survive with my children in the village as i was alone with them and people hardly visited me, not even Gozie's siblings who knew i would be needed help.

Going to farm was very taxing as i would beg my far neighbor children to help me stay with my daughters, so i could go to the farm or market.

Each time i had to go to the farm to harvest cassava,i would be all alone in the bush with no one to keep me company as always.

Some things just never change, i muttered with a rictus.

It was very terrifying because at that time my village was in bloody land dispute with the neighboring village, and it was risky for anyone to isolate from the rest of the villagers.

Messages were passed across the village and everyone was instructed to avoid going to farm alone as it was not safe.

How could i just seat back and watch my children and i starve to death, i was troubled.

Since Gozie hardly sent us money or asked how i and his children are coping despite the countless letters i wrote to him.

I needed to harvest cassava and sell, most of the times the cassavas would much for me alone to carry all the way from the farm back home.

I even tried begging Gozie's father for a release of one of his bicycle to me, so i could the stress in transporting my harvest home easily but he rejected with an illogical excuse.

Because of how difficult it was for me to cope with the farm and house chore alone, i wrote a letter to Gozie asking him to buy me a bicycle, a request he did not perform.

One hot afternoon, i was going to fetch water at the village public tap, i carried Chiasoka my daughter on my back while i clasps Ada hand.

Half way to the village public tap, this little boy ran up to me and called me, "auntie Ngọzi! good afternoon.

where are you going this hot afternoon with your children, carrying this big blue jerrycan?"

I looked at him with my tired face and said "to fetch water".

The boy gave me a pitiful look and offered to help me out with the water, which i immediately obliged.

He fetched the water, carried the jerrycan on his head and asked me to lead the way home.

As soon as we entered my compound, i at once helped him bring down the filled jerrycan from his head, and went straight to my kitchen to dish out food for him as a of saying thank you.

He ate the food and was very appreciative of my repay of his kind gesture.

Once he was done eating, he noticed how deserted my location was, and asked me if i leave in this big house just with my daughters.

I answered with a yes!

He became even more pitiful and asked,"why no one comes to assist me or leave with me? Or don't i have relatives here?" a question i did not have answers to.

He later promised that he will be going around to help me out with some chores because i seem like a very good and peaceful woman in this village.

I grinned cheerfully.. what is your name?

I asked him and he replied with " Ifeanyi, auntie",

Well Ifeanyi, thank you so much for the help and my heaven bless you for me, i said to him while walking him to the gate.