Path of Chaos

Rise of Autumn, Week 2, Day 2

The dreams were harder to process on the second night when I knew what they were. It would have almost been better if her family had hit her. If they cared enough to hate her. To torment her. But it was small tricks with little thought; it was forgetting her existence. It was that I could feel her heart break with every slight. It was as if it were my own.

I suppose in a way it was my own.

These memories of indifference and apathy began to eat at me. And still, I refused to leave the room.

Rise of Autumn, Week 2, Day 5

I felt the power of [Otherworldly] coursing through my veins when I awoke, my very being keyed into my surroundings. It felt as though even a fly would be unable to pass me by. Just as quickly, the surge of the skill faded.

A full season had filled my memories. Five months of Spring. Five months of Eve sneering and mocking, of Raphael avoiding me, of Theo’s petty tricks, of seeing Count and Countess Dawn monthly. Cold stares and unfeeling words. I was sure without [Mental Fortitude] I would be feral at the very thought of the Dawns.

The same maid had dropped off dinner each night as I holed up within my rooms, but no more. Yet still I was not hungry –not in the way someone alive would be hungry. The memories showed me how little I had done. For a whole season, Eunora had barely spoken, hovering in the background like a spector. Haunting her own family home.

But with the completion of a season came a [Skill] fit for the way the child had spent the Spring of her seventh year.

[Congratulations! Due to integrating the memory of your feat’s pre-Awakening, you have received the Skill: [Silent as a Shadow]!]

I released a sigh as I looked out over the glowing horizon, “[Inspect].”

[Silent as a Shadow: You are noticed yet ignored. You lurk, yet no one cares. Like a shadow, your presence is taken as fact. This skill allows you to blend in plain sight. So long as you do not draw undue attention to yourself, it is harder to be found suspicious. This skill requires mana to maintain. Ability to mute your aura increased per level. Decreased relative perception per level. Duration limited. Cooldown applies.]

“I hate this System,” I groaned and rolled out of bed, making my way to the window sill. To my left was a washroom that I had only used as needed, never actually finding the will to bathe; meanwhile, to my right was the sitting area and a door leading to a walk-in closet filled to the brim with lavender and blue violet clothes. Until Awakening, those are the only colors permitted to children of House Dawn. Now Awakened, I am allowed red violet and pastel pink as well. In several years, pastel orange and crimson will be allowed, then light yellows and blues. Never green. Green is not of House Dawn.

Green had been my favorite color in elsewhere.

The irony of my System being green was not lost on me.

I tucked my legs underneath me as I sat on the window sill, examining the garden below. Maybe one day I would leave this room and walk through it.

That day is not today.

Rise of Autumn, Week 3, Day 2

Another surge of feeling occurred as I awoke. This time, it felt as if I was running [Quick Calculation] on a never ending string of formulas. Only, the answer never revealed itself.

[Congratulations! Stage 1 of memory integration complete! All memories from Age 7 successfully imported! You have gained the Skill: Weave of Darkness.]

Sometime in the past, Eunora had picked up a hobby of knitting; it seems she did have something she was rather adept at after all. The memories of her alone in her room often included her knitting or crocheting small projects. Early on her skills were mediocre, but as the year progressed so too did her dedication. It explained the basket of soft knit animals she had tucked below her bed. One of which was a deep violet bunny with silver eyes.

[System Notice: Beginning stage 2 out of [8] of memory integration! All memories from age 6 to 7 importing.]

“[Inspect].”

[Weave of Darkness: Through dedicated practice of your craft, you have been rewarded with the ability to turn shadow into wool. This skill requires mana to maintain. Increased darkness affinity per level. Increased durability per level. Decreased cost per level.]

I knew, somewhere fueled by [Quick Calculation], that my mana was only enough for a fist-sized knit object or a napkin. And even that was once per day. I wondered, briefly, if I even liked knitting. In elsewhere, I had never been one for such things. I was the type to chat and drink and experience. This was the type of hobby that was calm, meant to soothe the quaking of one’s soul.

My eyes landed on the edge of the basket holding all of the knit objects and crafting supplies, and out of curiosity I spoke.

“[Sophism].”

My vision shifted, doubling every object and causing my stomach to lurch. One layer was cast in a red light while the other was cast in a white light. Instinctively, I could feel that the dense white light was Order and the the dense red light was Chaos.

I focused on the pile of knitting supplies, willing the skill to show me what would happen if I tried to pick up the knitting needles. I choked on a snort as the two layers settled in rings around the basket. Of course, the first time would be useless. Both layers merged into an orb of shining pink light.

A phrase popped into my head, a shade of a memory: The order of chaos.

Then I went to the basket and removed the knitting needles. Their wooden form glowed in the same pink light -Order and Chaos in one. Both defying and obeying the Gods.

After a moment, I put them back and tucked myself onto the windowsill once more. Letting my eyes stare unfocused over the garden.

Maybe another time.

Rise of Autumn, Week 4, Day 4

It was odd going backwards into memory. And enlightening. More context arrived, but not much. More specifics of the kingdom –Queendom, I suppose. Eunora is a noble, the daughter of a Count of the Queendom of Maeve, in the Central Corridor of Adalicia, the continent of peaks. The family is old –older than I had consciously thought but not older than I had known.

[Congratulations! Stage 2 of memory integration complete! All memories from Age 6 successfully imported!]

[System Notice: Beginning stage 3 out of [8] of memory integration! All memories from age 5 to 6 importing.]

I opened my eyes slowly. The room was still gray with low light. I was filthy.

It had been weeks since I last took care of myself. I hadn’t bathed nor changed nor ate more than a single meal. It was too much. My hair was matted into a ball and even the maid no longer entered the room to drop off dinner; she simply knocked and left it outside the door.

It was time. Even if I felt too empty to move, too grief stricken, too dead. I rose and made my way to the washroom attached to my bedroom.

Heating the tub was a slow process, but it allowed me to take in the brunt of my reflection and the harsh reality I had put myself through. No longer was Eunora soft. Half a meal each day was not sustainable, it appeared. I ran my hand over the ribs that were just below the surface.

Fine, I thought to myself, I will eat more, but I won’t go to the dining room. Those people have nothing to do with me.

As the runes lining the tub began to glow a dull grey, steam billowed from the edge of the water.

The magic of this world was amazing. Had I been anyone else, I would have been in awe. But I came from a world of magic; this world was no better than where I had been. That thought renewed the sting of being forced into this body once more, and a childish cry began to swim to the surface of my mind.

I shut it down before it came out and stepped into the hot water. I felt the burn immediately, the feeling of being seared stirring something within me, but I continued settling into the tub until I was fully submerged. I leaned my head back so that the matted mess of black could soak.

Stretching my body, I soaked in the water for ages allowing pain to replace the emptiness inside of me. As the runes lining the tub began to fade, the heat slowly dissipated. At the first sign of a chill, I took a bottle off the edge of the tub and began massaging the oil into my hair. I began at the tips and painstakingly began working through the knots that had overcome my head.

By the time I was done and had washed out all remnants of oil from my scalp, I had decided I would braid my hair to avoid this in the future.

When I stepped back into my bedroom with a new nightgown covering me and my hair pulled back into a thick braid, I smelled of lilacs. My eyes had trouble clinging to anything too closely. I lingered on the knitting supplies, but it felt as if it would be too much for me to find out if this body would control my likes and dislikes.

This time, hen the maid left dinner, I ate every bite. I found I actually liked it.

Rule of Autumn, Week 1, Day 6

Rise, Rule, Peak, Break, Fall, Autumn, Rise, Rule, Peak, Break, Fall, Winter, Rise, Rule, Peak, Break, Fall, Spring, Rise, Rule, Peak, Break, Fall, Summer, Rise, Rule, Peak, Break, Fall, Autumn. The memories flooded me in a never ending pattern; a month's worth of memories every night, each more solitary than the last. A Lunar Year —two seasons, five months per season. Every night comes a whole month. Revel becomes a Blue Moon. A Solar Year —all four seasons. The dual suns dance through the sky, circling each other as they circle the world. I hate that I know these ways of time. I hate that I have lived through it.

I hate it all.

This world can burn.

This family can fall.

I want to leave it all behind.

I no longer care whether I continue on, but I cannot get myself to stop trying to live.

[Congratulations! Stage 3 of memory integration complete! All memories from Age 5 successfully imported!]

[System Notice: Beginning stage 4 out of [8] of memory integration! All memories from age 4 to 5 importing.]

[System Notice: It is recommended the New User selects the Sun Gods’ Boon and a First Tier Class. Would you like to perform the selection of your Boon?]

“No.”

Rule of Autumn, Week 2, Day 3

Another season passes by in my mind's eye.

I know the names of the Gods. Dozens upon dozens.

I know the names of nobles. Dozens upon dozens.

I know fables Eunora heard as little more than a toddler. I know facts and fauna and flora. I know too much.

And yet it is somehow not enough.

A month has passed. A month of mentally rotting.

It leads to an unwelcome notification.

[Congratulations! Mental Fortitude has reached Level 2!]

I bathed twice more in a single week —that is something.

Rule of Autumn, Week 2, Day 8

[Congratulations! Stage 4 of memory integration complete! All memories from Age 4 successfully imported!]

[System Notice: Beginning stage 5 out of [8] of memory integration! All memories from age 3 to 4 importing.]

[System Notice: It is recommended that the New User selects the Sun Gods’ Boon and a First Tier Class. Would you like to perform the selection of your Boon?]

I took a breath, rereading the prompt.

Maybe—

No. I want to leave this world. My suffering is not worth a minor boon.

“No.”

Rule of Autumn, Week 3, Day 7

The anguish of leaving behind a life half forgotten fills me.

With it comes another System message.

[Congratulations! Mental Fortitude has reached Level 3!]

Perhaps I needed it more, or my mental state was more shaken than before. Whatever it was, I found the energy to open the window and air out my room.

Rule of Autumn, Week 4, Day 2

[Congratulations! Stage 5 of memory integration complete! All memories from Age 3 successfully imported!]

[System Notice: Beginning stage 6 out of [8] of memory integration! All memories from age 2 to 3 importing.]

[System Notice: It is recommended the New User selects the Sun Gods’ Boon and a First Tier Class. Would you like to perform the selection of your Boon?]

I let the message hang above me, my eyes still bleary from sleep.

This time when I spoke, my voice was solid.

“No.”

Instead, I picked up the knitting needles and decided that maybe Eunora was right.

Something to sooth me would be nice. Something repetitive and creative.

Knitting would do.

“[Weave of Darkness].”

My fingers wove deftly, as if I had been learning for a year.

The skill itself produced two types of wool, pitch black yarn that would occasionally give off wisps of shadow that faded into the ether and a translucent yarn that would reflect light back in a wave of iridescence. I cast on with a knot that I knew and now had learned.

The first row was me using a single knitting needle and my thumb, stitching the same way over and over until I reached just under three inches of length. [Quick Calculation] told me I could make several small coasters if I cut down the size. So I did.

The second row was when the monotony began. I lost myself in the motion of the two needles and the yarn. Slide the empty needle under the first cast, pull to the right, wrap between the two needles —back to front, pull down the yarn, bring down the needle to catch the yarn, tuck the needle under the loop, use the needle to slide the stitch over to the opposite needle, begin again.

Slide, pull, wrap, pull, catch, tuck, slide, pull, wrap, pull, catch, tuck, slide, pull, wrap, pull, catch, tuck, slide, pull, wrap, pull, catch, tuck, slide —over and over and over.

Despite the ease with which the stitches came, I worked slowly, focusing on each step and creating a new memory. One of me —not one stolen from her. I spent hours that day knitting one of the small coasters with [Weave of Darkness].

[Congratulations! Due to your skill and dedication you have learned the Skill: Weaving!]

The moon, Revel, was hanging on the horizon when the notification came.

“If I was going to get a weaving skill, why did it come after a yarn Skill?” I mused, with a small twitch of my lips that quickly faded as my voice hardened into a command, “[Inspect].”

[Weaving: You have practiced the age old art of creation using yarn and materials. By dedicating time and passion to the craft you will be granted the ability to Weave like artists of old. Increased Dexterity while weaving. Increased Skill while weaving.]

[Congratulations! Inspect has reached Level 2!]