I slashed out with the haladie, feeling it drag against the tender mouth flesh as we plummeted into the void of teeth and throat. Fortunately, with my Darkvision, I could see the shape of this drop, and just before we hit bottom, I activated Calden’s Hang Time. I crashed against the fleshy floor of the monster’s stomach and didn’t feel a damn thing.

But the queen sure did.

I transferred the force of my collision into the spot I’d just landed in, using one of the best features of any Aegis known to…well, me. Her body shook with pain as the delayed assault ruptured several blood vessels where I lay. Thick, inky gore bubbled up around me, and I hurriedly climbed to my feet. I spotted the indestructible orb sticking out of a section of insides and yanked it out, wiping it free of muck before shoving it into my pack.

“I think I like you, Loon,” Rexen said. “You remind me of myself, except smaller.”

“I’m smaller?” I asked, trying to peer at my surroundings with anything remotely resembling a trained eye. “Or you are smaller?”

“Yes,” Rexen said. “Just a little guy.”

I rolled my eyes, then tossed the feather chest into the air.

“Feather chest, maximize!”

The humongous box expanded into being, landing with a light plunk in the muck of the creature’s esophageal lining. I opened the lid to find a scowling Rua inside. I grinned sheepishly at the elf woman, wiggling my fingers in greeting.

“So,” I asked jovially. “...how was the ride?”

She shoved past me as she nimbly climbed from the chest's interior before bowling forward and puking all over the ground. I mean, she was really heaving. I just watched and waited as she emptied the entire contents of her stomach out in front of the floating Rexen and me.

“Jesus,” I breathed when she finally finished. “When the hell did you have time to eat? That was way too much stuff to be a normal daily diet.”

Rua wiped her mouth with her sleeve and shook her head.

“Body shaming, now, are we?” She teased. “Thought you were better than that?”

“What?” I asked. “I’m the last person who is going to body shame anyone…”

I trailed off, considering my own words.

“Actually, I’m probably the first person,” I admitted. “But that wasn’t the case here. I was just morbidly impressed with the variety of objects that just poured out of you.”

“Har-dee-har,” Rua said. “Hilarious.”

“I’m serious!” I continued, gesturing to the pile of sick. “What have you been eating, lady? I think I saw a boot in there!”

“Was it your boot?” Rexen asked, glancing down at my bare feet. “The next corpse we encounter, let’s loot their sabatons!”

“Easy, there, Jeffrey,” I said. “How about we just focus on the mission at hand?”

I lifted my haladie and pointed a little ways off to where there was a distinct drop-off. Below, soft light shone from somewhere, casting long, spooky shadows. It appeared we were on some sort of meat shelf, and though I wasn’t sure what the inside of an oomukade’s digestive tract looked like, there was likely a stomach somewhere beyond. The surprising lack of bodies and…well, partially eaten corpses led me to believe that this little oral outcropping was likely not a permanent fixture or maybe just disappeared when the oomukade swallowed, or—

FWOOM!

The platform of muscle below disappeared, and we fell again. It was another fifty feet or so, but had the beast not been spongy inside, we’d likely have spent the rest of our short lives complaining about our busted femurs. I noticed wherever I’d landed was slightly warm and a little wet. Rexen was the first one up, as he’d never really fallen—he had just sort of…tread air in a downward direction. Rua was next, looking down at her body in disgust as a mucousy film covered every inch of her. I stood finally, finding that I was also coated in the same slime.

Here we go again, I thought.

It reminded me of when I'd donned the magical party hat I’d gotten from Zeol. It had given me the quality of ‘Slimy’ and kept the roe from being able to fully attack me. This was, of course, back before I’d become solid pals with a few of them and before the hat had been obliterated in the fiery explosion that took my life.

“This is so gross,” Rua said, trying unsuccessfully to shake off the goo. I did the same but gave up after only a moment. We had shit to do, and I’d been covered in much worse a lot more recently. We followed the glow of whatever-the-fuck before moving through a tiny passage that the others were fine navigating, but I had to squeeze through. That was when the source of the light became clear: stomach fluid.

For whatever reason, probably that goddamn game logic, the liquid that filled this chamber was a glowing amber color, looking like a pond of radioactive piss. It took up every available bit of walking space I could see---though it seemed relatively shallow.

Despite the overall nastiness, I couldn’t help but marvel at the sheer size of the place. The…chamber—if you could call it that- was pretty substantial for something used for dissolving materials. Easily twenty feet tall and just as wide, I supposed it made sense. The oomukade queen was already fuck-off large, but also because she likely consumed creatures and objects far bigger than any of us.

"Woah," I muttered as my two companions and I stumbled around in the dim and humid belly cave. “This place is goddamn gnarly.”

The stomach walls were lined with gross, slimy sacs filled with sickly yellow fluid that undulated in a fucked up, unwholesome way. I could hear the monster's organs grinding and gurgling around us, and the stench of decay was overpowering. We stumbled through the cavernous chamber, the floor squishing and squelching beneath our feet. I could feel the heat and pressure of the oomukade's digestive juices all around us, and I knew we had to move fast if we wanted to rescue my friends and not turn into literal shit.

“This is friggin’ bizarre,” Rua said, admiring the overall disgusting vibe this place was giving off.

“Yeah!” I agreed before eyeing the liquid that was up to our ankles. “I wonder if this stuff is safe. You don't think it’ll give us Hepatitis or anything, do you?”

“Doubtful,” Rua said. “I’m sure there’s way worse here, though, than a liver infection. But to be safe, maybe don't drink any of it.”

She smirked at me.

“I’m tempted to do it out of spite,” I said. “But we don’t have time for me to commit to a bit right now. There’s savin’ to be had!”

“Yeah, I thought you said you had allies here,” Rua said. “What’s your Force connection telling you?”

“Eh?” I asked. “Is that one Star Trek or Star Wars?”

“You’re joking, right?” Rua asked, looking offended.

“Of course I am,” I said with a grin. “Relax, I knew what you meant. I’m a huge Dune fan.”

I just couldn’t help pushing a nerd’s buttons.

Rua scowled at me.

“Aren’t we in a time crunch, Muad’Dib?” She asked. “You already said you’re not allowed to go off on a tangent.”

“Mortem?” I asked. “Woah, I didn’t know you liked Peruvian death metal!”

“It’s from Dune,” she said. “Tangent, Loon—tangent!”

“Ah, shit!” I said, mad she’d messed up a fantastic rhyming opportunity. ”Yeah—lemme check.”

I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of my party members. Their Health had been steadily declining during the battle, but for the last few minutes I’d noticed they sort of just…stalled? All of them. As if they were no longer in danger, except, strangely, they had not begun to heal or anything else to bring their vitality back up. And that was strange. I supposed it was possible they’d used up all their magic and medicinal resources, but that didn’t seem right. In any case, we needed to find them quickly.

“Arjee?” I asked, turning to the spirit. I noticed he was stretching his arms out over and over. When he heard me call to him, he looked over, his arms hovering in the air.

“Just preparing my limbs for wrestling!” He said as if the answer made any sense at all.

“Yeah, no—don’t care. Can you tell where my allies are?”

Rexen dropped his arms and shrugged. Then he closed his eyes, concentrating—I think. When he opened them again, his eyes swirled in a way that almost seemed menacing.

“They are close,” Rexen explained. “All but specks of dust before a scattering storm.”

“What does that even mean?” I demanded. “Dust before a storm? Are they in trouble or something?”

“They have been in trouble, pupil,” Rexen said. “And will continue to be until they are rescued or die.”

“Well, that’s fuckin’ ominous as shit,” I said. “Are you being serious right now?”

Rexen stared at me for a moment longer before shrugging his shoulders.

“Iunno,” he intonated.

“I wish I could hit you,” I said before considering. “Wait, can I hit you? Are you solid? I’m gonna hit you.”

I swiped lazily at him, and he floated out of the way.

“That is not nice,” Rexen accused, scowling. “You were so neat when we were falling.”

“Yeah, the coolest shit tends to happen when I plummet sexily from great heights,” I answered.

“Well, now I am confused,” the ghost continued, scratching his head.

“Take a number, Casper,” I said. “Listen, can you lead us to them or not? I don’t want to be wasting my time if—”

“Uh, Loon,” Rua said urgently.

Before, when she’d done that, I hadn’t given her the time of day, which had backfired tremendously. So, this time, like a perfectly polite gent, I paused and glanced her way.

“Yes, Rua?” I asked with the same level of gusto a butler might use. “What can I do for you?”

The elf woman was facing away from us, her eyes locked on one of the sacs of ick clinging to the organ wall. I peered at it, noticing that it was moving more than before. Last I checked, it was a calm pulsation. Now, though, it looked like something was fighting to get out with the fervor of a rabid dog.

“You might want to back away from—”

As always, I didn’t get to finish. The sac burst open like the most disgusting water balloon ever conceived, and a fountain similar to the putrid stomach liquid we’d already been standing in blasted out—only this stuff was greener. It hit the floor level and kept coming, churning the water below us. I noticed that wherever the two liquids touched, the area around it began to bubble and pop like a chemical reaction. I coughed as a sulphuric smell filled the entirety of the belly. I wasn’t a scientist, but to use a technical term: that shit looked bad for fucking business.

“Move!” I roared, but the elf was already racing away, the liquid around her sloshing.

Then, because things always have to get worse, another sac burst. This one was also green, but I noticed that the force of the geyser dredged something up from below this time. Bones. Lots of bones.

“Oh, hell!” I exclaimed and got to stepping even faster, worried that my lack of fancy footwear would be my undoing finally. “Arjee! Can you lead us to my friends!?”

Rexen watched the freshly exploded blister with interest, but my words rocked him from his reverie.

“Yes,” he said. “Is that where you want to go?”

“Fuckin—yes, goddamn it!”

“Very well,” he said, bowing and gesturing to the other side of the stomach chamber. “After you.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?! You’re directing the way!”

“Oh!” Rexen said. “That’s right. Sorry—old age has made my brain very soft. Like a bruised summer squash.”

“Let’s goose it!” I yelled, and we three tried our best to escape the rapidly-rising liquid.

The piss ocean was now up to my calves, and it was getting hard to move in a coordinated fashion. Then to my left, another pustule burst, and more of the gunk joined the party. It then grew increasingly harder to gain distance on the body-devouring goo as the tide moved in, reaching my mid-thigh. Fortunately, we were still ahead of the area where the contents were mixing, but I knew that—with my luck—all these zits would soon pop, and we’d be submerged in a nasty river of pain.

Wait, I thought, thinking about my fortune in a much more pragmatic way. Don’t tell me…

I opened my menu, gaping in a fury at my Luck stat. It had changed again.

Luck -1

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”