This person lost their friendship with a long time friend because of someone manipulating them and telling them lies.

Hey,

That definitely sounds like a twisted mess you got yourself into.

I would start by apologizing to "s", "c"— everyone — in-person, email, or text (if you still have that information). I suggest apologizing in-person. Apologizing in-person is harder but it's also more personal, sincere, and effective than an e-mail, text, or letter.

You don't need to beat yourself up on the situation, but you do need to be absolutely sincere in your apology. Tell them the truth — you messed up. You heard a bunch of terrible things about "s"and foolishly believed them. You, in turn, also told "c" terrible things about "s" and wrongly got "c" into this mess. Not only was this a petty thing to do, but it was also the wrong thing to do. Two wrongs don't make a right. Own up to your actions and explain that what you did was wrong without trying to make excuses for yourself. It takes away from an apology if you follow up with an excuse or explanation that justifies why you did what you did. Let "s", "c", and everyone else know you regret it and quell any lies that have been spread by you, "a", "s", or anyone else because of this mess. It's up to them to decide if they want to forgive and believe you or not.

As for dealing with "a", I suggest first finding the cause of why she wanted to ruin your life and resolve that conflict.

Then I advise you to ignore everything she does and says that comes across a bit manipulative. Manipulative people use emotions to get under your skin. They want to get you emotional so they can see how you tick. And once they know the things that trigger you or get a reaction out of you, they’ll use them to influence your thoughts and actions. If you feel yourself getting a bit emotional, then simply walk away from the conversation or change the topic.

Another thing is self-awareness. If someone fools you once, shame on them. If someone fools you thrice, shame on you. Before you take anything "a" says at face value, take a moment and find that lingering doubt. Is this true? Based on what I know about "s", would "s" say or do this? Even if you're unsure, it would be better to follow what you know about "s" or try to ask "s" herself if they're true or not than to assume that everything "a" says must be true. Have enough self-awareness and self-respect to trust yourself and say no to people who treat you or others poorly.

If "a" continues to manipulate you, then I suggest cutting her from your life. From the looks of things, "a" does seem a bit toxic and has a bad influence on your life. Being around "a" and letting her walk all over you is not only harming you, it is also harming her, "s", "c", and others. If "a" continues to lean into her manipulative ways or cause harm to you and others, then distance yourself from her. Avoid her. Block her on social media if you have to. You don't need such toxic and problematic people taking up a large space in your life.

I hope this helps and take care!

Best,

The Advice Column Team