Fucking Counselor Blatt.

Hawk kept staring at his sneakers while listening to that cursed woman going on and on and on about the stupid guidelines concerning 'safe spaces', 'personal bubbles', and 'microaggressions'. He had never heard such bullshit in his life and at any other moment he would've laughed at the nonsense this woman kept blabbering, but now he was too fucking anxious and heartbroken to even open his mouth.

His sneakered foot kept tapping the floor impatiently, as he waited to hear his punishment. Whatever it was, he wasn't gonna put up a show or an argument. Not this time. He was going to just accept whatever Blatt decided to throw at him and then get the fuck out of here, as soon as possible

"—it is so important that you all learn to respect each other. That's the only way we can create a safe space for everyone—"

Hawk resisted the urge to roll his eyes. There it was again - a safe space. This school was anything but that. Hell, when he had still been Eli there hadn't been a safe place for him in all this fucking building and counselor Blatt had only made things worse—

But I can't blame her for what happened to Sky. That was on me.

The truth had a bitter taste and Hawk licked his lips to get rid of it.

He couldn't stop thinking about the look on Sky's face when she had rushed out of the cafeteria. The tears on her cheeks. The way she had ripped off the phoenix pendant and thrown it amongst the scattered Legos.

I wish I'd never met you!

Her words rang in his ears on repeat, they drowned the voice of counselor Blatt, they made Hawk's heart turn into a lump of ice in his chest, and it took all he had not to start crying right here in Blatt's office.

It was over. Sky would never forgive him now. Not for destroying her science project, not for bragging to his friends about what had happened in the janitor's closet—

And those fucking assholes had realized it was Sky. They would never shut up about it now.

That made Hawk's stomach turn. He leaned his elbows harder on his knees and forced himself to breathe through the nausea that washed over him. Crying or throwing up in here was out of the question - Blatt was one thing but Hawk wasn't going to break into pieces in the same room with Sam LaRusso and Demetri. He wasn't that fucking pussy Eli anymore - he was Hawk. He would let no one see how much this was tearing him apart.

"—you are all suspended for three days," came Blatt's voice, but Hawk didn't even look up.

Fine, he would take that and suffer his punishment like a man. Who needed this fucking school anyways? He couldn't wait to get out of here. He needed to know that Sky was alright.

He had a bad feeling about the way she had rushed out of the cafeteria. The hopelessness in her eyes was haunting Hawk, it was turning him all tense and agonized.

He fucking had to see her. Not even to apologize - he knew it would make no difference at this point - but to make sure she was okay. If she did something to herself—

Hawk couldn't even finish that thought, and still, it crushed him as if he was a beetle that got run over by a truck.

"—and I'll have to call your parents to come to pick you up."

Wait, what?

Hawk sat up in one swift motion and opened his mouth to protest, but Demetri beat him in speed.

"Do you really have to do that, counselor? My mom is at work, and—"

"I will call your parents and they can come to pick you up. You will wait in the hallway until they arrive. Do I make myself clear?"

Demetri let out a melodramatic sigh and slumped back into his chair. "Yes, counselor Blatt. Perfectly clear."

On any other day, Hawk would have gotten satisfaction from the fact that not only had Demetri's science project been destroyed, but Hawk had also pushed him to the floor pretty hard - and now Demetri was getting suspended for three days. It was pretty sweet, actually, a beginning of the payback Hawk had planned for him. But today nothing felt sweet or satisfactory, not even Demetri's misfortune.

Blatt had said she'd call their parents—

— and Mom was out of town on a work trip. She couldn't come to pick Hawk up. That meant Blatt would have to call Dad.

That thought felt like a slap on the face.

"Please counselor Blatt," he spoke up, his voice raspy and dry in his ears. "My Mom is out of town, can I just leave on my own?"

He had to try. Dad would fucking lose his shit, and Hawk had no time to deal with that right now. He had already wasted too much time in here, listening to this stupid bitch.

"You have a father, don't you? You will sit in the hallway and wait to be picked up," Blatt snapped, glaring at Hawk over her glasses. "No exceptions."

Hawk was the first one to rush out of the office when Blatt finally dismissed them, but Demetri and Sam were close to follow.

"How is this fair?" Sam started her typical whining as soon as the door to Blatt's office closed. "You destroy Demetri and Sky's project and start a fight, and all of us get punished?"

"Life's not fair, princess," Hawk muttered. "Better get used to it."

Sam continued to whine, as she took the seat Blatt had pointed at them, but Hawk paid her no attention. He fished his phone from his pocket and dialed Sky's number. He knew perfectly well that he was probably the last person on Earth she wanted to talk to, but he had to at least try. If she started yelling at him or even just hung up on him, at least he would know she was okay.

He couldn't sit down, his restless nerves forced him to pace back and forth, holding the phone to his ear. It kept ringing, but Sky didn't pick up. Every second that passed made Hawk's stomach tie into a tighter and tighter knot.

Pick up, pick up, pick up—

"Sam, are you okay? What happened?" A soft, concerned voice said and Hawk turned to look.

It was Moon. She was standing in front of Sam and Demetri, holding a phone in her hands, a frown on her sweet, pretty face. Her smile that usually lit up any room was now nowhere to be seen. Suddenly Hawk remembered she had been one of the girls admiring the Lego structure right before he had destroyed it.

That made him feel like crap, even more than he already was.

"That stupid Blatt suspended us for three days," Sam rolled her eyes. "All of us. Even Demetri."

"Oh, that's awful," Moon sighed. "But Sam, listen— I've tried to reach Sky. Have you heard from her?"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked. "I thought she was with you? Don't you have Spanish together?"

"No, she must've left school. I tried to go after her, after what happened—" she glanced at Hawk, and he felt like the lowest of the low in front of her gaze. "But I lost her. She didn't show up in Spanish. She has probably gone home."

"How?" Asked Demetri, leaning his elbows to his knees. "She's not allowed to drive yet."

"I don't know, maybe she walked?" Moon replied. "But she's not here. I've looked everywhere. And she's not picking up her phone either."

The phone was still on Hawk's ear, but he now let it fall. The nausea was making his stomach turn. A silence fell on them following Moon's words, one that was filled with unnamed fear and dread.

Sam was the first to break free from it. She stood up in one swift motion and brushed her dark hair behind her shoulder. "We have to go, right now."

Demetri glanced at the door of Blatt's office with a frown. "But counselor Blatt said—"

"Sky could be in trouble. I'm going," Sam said. "You can stay if you want to."

"Oh, man," Demetri sighed but stood up too. "As if we weren't in trouble already—"

But Hawk wasn't listening anymore. He didn't give a shit about Demetri, about Sam, or the trouble they were going to be in. He had enough trouble of his own. Counselor Blatt was probably calling his Dad at this very moment and Hawk knew what kind of a shit storm would wait for him when Dad came to pick him up. Would it be even worse if he wasn't here when Dad showed up? Probably, but Hawk noticed he didn't give a crap about that either.

The only thing he could think about was Sky.

He knew something was wrong, he could feel it in his bones like an approaching storm, it made him nauseous and tense, as if he was waiting for lightning to strike him down.

Without a word to anyone, he picked up his backpack and left. He ran down the hallway as if there was a pack of Hellhounds chasing him down.

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

He parked the bike in front of Sky's house and was just removing his helmet when he noticed a car approaching and recognized the brunette girl behind the wheel.

Fucking LaRusso—

She had driven fast, he had to give her that, for to get here this quickly she probably hadn't even stopped at red lights. Hawk hadn't taken her for a risky driver but apparently he'd been mistaken.

That was all the attention he paid to her, as tossed away his helmet and rushed to Sky's front door. He tried the handle, but of course, the door was locked. With his heart in his throat, he pressed the doorbell, once, twice. The cheerful melody of the doorbell felt like a mock.

"Sky—!" He cried, banging his fist on the door. "Sky, open the door!"

Nothing. The house was silent as if it was empty. No sign of Sky. Not even Napoleon was anywhere to be seen or heard, as Hawk peered in through the small glass panel of the door. Maybe Sky wasn't here at all, maybe he was panicking for nothing—

Sky's backpack lay on the floor of the hallway.

No, no—! This can't be happening, not again—!

He hammered the door with his fist, crying her name even harder. Tears were burning in the back of his throat. He couldn't believe this, he couldn't understand how things had spiraled to Hell like this. Yesterday he had held her in his arms and made love to her, she had tiptoed to kiss him and told him she loved him, and now—

If she's dead, it's on me.

"Be quiet—!" Came a voice behind his back, and Hawk turned to look. It was Sam. "You're probably the last person she wants to see now."

As much as Hawk hated it, Sam had a point.

"She's in there—" he rasped. "Her backpack's on the floor. If you have any bright ideas on how to get in, I'm all ears."

"Does anyone have a key?" Sam asked, glancing from Hawk to Demetri and the Moon, but everyone shook their heads.

"Do you know where they keep the spare key?" Sam asked, turning her attention back to Hawk.

"No, I don't think they have one."

"We should call her dad." Said Demetri, and for once in his life Hawk agreed with him.

He pulled the phone from his pocket - just to notice that Dad had called three times. Hawk ignored that, he would think about that later. Instead, he searched Nicholas from his contacts and dialed, the cold lump in his gut growing and growing.

What the fuck am I gonna say to him? That Sky is probably dead, and it's my fault again—?

"He's not picking up," Hawk groaned after a couple of futile attempts. "He's having another call."

"Keep trying," said Sam, as if someone had put her in charge, but Hawk didn't argue. He kept trying Nicholas' number again and again while Sam and Moon kept ringing the doorbell and calling Sky on their phones. Demetri had disappeared around the corner in search of an open window.

But Hawk knew this was all futile.

He saw it in his mind as if he was in the room with Sky. She had found the pills, he was sure of it. She was lying on her bed, dying, choking on her vomit at this very moment and no amount of calling her name was going to change that.

He let his phone fall and turned to face Sam.

"This isn't helping. I'm gonna call 911."

Sam's face was pale and serious as she gave a sharp nod. "Yeah, do that—"

But she stopped talking mid-sentence as something caught her eye. A silvery Toyota approached with fast speed, tires screeching and stopped on the driveway in front of Sky's home. Hawk had recognized the car at first glimpse and ran to meet Nicholas who stepped out of the car.

"It's Sky—" Hawk rasped, panic breaking his voice. "Something's wrong—"

Nicholas gave him a glare that shut Hawk up mid-sentence and glued his feet to the ground.

"I know—" Nicholas growled. "I'm on the phone with her."

Only then did Hawk notice the phone Nicholas brought back to his ear. It took a heartbeat or so for him to grasp what the older man had said—

He's on the phone with her—?

"Is she okay—? Jesus Christ, is she okay?!" Hawk stumbled after Nicholas as he rushed to the front door and pulled the keys from his pocket, pinning the phone between his ear and his shoulder.

"I'm almost there," Nicholas was saying to the phone, his voice strangled, strengthless. "Almost there, just hang on sweetie—"

He yanked the door open and glanced at Sam and Moon as if he only now realized they were here too. Demetri appeared from behind the corner and took a couple of jogging steps to get close enough to hear what was happening.

"I've got this. You can go now." Nicholas said bluntly to the girls. He didn't even look at Hawk, not even a glimpse.

"Is Sky okay—?" Sam started, but Nicholas had already stepped in and slammed the door behind him. Hawk could hear how he called Sky's name as he ran in, but then—-

Nothing.

Silence fell on them now that the action had suddenly stopped. The adrenaline rush that had kept Hawk going this far, was still making his heart slam against his ribs, and his breathing came uneven, shaky. Suddenly his knees went weak and he had to lean on the door to stay on his feet.

"Should we— should we wait?" Sam hesitated, glancing at Moon and Demetri.

Demetri ran a hand through his dark hair, and shrugged, looking incredibly awkward. "Well, Mr. O'Brian did say he had it under control..."

"We should probably go. I'm sure it's going to be alright now." said Moon, laying a comforting hand on Sam's arm.

"Well, I'm not going back to school." Sam replied, and suddenly Hawk realized she had tears in her blue eyes, her voice was trembling.

It gave him no pleasure to see Sam and Moon this upset and he looked away. He wished he was someone else, that he was someone who could offer a word of comfort and receive one too. He wished he hadn't burnt all the bridges behind him.

He wished he wasn't this asshole he had become. This guy who made his girlfriend want to fucking kill herself.

That thought still made his stomach turn and the memory of Sky lying on her bed in a pool of vomit hit him again like a sword through his gut. He had to remind himself of the fact that Sky was alive.

She's alive. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay—

The others were still talking, their silent voices had momentarily been drowned under the weight of the memory. Hawk looked up from his toes and noticed that Demetri was standing with the girls now as they tried to figure out what to do. They formed a neat little circle that shut Hawk out. Apparently, now that the emergency was over, they had gone back to the world where they didn't speak to him. Not that Hawk cared. At the moment he didn't give a shit about anything but Sky.

Nicholas said he was on the phone with her. He said he got this—

Sky must have called him and told him what had happened. Which meant that it wasn't just Sky who hated Hawk's guts now, but Nicholas too.

That thought hurt more than Hawk wanted to admit.

His phone started ringing in his pocket, and for an absurd moment he thought it was Sky, he pulled the phone out so fast it slipped from his fingers and fell to the stairs and the screen shattered. Cursing, he bent to pick it up as quickly as he could, but when he saw the caller id, disappointment knocked the breath out of him.

Dad.

Hawk hit the red button with his thumb and leaned on the wall. No way was he gonna talk to Dad, not now. He could take the yelling later when he knew for sure that Sky was okay.

"We can go to my place," Demetri was saying to the girls. "I live close by - we can explain things to my Mom together, and you guys can call your parents too."

For a fleeting moment, Hawk wished Demetri had asked him to join them. They would all climb upstairs to Demetri's room, where the Marvel posters on the walls, piles of comic books and fantasy novels on the desks, and the corners, Legos, and action figures on the shelves created a safe haven Hawk knew like the back of his hand. He wouldn't have to be alone with this pain that was choking his windpipe. They would talk things out, Moon would offer comfort and hugs to everyone, Demetri's Mom would make sweet, strong tea with honey, and then, later, when the night was falling, Demetri would walk home with Hawk like a thousand times before, so that he wouldn't have to face Dad's wrath alone.

Because that's what brothers do.

He almost spoke. The words were already on the tip of his tongue, like birds ready to fly.

I'm sorry. For all of it. Can I please come with you?

But just in time the reality came back to him like a punch in the face, he swallowed the words and remembered they weren't brothers, they never would be again. They were enemies. Demetri had wanted it that way when he had started this rivalry with his stupid Yelp review, and now too much water had passed under the bridge.

Hawk had no brother. He had no friends. And now he didn't even have Sky.

In silence, he watched how Demetri walked away with Sam and Moon and they all stepped into Sam's car, without as much as a word to Hawk. They acted like he wasn't even there. Only Demetri glanced at him once through the car window, before they drove off, but Hawk turned his eyes away.

The fast heaving of his chest was beginning to calm down, and the sharp taste of fear and panic on his lips was turning into something dark and bitter.

He knew he should leave too. He knew he should walk to his bike, put on the helmet, and drive away, but where? He couldn't go back to school, back to that stupid bitch Blatt, back to his so-called friends, Rickenberger and the others. They had no fucking idea what Hawk was going through and he sure as Hell wasn't going to explain it. But he couldn't go home either. He was nowhere near ready to face Dad.

Slowly he gave in to the irresistible gravity, and slid down, his back against the wall.

He pulled his knees against his chest, buried his face in his arms, and waited.

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