Olivia swipes her hotel room key and opens the door. She steps inside while I stay outside. The moment she turns around to face me, her eyes turn glassy.

This should be enough for her. Klein Enterprise manages many hotels, and one of them is here, in LA. She can stay here until her problem with Roman is settled.

"Thank you so much," she says. "I don't know what I would do without your help, although I don't deserve this. With how Roman left earlier, I don't want him to find me yet. I don't want to see him, at least not until I'm sure that he won't hit me anymore."

I nod silently, but before I can walk off, Olivia asks, "Are you okay?"

Her question snaps me out of my thoughts. I frown.

Worry crosses her expression. "You seemed off after I told you what happened on our wedding day. I know that you shouldn't have been reminded about that moment. I didn't want the truth to hurt you even more than before. I was just hoping that it would make you understand why I left."

Olivia startles and covers her mouth with her hand, as though she just realized how wrong her last sentence was. She quickly adds, "It doesn't mean that what I did was right. No, I didn't mean that. I had no excuse. What I did to you was unforgivable."

Little does she know that it's not what I'm worried about right now. This agony I'm feeling inside is because of Nevaeh. My feelings for her are now tainted with doubts.

It's like the other half of my soul is leaving. I don't know whether my heart can survive or not if I lose her.

I don't want to face it.

I don't want to accept reality.

"You're standing here before me, but it's like you're not really here," Olivia says. "Are you sure that everything is alright? Don't you have something to say?"

I shake my head. But then, after a moment of silence, I say, "I'll be back again."

Her eyes soften after she hears that. I turn my back to her, and while I'm walking toward the elevator, I can still feel her eyes on me.

After I reach the ground floor and step out of the hotel, I put my palms on my knees and let out a long, heavy sigh. It's not a sigh of relief. It's torture.

I'm panting. My chest heaves up and down.

Nevaeh.

I resume walking. The sun is setting down, and I should go to the airport because I promised her that I would be back. But now, my legs are bringing me to nowhere in particular.

Blindly, I drag my feet toward an alley, holding on to the brick wall to steady myself. I don't even bother to call the driver. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

My phone vibrates inside my pocket, but I ignore it. I don't need to check the caller to know who it is. It's Ashton.

He's been blowing up my phone I wonder why the man hasn't hunted me down here himself and drag my ass back to Seattle.

I push my back against the brick, and my eyes squeeze shut as I slump against the wall. I'm trying to breathe properly.

I need Nevaeh. I fucking need her right now. I need my Heaven.

Darkness has consumed me again, and it's telling me that I'm losing her. All this time, I've been holding on to something that is never real.

When I said to Olivia that I would be here again, it was to remind myself that I hadn't gotten the closure I was looking for. Because the moment she talked about Nevaeh, about what really happened two years ago, my mind immediately turned into a huge fucking mess I couldn't think about anything else.

I didn't ask Olivia why she, the woman I loved, fell out of love or if she ever loved me in the first place.

I didn't know why she was with me, why she stayed by my side while her heart clearly didn't belong to me, or one might say, didn't fully belong to me.

I didn't know the answers, and I still don't know.

It's just the same with Nevaeh.

I'm not sure anymore why she's with me. The truth Olivia said to me keep ringing in my ears, and I can't get that one word out of my head.

Guilt.

I saw the guilt in Olivia's eyes when she cried, and I saw that in Nevaeh's broken eyes too.

The missing piece of my past has revealed the ugly truth. I've been wrong about what Nevaeh feels for me. I've recklessly robbed her heart even though it never belongs to me.

How could I not see it?

It was always there, the sadness in her eyes.

I can't hold my nausea anymore. I throw up in the alley, feeling my throat burn. I feel like my heart is being sliced very slowly with every second of this realization. It fucking hurts.

Those moments with her come back in my mind, convincing me about how wrong I have been.

It was one of those nights when I had my nightmare.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Nevaeh asked carefully. She looked worried, and somehow afraid that I wouldn't want her to know about my nightmare.

But her soft gaze was telling me that she would be there for me if I needed her.

"I heard that hot chocolate is your favorite drink," she changed her tone into a cheerful one, and my eyes fell on the drink she'd prepared for me. "Hot chocolate is the best, isn't it? Especially with marshmallows."

It was warm. She was warm, and my heart was freezing. She was everything I needed. How could I let my needs lead me in the wrong direction?

"You should be afraid of me, of these feelings inside me," I snapped. "You should tell me to stop. You should kill these feelings--"

"These feelings that you said are bad for me, are they good for you?" she asked softly.

I should have realized that there wasn't only anguish in her eyes but also guilt, a need to fix the man she thought she broke.

"Paint me then." Her voice was shaking, and for a moment I thought that she was afraid.

I should have stopped. I should have stopped us from happening just because she felt sympathy.

"I was betrayed, Nevaeh," I said, feeling her eyes on me as we sat in the jacuzzi. "It was on our wedding day. I've been asking myself countless times about that. The same question keeps coming back to me: Why?"

She stared at me like I just slapped her in the face, like she suddenly wanted to disappear from this world.

We kissed, until she broke it. Her tears were rolling down her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?"

I was worried, but it wasn't enough. I should have realized that something was wrong.

"I want to hold you while you take all of me," she whispered brokenly, and I was at a loss for words.

I was wondering why she suddenly asked me to take her after hearing about my past. I should have tried harder to understand her. It shouldn't have sounded like a sacrifice from her.

I throw my fist into the brick wall, ignoring the blood pouring from it. A scream rips through every fiber of my being.

It was the moment I took her innocence, her virginity.

And now I want to kill myself for what I've done to her. It feels like I can taste her tears in my mouth.

"Hold me. Just hold me tight, Nevaeh," I rasped. "Don't let go. Keep holding me," I commanded, pounding into her and feeling her clinging around me as I told her to.

Her soft cries and whimpers were close to my ears. I knew that with every pleasure I took from her, she was hurting. But I didn't stop.

"I'm here. I'm all yours." She sobbed, ignoring how painful her first time was.

And at that moment, all I could think about was that she was mine. How could I hurt her in such a way?

When I finally found my release, her tearful eyes stared into mine.

"How was it?" Her voice sounded weak, and that question only meant one thing.

She did it for me.

"No," I whisper, shaking my head in denial. "Nevaeh, no." I bury my face in my hands.

I feel like a monster. I am a monster.

She sacrificed herself for me, and I took advantage of her.

It was guilt all along.

Her guilt.

Nevaeh is with me for the wrong reason.

Olivia was too -- whatever her reason was -- and look where we are now, with all the tragedies behind us.

I've been blinded, again.

My fist is shaking with rage upon myself. I won't make the same mistake. Even though what I will do will destroy me, it's better soon than later.

And this time, I don't think that I'll survive.

It may even be the end.