Vow fuelled, of course, by latest brutal blow —

abrupt revisioning of New Year's Eve

the plan...or date? or invitation notion?

what was it? was it? was it just a dream?

whatever, now all changed,

another female will be with him, they'll be going

to where you thought the two of you were set to go. . .

or maybe not, it all depends, he might call you as well

might, if he decides to go and take you both —

decision will not come 'til late, he says

near midnight, if he were to want right then to go

and want to call, want you to come as well

of course he may not want to, may not call at all

Obsessive thoughts, tormenting tears, the boring works

Yet notions of tomorrow's New Year vow not comforting, reverse

This future emptiness as prize of the whole year?

full erasure, blank out

utter fail of only friendship you have forged post-loss

full death knell now, no contact, not even mere civility

its end a precious prize indeed . . .

and as the countdown hours pass

feels worse and worse

a curse, impending doom

called down on you by you, by your own stupid vowing hand

Vows cannot take effect, of course,

'til clock strikes twelve,

five hours left to live

Perhaps some gesture still could come

within last minutes of this dying year

some kindness?

Clarity, at least— one look at him would surely explicate

the changes, cancellation, obviating of their new year plan

Would see within his eyes the truth, intent that words just hide

When New Year's Eve had seemed to be for them

a date, a plan for two

had bought champagne, made truffles, treats, a special gift

all to give (to give all, all on special night)—all still waiting, still on hand

To drop them off to him

when walking forth to dance alone on New Year's Eve....

That wouldn't be so hard, bell quick to ring

pretty little bag to offer when he came, opened the door

to greet kind gesture there from her, be-ribboned on the other side

a chance to see his face as well, his eyes...a swift goodbye

then off again, away to where the music loudly plays

***

(part 3 of "bright night" follows)