《Strange world》bright night (part 1)
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Eve of new year, rebuffed, alone
challenge burns - to at long last embrace the real!
reality of simply being one, alone, unloved
never to be loved again
yet somehow endlessly and pointlessly alive
Learn to act as one, not weakly wait for love that will not come
make solid plans to move this flesh around
shepherd it through weary world while it still stubborn moves
no falling back on dreams of rescue courtesy of death
false hope for loving kindness in some semi-stranger's smile
Must change! must make my rituals anew
build them now for one
no waiting for some mystic other anymore
no one is there, no one! and no one wants to be
just recognize that plain white fact
Have known real love while many don't
Be grateful for that past tense truth
accept, you selfish bitch, shut up
get on with things.
And so the magic night of change draws near
and sundry thoughts compete
this New Year's vows all centre on sharp change,
clean end to sloppy hope
no more postponements (awaiting deathly rescuing)
and - most of all! no more encounters with gilded man
who in the autumn claimed a date
embraced then spurned
was warm then cold, hot then total ice
enraged then smiling sweet then absent utterly - no!
surely lesson is at long last learned!
no more of that
A simple vow, December 31st
avoid the places where he is and where he goes
eschew events he recommends
resist response to e-mails, phonecalls too
his language always vague enough to offer nothing firm
fragile woven words
all maybe-might
a silky slidey trap
***
(part 2 of "bright nights" follows)
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