(Hello! Welcome to the new year. Forst poem of the year, on the first day of the year. Why? Well the new year makes me really depressed, I think about everything that went wrong and how it'll, probably, all happen again but worse. So to cope I wrote a poem about my touch adverse self, I was gonna focus on the fact that my parents don't respect my boundaries against touch, but now it's this. You can probably except me to keep up with this book this year because, everything is probably gonna hit me full force again. But yeah, no tws, please enjoy this work of coping. And sorry I keep ranting in these little notes, but it's fun for me.)

Touch has always been an odd subject for you

You pocket your hands at any attempt to hold them

You duck out of hugs and away from hands on your shoulders

And you hide away from kisses on your head

You don't truly know why

You guess you've always been afraid of it

Afraid of people getting to close

Of them being able to turn on you

Change love into hurt within minutes

Or maybe you're afraid of the love in general

Maybe you're afraid of someone truly loving you

Of knowing every bit about you all because they showed they care

Because you do crave the affection

Of course You do

Nearly everyone does

You want the hand holds

The cuddles

The bear hugs and side hugs

You want that

You want to know you are loved

That you can be loved

But everytime someone gets close

You cower

And you hide

You disappear from them

From that affection

And maybe you're irrational

To think they could hurt you

You don't really know who 'they' are

Your friends?

Your parents?

Your brother?

You don't know who would turn against you

And perhaps that's what scares you away

You don't know who could hurt you

You don't know who would turn hugs into hurt

Turn love into pain

So you'll continue to duck from warm hugs

Clasp your hands when they desperately want to be held

And shy away from any love given

Because touch has always been odd to you

Or maybe it's more of a fear

Touch has always always been a fear