《Badly Written Poetry From A Fucked Mind》Touch
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(Hello! Welcome to the new year. Forst poem of the year, on the first day of the year. Why? Well the new year makes me really depressed, I think about everything that went wrong and how it'll, probably, all happen again but worse. So to cope I wrote a poem about my touch adverse self, I was gonna focus on the fact that my parents don't respect my boundaries against touch, but now it's this. You can probably except me to keep up with this book this year because, everything is probably gonna hit me full force again. But yeah, no tws, please enjoy this work of coping. And sorry I keep ranting in these little notes, but it's fun for me.)
Touch has always been an odd subject for you
You pocket your hands at any attempt to hold them
You duck out of hugs and away from hands on your shoulders
And you hide away from kisses on your head
You don't truly know why
You guess you've always been afraid of it
Afraid of people getting to close
Of them being able to turn on you
Change love into hurt within minutes
Or maybe you're afraid of the love in general
Maybe you're afraid of someone truly loving you
Of knowing every bit about you all because they showed they care
Because you do crave the affection
Of course You do
Nearly everyone does
You want the hand holds
The cuddles
The bear hugs and side hugs
You want that
You want to know you are loved
That you can be loved
But everytime someone gets close
You cower
And you hide
You disappear from them
From that affection
And maybe you're irrational
To think they could hurt you
You don't really know who 'they' are
Your friends?
Your parents?
Your brother?
You don't know who would turn against you
And perhaps that's what scares you away
You don't know who could hurt you
You don't know who would turn hugs into hurt
Turn love into pain
So you'll continue to duck from warm hugs
Clasp your hands when they desperately want to be held
And shy away from any love given
Because touch has always been odd to you
Or maybe it's more of a fear
Touch has always always been a fear
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