That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:

Attack 2.9 - In Which Bonbon and Wanda are Assaulted By Valley Girls

The night air was still in the minutes preceding the attack. The light of the stars and the 2-5 moons in the sky cast a ghostly glow over the scenery. Bonbon was glad that it was bright enough to avoid running the cart off the side of the road. The countryside was calm, with only a few monsters wandering around the hills, just outside of aggro range.

Still, the constant vigilance was starting to fray Bonbon's nerves. She'd already asked the horse how it was doing, and his responses had been pretty professional. She felt he was pretty trustworthy, but just the threat of drifting a few feet off the road and into a monster attack was enough to keep her on edge.

She glanced back at the cart. Wanda had injected something into her arm a bit ago and was splayed out in the cart, staring up at the stars and murmuring quietly. An arm and leg were flopped over Hiro, who was still completely rigid, completely unmoved from his previous position. Well... maybe, anyhow. It kind of seemed like his eyes had closed a hair in the few hours since she last checked. She hadn't completed her full [Princess] studies yet, so she didn't have the [Mental Ruler] skill to be able to check it to be certain.

A loud screech split the air, and Bonbon whirled around, her hand dropping to the knife on her belt.

"Wanda-san..."

"Hmm?" Wanda purred quietly. "Why're you screeching?"

"That..." Bonbon hesitated, frowning at Wanda's accusation. Her voice wasn't that shrill, was it? "That wasn't me."

Wanda sat up, her eyes instantly unfogging as she activated her [Drug Invulnerability]. She stretched her neck up in a particularly dog-like way, scanning the horizon for threats. Her eyes fixed on some moving dots, bright pink the darkness, shooting down the side of a cliff in the distance. The doggirl activated her [Binocular Vision] and [Sniff Supremacy], narrowing her eyes and sniffing pointedly.

"Huh, wan," she commented, relaxing slightly. "Looks like elves. Friends of yours?"

Bonbon shook her head, a dark cloud settling over her expression (not literally, she was just frowning).

"No..." she said, drawing her knife. "I'm a [Rock Elf]. Those are [Valley Elves]."

"Is there a difference, wan?"

"[Valley Elves]," Bonbon spat, "Are unprincipled, savage barbarians. They have no culture, no honor, no dignity, and worst of all, no fashion sense."

Bonbon's heart was pounding. She quickly unstrapped her knife bag and rolled it out on the bench next to her. She used her [Elf Eyes] to zoom in on the riders, hoping for some good news. Her stomach twisted. There were seven of them in total, and all but the leader were wearing chainmail croptops, and hot pink leather miniskirts. The leader herself wore a platemail croptop, with pauldrons studded with spikes and rhinestones. A rhinestone circlet sat in the tresses of her hair, with long pink pinions flowing back from it, matching those of her [Rockatiel].

Their mounts were battle-hardened, and cute as a button. They were effectively horse-sized cockatiels. Similar to, but legally distinct from a Chocobo. They were flapping and gliding down from the cliff, making an unmistakable beeline for the cart. The birds landed, and continued to run, weaving around the occasional boulder or tree.

"It's a raiding party..." Bonbon announced, her voice a low mournful moan. "Wanda-san, is Hiro awake yet?"

She waited for Wanda to check, watching the raiders as they swooced across the field. They made no attempt to disguise their intentions, raising sequined battle-maces and crude bone axes into the night sky.

"Wanda-san?" Bonbon asked, venturing a look to the back of the cart. Hiro hadn't moved, still in his same casually relaxed rigor temporis. Wanda was...

Bonbon blinked, looking back at the Wandaless cart.

"Huh? W-Wanda-san?!"

She sat up and turned around entirely. The cart still had Hiro and a few of the packs, but Wanda was conspicuously missing, along with the bag that had most of the alcohol.

"H-huh?!"

Bonbon tilted off the side of the cart to check under it, in case the doggirl had taken a defensive position beneath the wheels. No dice. This wasn't good. Had she really run off?

"Wanda-san?" Bonbon asked once more, a bit of her desperation leaking into her voice. Wanda responded with an earpiercing screech, and Bonbon whipped upright. She turned to find that Wanda had become much more pink and birdlike than she'd recalled, before her panicked mind calmed down enough to realize what she was looking at.

She glanced up, from the [Rockatiel] to its rider, the [Raid Leader]. The elf looked imperiously down at her, blowing a bubble and holding it for a moment before popping it and drawing the gum back into her mouth. The raider's eyes searched Bonbon for a second, one eyebrow raising, before she drew the back of one hand to her cheek.

"Like, oh my god!" the raider said, her eyes narrowing into a sinister grin. "Where did you get that dress? It's soooooo cute."

Bonbon's eyes flicked from the leader to the other raiders, who were slowly circling the cart. "U-uh..."

"Did you, like, make it yourself?" the raider asked, her every word thick with catty sarcasm. "I love how thrifty it looks! I could never pull that off, but it looks right at home on you!"

Another of the raiders leaned in, one eye wide in mock admiration, the other hidden beneath a heart-shaped eyepatch. "I know, right?" she asked. "I want one too. Do they still make the curtains you cut it out of?"

Bonbon clenched her fist, trying to put on a brave front. The Valley Elves were well-known for their devastating raiding techniques. First, they crushed their prey with psychological attacks. Then they literally crushed them, with rocks and hammers and such. She had to comport herself like a proper [Princess] and show them that their bullying had no effect.

"N-n-no..." she stammered, smiling in a way she hoped was confident. "I b-b-b"

"You b-b-b?" the head raider asked, her eyes wide in mock concern. "You'll have to speak up, sweetie, I can't hear you."

"I... I bought it," she replied. "I didn't make it."

A low snickering filled the night, like a pack of caffeinated hyenas, circling before they ripped their prey apart.

"Woooooow!" The head raider said, giving a golf clap, her mace wavering dangerously in her hand. "You bought it, huh? I hope it was on sale!"

Bonbon flinched, taking [Cringe] damage. Her mind raced. She had to find a way out of here. In the back of the cart, there was a rustling of cloth. She ventured a quick glance, to see one of the Valley Elves poking through the bags.

"Like, Heather, check it out!" The elf raider shouted to the leader. She bobbed her head, the spikes in her pigtails clicking together. "They've got a ton of sweets in here!"

"Wow!" Heather said, grinning a vicious smile at her subordinate. She flicked her eyes back to Bonbon, the grin still planted on her face.

"You weren't going to eat all of those by yourself, were you?"

"I..." Bonbon wanted to tell her that those were mostly for Wanda, but a strategic part of her was telling her not to. Maybe... maybe Wanda was planning some kind of ambush. "I... I'm..."

"I mean, you're probably worried about your weight, right?" Heather asked, flicking her eyes down towards Bonbon's stomach, which was admittedly thinner than her own. Bonbon opened her mouth to say so, but saw the raid leader watching her expectantly. The spike-studded mace bounced casually on her shoulder.

"Um..."

"Unless... were you, like, bringing those for us?" The raid leader gasped, placing one hand over her mouth in feigned surprise. "Oh. My. God. You're so sweet!"

She nodded to the pigtailed raider, who lifted the bag out of the cart. "You like, totally shouldn't have!" the pigtailed raider giggled, sheathing her warpick to lift the heavy bag with both hands.

"OMG, there's a guy back here!" Another of the elves shouted, prodding at Hiro's face. "I think he's, like, dead!"

Heather's expression shifted for just a second. She'd raided plenty of carts, but this was the first time she'd seen somebody just transporting an uncovered corpse in the back of a wagon. She glanced at Bonbon, slightly unnerved.

"S-so, like... what are you even doing out so late? It's kind of creepy, right?" She glanced at her companions, who all echoed her.

"Creepy!"

"Super creepy!"

Heather narrowed her eyes and pointed at Bonbon. "We're like, the top bitches around here, you know. We can't have creeps sneaking around. It's like, totally icksville."

She gave an exaggerated shudder. "So, like, you better explain why you're out here."

Bonbon looked around. The rest of the raiders were circling, the light of the moon(s) reflecting in their hungry eyes. She noticed with a quiet fear that they'd all unsheathed their weapons.

"I... I'm a traveling chef," she offered, which was technically true.

Heather chuckled, gripping her mace tighter. "Oh, yeah?" she asked. "Are you gonna, like, cook us something? We're pretty hungry, you know."

Bonbon froze, her heart beating quickly. Things were slotting into place in her mind, and amidst the pink-hued dread floating around her, she thought she glimpsed a diamond-studded ray of hope.

She tilted her head, offering her most practiced friendly, disarming smile. Years of [Princess] training flowed through her, she flashed a beaming smile, which figuratively and literally lit up the night. Heather jerked back as if she'd been struck, thrown off-guard by the brilliance and (supposed) genuineness of the smile.

"Of course!" Bonbon replied happily. "What would you like?"

The Raid Leader, still stymied by the dazzling radiance of Bonbon's smile, realized that she'd forgotten the clever one-liner she was about to shout before attacking. "U..umm..." she replied, trying to gather her thoughts.

"I want a Vanilla Caramel [Frostaccino] with soy milk and extra whipped cream!" Heart Eyepatch said, raising a hand.

Heather looked over at her in surprise and irritation, but Bonbon merely stood and give a polite bow.

"Coming right up!" she said, before taking a deep breath, and settling her hand on her knife. "I'll have that ready in no time!"

She locked eyes with Heather, grinning defiantly. The [Raid Leader], acting on instinct, dispensed with the wit and swung her mace, aiming to crush Bonbon's head in. But she was too late. The [Chosen of Flavos] gave her a wink as she activated her most powerful Arte.

"[Crunch Time]"