You found yourself in this awkward limbo of uncertainty way too often these days.

Though, as incredibly daunting as it was to keep wrestling with your inner conscious, you just couldn't keep yourself from putting up a fight with that voice of reason— everything in you screaming to just stop... to step back and take a deep breath. How could you, though? Not when you had an angry ex-boyfriend to deal with and a tricky situation that you didn't anticipate would ever be happening.

You really hoped that Jean was still with Connie. You didn't wanna think about what would happen if he had gone back to the apartment. With Eren living just a few feet away, Jean could easily want to finish where they left off— or even Eren could pick another fight... you certainly wouldn't put it past him.

More over, you really didn't want him to be there now, since you were currently on your way to pick up a few necessities for your stay at Mr. Ackerman's condo. The over night bag you had packed for your time with Connie and Sasha just wasn't cutting it— the clothes in needing of a wash and your toiletries just about run dry. It would only take a few minutes to grab the things you needed... and you could only hope it would be so easy. Thankfully, a quick scan of the parking lot allowed for a bit of relief— Jean's car was seemingly no where in sight, so maybe your efforts to avoid further confrontation today wouldn't be lost after all.

The journey up to your floor seemed like an exaggeration of time spent; the stairs seemed to climb higher, the hallway stretched longer... the door to Eren's apartment seemed so forbidden, despite the fact that you had just been there but only a few hours before.

Would this feeling ever go away?

Fumbling with the keys in your pocket, you go to unlock the door that seems to open so effortlessly without the use of your house key. Had you forgotten to lock the door before you left for work? No, you wouldn't forget such a thing— your heart drops in realization that someone else had to have unlocked it after you left... even more frighteningly, that someone else was still inside.

Chilled, with shaken hands carefully pushing open the door as quietly as you can manage, you brace yourself for whatever you may find beyond the other side.

Once inside, you can hardly make out a faint rustling coming from the kitchen— lip smacking and a satisfied hum soon follow after, as you begin to delve deeper into the place. A cute ponytail full of dark auburn hair peeks over top of the counter and you breathe a sigh of relief as you're undoubtedly aware of who's attached to it.

"Sasha," you sputter, although pleasantly happy to see your best friend, you're unaware of what she may think of you now. "You scared me!"

"Oh! Y/n... sorry, wasn't expecting to see you here so soon." She smiles meekly, a bit of hot sauce dribbled on her chin from devouring your leftover chicken wings that had to have been at least a week old. "I came to grab Jean a few things, he's gonna stay with me and Connie for a few days. He didn't wanna... um—"

"He didn't wanna see me, I know. He made that pretty clear." You grimace, remembering his choice of words for you in the aftermath of his fight with Eren. "I just came to grab some stuff too, I won't be here long."

The look on Sasha's face made you uncomfortable. You weren't able to read her expression— it was that of disappointment, mixed with sadness and empathy. She was no doubt unsure of how she should feel towards you in this instance, and you certainly couldn't blame her for it. It was exactly as you had feared— you had placed both her and Connie in such an uncomfortable position and now they would have to choose a side.

Sasha really didn't want to choose; she just couldn't.

"Y/n—"

Her voice is soft and cautious as she calls out your name, pulling you from you path of unguided dejection. Traipsing through a home that no longer felt like yours was proving to be much more difficult than you anticipated.

"Yeah?"

She takes a few steps forward to catch up to you, grasping your hand into hers. Her fingers are well greased with the food she had stolen out of your fridge— although many would consider it a misgiving, you found her incredibly endearing in moments like these. She's just... herself, no matter what; it was a much needed reminder that she was still Sasha, your best friend.

"I just want you to know that we're still your friends— Connie and I." She forces a smile, but her eyes tell you that she's hurting inside too. "We both feel like we played a part in this situation as well... we— I guess... we put pressure on you two to stay together even though we could see that you were falling apart. We selfishly wanted you guys to stay together because we were afraid of what would happen if you ever broke up."

Her big brown eyes begin to water as her lips pout, pulling you into the tightest hug you could possibly imagine as she blubbers into the crook of your neck.

"I'M SO SORRY Y/N! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!" She wails, clinging onto your shoulders in an almost debilitating fashion— you can't help but be surprised at her actions, considering the fact that you feel like you should be the one apologizing.

"No, it's not your fault Sasha, I promise. Jean and I both know that we should've ended things a long time ago— it was our choice to stay in a relationship that wasn't going well for either of us anymore... I just went about ending it the wrong way and I'm sorry that you and Connie have to be in such an uncomfortable middle between the two of us."

Finally managing to pull yourself out of her vice grip, you pick up a napkin to wipe away the remnants of sauce from around her mouth that had now begun to mix with salty tears and messy globs of snot. You can't help but laugh at the messy sight before you and she soon follows suit, cackling over the fact that both of you had mistakenly been worried about the nature of your friendship for nothing.

"I'm so glad you don't hate me."

You reiterate, tucking a strand of her silky-straight hair that has fallen from it's elastic, behind her ear.

"I could never hate you, y/n."

You should feel happy in this moment, but for some reason l, you can't really bring yourself to feel much of anything right now except reprehensible. Did you really deserve this? Are you really deserving of a friend like Sasha? It couldn't be so easy... there had to be consequences for your actions, right?

It almost frightened you to wonder when your karma would finally catch up with you.

"Well, I should finish up and get out of here." You sigh, not wanting to let go of her because you truly didn't know when you'd see Sasha again.

"Yeah, me too— oh, um, sorry about eating your food." She blushes, almost forgetting that she'd been caught red-handed with your leftovers.

"Don't worry about it, help yourself!"

You call out to her, disappearing into your bedroom to gather a few of your things.

A quick look around the room told you everything you needed to know about Jean's mental state the past few days. It was a mess— clothes carelessly strewn around the room, empty beer cans crowded any and everything with a flat surface— It pained you to know that you were the cause of all this, especially when you opened up the closet to find everything almost perfectly in place, untouched exactly the way that you had left it; that is, until you realized your favorite pullover was missing from its hanger.

You searched high and low, frantic in the way that you really needed to find this sweater— it was an odd quirk of yours, to grow strangely attached to things with seemingly little value— nonetheless, you were determined to find it, worried that Jean may have done something to ruin it out of spite.

After sorting through the mess of things on the floor without any such luck, you decide to check the bed in one last ditch effort; low and behold, there it was, wrapped messily around your pillow on the side of the bed were you used to lay. Frowning, you grip the fabric, ready to curse him for touching your things until you realize just what exactly may have led him to do such a thing.

Has he been sleeping next to it? Holding you, breathing you in just as he used to when things were actually good between the two of you?

It takes you a moment, but reluctantly, you let go of the sweater— pulling the covers back over the pillow as if you'd never even discovered it. If this sweater brought him some sort of comfort, who were you to take that from him? You've done enough damage already; you certainly didn't intend to do anymore.

You quickly grabbed a few necessary items— your AirPods, hair care and feminine products, a few changes of clothing and an extra tube of toothpaste to accompany the brush that was already packed in your bag. It wasn't much, but it would do for the time being. You'd come back to get the rest of your things when you were sure you had a stable place to live.

To no one's surprise, you found Sasha exactly where you left her once you finally exited the room— getting ready to grab the bag she had packed up for Jean and head out herself, she stopped when she saw you standing there in the hallway with a downcast expression on your face.

"You gonna be okay, y/n?"

She asks hesitantly, wishing there was more she could do. She would certainly have no qualms about letting you stay over at her place again, but now it was Jean's turn to utilize their support.

"Yeah, I think so."

You offer a subtle smile, though maybe it wasn't as convincing as you hoped, because she dropped the bag she was holding to wrap her arms around you one more time.

"Please don't think we're choosing Jean over you," she reminds you for the second time since you began your earlier conversation, "it's just, we suspect Jean needs us a little more right now. You know I'm always here for you— Connie too. We love you."

"I love you guys too; thanks for being the best friends I could ever ask for."

She smiles, leaving a sweet kiss to your temple as a means of 'see you later,' before finally exiting the apartment. It felt so unbearably empty now that Sasha had gone, running a frigid chill down your spine as you quickly understood that the next time you come here, it'll be to pack your things and leave for good.

It was almost surreal— there were so many memories here, both good and bad, but nothing could take away the fact that this was the home you once shared with the person who you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. You mourned for the girl who believed in a white picket fence fairytale— the same girl who believed that love was enough to carry her through anything life threw at her.

It wasn't enough; certainly not enough to stop them from the petty arguments, or to stop Jean from bringing his workday stress home and using it as fuel to aim his verbal insults towards someone who didn't deserve it, and it certainly wasn't enough to stop you from hating him a little more each time that he did.

It just wasn't enough, no matter how hard you willed it.

This place wasn't home anymore, and it never would be again.

With one last look, you closed the door and locked it up tightly behind you and with that, your heart as well.

"Where you running off to, pretty?"

Eren's unmistakable voice calls out to you from behind, a cloud of smoke surrounding his hazy eyes as he exhales from the joint pursed between his lips. His forearms support his weight as he hangs his head over the railing, watching Sasha climb into the car from the other side of the parking lot after stuffing Jeans bag into the back seat.

"Don't think your friend likes me very much— called me a dick after I said hello to her." He chuckles, offering you a hit, to which you simply shake your head no.

He shrugs before pinching the burning embers between his fingers and slipping it into his jacket pocket once it was safe to do so. His smile is genuine once he finally flashes you one, truly happy to see you again so soon— though he quickly notices the bag slung over your shoulder as his brows furrow out of curiosity.

"So, where are you headed now? I woulda offered you to stay here but Mika wasn't so sure about it—"

"No, it's alright! I completely understand, honestly I would've turned down your offer anyway... it's probably not the best idea since Jean's literally just across the hall..."

"Yeah, guess I didn't think that far."

He awkwardly scratches the nape of his neck as his cheeks flush in embarrassment and you can't help but think it's adorable how cluelessly innocent he can seem at times— those fleeting moments where Eren's vulnerability seeps through have come to be some of your very favorites.

"I'm staying at Mr. Ackerman's place for a few days— he's got a condo he rents out so he's letting me stay there until I can find something else." You explain, watching the way his lips curl into a sly smirk.

His fingers tease the drawstrings of your jacket, before playfully unzipping its front so that he can properly place his hands around the warmth of your body. His fingers are cold from the winter's air, tickling your skin as they brush against your lower back, slipping the tips just ever so slightly underneath the hem of your jeans.

It's enthralling, how even though he had just gotten an earful from Mikasa about how he should give you some space, he just can't keep his hands off you— your enchanting magnetism pulling him in even though he knows she's right... but then again,

when has he ever been one to listen?

He leans in closely, the warmth of his lips sending goosebumps throughout your person as they brush softly against yours. A sweet kiss is placed there, just before he murmurs in a tone so sugary sweet— the words dripping from his mouth like honey: