Billy: 2023 SOON WHAT R UR RESOLUTIONS

Griffin: dying

Billy: oh alright

Griffin: JOKING

Griffin: WHO WANT ME 🤣🤣

Gwen: a therapist

Griffin: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GWEN

Gwen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRIFFIN

Vance: oh my god they're 12 now

Billy: they grow up so fast

Bruce: so what presents did you guys get eachother

Gwen: you know bruce it's not about the presents

Griffin: yeah it's abt knowing eachother for twelve whole years

Griffin: that's longer than any of you have been alive combined

Bruce: 🤨

Finney: please tell me someone got him a math workbook as a gift

Gwen: friendship is what i cherish the most not gifts

Gwen: GRIFFIN YOU FUCKING BITCH

Vance: "friendship is what i cherish the most not gifts" lasted for an hour

Gwen: SHUT UP GOOFY

Vance: 😲

Gwen: GRIFFIN WHEN U TAKE A SHOWER IN MY SHOWER STOP PUTTING UR FUCKING WET WASHCLOTHS ON THE SIDE OF THE TUB

Vance: HEY I DO THAT TWINS GRIFFIN

Gwen: end your life

Gwen: bruce why are you still dating him

Bruce: he doesn't do it when he showers in mine so he's in the clear

Griffin: IM SCARED THEYRE GONNA EAT ME IF I TAKE THEM AWAY

Gwen: WHAT THE HELL

Robin: they're hot id eat them

Finney: .

Griffin: HAVE SOME DECORUM.

Robin: YOURE THE ONE LEAVING THEM AROUND

Griffin: ITS MY BIRTHDAY AND I'M MENTALLY ILL LEAVE ME ALONE

Robin: DO NOT PULL THE MENTALLY ILL SHIT WITH ME

Griffin: YOU TRAPPED ME IN A BASEMENT WITH A CHILD PREDATOR

Billy: 🫢 he pulled the basement card

Gwen: ALL OF YOU SHUT UP

Gwen: jeez thank you

Billy: GUYS I THINK THE BOY I LIKE HAS A BF

Vance: WHAT??

Billy: CHECK HIS BIO

Finney: not even gonna ask what you were doing on his acc this late

Robin: there's no bf on his acc billy

Billy: THEN WHO TF IS ROMAN 12:12

Gwen: oh my god you idiot

Gwen: you absolute idiot

Gwen: pick up a bible

Billy: ARE U TRYING TO UNGAY ME

Gwen: YOU ARE SO STUPID

Billy: WHAT.

Vance: bro turned 12 and think she knows everything

Gwen: don't start with me kid

Gwen: not today

Vance: sorry ma'am

Robin: YOU ARE OLDER THAN HER.

Finney: her dominance exceeds him anyways

Gwen: rephrase that sentence entirely

Bruce: LMFAOOOOO

Gwen: no seriously tho there's not one single way that can be interpreted in the way u wanted it to be

Vance: i still want to know what you guys got eachother

Finney: THEY'RE ABT TO TRADE GIFTS

Finney: gwen just shook hers i think it broke

Bruce: GWENDOLYN

Gwen: BRUCELYN

Bruce: DID U JUST FEMALEIFY MY NAME

Bruce: THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT ITS NOT FEMALEIFIED

Gwen: L

Bruce: my new name is george

Griffin: EW

Bruce: EW URSELF AT LEAST IT CANT BE FEMINIZED

Gwen: georgina

Griffin: georgia

Bruce: enjoy this birthday it'll be ur last

Griffin: WHAT.

Finney: ANYWAYS.

Vance: THE PRESENTS PEOPLE CMON

Gwen: HE GOT ME THREE TWICE ALBUMS, AN ELMAX POSTER, A SHIRT THAT MATCHES WITH HIS, AND A $20 GIFT CARD TO CLAIRES

Bruce: i forgot little kids still shop at claire's

Gwen: i forgot you were still alive

Vance: WHERE DID U GET THE MONEY TO BUY THAT

Griffin: the bottom drawer of your dresser

Vance: what

Griffin: what

Vance: WHAT.

Vance: DID U TAKE MY MONEY

Griffin: YEA BUT I JUST BOUGHT A TOOTHBRUSH WITH IT

Vance: WHAT KIND OF TOOTHBRUSH COSTS $4080???

Griffin: 4080???! I JUST SAW THE $20

Robin: WHERE THE HELL DID U GET THAT MUCH MONEY VANCE

Billy: well next time we all eat out ik whos paying

Vance: you

Billy: you're funny

Griffin: OMG GWEN GOT ME A LIFE SIZE CHUCKY DOLL, TWO LOONA ALMBUMS, NINTENDO GAMES AND A $30 GIFT CARD TO NIKE

Robin: sorry she got you a WHAT

Griffin: A LIFE SIZE CHUCKY DOLL, TWO LOONA ALMBUMS, NINTENDO GAMES AND A $30 GIFT CARD TO NIKE

Robin: a WHAT.

Griffin: A LIFE SIZE CHUCKY DOLL, TWO LOONA ALMBUMS, NINTENDO GAMES AND A $30 GIFT CARD TO NIKE

Robin: ONE MORE TIME NOW

Vance: repeat it again and i'm taking ur left arm

Robin: A LIFE SIZE CHUCKY DOLL?????

Robin: WHY WOULD YOU WANT THAT

Griffin: he's cute

Vance: i knew we should've sent billy down in the basement instead

Billy: HEY.

Gwen: soooooo

Griffin: what'd u guys get us 🤗🤗

Billy: griffin a bed gwen posters

Griffin: A BED????

Vance: a TV that u two can share

Billy: SO UR TELLING ME THE MONEY U HAVE LEFT IS LEFT OVER FROM AFTER U BOUGHT THE TV?????

Vance: yeah

Bruce: 😨

Billy: anyways i got you two a vinyl and records

Griffin: WHY SM SHARED STUFF 🤨🤨

Finney: okay so we have some good news and bad news

Gwen: ROBINS DEAD????????

Finney: WHAT

Robin: I JUST TALKED

Griffin: yeah but you're robin

Finney: NO BAD NEWS IS UR MOM IS LEAVING FOR AN ITERN JOB IN FRANCE FOR SIX MONTHS TMR

Griffin: oh

Finney: GOOD NEWS IS YOU GET TO MOVE IN WITH US AND SHARE GWENS ROOM!!!!!

Griffin: OH

Gwen: OH MY GOD ROOMMATES

Griffin: ROOMATES

Vance: i'll give them two days before they kill one another

Gwen: wait does dad know about this

Finney: ...no

Finney: WAIT WHERE TF IS DAD?????

Bruce: WHAT.

Finney: HE HASNT BEEN HOME FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS

Gwen: oh he's for sure dead in a ditch somewhere

Finney: probably

Robin: WHY ARE U GUYS SO UNCONCERNED

Finney: he'll turn up eventually

Finney: SOMEONE HELP ME MOVE ALL THIS STUFF INTO THEIR ROOM

Billy: what if 2023 is worst than 2022

Bruce: why would you say that.

Vance: why are you guys texting we're all in the same room

Vance: WAIT WHERES BRUCE

Bruce: caprisun dealer

Robin: OH MY GOD.

Bruce: HE HAD A NEW YEARS DEAL ☹️

Vance: get me one

Bruce: fine 😒

Billy: we lost gwen and griffin too

Gwen: WE'RE JUPINF ON THENEBEBDS OIN ROUR ROOMS TO SER HWIXJ ONE BREAKS FORDY

Robin: yeah alr i'll let the non dyslexics tackle that one!! 😁

Finney: they're jumping on the beds in their room to see which one breaks first

Finney: HOLD UP DO NOT DO THAT.

Robin: HAAAH GOING INTO 2023 WITH A BROKEN BED

Vance: COUNTDOWNS STARTING

Griffin: UGH U RUINED OUR MOMENTUM GOLDILOCKS

Gwen: YEAH GOLDILOCKS

Vance: i don't like you two

Vance: come out here so i can beat you up

Gwen: nah we're watching it in our room

Vance: FUCK

Billy: OH MY GOD 5

Billy: 4

Billy: 3

Gwen: WHY ARE YOU COUNTING.

Billy: 2

Gwen: ITS LITERALLY ON THE TV

Billy: ONE

Billy: HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!

Billy: oh robin just kissed finney

Gwen: 😕 ew?

Griffin: DAMN IT I MISSED IT

Robin: ARENT U SUPPOSED TO KISS SOMEONE ON NEW YEARS

Vance: YEAH GOOD JOB BUDDY

Billy: i think i'm going to be sick

Vance: WHERE TH IS BRUCE

Finney: $20 that his dealer killed him

Vance: $60

Finney: deal

Billy: WHY ARE YOU GUYS BETTING ON THIS.

Billy: VANCE DO U NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY AS IT IS

Vance: say that when i'm a billionaire

Billy: so never

Vance: WELL I KNOW WHO THE FIRST PERSON IM GOING TO BEAT UP IN 2023 IS

Billy: NO PLEASE

authors note:

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL MY EST FOLKS 🎉🎉