Waking up, I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling with the silliest smile on my face. I've been at Ava's house for two days already, and I honestly can't remember the last time I was so happy. Her invitation is the best Christmas present I have ever been given. No less. Though I have two dilemmas now. First, I need to buy presents for her and her dad and do it without her knowing about it. The second is way more complicated... I want to go to see my mom on Christmas, and I'm not ready to talk to Ava about her. I'm afraid she won't understand.

I feel my blanket moving and sit up straight, locking my eyes with her cat. Snooping little monster, that's what she called him yesterday when he barged into her room at full speed while we were in the middle of something. Just kissing, but it really felt like he was interrupting. When she's with me, I don't want anyone to interfere... and her reaction kinda proved that she feels exactly the same. Damn, I hope it's real and not just in my head.

"What are you doing here?" I lean forward and grab the cat, press him to my chest and fall on my back. I caress his fur, and the purring sounds don't take long to surface. "I thought you were glued to her."

The cat closes his eyes, while my fingers run back and forth over his fur. It's short and soft under my touch, and I smile thinking how easily she chose a name for this cat. Smokey. Only because his fur is gray. As predictable as possible, but for some reason it really suits him. Maybe because he's like a smoke indeed, disappears whenever he wants and shows up when HE wants to be with you, and not when you need him. People say dogs are more loyal than cats, that they love their owners, while cats usually allow people to love and care about them. Selfish little beasts, but the sounds he makes lulls me back to sleep and nod off without even noticing. Not for long though.

My phone rings and I snatch it from the bedside table, watching as Smokey walks away from me and jumps on the floor. I look at the screen and roll my eyes. My best friend is an impatient fucker, nothing else. I answer the call and press my phone to my ear.

"Yeah?"

"What do you mean 'yeah'?" Clay demands, as I toss aside the blanket and swing my legs over the edge of the bed.

"You want me to get pompoms and chant your name?"

"Of course not! Just... try to be at least a little bit more enthusiastic, you know." He huffs grumpily. "Going to see Ava and the Bensons without me is not okay-"

"They invited me. I had no idea I would be here when I talked to you about my plans for winter break." I tell him, standing up from the bed and going to get clothes to change. "Besides, Drake invited you too and I kinda need you here with me."

"I'm intrigued." He purrs, and I'm sick of his innuendos. Sharing girls with him was fun, because they didn't mean anything to me. Ava is everything, and even one simple thought about Clay laying his hands on her makes me want to go berserk. She's mine.

"This has nothing to do with Ava." Muttering angrily, I put on my sweatpants.

"Easy, Romeo, I learned my lesson. She's my friend, and my brain doesn't allow me to have inappropriate thoughts about my friends." Clay reassures me, sounding quieter than before. "I'm just curious what you have in mind."

"I need to buy presents for her and her dad."

"Could you say that again?"

"Why?" I ask, grabbing a tee from the closet.

"Because I honestly think I'm losing my shit... My best friend wants to buy gifts for his girl and her dad. For HIS girl and her DAD! Colt, are you shitting me?"

"No." I answer and pull on my t-shirt. "Besides, she's not my girl. We're just... seeing each other."

"Seeing each other? Thompson, can you tell me the truth at least once?"

"What do you want from me?"

"Tell me this...If you're just seeing each other... What happens if some guy decides to hit on her? Ava is gorgeous. It's easy to imagine."

"I'd break his neck."

"That's what I wanted to know." Clay chuckles, and I hear the car honking. "I'll be there around noon. Hope Benson didn't change his mind."

"He didn't." I say and hang up. It's time for me to go downstairs. I've been sleeping way too long.

I make a quick detour to the bathroom and wash my face. I thread my fingers through my hair. It is longer than I'm used to, but it's closer to how it was before. Before shit hit the fan and I became the loneliest of loners. As if life has come full circle and I have returned to the point where my world turned upside down. Trying to understand what it means is like solving an ancient riddle. The fear of making the wrong conclusion, giving myself a glimpse of hope and then being disappointed is stronger than ever. Shattered dreams and plans are normal for me, so it's always better to keep myself in check.

Taking a deep breath, I head downstairs, straight to the kitchen. I open the door and freeze, Dax is there and he's alone. Our eyes meet and he gestures for me to come inside. I flash him a tiny smile and close the door behind me. Does this feel like a trap? No, but I'm still nervous.

"Morning." I mumble, edging closer and plopping myself on the chair.

"Morning." Dax grins and pushes a plate full of pancakes in my direction. "Ava made them before leaving."

My hand hovers over the plate and I arch my eyebrow at him. Where did she go? I don't remember her mentioning anything about her plans for this morning.

"Layla called her and asked to go shopping." He answers my unasked question and stands up from the table. "Do you want coffee?"

"Yes, please." I nod and take a pancake, taking a little bite and instantly breaking into a smile. It's delicious.

"She's a good cook. Like really good." Dax tells me, interpreting my reaction rightly. He pours coffee in a mug and places it in front of me. Leaning his back on the kitchen counter, he peers at me. "I often felt guilty since she needed to cook for herself, for me... She saw it and made clear that she's doing it because she likes it and because she wants to help me. At least with something."

"Sounds like Ava to me." I mutter with my mouth full. "She's very selfless and is always there for her friends and family."

"And for you." I swallow my pancake as if it's a rock. My throat contracts and I cough. Dax slides on the chair in front of me. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's not like that." I chase down a lump in my throat with coffee. "I'm not really used to people giving a damn about me."

"Something is telling me you're not really open with people either, and mostly prefer them keeping their distance from you."

I snort, grabbing another pancake from the plate. "I've been told I'm a closed-off and judgmental asshole."

"Nah, you're not. She wouldn't like you otherwise." Dax takes his mug from the table and takes a sip. "Being open only with certain people isn't a bad thing. From my experience, keeping your circle close is way better than letting in everyone. You're saving yourself from being disappointed."

"Maybe."

"Though it can also be very lonely. Without giving people a chance you will never know if they were right for you or not." He gives me a pointed look and uneasiness seeps in my veins. "Some people will try to break through your walls because they see something in you, like my daughter does. But most people? They will think that is too much trouble."

"It never was easy for me to open up to strangers. I didn't become like that all of a sudden." I look away and then bring my attention back to Ava's dad. "I think you noticed that four years ago..."

Dax sighs, reclining on the chair. "I did. My first thought was that you were too wound up to talk to anyone... but the more I watched you from afar, the more you reminded me of a caged animal... One that used to live wild in nature, and suddenly was trapped. You're a loner, Colt, but it doesn't mean it needs to stay like that forever."

"The old version of me wouldn't believe what I'm about to say..." I shake my head, heaving a sigh. "I don't want to be a loner anymore."

"That's nice to hear because my daughter definitely wants you to be around."

"I don't plan to let her go," I confess, and Dax's eyes widen. "I-I didn't mean... I won't be trying to... I just want her to be with me."

"Then be honest with her. About everything." He folds his arms across his chest. "She said you're not together. That you're just having fun... but what she described when I asked her to define what having fun means... it's way deeper."

I keep quiet, chewing on the inner side of my bottom lip. "It is deeper but... I don't think she's ready to be open with me. Meeting Jefferson at the party didn't go well, but she told me she doesn't want to talk about him yet when I asked."

Dax's face contorts in anger, and he purses his lips tighter. "She didn't tell me he was at the party."

"She handled him pretty well herself. As usual. She pushed him so hard, he almost fell on his ass."

Ava's dad blinks and then bursts out laughing. I smile, realizing how much I enjoy spending time with him. It feels right and so familiar. As if I have known him my whole life. He's an incredible person indeed.

"That's why I call her a tornado. Emotions brew inside her at the highest temperature pushing her to act faster than she thinks. Destroying everything in her way and then calming down within a second, as soon as she let out her anger." He narrows his eyes on me a little. "You said as usual."

"I often say things I don't mean when I'm angry or can't handle my emotions... and I have paid for it. Twice."

"My daughter definitely knows how to stand up for herself. Even if I don't always approve her methods." Dax murmurs with a gentle smile on his face. "Though I would have preferred for you to control yourself because she doesn't have the patience of an angel, and you're risking something way more precious than you realize."

"Duly noted."

His phone buzzes and he takes it from the table. Quickly checking the message, Dax stands up and hides his phone in his pocket. "Sadly, I need to go to work. It was nice talking to you, Colt. I'm glad Ava invited you to spend Christmas with us."

"Me too." He walks to the door, and I blurt out next words, being afraid to change my mind. "I'm going to visit my mom on Christmas."

Dax turns around, eyeing me in an antagonizing silence. "You could invite Ava with you. I'm sure she would be happy to keep you company, or wait for you in the car. Just ask her."

And that's how I got confirmation of my thoughts. He knows what happened to my mom. He knows the state she's in. "You..."

"There are people or events that leave a lasting impression on you. It was my day off... I was going home after meeting a friend in your hometown... It was pure coincidence that I happened to be at that bridge at the same time as your mom... Of course, I have kept my eye on her... I know what that car crash caused, and I'm very sorry about it, Colt." His phone buzzes, and I clench my jaw so hard, afraid to move a muscle. I hold my eyes wide open, feeling them tearing up. I don't want to cry... especially not in front of Ava's dad. "Son, your emotions are valid. You shouldn't be scared of them or embarrassed. You lost someone very important to you without losing them. This pain you're holding on to... it is eating you alive, and you need to let it out."

"I know." I avoid looking at him, and he doesn't push it.

Dax exhales loudly and then opens the door. "Ava won't be long. Make yourself at home."

"Thank you, Dax. Have a good day."

"You too, Colt."

With that, I see the door closing and my shoulders slump instantly. I need to let it out, he said. Exactly the same thing that Dr. Stewart has been telling me. What my grandma told me... even fucking Helen suggested it. I need to open up and be honest about my involvement in this mess... about my mom's trauma and her diagnosis... and about my fault in all that. Do I really have the strength in me to do it? I'm not so sure.

🏒💥🏒💥🏒

"Why are you here?" I ask, stepping aside and letting Clay walk into Ava's house.

"The Bensons are on their way home from the shopping mall. Drake told me to come here."

"Is Drake with Ava and Layla?" I furrow my brow, grasping my phone out of my pocket. She's been texting with me for an hour already, complaining about her best friend's behavior and telling me she would have never agreed to go if she knew how long Layla's shopping list was.

"He went to pick them up." Clay answers, looking around with his mouth half-opened. "Ava has a nice place."

"Yeah." I nod, heading to the living room. I plop myself on the couch and toss my phone aside. Dax left for work two hours ago, so I honestly was happy to see Clay. "Why were you so adamant about coming here?"

"Dunno. I felt like an outsider when I found out about you hanging out with Ava, Drake and Layla." With how he lowers his voice saying Layla's name, I know she's the main reason why his ass is here.

"Drake doesn't want you near his sister."

"Why?" He pinches his eyebrows together, looking at me in confusion.

"Because you're not a relationship type of a guy. At all."

"You're not a relationship-"

"We're talking about you and Layla, not about me and Ava." I interrupt him and he huffs, biting his bottom lip in irritation. "Show him how much you like her, and that you can be different for her."

"But I have no idea if I can be different!"

"You can. For the right girl you will."

"Aww, you fucker." He lunges at me, taking me in a bearhug. "Can I be your best man?"

"What?!" I push him away, hearing my phone buzzing. "Get off me, Rodgers!"

"Only if you promise to make me your best man..." His face lights up with a huge grin as he stares at me in silence. He's about to say something stupid, I have no fucking doubt. "Make me the godfather of your first born. Please."

"Fuck off, Clay." I wiggle out of his grasp, grab my phone and read her message.

🍯 : 5 minutes

"Is it from Ava?" I turn my head and see him eyeing my phone with a curious expression on his face.

"Yes."

"Why honeypot?" Just fucking great! He saw the emoji I used to save her number. Dammit! "Because she tastes like honey?"

"Fucking nosey moron." I hiss, standing up to hide my phone in my pocket and my jaw drops open. Ava is standing in the doorframe, leaning her side on it. Her long brown hair is spilling over her shoulders and snowflakes are melting slowly on her hair. Her black jacket is half-zipped and she is holding a hat in her hands. She's so cute, so I can't help myself and smile at her. Just because she's here.

"Ava, baby, so happy to see you." Clay jumps up from the couch and strolls straight to her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. She giggles as he whispers something in her ear. He puts her back down almost immediately, stepping away from her.

"Layla and Drake are waiting for you on the porch. They will show you your room."

"Great!" Clay claps his hands together, glancing between Ava and me. "See you later?"

"Absolutely." She nods, stepping aside to let him out. "We're planning to hang out at the Bensons' tonight. Just us."

"Sounds good." My best friend follows Ava to the hallway, and then she closes the door behind him, while I stay rooted to the spot. How much did she hear?

When she saunters in the living room, I see her wearing a white hoodie with a howling wolf and black jeans. She walks up to me and I bend my head to look her in the eyes. "Can I see your phone?"

"Why?"

"I want to see how you saved my number in your contacts."

"Why?"

"Because I want to." Damn you! How am I supposed to say no to that, huh? Shaking my head, I take my phone out of my pocket, unlock it and hand it to her. A second later, she gives it back to me. "A honeypot?"

"Honey." I clarify, draping a hand around her waist and pulling her to my chest. "Because you're the sweetest girl I have ever tasted."

She sucks in breath, standing up on her tiptoes to bring our lips closer. "Can you keep a secret?"

"Yes."

"I want you between my thighs so bad..."

"Say please." I lift her, wrapping her legs around my waist.

"Please, Colt... I'm so wet already."

I turn around and rush upstairs. Once in her bedroom, I put her on her bed and tower over her, roaming my eyes over her beautiful face. "When will your dad be home?"

Her eyes sparkle with mischief as she slowly pulls her phone out of her pocket. She types something and then tosses it on the bed. "Around 6pm."

"We have the whole house to ourselves for about 6 hours?" I unzip her fly and pull down her jeans along with her panties. Her pussy is dripping, and I literally feel as if I'm starving. For her. "Ava?"

"No... Drake and Layla are expecting us at their place at 4pm."

"Okay, I still have time to eat my girl out..." I'm ready to dive in, but she pulls my hair, stopping me and making me groan. "Never do that again."

"Or what, Winnie?"

The realization of what she means dawns on me at once. She called me Winnie, just because I named her honey. "Did you change how you saved my number?"

"Maybe, Winnie the Pooh." She teases, and I'm losing my mind.

Abruptly, I pull her to her feet. Ava's eyes go round and she knits her eyebrows together. "I changed my mind." I tell her, plopping myself down on her bed. I nestle comfortably, until I'm laying on my back with my head on her pillow. "You're going to sit on my face."

"I'm going to do what?" Her shocked expression is honestly adorable. I wonder how many guys she was with before me and how many of them were ready to try new things with her to give her pleasure. Somehow I'm sure it wouldn't be too many... maybe only Drake.

"Sit on my face."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." And yet, she takes off her hoodie, keeping on her black sports bra. "I've never done this before."

"Then, I will be your first." I extend my palm to her, my dick twitching in my pants with need.

"And last." Ava hesitates, but then climbs on the bed and straddles my legs. I put my hands on her hips and pull her to me. "What if I suffocate you?"

"Then I will die in fucking heaven." Her brows fly up her hairline, eyes round like saucers. Taunting her out of her wits is the best way to calm her down, and push her buttons. "Come here and give me what I want."